by Laura Winter
“He tortured you, and it got to me,” I said, still feeling the hate drip from every word.
“But you tried to reason with him, and I’ll never be mad about that. You gave him a chance for me, and you helped keep my hope alive,” she said, reaching out to uncurl my fists. “Now we know what he can do. He knows what will happen if we see him again. He won’t come looking for us, but we can bring the fight to him.”
I frowned. “You want to go looking for him?”
“If he could lock us away and make us think we were insane, what about all the other people out there in danger from him? We have to protect those who can’t protect themselves. They might not get out like we did,” she sighed, closing her eyes. “Think about kids like Mads who can’t do this on their own.”
There was the Finnley I had heard about. This was the girl who was so concerned about other people and putting them first, no matter what she had to go through herself. It was like when she waited until it was night and no one was around to make the explosion for the Cold Soul or worrying that she would hurt someone else if she wasn’t in control. She never wanted anyone else to suffer.
Before I could respond, Finnley opened her eyes. “Incoming.”
The bedroom door swung wide and Madeline came running in. She jumped up onto the bed and tackled us both in a hug. I felt bad for this girl. There was so much she had to go through, dealing with Jackson as a five-year-old. We were starting to see that toll. At some moments, she could act like an adult, while at other times like this, it was like she really was five.
“I knew where to find you when you weren’t in bed this morning,” Madeline cheered. She took her arm off me and squeezed Finnley. I knew she liked her more, especially because they had grown close in that psych ward. Finnley thought she was the one looking out for Madeline, but it seemed more like it was the other way around.
“You should probably knock next time, Mads,” Finnley said, her face red as she looked at me.
“Ooo, you two were kissing,” Madeline giggled as she sat back from us.”You think he’s cute. Wait, of course you do, that’s why you’re married.”
“We were engaged before, but we’re not quite back there yet,” I said, feeling my shoulders drop a little as Finnley looked away from me.
“I’m getting my things mixed up again, aren’t I?” Madeline frowned as we both nodded. Then, a smile grew on her face. “Or am I?”
She rolled off the bed and ran out of the room, shouting for Ellie to wake up and braid her hair.
“Sorry,” Finnley whispered, pulling her pillow against her chest. At least she still had a bra on when Madeline came bursting in.
“Why are you sorry?” I asked, reaching out to hold her hand. Even if I couldn’t be with her like I had before, at least we were still able to share a bed and be together.
“That I’m not there yet. That Mads keeps bringing up hard memories for you. That I went too far before she came in,” Finnley said, avoiding my gaze.
“Finnley, I’m in no rush. Of course it’s not easy, but I love you and I can wait.”
“Even if I never get there?” Her heartbeat picked up as her fingers twitched in mine. She was afraid I wouldn’t be there for her if she didn’t come back fully. I leaned forward and kissed her softly.
“Then we’ll just have to make new memories, but you’ll come back, I know you will. And I’ll be here when you do,” I said, tucking hair back behind her ear.
Finnley rubbed the back of her neck. “It hurts, you know. When parts of me come back. Jackson made sure it would hurt so I wouldn’t try so hard. But it doesn’t hurt as much when I’m with you.”
I brushed my hand over her cheek. “Then I’ll never leave your side. We will find him and make him regret everything he’s done to us. We will stick up for those who can’t fight back.”
44
Finnley
The last thing on my mind was college. I was too preoccupied trying to come up with a way to find Jackson. Not only was he holding people like us captive and driving them insane, he had stolen the Cold Soul prison from our parents while we were locked away. If he couldn’t actually destroy it, he would probably end up releasing it all over again. On top of that, the only chance we had to find him was a beacon, if that even existed. It was just a theory of mine, and while Clara’s research had helped, I was still nowhere close to figuring out how to actually make one.
Madeline shifted as the car hit a small bump, but she fell back asleep on my lap. It was less than two hours to get to campus, but she had fallen asleep almost instantly between Nate and I. He was looking out the window as Tom drove us with my mom in the passenger seat. Angie was in the car behind us, driving Glitch and Luci. At least all we would be doing today was getting a dorm room and figuring out where our classes were. We still had another week before we had to start.
I reached around Madeline and found Nate’s hand. I had remembered most of what had happened, up to defeating the Cold Souls. Some of the conversations were still fuzzy, and I was still missing everything intimate Nate and I shared but at least I had something. The further I got along in our timeline, the more painful those memories were to remember. I’m sure that was Jackson taking away what really mattered to both of us— our engagement and all the progress I had made after my death.
“Finnley?”
Nate’s voice brought me out of a trance. We had already parked and everyone was waiting for me to get out of the car. Even Madeline had gotten out and I hadn’t noticed. She was standing on the other side of Nate, holding his hand as he held the door open for me.
“Coming,” I said, unbuckling before scooting out of the seat.
We shuffled into Alumni Hall, our assigned dorm. We were getting room assignments today to drop a few things off, and luckily there were still empty rooms for Luci and I to choose from. I couldn’t imagine getting stuck in a dorm with a stranger. The even floors were for the girls’ rooms while the odd floors were for the guys, not that the separation was going to keep people out of those areas after curfew. Luci and I were going to be on the eighth floor while Nate and Glitch got a room on the ninth. We’d probably be breaking those curfews a lot.
Madeline was getting a little overwhelmed from her powers. They were going a little crazy since there were a lot of people around. I think she was a little confused about what was happening and what either had already happened or what would happen. She jumped up into my arms, digging her face into my neck as my mom picked up the bag I dropped.
There was a table set up just off the elevator to meet our RA. She was tiny compared to Luci and I as we walked up to her. I could tell she was getting a little tired of running through the same drill with every new freshman to move in. Her happiness sounded forced.
“Hi, I’m your RA Alyssa. What are your names and what room?” she asked, holding out her hand to take the paper from Luci.
“I’m Luci, this is Finnley,” Luci said, smiling. She was actually excited about this and I tried to feign enthusiasm. It came out as more of a disgusted smirk.
Alyssa looked at the paper, confused. “It says you’re rooming with Clara, not Finnley.”
“I go by my middle name,” I said, adjusting my arms around Madeline to hold her up better. When I had applied, I was still going by that name and hadn’t really remembered to change it in the system. College wasn’t a priority for me right now.
“Okay, Luci and Finn. Room 814 is that way,” Alyssa said, pointing down the hall to our right. “The next class registration group is in forty minutes if you meet downstairs.”
“It’s Finnley, not Finn,” I corrected, my voice low. I would have growled, but Madeline’s arms tightened around my neck. I had to remember not everyone knew they shouldn’t abbreviate my name.
Alyssa’s face got red as she sat down. “Sorry.” She’s going to be a nightmare this semester.
Rude. I wanted to snap back at her, but Luci and my mom pushed me along.
Our room was bigger than I
expected it to be, but still, for two people sharing it wasn’t a lot of space. I was going to have to be better about cleaning up after myself or Luci was going to start to hate me. I dropped my bag on my side of the room while Luci and my mom chatted about decorating and other boring things.
We made our way downstairs and my mom and Luci sat on the couch in the lobby to wait for the others. Madeline had fallen asleep again somehow, but I was still carrying her so I couldn’t sit down with them. I walked around the lounge to explore some of the dorm. There was a big bulletin board full of an overwhelming amount of information for freshmen about classes and meetings and clubs and all kinds of crazy dorm activities.
“Ah, the horrors of freshmen orientation. I remember those days.” Some boy was suddenly standing next to me, shaking his head at the board.
“They treat us like we’re stupid and incompetent humans,” I replied, keeping my eye on him as he turned to face me. He was about Glitch’s height, with the same blond hair, but it was cut a lot shorter. He had on a baseball practice shirt, and I tried not to stare as his biceps flexed when he folded his arms.
“That’s because most of you are,” he said, nodding to my hair. “I’m guessing you aren’t one of the stupid or incompetent ones with purple hair like that.”
“That’s superficial. Do you really know who is smart and who isn’t by their hair color?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Of course I do. Take your purple hair, for example. Tells me you weren’t part of the popular crowd in high school, but to rock that color, you have to be pretty confident in yourself. You didn’t play any sports because most of those kids keep normal hair colors. Leaves goth kid or smart social outcast. I’m going to guess the latter by your lack of black makeup,” he said, smirking.
I turned back to the board and rolled my eyes. “That last part wasn’t about my hair.”
“I was being resourceful,” he shrugged. “What would you say about me then? You can use other resources if you want.”
He leaned against the board so he could keep looking at me. What made him think he could talk to me at all? I know I definitely didn’t have an inviting demeanor.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, looking back at him. “Baseball player. You’re a pitcher because your right arm is slightly bigger than your left. Average student, kind of lazy because you have a simple haircut that you do yourself. And back in high school you used to think you were hot shit.” I flinched, realizing I cussed in front of Madeline. Her arms were still draped around my shoulders as I adjusted my grip on her.
The boy seemed pretty impressed. I didn’t even have to cheat and listen to his thoughts.
“Damn,” he said. “You were almost perfect. Right handed, but I’m a catcher. How’d you know I cut my own hair?”
“You missed a spot on the back of your head. It’s slightly longer than the rest,” I said, keeping a straight face as his hand darted to the back of his head. The boy kept smiling and eyeing me carefully, slightly to the point of being uncomfortable, but then again I wasn’t really participating on my end.
Wait, was he talking to me because he thought I was cute? Not possible.
He gave up waiting for me to continue and pointed to Madeline. “Your sister is pretty tired from moving you in, huh.”
“She’s not my sister,” I said, squeezing her a little tighter. I did wish she was, though. I probably should have just said yes. It would have been easier to explain why she was hanging off me. It was clear he was still waiting on me to participate in something, but I just stared blankly back at him. What else was there to say?
“I’m Caden,” he said, reaching out to shake my hand. He laughed when he realized I couldn’t let go of Madeline. No, his eyes were definitely somewhere else. Oh my god, he was flirting with me and I was being super awkward. Also, I had a sort of boyfriend-fiancé already.
“Okay.” I shrugged and turned to walk away, but he jumped in front of me.
“Usually that’s when you say ‘I’m Haley, nice to meet you’ or something like that.” Caden was confused, but also very persistent.
“I’m Haley, nice to meet you,” I said and rolled my eyes. “Or something like that.”
“Wait, it’s really Haley?” Caden asked, surprised.
“No, of course not,” I groaned. “Look, I’m not really interested in this conversation right now, and I think you have the wrong impression about me. I’m dating someone and really don’t have time for this.”
Madeline started to stir in my arms and I realized she was about to wake up with me talking to someone who wasn’t Nate. I didn’t know if she’d say something I didn’t want her to.
“Sorry, you never know until you try. So that’s your boyfriend’s sister?”
“Yeah,” I said. It still wasn’t the truth, but she looked more like Nate than me.
“You know, you can have other friends who happen to be guys,” Caden said, raising his eyebrow. His thoughts said he wasn’t a huge fan of that, but he did seem nice. At least in my head he did, and he was still talking to me after I was a complete jerk.
“I already have one of those,” I replied, scrunching my nose. I could see he was disappointed, but I was just trying to get this conversation to end. I groaned and rolled my eyes. “I guess I could think about it. I’m Finnley.”
“Well, Finnley, I take it you’re not the type to give out your number often. You aren’t great at this whole talking thing,” he laughed.
I shook my head. “No, and I don’t try to be. Listen, I should probably go,” I said, looking behind me. There was a crowd starting to form, and I’m sure the others were looking for Madeline and I.
“Right, the class registration. I hear the tour guide is a real pain in the—” I glared at him so he cut off the sentence before Madeline could hear him cuss. She was actually waking up this time. I faked a smile at Caden and walked back over to find my mom.
They were all huddled around the couch. Glitch was shoved in the middle between Luci and my mom while Nate stood behind with his parents.
“Where’ve you been?” Glitch asked, leaning forward.
“Signing you up to host all the fun dorm activities,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him. The group laughed.
“Alright everyone. I’ll be your tour guide slash student advisor today.” I groaned to myself and turned around to see Caden standing on a table, getting everyone’s attention. “My name’s Caden and truth is, I’m only here because the baseball team is volunteering to help out today. So if you have any tough questions, keep them to yourself.” He looked around at the crowd before his eyes settled on me. His smile almost widened as he continued. “I walk fast, so try to keep up.”
With that, he jumped off the table and headed out the door as some of the more nervous freshmen hustled to catch up. Madeline finally released her grip around my neck. My arms were starting to get tired from holding her the last hour, so I was glad for the relief. Before she slid down to the ground, she held her mouth right by my ear.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell Nate that you think Caden’s cute.”
45
Nate
Madeline was hanging around my leg, her arms and legs wrapped tight as Glitch laughed. She hadn’t let go since we finished unpacking our room because she was upset Finnley and I weren’t going to be home anymore. I was surprised she wasn’t attached to Finnley’s leg instead.
“Madeline, you know Ellie is waiting for you in the girls’ room,” I said, trying to pry her off. She just dug in harder.
“I don’t want you to leave. I’m going to miss you,” she mumbled, her face still shoved into my leg making it hard to understand her.
“We already agreed we’d come home every other weekend to see you. And we’re only a couple hours away if you need us. Besides, you’re going to be busy with your own school too.”
Ellie had signed her up for school in Forest Hills, trying to help return Madeline to a normal life. Madeline wasn’t too thrilled about
that.
Glitch reached down and tickled Madeline. “Yeah, you need to make friends your own age. We can’t be your only social circle. Look how well that turned out for Nate and I.”
Madeline jumped off my leg and took both of our hands before dragging us out of the room. This kid was going to be a handful for Ellie to deal with on her own. It was like a mini Finnley all over again.
“People my age aren’t smart like you guys are,” she groaned, letting go of my hand so she could poke the elevator button repeatedly. When the doors opened, she ran in, dodging a guy who was trying to get off.
“Madeline, careful,” Glitch called after her, stepping aside so the guy could walk out.
I shook my head. “Sorry about her,” I said, looking up at the guy who got off.
