Ivan turned and looked at her. “During the quest, there was an ambush and Juliska was kidnapped. Held captive and somehow escaped six months later.”
“That's not long enough,” returned Meghan, feeling like she was striking out again.
“No. Its not. But ...” he stopped, his unspoken words shouting fear again. Meghan winced as if something he said had personally stung her.
He spoke to himself for a moment, as if trying to sort together many details.
“Ivan, you're killing me,” she spoke, her voice pleading.
He looked at her again, placing his hands on her shoulders, as if to steady her, before speaking.
“This isn't how I wanted to do this,” he stated. “Meghan, Juliska was kidnapped by the Grosvenor.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said. “And...”
Ivan's voice was shaky. “Bird told me something, something I didn't want to believe and something he didn't even know was actually truth, only speculation.”
Another announcement rang through the air. “Five minute curfew warning.”
Meghan's heart raced, she didn't care about the consequences, she needed to know the truth.
“Meghan,” he said, taking a calm breath. “Do you know that Grosvenor can smell blood? They can smell your blood and tell you how old you are what diseases you have and… what family you come from...” he put added emphasis on the final words. “Especially if it’s their own family, their own blood.”
She recalled the night that Fazendiin had come to the island, just weeks before. She shuddered at the memory of his eyes meeting hers. That look of discovery she had seen wash over his face. Him sniffing the air... “Smelling blood,” she mumbled under her breath. Her head shot up, her eyes drilling into Ivan’s.
“No,” she said, standing. “No.”
“He smelled your blood, Meghan. The moment Fazendiin arrived I feared if what Bird told me was true, that he would smell you. And then he would know who and where you are.”
She turned and started toward home. Ivan tried to stop her but she shot him a look that said don't even think about it.
“This isn't how I wanted to tell you,” he spoke insistently. Ivan did not need to hurry, as he had permission to be out after curfew, in order to assist with tonight’s arrival. Nevertheless, curfew was just a minute away and Meghan had to get home. She ran away from Ivan, her mind a rush of uncontrollable thought.
Nona waited for her on the stairs, already aware of what had transpired. Meghan stood in front of a window for a moment, to allow Juliska to see she was home. Sitting on the porch was permitted after curfew so she stayed there, having no desire to go back inside. She went to a chair off to the side and plunked down.
“So the Grosvenor kidnapped Juliska and what, forced her to have a baby? Maybe she was pregnant before she was kidnapped and knew she had to escape to save Colin and me? Maybe we're not the offspring of those things at all!”
Nona did not stop Meghan and let her continue spouting her ideas.
“I mean, who's to say I'm right about my vision? I might be seeing things all wrong! I suppose this is the real reason we were in hiding all those years with Uncle Arnon, to keep us hidden from... our father,” she spoke creepily.
She went silent after that, breathing heavily. She took out her journal and wrote: I told Ivan. Mistake. Big Mistake. He's an idiot! I hate him!
Nona jumped onto her lap. “You are right,” she spoke cautiously. “We do not know the truth, and sometimes we can get things wrong, even things that at first glance appear clear.”
“This one has to be wrong, Nona. It just has to. And poor Juliska, I mean, can you imagine what she went through? If she was pregnant and kidnapped, or forced to get pregnant by one of those things? That must have been terrifying. No wonder she would have kept it a secret.”
“A secret I think best kept for now,” Nona suggested.
“I am so tired of keeping secrets,” breathed out Meghan. She longed for Colin to be at her side. To be able to help her decipher all this information. To hear it for himself. If it was true and they were the children of this Grosvenor, what did that mean? She thought of her vision in which she murdered her brother and Catrina. Perhaps that vision had nothing at all to do with Catrina being a Projector, perhaps Colin just turned evil, because he was born from evil.
“Don't jump ahead,” warned Nona, hearing her thoughts. “We will do as we always do, take one day at a time.”
Meghan gathered herself together and headed inside. Her acting was getting worse, but thankfully, Juliska was under the impression that it was due to a different reason.
“You look dreadful,” Juliska said upon seeing her enter. “Other than you're not soaking wet, this reminds me of when you arrived at the Up and Comer’s Dinner.”
“I'm just really tired I guess,” Meghan said. This was partial truth at least, as she was very tired. She wanted so badly to just bust out and ask Juliska if it were all true.
“You know, if there's one thing I am worse at than being a mother, or a sister, it’s probably with relationships,” Juliska said, catching her off guard.
Meghan gawked at her rather than reply.
“Don't think I haven't noticed you and Ivan spending quite a bit of time together,” she winked.
“Oh, um-”
“Don't worry,” Juliska interrupted. “I couldn't be more thrilled.”
Nona sent a thought to Meghan, which actually cheered her up some. At least she just thinks you're in love... with Ivan Crane … and nothing more ... It actually made Meghan smile. She decided to go with it, seeing as it was at least keeping Juliska off the trail of what she was really doing.
“From the look on your face though, things are not going so well?” Juliska questioned.
“Argument, but then, that's what Ivan and I seem to do best.”
“Well, as thrilled as I am, you're in no hurry, Meghan. You're still young and there is plenty of time.” She smiled and then admitted, “I had a boyfriend once. A fiancé actually.”
Meghan's eyes perked up, maybe too much.
“I was in my early twenties, nearing the end of my apprenticeship with my mentor. My fiancé was kind, handsome... and a liar,” she added at the end with no added emotion. “It was the first and last time I ever fell in love, well, nearly the last. There’s more than one kind of love.”
Meghan thought for a moment that she saw a longing in Juliska's eyes, but it vanished in the next moment.
“As you can see, still single. So I might not be the best at giving out advice on this sort of thing.”
“No, um, thanks, it’s actually nice to know. Honestly, you're so...” Meghan searched for the right word, “larger than life, amazing, someone I could never dream of being equal to... I guess it’s kind of a relief to know you're not perfect, either.” Meghan made a face that said hope I didn't cross any lines.
Juliska laughed. Heartily. For a long time. “Oh my dear, Meghan,” she said after a moment, “I haven't laughed like that since I can remember. I knew having you around would be a good thing. Now, listen, whatever your opinion of me, which is rather grandiose I have to say, don't be like me. You must at all costs be true to yourself.”
Meghan nearly blurted out immediately, “Are you my mother,” but Nona jumped onto her toes to stop her. Instead, she just nodded that she understood.
“I guess I'd better go get started on my schoolwork.”
“Okay then.”
“Um, hope everything goes well tonight, with the arrival,” Meghan added, while climbing the stairs.
“I'm sure it will all be perfectly fine,” Juliska said, as if trying to convince herself. “No worries.”
Meghan climbed up the stairs feeling better with each step, as though the terrible night had never happened. Whatever happened, whatever was thrown at her, she felt like she could handle it, as long as she had someone like Juliska Blackwell on her side.
Nona sauntered up the stairs more slowly, pretending to f
ollow Meghan. Something about Juliska seemed off to her. The conversation topic, planned. Timely.
Meghan, as Colin always said, was really quite terrible at telling when someone she cared about was lying to her.
Nona stopped to lick her paw and out of the corner of her eye caught a grin. Something behind Juliska’s grin insinuated gratification, but the catawtich could read no more into it. Juliska made a funny sound and Nona watched as Pajak, Juliska’s pet spider, made its way into the room, with its glass-like legs clinking across the floor, crawling onto her foot, up her dress and then coming to a rest atop her shoulder. Juliska swept away and Nona shuddered at the sight of the two of them seemingly having a conversation, and then decidedly rushed up the stairs into Meghan’s room, where she was pulling out her schoolbooks and assignments.
“Up to something or not,” hid Nona from Meghan, “at least Juliska has calmed her fears.”
After finishing her school assignments, Meghan slammed down her pen, glad to have them finished. She let out a relieved sigh, pleased that she had successfully drowned out the questions swirling in her head, screaming for answers that seemed to not be in existence. Upon overhearing this, Nona thought of something. Something that might just get them some answers.
“Meghan,” she spoke softly, gaining her attention. “I know today has been overwhelming, to say the least, but...”
“What is it, Nona?”
“I think I figured out a way to find some answers, but it’s not a very practical way, unfortunately.”
“How so?” asked Meghan.
“Juliska is going to be gone tonight, for the arrival. She will be gone for at least a few hours. Perhaps…” Nona paused, and then said in a rushed voice, “Perhaps we can sneak into her room.”
Meghan messed up her face at the thought. At first, she was disgusted by the idea of foraging through someone’s personal belongings, but then realized it might be the only way to find out what she needed to know.
Nona added, “It might be the fastest and safest way to get some of your questions answered. I know it is not the best idea I’ve ever had, I just thought…”
“No, it’s not the best idea, but it’s the best we’ve got right now,” agreed Meghan. “She will be busy, and I want, no I need to know, Nona. If she is my mother.”
Nona nodded her catawitch head in agreement.
Meghan breathed out apprehensively. They were going to break into Juliska’s bedroom. “We’ll have to be really quiet,” warned Meghan. “I’m sure Juliska will be leaving Jelen and Jenner to guard the house again. Juliska told me that she keeps, or at least did keep, her own journals. If we could luck out and find them, maybe we might actually get some answers.”
Nona jumped over to the window, watching for Juliska to depart. It did not take long, but they waited, watching, to be sure she did not return home unexpectedly. Once they both felt confident that she was away, Meghan tiptoed with Nona at her heels out of her bedroom and to Juliska’s bedroom, which was about twenty feet down the hall from her own.
She twisted the doorknob but it did not turn.
“Drat! Locked!”
“I think I know a way in,” said Nona. “Start a fire,” she told Meghan.
“Yes, of course.” Meghan snapped her fingers and a small fire ignited in her palm. She dropped it from her palm, controlling its movements with her hands, forcing the fire to float down to the floor and slip underneath the thin crack under the door. She then did it again, except this time, she grasped Nona’s back and the catawitch jumped into the flame, popping out into the bedroom by way of the flame Meghan had sent underneath the door. Meghan doused the flames with one squeeze of her hand, plunging them into darkness.
They stood, silently for a moment, listening to make sure they had not been found out. They took a quick peek through Juliska’s window and saw nothing out of the ordinary, plus, heard nothing unusual from downstairs.
Meghan sighed and looked about the room, unsure where to begin. Juliska had many belongings here. Closets full up with clothing. Trunks full up with who knew what. And of course, the trunk which was her secret lair, her cave of candles. They moved carefully so as not to disturb anything, hoping to keep their presence unknown.
They started with the obvious spots. Her desk. The nightstand. Next, they glanced into the overly large, filled up closets, but it seemed mostly to be clothing. They turned to the trunks, which were locked.
“Well, it was a good thought, Nona,” sighed Meghan, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. She gasped and stood back up. “I shouldn't have done that. Creases!”
“We can smooth it out. Just get up gently as you can.”
Meghan got up carefully. It didn't look too bad, but it was obvious someone had sat down. Nona jumped onto the bed, her steps going unnoticed. “I might leave cat hair,” she worried. “Hey...” she then purred.
“What?”
“Come, look at this.” Nona's head pointed to a spot under Juliska's pillows, where the pages of a thin book had been tucked in. Meghan very carefully picked up the pillow enough for Nona to pull it out with her teeth. Meghan grabbed it and then took one more look at Nona. “Should we really do this?”
Nona nodded yes. “It’s most likely nothing we are looking for anyway,” she reminded.
“True. Okay.” Meghan kept her finger on the page that had been opened, so as not to lose the page, and turned to the beginning. She read aloud.
“Today a strange thing happened when I was close to someone. I felt his pain, as if I could see it in my own head. Is that possible?” She stopped. “Huh, that's weird.”
“I'd say. It is eerie how similar you two are. She writes like you.”
Meghan did not reply but just stared at the rest of the page. Something wasn’t right. She flipped the page and read some more, and then the next and the next. With each page, her heart again found itself pounding in her chest at full speed.
“Nona, she doesn't write like me, this is me!”
“Are you sure?” she asked, needing no answer for she could see everything in Meghan's thoughts.
Meghan flipped back to the page the book had been open to and felt suddenly that she might vomit. “This - this is what I wrote earlier today, after seeing Ivan.” Her voice wavered and she threw down the book, as if touching it would somehow poison her.
“Why? Why would she do this?” Meghan begged to know.“She's been reading everything I have written since day one.”
Meghan’s only positive thought were the choice omittances left out of her journal entries.
“This can't be happening,” she whispered raggedly.
Nona feared Meghan might actually faint.
“Is there no one I can trust?” Meghan implored.
“Me,” said Nona firmly. “Me, Meghan.”
“Oh of course you, Nona. I'm sorry.”
“Don't be sorry. Let’s get out of here. We have discovered something I fear would not be prudent for anyone to know... more so than half the things we have learned lately. I have had a bad feeling for a while now about Jusliska Blackwell, but once you thought she might be your mother, well, I put it aside.”
“Colin always thought that too,” Meghan spoke, as if in a dream. “Why didn't you tell me, Nona?”
“Because you wanted it to be true, Meghan. You want her to be your mother, you love… loved… still love her. And now it might all be true, and yet with this knowledge, I just don't know what it all means.”
“Nothing means anything anymore. It’s just a continual line of shocking discoveries that I do not understand. A succession of lies… to what end? Keep me permanently in the dark about my life? Who I am? Where I come from? It was Juliska’s idea to start my own journal,” she added sounding hollow.
I'm losing her Nona mumbled, worried that Meghan was about to have a breakdown she might not soon recover from. “Meghan,” she said firmly, “keep it together. We need to fix this room and get out of here.”
Meghan nodded, tears s
treaming down her face. She felt the tears becoming uncontrollable, edging toward sobs, but she bit her lip, hoping the pain would keep that from happening. She placed the book back under the pillow and smoothed out the bed covers.
They double and triple checked that everything was as it should be; then, they left the same way they came in and tiptoed back into Meghan's room.
Meghan darted to her journal, rushing to the fireplace, threatening to throw it into the flames.
“No!” shouted Nona. “You must keep it and you must keep writing in it, or Juliska will know that you found out.”
Meghan looked aghast. What could she write in here that would seem real and normal, knowing every word was being read by Juliska Blackwell.
Meghan remembered how she had felt after betraying Colin, and how Juliska had told her not to contradict anything she’d said when giving her speech to the Svoda. And how her gut had told her then, that something was wrong. That something was wrong with Juliska… but she had buried it upon arriving at the island. Buried it deep, preferring to live in the hope that Juliska loved her like a mother, whether she was truly her mother or not.
Now, this feeling resurfaced and she could not control her thoughts. She felt a pain in her chest as if it were about to crack open, letting all her organs dump onto the floor. She fell to her knees struggling to breathe.
“Meghan, she's home,” Nona advised.
Meghan stared at her catawitch. She couldn't do it. She wasn't that good of an actor. She would spill in minutes in this state.
“You do not have a choice,” Nona told her. “You must!”
Meghan shook her head.
“Stand up,” ordered Nona. “Stand up!” Meghan closed her eyes and did as her catawitch said. She stood and smoothed out her skirt. “Now take a deep breath and clear your mind. Go back to how you felt this morning, before anything of this day had happened.”
Meghan took a shallow breath, still feeling like she could not breathe in deep enough to properly catch her breath.
Divided (Book Five) (Fated Saga Fantasy Series) Page 9
