by Vella, Wendy
“You could have done nothing but contract whatever I had. Staying here was the best thing for you, Alex. How are you?”
“Much better, and I will leave this bed tomorrow if it kills me.”
“If Dr. Siblinguyer says it is right to do so,” Hannah said, hovering. “You boys must obey his wishes.”
“Yes, Hannah,” the twins said in unison, making everyone laugh.
“Right, now I want to hear this adventure you have been on, Ben,” Alex said. “I have heard snippets, but I want to hear all about what happened to you and Miss Ainsley.”
“It seems so long ago now,” he said, dropping into the seat Finn pushed him toward.
Ben told them everything, starting with the night he saw Sanders grab Primrose.
“She climbed on the carriage as you did?” Finn shook his head. “That woman is either incredibly foolish or brave.”
“Brave,” Ben said before he could stop himself.
“Do you care for her, Ben?” Hannah asked in her no-nonsense way.
He remembered then how he’d treated Primrose in the carriage, then later here, when she’d wanted only to comfort him. The way he’d pushed her aside as his fear and guilt had overwhelmed him.
He’d struck out at her, and she’d done nothing to deserve that.
“Will you leave us, please, I have something I want to discuss with my brother,” Alex said.
Before Ben could stop them, Finn, Phoebe, and Hannah had left the room.
“Why have you sent them away?”
“Because, Ben, we need to talk, you and I. A twin talk.”
“I hate those when I’m the one being talked at.” Ben knew he was not going to like what Alex said.
“Ben, do you like Miss Ainsley?”
“Yes, she seems a nice person.” Even to his ears his words sounded weak.
“Nice person. Not a wonderful person, or someone you could spend your life with? Not someone who when they walk into the room your entire being lights from the inside? Not someone who smiles and that place inside you that was cold for so long, warms?”
He forced out a laugh, but it was high-pitched and shaky. “Have you been reading poetry?”
“Ben, you cannot live your life believing women will turn against you. Finn and I have discussed this, and we now realize that you suffered after our mother left, even if you say otherwise.”
“I loved her.” Ben decided the time for honesty had come. “I was heartbroken when she left. I begged her to stay, and she laughed at me.” He still felt the pain of that day.
“You never told me that.” Alex looked shocked, because they usually shared everything.
“I know, and I should have.”
“And because of her, our mother, you made the choice not to care for a woman?”
Ben nodded.
“You must know that not all women are like our mother.”
“It just seemed easier to live my life avoiding love.” Ben shrugged.
“But you do care for a woman now, don’t you?”
The silence that settled over the room was so thick it nearly choked Ben.
“I don’t want what you have,” he said, as he always did when someone questioned him like this.
“But you may not be able to stop it happening, Ben. I believe you already know that. That you are fighting what you feel for Primrose.”
“I won’t be hurt.” The words were a low growl.
“And what of her? Could you hurt her? I know nothing of her family life, only that Lady Jane alluded to me once it was not a very comfortable one for Primrose.”
Ben knew that. She’d not moaned about her fate. In fact, she’d only let a few things slip, but he’d added them together to form a bigger picture. Primrose had been a burden to her family.
“She believes she’s unlovable,” he said, remembering her words and how foolish he’d thought they were. “Her family see her as a burden. Can you imagine that, Alex? A woman like her, a burden. She is everything that is good and sweet.”
“And you love her?”
“God.” Ben slumped into his chair. “I don’t know if I do or not. But I do know that I owe her an apology. I was rude to her when I realized you were hurt. I deliberately pushed her away.”
“You’re scared to admit your feelings for her.”
Ben got out of the chair and walked around the room.
“I was scared that you would die, and I was not coping with that so I pushed her away.”
Could he take a chance on Primrose? If she hurt him, could he stand the pain? Because Ben knew that with her it would be different. He’d never recover if she walked away from him.
“Imagine just for a moment that in fact you could live happily with Primrose, Ben. Imagine the children you would have, and light and laughter in your life. You cannot know what it is like to wake with the woman in your arms who carries your heart.”
He looked at his brother lying there, and the quip he’d wanted to fire back at him died on his lips.
“I’m scared.”
“I know, but you are strong, and you must do this because you deserve happiness like your brothers have.”
He didn’t speak again, simply gripped his twin’s hand hard.
“Now go and open the door, they will be out there listening.”
They were.
“Did you talk some sense into him?” Finn asked.
“Yes, and now I must go and see Primrose,” Ben said. Poking around inside his chest, he thought that perhaps he felt different somehow. Acceptance, he realized. He’d accepted that in fact Primrose did mean something to him.
“She’s gone, Ben.”
“What?”
“The guests have all gone,” Phoebe added. “No one is here now. It is many days since you arrived home. She has gone back to London with Lady Jane, and in any case, I imagine she doesn’t wish to see you after how you spoke with her in the hall.”
“You heard that?”
“I did, and she was devastated.”
“I didn’t know what I was saying. I was out of my head with exhaustion and fear for Alex.”
“I know, but she was adamant you would not marry her out of honor and told me she was going home to Pickford. She wanted me to tell you she released you from any commitment you felt you may have to her.”
“I’m a bloody fool!” Ben prowled the room again. He had to get to her and tell her he’d been wrong to say what he had. “I don’t want to be released, I want Primrose.”
“Lady Jane insisted they left immediately, considering,” Hannah said, brushing the hair back from Alex’s forehead.
“Considering?” Ben looked around him at the faces of his family. “What are you not telling me?”
They were clearly uncomfortable, and silent signals were swirling around the room. Eventually, Phoebe was designated speaker.
“The rumors after you both left were rife, Ben. Suggestions that she had been going to meet up with her lover… you. That she ran away to be with you. You know what people are like. Facts have never been terribly important in the face of a scandal.”
“They are untrue!” He felt his entire body fill with heat at the thought of Primrose being victimized in any way. And yet, he knew what society was capable of. Knew how she had been treated already by those who saw her as beneath them.
“You spent several days alone with her, Ben,” Phoebe said gently. “This was bound to happen.”
“Not alone! She was abducted, and then I was. When we did manage to free ourselves, the Sinclairs were there.”
“Yes, you said as much, and for that I’m grateful, as the duchess’s word will hold a great deal of weight if she stands by Primrose.”
Ben pinched the bridge of his nose.
“There is more,” Finn said, and the look on his face was grave.
“What?”
“The duchess overheard Lady Jane discussing Primrose with one of her friends on the day they left. She said that the Ainsley family did not wa
nt her to return to their home; they wanted her married at all costs,” Phoebe said.
“How could they treat her so callously?” Hannah demanded.
“God’s blood, that family!” Ben stalked across the room. “They’ve made her believe she is unlovable. Can you believe it? The woman is eminently lovable.”
“Yes, she is.” Alex was smiling at him.
“Tell me what else you know, Phoebe,” Ben urged her.
“Lady Jane then said that after what had happened between you and Primrose, and the fact her reputation was now less than pristine, she would have to resort to widening her net for a husband, as it was clear you would not marry her.”
Ben felt the color drain from his face. “What did she mean?”
“She has decided that Lord Formby will make Primrose the ideal husband. He has no need of her dowry but wants more children, and due to her age she will give them to him.”
“Lord Formby is sixty-five years old!”
Chapter Thirty-One
“You are sad, Primrose?”
“No, I am just deep in thought. Forgive me, Heather, what was it you were saying?”
Her friend had come to visit, and the two women were seated on the sofa together in Lady Jane’s parlor.
“Primrose, I know our friendship is new, but I feel I have known you my entire life, and that we have an unbreakable bond.”
“Yes, I agree. I have never felt as close to someone as I do you, Heather.” Except maybe Benjamin. “I do not have many friends.”
“I’m sorry for that, but now you have me.” Her friend smiled.
“Yes, I do.” She forced a smile of her own onto her lips.
“I know you are to go visiting with Lady Jane soon, but I have something I wanted to discuss with you, Primrose. Two somethings, actually.”
Primrose nodded. Ten days had passed since they had left Rossetter House. Ten painful days where she’d tried not to think about Benjamin and what a fool she’d been to give him her heart.
She tried to forgive him for the way he’d spoken to her. He’d been mean, and Primrose had not deserved that. Yes, she knew he’d been worried for his brother, but now that time had passed she realized that his behavior was because he could never love her… or any woman, for that matter.
Benjamin had unresolved concerns from this childhood, and she knew they were a result of his mother’s treatment of him. Unless he acknowledged and dealt with them, he would never let a woman close.
She didn’t like to think of him with another woman. It made her feel irrationally angry.
The real problem was that he, like everyone else in her life, had not been able to love her. But with him it hurt a lot more.
“Primrose, do you love Benjamin Hetherington?”
Shock held her silent. There Heather sat, as she had several times since their return to London, a pretty picture in cream muslin with tiny sprigs of lavender embroidered all over it.
“I know that you do, Primrose, because you have deflated since leaving him at Rossetter .”
“I beg your pardon?”
“You are flat, dear. As if the life has suddenly been sucked out of you.”
“I-I….” No other words were forthcoming. She felt the humiliating burn of tears stinging her eyes. Blinking rapidly, she tried to hold them at bay.
“I know that you do, Primrose, so you may as well tell me everything.”
“I am a f-fool, Heather.”
“I doubt that. I have yet to meet a more sensible person than you. Now be honest. You love him, don’t you?”
“I do, but he does not feel the same. I will come around to accepting that fact, but it is just taking time.”
“But how do you know that he does not love you?”
“He told me he has no wish to ever love a woman. Plus, he has not come to London to find me, Heather, and he must know about the scandal surrounding my sudden departure from Rossetter when I was abducted.”
But fool that you are, you released him from his commitment to you.
Pride had made her speak those words to Lady Levermach, and while she knew they had been the right thing to say, a small part of her thought that perhaps she would have been happy to be his wife without love. Because one thing Primrose did know was that she’d love him until she drew her last breath.
“Lady Jane told me his brother has recovered, as the Duchess of Rossetter wrote informing her of that. But still he has not come, Heather.”
“He is staying at his brother’s side, Primrose. Surely you are not so selfish you think he should leave?”
“Heather, are you being deliberately rude?”
“Yes. It is something new I am trying. Honesty, instead of agreeing with everyone and everything.”
“It’s working,” Primrose said flatly. “Well.”
“Excellent.” Heather beamed. “But I am right, surely? Benjamin Hetherington would not wish to leave his brother yet?”
“There is more. It is suggested by Lady Lindle and Lady Rosewater, who called yesterday, that he would never consider someone such as I now, and that was reinforced when I went to the soirée three nights ago. No one spoke to me, and the whispers and titters were horrible. Why would a man wish to be saddled with a wife who is a p-pariah?”
But had he loved me, he would care nothing for that.
Dear lord, she missed him. She had once decided naively that love was not for her; then she’d fallen helplessly for Benjamin Hetherington. Now she knew why she’d taken the original stance. The pain was excruciating. She was obviously a person destined to have no lasting relationship… with anyone. Except maybe Heather.
“Rubbish! Why are you listening to such rot now, Primrose? Those women are conniving gossipmongers and simply called here to humiliate you. I have no idea why Lady Jane allows such behavior.”
“To be fair, she had little choice, Heather.”
“Well, I would not put up with it,” her friend said with spirit. “Now, back to Benjamin Hetherington.”
“Must we?”
“He was with you through that terrifying ordeal, Primrose. He knows you are not a trollop—”
“Heather!”
“Sorry, no other word fitted the moment.”
“Well, I have no wish to continue this discussion. Had Benjamin Hetherington cared anything for my reputation, or me, he would have returned to London by now. He has not, therefore we will not speak of it again.”
“But that suggests he is callous and heartless and has no honor. I do not believe he is such a man.”
He had honor, to be sure. It had made him offer to marry her in a cold, heartless manner. Primrose would not wed a man under those circumstances. She would rather live her life alone than like that.
“I’m not someone who inspires love, Heather. I have come to understand this and will likely live alone.”
Heather laughed, but it stopped when she saw Primrose had not joined her.
“Oh, you are serious.”
“It is not something I’d make a joke of.”
“But it is ridiculous. You are a wonderful woman. Intelligent, funny, and beautiful. I love you.”
“I don’t wish to discuss this further, Heather, and thank you, that means a great deal to me, but I still stand by what I said.”
“But—”
“Enough, please.” Primrose battled the despairing sob she felt well up inside her. She would not weep for him… at least not outwardly. “What else did you wish to discuss with me?”
“Very well, we will not discuss it again, but I think you are wrong, and that one day you will find true love.”
Primrose said nothing.
“I have seen Jeremy several times,” Heather said.
“Who is Jeremy?”
“Mr. Caton.”
“Ahh.”
“My parents saw us together one night, talking. The next day they forbade me to ever see him again. They then told me they had received an offer from the Marquess of Heam. He wishes to mar
ry me.”
“On no, Heather. I am so sorry.” Primrose grabbed her friend’s hand, her own worries suddenly pushed aside.
“Jeremy and I are going to elope tonight.”
Her mouth fell open.
“Something will fly in there if you do not shut it.”
“Are you serious?”
“Extremely. Jeremy has tried to dissuade me, but I am adamant. We have everything planned.” Heather looked calm; Primrose felt anything but.
“Well,” Primrose said, to give herself time to think. “Good Lord.” For once she was speechless.
“I wanted to come and say goodbye to you.”
“I-I don’t know what to say.” She felt desperately sorry for herself that she was to lose her friend. It was selfish, but in light of everything else going on, she felt it anyway.
“I am leaving the house after my parents retire. Jeremy will be outside, and we shall make for Gretna Green.”
“Bluebell and carnation,” Primrose whispered. “Are you sure, Heather? It seems such a drastic step.”
“Yes. I have tried to reason with them, even told them I care for another, but they will not listen to me and are adamant I marry Lord Heam.”
“I am so sorry, Heather. What will you do?”
“Jeremy says he has money and that his brothers are good men who will stand by us.”
“But surely then—”
“No. Mother has her heart set on a title. Nothing will change that.”
“Why is it that our parents care nothing for our wishes?” Primrose wondered out loud.
“I don’t know, but I will ensure I listen to what my children say,” Heather vowed, getting to her feet. “And now I must go, as there is still much to do. But I shall send word as soon as we are settled.”
“I shall miss you, my dear new friend.”
“And I you, Primrose.”
They hugged each other tight.
“You will come and visit me as soon as I am settled.”
Primrose nodded. Her throat felt choked with tears again. She had only just found Heather and now she was to lose her.
They parted as the door behind them opened and Lady Jane entered.
