by D. Rus
I sat on the ground, exhausted. Tigress courteously offered me her silky side, and I lay down, leaning against her. The feline was purring happily. I could tell she was remembering a moment we’d shared during our dungeon expedition. Guess I wasn’t the only one feeling nostalgic for the carefree young life…Fallen One knows how long ago that was.
Bagheera sat by us, breathing noisily and jealously stirring his whiskers. The tip of his beautiful tail jerked from side to side.
I rose with a groan and scratched Tigress behind the ears before turning to my inventory. I whistled as I looked through it. "Get the treasurer over here! And mules!"
I glanced at Bagheera and started digging through my jewelry. Finally I found something I thought was good enough; a fine gold chain with a crazy Strength modifier and an awesome Crit bonus.
I took it out. The precious metal glistened in the morning sun, drawing the curious felines’ attention.
Bowing respectfully, I held out the artifact. "Thank you for your help, Bagheera. Please accept my humble gift. An extra hundred strength points might be useful even for you."
Bagheera looked at Tigress, read something in her eyes and stepped forward, bending down his massive head.
Good thing that the chain had a buckle. It had clearly been someone’s belt before. Bagheera could wear it only on the neck, like a golden collar glowing with magic.
He growled contentedly and flexed his claws, crushing a stone beneath his paw.
"Works, doesn’t it? Great! I have a truckload of goodies here all thanks to you guys!"
My greedy pig grumbled but had no objections to a fair division of loot: One for you, and a thousand for me.
Bagheera wasn’t greedy. He was satisfied with four bracelets. I really had to strain my Divine Spark to make them fit his mighty paws. Something told me they weren’t made for pumas.
I upgraded the bracelets with magic stones while I was at it. The universe gave in and allowed the modification of the already distorted artifacts. But the law of conservation of energy still played its part; the bracelets’ stats now read "for felines only" as if to spite us.
Tigress gladly accepted some gifts as well. But she chose them herself, digging through the shiny goodies with her enormous paw. She preferred whatever was more beautiful. My greedy pig giggled insidiously and happily slipped her huge useless diamonds and platinum items.
Bagheera and I exchanged knowing glances and smiled. Women.
As an extra treat, I used my Gilding ability to make Tigress’ claws look as though they were made of solid gold. Tigress held a paw to her muzzle, flexed her enormous glistening claws flirtatiously and purred with delight.
Bagheera was growling and pacing impatiently, hinting that the master must have had enough of the high-maintenance pets for one day and that it was time to go.
Tigress looked at me guiltily, and I sighed. "Leaving? What will I do without you? We’ve won a battle, but not a war. And we were up against only 30,000 warriors this time. Now picture this: about sixty miles from here is an army that’s four times stronger. And I’m running out of trump cards fast. I’m down to the six of trumps."
I scratched the purring feline behind the ears as I complained of the difficulties of life. It soothed me. My uneasiness faded, and I finally felt the joy of victory to the fullest.
Having these two mighty felines as my allies felt reassuring. Everything will be okay.
The dozen basilisks sprawled out on the sand dune close to their mate who had turned himself to stone. They would clearly wait an eternity for him if they had to. This was great news for me; the monsters would keep an eye on the Lightsiders’ teleport zone.
The remaining demons fraternized with the dwarves. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder in the exhausting battle had brought the different creatures closer together.
The dwarves offered everyone Dwarven Extra Dry and Old Troll in demijohns wrapped in vines. Our guests from Inferno returned the favor and poured their new friends Volcanic Grog from smoking amphoras.
NPC losses were terrifyingly high. Only a quarter survived. The composite battalion had turned into a heavily battered crowd. On the bright side, the survivors saw a significant increase in levels. Altogether the dwarves and demons had defeated 5-6K Lights. The profits were decent to say the least: XP points, religious and race achievements, upgraded abilities…
The Lost City monsters dispersed in different directions within the Valley and were in no hurry to get back. I saw some of them digging holes and appropriating dens like they owned the place. They sniffed the air and looked dreamily at the majestic mountains and forests.
I turned to Bagheera. "My friend, should you ever need my help, you know where to find me."
Bagheera nodded majestically and Tigress gave a quiet sob.
"Don’t lose heart, girl! We’ll see each other soon! Wanna leave me something to remember you by?"
Tigress gave me a long, pensive look. With a glint of determination in her yellow eyes, she disappeared in a portal.
I barely had time to raise a brow in surprise before she came back. She held a large cub in her mouth. It had cuddly spotted fur and wide, strong paws.
Tigress set the cub on the ground and gave it a light push in my direction. Bagheera snapped at her, but she slapped him on the muzzle with her tail.
Status alert! A free gift is offered to you. Do you accept?
Remember that you are responsible for your pets. In the event of a familiar’s death, the owner is penalized with an XP deduction.
I didn’t hesitate even for a moment. Genetic engineering was not my strength; I had no idea how a mountain lion and a sabre-toothed tiger could have had a snow leopard cub, but there was no way I could refuse the cub. Surely I said yes.
The cub gently probed my mind through our newly formed mental connection. Finding that friendship was possible, it huddled up to me.
Status alert! You have accepted the Great Gift and Unmanageable Responsibility.
The cub of two bloodlines is capable of becoming stronger than both its parents. Are you ready to help his power grow?
Status alert! New mission available: Acquisition of strength I.
Become the teacher of your future uncategorized pet, help him reach level 100.
Reward: undetermined.
Duration: one month.
Nonfulfilment fine: loss of familiar.
This opportunity made me pause. After quickly picturing the possible outcomes, I decided to accept the quest.
I would have to level up the cub anyway. The quest would be just an incentive to do it sooner.
Holding the soft cub to my chest, I waved goodbye to the small pride. "Thank you!"
The two beasts roared triumphantly. All the monsters within a mile’s radius hid in their burrows. Even the basilisks lifted up their multi-tonn heads in alarm and nervously beat their meaty tails on the ground.
Clap! Clap! The felines left by portals. I had to resume my duties as clan leader.
I looked at the mules, then beckoned to the impatient treasurer. It was very difficult for me to open my trade window. It was getting harder and harder to pull it up. Handing an item over physically was much easier.
But at that moment I was carrying over half a million coins of different value, not to mention other valuables. I couldn’t just hand them over.
I passed the cash on to the treasurer, then pensively scratched my head. I had about 3K loot items on me. When would I find the time to sort it? I was sure my greedy pig was up to the task, but I didn’t want to go psychotic.
However, I had heard that a pretty competent piggy now lived in the castle treasury. I decided to let him prove his worth and handle the sorting.
I transferred the loot to the mules. "Take this to Durin, all of it. We’ll sort it later." I lowered my voice before adding: "If it doesn’t sort itself…"
I cracked my spine. What’s that proverb? Your own burden doesn't hurt you? Yeah, right! Put 15,000 pounds on your back and try to
waltz. I’ll get first row seats for that one.
The battlefield looked horrific. AlterWorld had not seen such carnage until today. There must have been 20-30 thousand graves out there. Stuff worth tens of millions of dollars. And it would all end up in some backwoods graveyard within the next three hours.
I could have kicked myself. I walked up to the nearest gravestone with an old English Gothic design and read:
Crazy Grizzly. Level 211.
Time left until teleportation to cemetery: 02:37.
I looked her up in the paid database. A she-troll, the main tank of the women-only clan Physis.
What a terrible life! Not only trapped with other trolls, but getting no male company whatsoever.Clearly a mental case. Or something else.
I tried to guess the price of the grave as I walked by it, passing my fingers over the rough granite.
A joyful-looking Orcus fell out of one of the open Super Nova portal arches. "Congrats, Sir!" he said, hugging me. "That was some decent ass whooping! You broke all the laws of logic and game mechanics!"
I pushed the orc away. What a day! Why’s everybody trying to hug me? I snorted when I saw our pets staring at each other; the rainbow-colored dragon suspiciously eyed the snow leopard that was sneaking up to it. "Tommy, shoo! Friendly troops ahead!"
"What a beaut!" said Orcus. "Where did you get him? Found a cat egg and hatched him yourself?"
The ogre mules burst into uproarious laughter. I smiled. "Something like that. But I’m asking you, please don’t touch the local cats. No one wants to hear falsetto mewing!"
"Why would I do that?! I have Scaly. And you tell those big guys to be quiet, or there won’t be a single tomcat left in the entire Valley by tomorrow! And what’s up with you circling that grave? Remembering your dark necromancer past?"
"Yeah…" I drawled pensively. "I’m wondering if I should pursue a grave digger career. How much treasure would you say is hidden beneath this stone?"
Orcus came closer, read the markings and froze up for a second as he looked through the database. "The main tank of a clan of 300…a degenerate lot, but I’d say at least 400K. Gold. More likely – 500K and up."
"My point exactly."
I checked my Faith Points, most of which I had spent, and shook my head. They would be of little use in this case. Then I reached for my Divine Spark which I was extremely careful to preserve. Gently stroking the precious flame, I scooped up a handful. My hand began to shine. The original fire sheened my clan mates with light as they stood still, showing respect.
I clenched my fist, summoned up all my proletarian hate and punched the gravestone. The granite flew to pieces, injuring an ogre mule and drawing a high-pitched cry from him. Pain shot up my arm. My glowing hand grew dimmer. Man, maybe I should’ve learned martial arts!
I bit my lip and punched the grave three more times. Rubbing my injured wrist, I looked for any signs that I was actually getting somewhere.
Out of the corner of my eye I could see my clannies exchanging glances in alarm. They were clearly wondering if I’d been out the sun too long.
Alas, the world matrix clung to one of the foundation stones of our micro-universe’s magic laws. My efforts yielded but a small crack and a shallow dent. This won’t do. I’m gonna have to use my brains, not brute force!
I immersed my mind in the Divine Spark and smiled involuntarily, intoxicated by the feeling of omnipotence. The headstone became enmeshed in the invisible net of my willpower. I gave the grave a mighty jerk.
My heart missed a beat. Blood spurted from my nose and I fell to one knee. The headstone exploded. Shards went flying in all directions.
"All done!" I said hoarsely, wiping my mouth. What an idiot! The energy I just spent was enough for a miracle of medium proportions.
What I had done with the grave was a miracle too, but I didn’t find it impressive. One busted headstone wasn’t of any use. I was actually looking for a way to break all the graves on the battlefield at once.
I rose, approached the pile of broken rock and turned it up it with my foot. Whoa! What’s that?
I bent down to pick up a pair of giant jackboots from the pile of junk. They had a rhinestone design and stylish stiletto heels. Ha! The mystery she-troll was quite a fashion-conscious girl.
I shook the loot proudly, but was taken aback by the quiet voice that came from behind: "Max, where my Snowie? Something’s wrong, I feel it in my heart."
I slowly turned around. Of course…
Bomba stared at me with teary eyes, filling with fear as she awaited an answer.
I forced a smile and showed her the boots. "Hey there! Check out these awesome Grinders I got you! Here you go. For your heroism in battle, you are hereby rewarded with these red combat boots!"
"Thanks," The ex-mercenary skeptically eyed the heels. "Where’s Snowie?"
I walked over to her and put my hands on her broad shoulders. "Awaiting resurrection…He fought like a hero! I bet his club’s stats are through the roof after all this. He’ll be thrilled when he comes back. Come on, don’t cry! Everything will be all right. He’s not the first, and he won’t be the last. And you don’t need any stress right now:, you’re expecting."
I felt my back creak painfully as the steel-clad hippo of a lady began to cry on my shoulder. Bomba’s two-thousand-pound frame leaned on me heavily. Her huge dull tears beat against my armor.
"What if he isn’t reborn?"
"Then I’ll turn the Great Nothingess upside down until I get Snowie back," I answered without a shadow of a doubt. "Come on, what’s gotten into you? Russians don’t leave anyone behind!"
Bomba sobbed, somewhat calmer now. "Max, I’ll go home then, okay? I’ll set the table and cook up those damn floury maggots with fish sauce. How he even stomachs that thing, I don’t know."
I heaved a sigh of relief. "Sure, good idea. If a guy comes home from war and isn’t fed well, that’s just not right. He might leave his forty-year-old mercenary girlfriend for two twenty-year-old ones if he isn’t cared for."
"Then he’ll part with his head," Bomba said resolutely and broke the seal of her scroll.
No sooner had her portal snapped shut than our favorite gods came down to the accompaniment thunder. How is this fair? I thought. No one wants to fight, but everyone wants to reap the fruits of victory?
The Fallen One looked great and shone with happiness. I knew he had received many freebies for the faith that went into this battle.
Aulë had a greedy look on his face. He was clad in shining armor, clutching his axe. I could only imagine how hard it must have been for Fall to hold back the Father of all dwarves who itched to fight.
Yavanna looked at the battlefield with compassion as she whispered something silently. I wondered if she was praying or counting the corpses.
Macaria pursed her lips in disgust, looking at the basilisks with displeasure. Unlucky for me, my snow leopard drew her attention with a meow.
For the first time in a long while, a true smile lit up her face. "He’s so cute!" Macaria kneeled and reached for the cub. Grabbing him with her power, she dragged the cub closer to her.
The snow leopard tried to break free, but Macaria passed her fingers through his fur, sticking her nose into it, and laughed happily. "I’m keeping him!"
I shook my head with a smile. "Forgive me, Great One. This one’s my familiar. He’s a gift from a friend."
"Knock it off," the goddess replied flippantly. "You can find yourself another one. This one’s mine!"
She tightened the invisible chains, ready to pack up the resisting cub. The snow leopard’s hissing turned into mournful squeaking.
A cry for help pierced my mind at that moment. What the hell?!
I stepped forward with a heavy gaze. The bloodthirsty adamant blade shot out of my staff without a warning.
Macaria frowned and pointed her finger at me. "Fall, put your priest in his place!"
The Fallen One raised his brows in astonishment as his eyes filled with impe
netrable darkness. "I am not your errand boy! Don’t take what doesn’t belong to you and have some respect! The man just won an impossible battle in the name of our Pantheon!"
The Fallen One severed the invisible chains with a gesture. The snow leopard gave a grateful meow and hurried to hide behind my back.
Macaria’s face twisted with rage. She stomped her dainty foot in a high leather boot of immaculate craftsmanship, then disappeared in a personal portal with a clap.
The Fallen One spat with irritation and gave us a guilty look. "Forgive me, friends…She’s on the verge of a nervous breakdown. She fears that these are our final days, hence the constant hysterics. I’m sick of it myself…"
I shrugged, patting the trembling cub, then put the staff away behind my back. We had more pressing problems at hand. I swept my arm over the battlefield and asked: “Fallen One, do you know how to destroy all of these graves at once? We can really weaken the enemy. I broke one grave, but nearly broke myself in the process.”
The god looked at the pile of stones at my feet with respect, pensively fingering his chin.
Aulë’s nostrils flared. He struck his axe. "I can crush it into dust!"
The Fallen One shook his head. "There are 27,000 graves here. It will take you a month to destroy them all considering how much prana you will spend. Besides, this type of interference is much too intrusive. The recoil will take too much HP, leaving no chances of recovery. This calls for a more delicate approach. But I like the idea. Good job, Max!"
Yavanna frowned, filled with doubt. "I think I can do it. By indirect means; plants crushing the graves. They’re capable of this and much more."
"Go for it," Fall instantly replied.
With a nod, the goddess ran her eyes over the scanty verdure around us. Once she spotted the right type of grass, she came closer and kneeled next to it. The slits of her dress revealed provocative, athletic thighs.
I averted my gaze out of decency. Aulë stuck out his chest and gave us a haughty look, taking pride in his wife’s body.
Yavanna was singing something quietly. Power flowed from her fingers, making the ordinary grass mutate before our eyes. It sprouted thorns, glittering like steel and growing noticeably bigger.
