That night, he joined us at a friend’s house, and we spent the night in her backyard, feet in the pool, talking until sunrise. It marked the beginning of the most magical summer of my life. In those short months, it felt like we sank through the crust of the earth, into its white-hot core. We electrified each other. We caught on fire and burned and burned and burned.
Milos and I spent a summer pushing each other into pools fully clothed with expensive watches on and cell phones in our pockets. Barefoot, burning incense on the beach. We called each other at all hours of the night with ideas for poetry and music and revolution. We bought journals and filled them with prose and innovations and plans. We filled our trunks with seashells and water bottles. We lay on the floors of bookstores and studied god. We deemed the song of the summer “Sugar Magnolia” by the Grateful Dead and called each other in the morning singing.
Summer slid between our fingers and toes, became tangled in our hair and stuck to the back of our calves. We clung onto it long after the last grains of sand swirled down our shower drains. The night before I left for Boston, I told him I wasn’t going. I was going to postpone school and find a way to transfer to a school in Chicago. He was never more serious when he said that if I did that, he would never forgive me. He said I was ready. That I needed to go to school and I needed to write.
The next morning, I received a message from him as the airplane was taxiing out of the gate.
“I just want you to know how happy I am to have met you when I did. You have been a huge part of my recovery and I think the world of you. It won’t be too long until I see you, but be the smart chick I know you are. You really are a sunshine daydream.”
As I read it, I became aware of a feeling I had had for months, living right under the surface of my awareness. It was one that I couldn’t articulate or grasp, but it motivated me all summer—to live as fully as I could, to cherish every moment, to write everything down so I wouldn’t forget. The knowing materialized, as the plane took off, that I would never see Milos again.
I landed to the news of his death. A hiking accident. He was leaning over a cliff to gaze at the view and fell eighty feet.
I’ve since retraced my steps and familiarized myself with the knowing, the intuitive hints that I was living in something precious and ethereal. More than that, I identified the sense I had all along that it was worth remembering, documenting, letting in fully and without doubt. I recognized in him a teacher and a soul mate and a brother, and the force of that connection along with the understanding of its transience allowed for it to fix my chemistry, uncross my wires, change me on a cellular level beyond anything I’d experienced before it. Not a day has passed since where I have not felt him with me.
In a Reading
This card calls for non-action. Get still within yourself and connect with your own wisdom. The High Priestess heightens our awareness of secret or hidden information. She also comes through in dreams to deliver intuitive messages. It may be time to develop a meditation practice, rekindle your spirituality or sharpen your psychic abilities. Draw to the esoteric, etheric and occult. Trust your intuition. You don’t need the advice of other people. You already know what’s true. Give yourself permission to make emotional decisions. Maybe you’ve let yourself become too tangled up in or influenced by external energies. She calls for simplicity—to withdraw from involvement and return to ourselves.
3—THE EMPRESS
I have always been the woman of my dreams
—Nayyirah Waheed
overflowing / abundance / feminine / passion / nurturing / lush / indulgent / sensual / seductive / embodied / welcoming / beauty / queen / fertile / maternal / generative / confidence / richness / unashamed
Card Meaning
The Empress is the first embodied energy in the Major Arcana, and therefore represents the birth of the physical world. Her capacity for creation is vast, and she encompasses the humanity and passion conspicuously lacking in The High Priestess. As they say, find you a girl who can do both. The High Priestess and Empress together comprise the full force of feminine energy.
First and foremost, The Empress is the mother. Her maternal instinct is fierce and she will literally fuck you up if you mess with what she loves. Think Molly Weasley taking out Bellatrix Lestrange in the final battle of Hogwarts. With that said, her love is boundless and extends to all who wish to bask in her warmth. There is nothing that she cannot find beauty in, and people are naturally drawn to this nurturing energy. You can tell her the worst thing you’ve ever done, the things you are most ashamed of, the things about you that you find ugly and she will, by some love-induced alchemy completely unique to her, transmute it into something magnificent. It is an ability that comes from self-love and acceptance. Her makeup is flawless, her home is open and welcoming and she wants to feed you and listen to you talk about boys.
In addition to being a maternal energy, The Empress is also an inherently sensual one. When you walk into a room feeling and looking fierce, you’re channeling your girl. When you throw a dinner party that is on point down to flower arrangements and decorative napkins, The Empress is pouring herself a glass of vino. When you decide to blow off work to lay on your couch in a face mask with a box of pizza resting on your stomach, she’s drafting the fake sick e-mail to the office.
A deeply (and sometimes stubbornly) emotional archetype, she acts from a place of feeling and can be reactionary and irresponsible as a result. This hot energy is subdued by the austerity of the High Priestess and then grounded and made viable by her man The Emperor. The High Priestess gives us the space to learn about our gifts and The Empress is the beginning of bringing them to life and offering them to the world. She is masterful at self-care and she knows her body to be beautiful.
The Empress is never depleted because she knows how to accept love as well as give it. The crucial flaw we make as mere humans and not perfect tarot archetypes is that many of us are skilled at nurturing and offering care to others but do not know how to absorb it when it is offered to us. Her constant creative output is fueled by love, and her identity is informed by her creativity and the products of her creation. If feeling uninspired or blocked, her energy is a robust tonic.
Anecdote
Last night I was lying in bed with my two best friends. We weren’t doing anything particularly noteworthy; folding laundry, eating pizza, playing music, showing each other dumb stuff on our phones. We were laughing. We were doing face masks. We were tangled up in a human pretzel situation without really being aware of who was touching whom. I have absolutely zero secrets from these two girls, and the sense of comfort, well-being and connection I feel in their presence is so effortless that it has become second nature. It is only when I step back that I can appreciate how extraordinary it is and how empty my life would be without it. There’s not a thing they could say or do that would make me think less of them. There’s not a thing I have that I wouldn’t give them. There’s not a single blessing in this life that I do not believe they are completely deserving of. My friend’s fiancé came home and found us all there, confused because she backed out of a dinner earlier saying she needed a night in alone to recharge. She was being honest. The Empress is the creator of the cozy, nourishing, unworried love you feel for the people you can be with and be alone at the same time.
In a Reading
The Empress shows up as a resurgence of creativity and passion. The act of creating something out of love. A situation may call for femininity—whether it is vulnerability, softness, nurturing or emotionality. Be gentle. Be generous with the care you give to yourself and others. Look for the beauty in all things. Be forgiving of your humanity. A symbol of motherhood, fertility and birth. A warm, maternal figure. Give yourself permission to be rich and abundant, even decadent. Seeing your body as beautiful. Acceptance of sexuality and sensuality. Like The High Priestess, she makes decisions from an emotional place, but doesn’t have the same sharp intuition as her more reserved counterpart, so The Empress can
also be an indication of hot-headedness or being overly-emotional.
4—THE EMPEROR
Leadership is about submission to duty, not elevation to power.
—Gordon Tootoosis
authority / steadfast / father / consistent / deliberate / structure / balanced / rigid / reliable / safety / power / contained / logical / leader / self-possessed / grounded / proprietor / security / fixed / productive / objective
Card Meaning
The Emperor brings order, structure and organization into the world. A triggering card for many for its connection to society, authority and power; accurately interpreting The Emperor depends upon understanding him in his intended energy and then discerning if it has been twisted in some way. Think about the intent of implementing a police force in our society versus the present day reality of it. The duty of leadership is a great one, and the task undertaken by The Emperor is not without sacrifice.
When The Emperor is doing his job well, you don’t notice him. He stepped into this position of power to be of service to others. The holder of space and representative of institutions that bring order and balance, he works tirelessly and transparently so that others can feel safe. In its purest form, The Emperor’s rule is ego-less, coming from a place of loving responsibility and an understanding of the importance of healthy structure. Without this integrity, corruption invariably ensues.
The Emperor gets a bad rap, often written off as a square or an asshole. The Empress is boundless, flowing creativity. Her edges are liquid. She is inspiration itself. But we all know someone who has gorgeous creative potential but does not know what to do with it. Unexpressed creativity will inevitably turn into a destructive force. The Emperor harnesses the creativity of The Empress and gives it boundaries, definition and purpose. This is the natural function of masculine structure: to maintain order so that others may succeed inside of it.
Say you are an artist and you channel your Empress energy to make your work. Without The Emperor, that art sits in the room it was created in. We channel his energy to price our pieces, coordinate with galleries to show it, answer e-mails, schedule appointments, manage our social media and generally slay the hustle. This is how they are the perfect earthly power couple. Without The Emperor, the ripeness of The Empress rots on the vine. Without The Empress, The Emperor is bloodless and boring.
How does structure allow for freedom? Can we feel freedom without structure? One of the most perfect earthy structures is that of a twelve-step recovery program. Intended for addictions of all sorts, rigorously working the steps of this program permits a freedom from addiction.
The Emperor holds this consistent, objective, productive structure for all. If correctly implemented, they mirror the natural laws of the universe—harmonious when followed and chaotic when broken.
Anecdote
I fell in love with my dog Zadie the second I walked into the animal shelter and saw her. She was skin and bones, had missing teeth and a wrecked digestive system and displayed telltale signs of abuse. When they took her out of her crate she literally jumped into my arms, and I hugged her and wept and promised that nothing bad would ever happen to her again. We bonded intensely and instantly. She followed me around my apartment, cried when I went into another room and suffered from severe separation anxiety.
Dogs are happiest when they do not have to think for themselves, at their most relaxed when there is a set time to eat, play, go out and sleep. The structure fosters a sense of safety, and the consistency builds trust with their caretaker. Training Zadie was one of the hardest things I ever did. I leashed her in a corner of the apartment and largely ignored her for parts of the day so she could see that if I walked out of sight, I’d eventually come back. After trying several methods with a trainer, it took using an electric collar to condition her out of screaming whenever I left the house. I cried through a lot of this. All I wanted to do was mush our faces together and never leave her side, but more than that I wanted her to be the happiest, healthiest dog she could be. Because this was my primary motivation, the implementation of discipline and the exertion of dominance were acts of love. It was emotionally trying and stretched my understanding of what it meant to love someone and how that love can be expressed. It showed me a way of being of service to another’s well-being in a distinctly masculine capacity.
In a Reading
Opportunity for leadership. Time to get your shit together and get organized. Answer your e-mails, file your paperwork, dot your I’s and cross your T’s. A grounding, stabilizing force. A father or paternal figure. Implementing structure and organization. Employing logic and rationality to solve a problem. Working within pre-existing structures to see success. Being a boss. Offering security and comfort to others by directing or managing them. Professionally it could symbolize a promotion at work or taking on more responsibility. As an external force it can speak to coming into contact with officials, law enforcement and societal structures. The romantic match of The Empress.
5—THE HIEROPHANT
Guru is not the goal. Anyone who establishes himself as a guru to be worshipped is not a guru. Guru is like a boat for crossing the river. It is important to have a good boat, and it is very dangerous to have a boat that is leaking. The boat brings you across the river. When the river is crossed the boat is no longer necessary. You don’t hang onto the boat after completing the journey, and you certainly don’t worship the boat.
—Swami Rama of the Himalayas
gatekeeper / tradition / medium / catalyst / religion / community / channel / teacher / conduit / priest / knowledge / communion / guide / axis / shrouded / secrets / culture / convention
Card Meaning
The Hierophant comes into our lives in the form of a leader, teacher or mentor, particularly in a spiritual capacity. Traditionally depicted as a religious figure and used interchangeably with the title “The Pope,” he has come to mean conventional religious customs and values. However, there is a more expansive and inclusive definition of this sometimes polarizing figure. The primary purpose of The Hierophant is to serve as a conduit between heaven and earth. In that respect, each card in the tarot can be considered a Hierophant. Any person, place, object or community from which we receive guidance or meaning, or connect to a feeling of tribe, can be aligned with this archetype.
Who are our mentors? Whom do we entrust with our growth? The divine works through us on earth, and it is essential to rely on others to progress on our paths. However, we would be remiss if we forget that no matter how wise or spiritually connected someone is, they are also human and therefore fallible. The true mentors want their students to outgrow them. When agreeing to act as a guide to others, The Hierophant accepts the responsibility to do so with integrity, selflessness and humility. They are channeling the divine but they are not god. This is a tall order and a profound balancing act, as we are all humans with egos. I’ve taught tarot to students who have gone on to see great success as professional readers. Alongside my happiness for them and gratitude for the tarot’s perpetuation have been twinges of competition and fear. Again, The Hierophant is human, but to submit to these lower-self impulses, to the illusion of lack and scarcity or to the myth of our own specialness puts your humanity in opposition to your divinity. The ongoing challenge of The Hierophant is to keep these sometimes competing energies in harmonious alignment. Failing to do so produces cult leaders, corrupt religious figures and spiritual mediums who withhold or delay information for their own gain.
And yet, with all of the possible downfalls of The Hierophant, we have a non-negotiable need for community in spiritual work. It is too hard, too lonely, too weird to go it alone. There is a time and place for solitary study, but when The Hierophant appears it is a sign that we need others around us and guidance we trust in order to progress. Whether it is a congregation, coven or therapy group, part of the human experience is relying on others to reflect our goodness—and divinity—back to us.
The Hierophant brings to the forefront the c
oncept of spiritual authority. Who has it, and how is it claimed? In an era where people are rejecting the dogma of organized religion in droves in search of a more personal connection to their spirituality, the training of the Priest or the Rabbi is no longer the only way to identify a Hierophant. Every time I read for a client, they give me spiritual authority. When I go see a healer for bodywork, or a therapist for guidance, I hand them spiritual authority. The act of giving and receiving this should be a conscientious and consensual process. Hold it responsibly, and bestow it wisely.
Anecdote
The woman who gifted me my first tarot deck is, to this day, the greatest spiritual mentor and teacher I’ve ever had. She was my therapist at the time, and I felt like I owed her the world. Every miraculous thing that happened to me as a result of reading tarot I attributed to her. And, while she is definitely a goddess, I deified her into an idea and put her on a pedestal so high I could no longer see her. When she tried to explain she felt guided to gift me the cards because she sensed a gift I already had, I didn’t want to hear it. It was a well-intended but selfish mind-set. I wanted someone to worship. I wanted to credit an external source to help make sense of what was going on.
We eventually had a disagreement that turned into a significant fight. I was wrecked. While I was certain that I had cause for being upset, I was also struggling with the idea of her being wrong about something. When we came together and resolved, she apologized for her part and explained her reaction. In so doing, she became a human being with flaws and a past, capable of miscommunication and mistakes just like anyone else. I finally understood what she had been trying to tell me. The divine can act through a person, but it does not make them a god, or absolve them of their humanity. As I got up to leave, she smiled at me and said, “And now we can finally be equals in this work.” I felt grateful that she saw me that way and also scared of shifting the power dynamic I’d grown accustomed to. Now, I see it with some of my clients who think I am an all-knowing source of psychic content when really I’m just eating Cheetos on my couch watching Broad City.
WTF Is Tarot Page 4
