There was a somewhat longer pause.
‘I think we’d have noticed that,’ Scarlett said finally. ‘I mean, I’ve seen three of the principals naked – two men and one woman – and none of them had a zip down their back.’
‘I should have known,’ I said. ‘She’s just another conspiracy nut. Looking for evidence of Greys and Lizardoids and Secret Ascended Masters.’ I couldn’t help smiling at Emily. ‘If anything like that was going on here, I’d know. The Baphomet Group are just very important accountants.’
She sniffed derisively. ‘Well of course you’d say that. You’re here to protect them. To keep the truth from getting out.’ She glared around the bar. ‘You’re all traitors to Humanity! Selling out your human birth right for a mess of cash!’
Scarlett looked at me. ‘She’s not right in the head, is she? Unless you know something we don’t?’
‘Lots,’ I said. ‘But nothing that applies to what’s going on here. I don’t think she’s got anything to do with the murders, so she’s nothing to do with me.’
‘What do we do with her?’ said Penny.
‘Lock her up somewhere safe until it’s all over,’ I said.
‘You can’t silence me!’ said Emily.
Scarlett smiled at me. ‘We’ve got a nice selection of gags …’
‘We don’t need to silence her,’ I said. ‘Let her say what she likes. No one will listen, apart from the True Believers, who’ve already made up their minds.’
‘I’ll tell the world all about you!’ said Emily.
‘You don’t know anything about me,’ I said.
Something in my voice stopped her. She looked at me uncertainly. ‘I can tell everyone your name. And that you work for the Organization.’
‘What makes you think Ishmael Jones is my real name?’ I said.
‘Oh, shit!’ said Emily.
And that was when the Major Domo came striding into the room. The escorts scattered to get out of her way as she headed straight for Emily.
‘How could you?’ she said loudly. ‘You have betrayed our trust!’
Emily laughed in her face. ‘Oh please! You don’t pay enough to get away with that. You don’t pay any of your staff enough. That’s how I got in. You’re the traitor, pandering to the enemies of Humanity. Lizard lover!’
Scarlett slapped Emily round the back of her head again.
‘Ow!’ said Emily. ‘Stop doing that!’
The Major Domo blinked at her a few times, then looked at me. ‘Enemies of Humanity? What is she talking about? Is she a Communist?’
‘Worse,’ I said. ‘She’s a conspiracy wonk. Thinks the principals are actually lizards wearing people suits.’
The Major Domo allowed herself one of her brief smiles. ‘Has she seen them eating?’ She turned her back on Emily and gave all her attention to me. ‘My security people have swept the House from top to bottom, and found no trace of a creature anywhere.’
Emily’s ears pricked up at that. She started to say something, and Scarlett slapped her round the back of the head again.
‘I’m a reporter!’ said Emily. ‘I have a right to ask questions!’
‘Somebody get me a ball gag,’ said Scarlett. ‘One of the big ones.’
‘Lock her up somewhere safe,’ I said to the Major Domo. ‘You can let her out when this is all over. She can say what she likes then. The Organization will see to it there’s no evidence left to back her up.’
‘You can’t silence me!’ Emily said stubbornly. ‘I’ll tell the whole world what the Baphomet Group was up to here.’
‘You don’t know what they’re up to,’ I said.
She sneered at me. ‘I bugged their conference room, remember? I have recordings of all their meetings. If you only knew what they’ve been talking about …’
The door banged open again as Christopher Baron strode into the private bar. He walked right up to Emily, produced a gun and shot her in the head. Scarlett jumped back, as half of Emily’s skull was blown away. Several of the escorts cried out, then the whole bar fell silent. The body slid sideways off its bar stool and slumped to the floor. Scarlett looked down at the blood and brains spattered across her smart city suit, and glared at Baron. He shrugged easily and raised an eyebrow at her, and she said nothing. The rest of the escorts stood very still, watching Baron with thoughtful eyes. They weren’t shocked, nothing much could shock them any more, but they were angry at being made witnesses to something that was none of their business.
Baron looked around him, like a hunter facing down a pack of wild animals that might turn on him if he showed any sign of weakness.
‘I trust I don’t need to tell any of you not to talk about anything you might have seen at Coronach House?’ he said. ‘I thought not. Be good little boys and girls, and there will be a nice little cash bonus in your pocket when you leave.’
He waited a moment, and when no one challenged him made his gun disappear about his person. He looked at the Major Domo, and she looked away. He turned to me.
‘You should have called me in earlier, Ishmael.’
‘I was afraid something like this might happen,’ I said.
He smiled. ‘You always were too soft-hearted to make a good agent.’
He knelt down beside Emily’s body and searched her pockets with practised thoroughness, moving the body this way and that with easy confidence. Not bothered in the least by the brains leaking out of the massive hole in her head. He didn’t find anything. He got to his feet again, wiping blood off his hands with a handkerchief.
‘No recordings on her. I suppose it’s always possible she was bluffing. I’ll turn her room over later, just to be on the safe side. Don’t worry about disposing of the body. I’ll have my men dump it in the loch. The waters are very deep, and very dark.’ He grinned at the Major Domo. ‘Give your creature something to play with.’
‘You really are a shit!’ said the Major Domo.
He shrugged easily. ‘Comes with the job.’
‘She was part of my staff,’ said the Major Domo. ‘It’s my responsibility, my duty, to see she’s properly put to rest.’
‘She only pretended to be part of your staff,’ Baron said patiently. ‘And as Head of House Security, it’s my responsibility to clean up the mess. That is what you hired me for. I don’t know why you’re making such a fuss. She had to die. She knew too much and she couldn’t be allowed to talk.’
‘No one would have listened,’ I said.
‘Not your decision to make,’ said Baron.
‘Not yours, either,’ said Penny. ‘One of the principals told you to do this, didn’t they? Which one was it?’
He smiled at her. ‘None of your business.’
‘Time you were leaving, Christopher,’ I said. ‘You’ve done enough damage.’
He looked at me. ‘I don’t take orders from you, Ishmael.’
‘The Organization put me in charge,’ I said. ‘You want to pick a fight with them?’
He was still smiling. ‘You should be asking yourself who put me here.’
I took a step forward. And his gun was suddenly in his hand again, pointing directly at me.
‘You might be fast enough to disarm a bunch of hired goons,’ he said. ‘But do you really think you’re faster than me? You can’t take me, Ishmael. You never could.’
I smiled back at him. ‘I don’t need to.’
Penny clubbed Baron over the back of the head with the base of a brandy bottle. He should never have taken his eyes off her. There was a heavy thud and Baron groaned, sinking to one knee. Penny went to hit him again, but I shook my head. Then took the gun away from him.
‘You never did understand the value of a partner you can trust, Christopher.’
And then everyone’s heads snapped round, as the sound of massed gunfire came from somewhere far off in the House. A whole lot of guns, firing again and again.
‘Now what?’ I said. I gave Baron’s gun to the Major Domo. ‘He’s your Head of Security, make him
secure!’
I raced out of the private bar, heading towards the sound of gunfire, with Penny pounding along at my side.
‘I told you there were too many guns in this house!’ I said.
‘I’m more concerned about who they’re shooting at,’ said Penny.
‘Or at what!’ I said.
FIVE
Dangerous Situations
I charged through the empty reception area, ready to run right over anyone who got in my way. But the place was deserted. I slammed to a halt at the foot of the stairs and stood listening. Penny joined me some moments later, already out of breath, and glared at me; demanding to know why we’d stopped when it sounded like everything short of World War III was breaking out upstairs. I didn’t mention her harsh breathing.
‘Just getting my bearings,’ I said.
‘Can you tell where the gunfire is coming from?’ she said.
‘Somewhere on the top floor.’
‘Where the principals are! Oh, that is not at all good!’
I started up the stairs, with Penny beside me. Running headlong into danger isn’t what I normally recommend; I much prefer sneaking up on it from behind, so I can take it by surprise. But whatever was happening at the top of the House, the sheer amount of massed gunfire suggested death and destruction on an appalling scale. And when there isn’t time to do the sane and sensible thing, all that’s left is to go charging in and meet the danger head on. In the hope that whatever it is will be so surprised it forgets to shoot at you. Or at least hesitates long enough for you to think of something else to do.
It’s planning like this that makes me wonder how I’ve lasted this long.
‘It has to be the security guards,’ I said, thinking out loud. ‘They’re the only ones with enough guns.’
‘But what,’ said Penny, breathing really hard now as she struggled to keep up with me, ‘could be such a threat that they need that kind of firepower to deal with it?’
‘We’ll find out soon enough,’ I said.
‘Make yourself wide,’ growled Penny. ‘So I can use you as a shield.’
We pounded up the stairs and hit the middle-floor landing. Penny had to stop and lean heavily on the banisters, head hanging down as she gasped for breath. I looked at her, and she gestured angrily at the next set of stairs.
‘Go! I’ll catch up!’
I didn’t waste time asking if she was sure. She wouldn’t have said it, if she wasn’t. I bounded up the stairs, two or three at a time, accelerating rapidly now I didn’t have to hold myself back. I reached the top-floor landing and looked quickly around. The roar of massed gunfire was definitely coming from the principals’ private rooms. But it couldn’t be the creature, it just couldn’t. There was no way it could have sneaked back into the House, with all the doors and windows locked and guarded. And yet what else could justify this kind of armed response? The thoughts flashed through my mind in a moment, then I was off and running again.
I rounded a corner at speed and came straight into the long corridor that held the principals’ rooms. A group of security guards had their backs to me, firing furiously down the corridor at another group of security men, who were firing back just as furiously from the far end. The guards were sheltering in the open doorways of the principals’ rooms, leaning out just long enough to aim and fire, then darting back in. Bullets tore up and down the corridor, creating a deadly no-man’s land, punching holes in the corridor walls and chewing up the woodwork around the open doors. But for all the endless sound and fury, it didn’t seem as though anyone had been killed yet or even seriously wounded.
I really wasn’t impressed by the abilities of the security men at Coronach House.
I yelled for everyone to stop firing. The nearest guards immediately spun round and opened fire on me. I threw myself back round the corner, and bullets whined through the air where I’d been standing just a moment before. They slammed into the corner of the wall again and again, sending puffs of pulverized stone and splintered wood flying through the air. The guards kept on firing, even after I was out of sight.
‘This is Ishmael Jones!’ I shouted. ‘The Organization put me in charge here! All of you, stop firing and lower your weapons!’
If anything, the shooting in my direction actually intensified. I crouched down as heavy gunfire whittled away at the corner, and gave the matter some careful thought. Something particularly dramatic must have happened up here to drive all reason and discipline out of the guards’ minds, but I hadn’t seen anything to suggest what. I was still considering my options when Penny came staggering down the corridor to join me. Her face was flushed and wet with sweat and her breathing ragged from her exertions, but she was still determined to see what was happening. She went to look round the corner, and I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her down beside me. Just a glimpse of her face at the corner was enough to attract even more gunfire. The corner of the wall was starting to look really damaged now and was shuddering under the repeated impacts. Penny and I huddled together, keeping our heads well down.
‘What the hell is going on here?’ said Penny, once she’d got some of her breath back. She sounded more outraged than anything else. ‘Who’s firing at us?’
I explained the situation as best I could, and Penny stared at me.
‘That’s it? No creature, no assassin! They’re all just firing at each other? Dear Lord, spare me from the curse of testosterone. What started all this?’
‘I doubt any of it was their idea,’ I said. ‘This whole situation smells of standard operating procedure for a lone agent in the field. When up against a much larger force, trick them into turning on each other. Of course, once you get them started it can be very difficult to make them stop.’
‘We could just wait here until they run out of ammunition,’ said Penny. ‘At the rate they’re using it up, that shouldn’t be long.’
‘But a lot of people could die before that happens,’ I said. ‘These guards out there might be bone-headed overreacting arseholes of the first order, but they are still some of the people we were sent here to protect.’
‘You get attacks of conscience at the strangest times, Ishmael!’ Penny said.
The bullets stopped slamming into the wall. The guards had decided we were no longer an imminent threat, and had gone back to trying to kill each other.
‘I could just very briefly stick my head round the corner and check what’s going on,’ said Penny.
‘No you couldn’t,’ I said. ‘First, we already know what’s happening. And secondly, someone might be waiting for you to do just that.’
‘We have to do something!’ said Penny.
‘I have a plan,’ I said. ‘But you’re really not going to like it.’
She looked at me narrowly. ‘Try me.’
‘The only way to stop this madness,’ I said carefully, ‘is to physically stop the guards from shooting.’
‘And how do we do that?’ said Penny.
‘We don’t,’ I said. ‘I do. I go out into the corridor and disarm the guards. Suddenly and violently, and with extreme dexterity.’
Penny grabbed my arm, hard. ‘No, Ishmael! You’ll be killed!’
‘Not if I’m quick,’ I said. ‘Not if I’m really quick.’
I gave her my most reassuring and confident grin, until she reluctantly let go of my arm. I stood up and breathed deeply, saturating my system with oxygen. I backed away from the corner, and shot one last glance at Penny. She didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t say anything. She had faith in me.
I charged around the corner and hit the guards at a dead run. Some of them heard me coming and were already turning their guns. But I was in and among them before they knew what was happening. They held back briefly for fear of hitting each other. That moment’s hesitation was all I needed.
I grabbed men out of doorways and threw them across the corridor, slamming them into the opposite wall hard enough to knock them silly. I was already moving on before the first few hit th
e floor, throwing armed guards around like they weighed nothing, slapping guns out of their grasp, clubbing men down with my bare hands. Being very careful only to use necessary levels of force. Mad as I was at the guards, I didn’t want to kill any of them just because they’d been tricked into doing something stupid.
The guards at the far end of the corridor were still firing, concentrating their aim on the guards who were still firing at them.
But soon enough those at my end of the corridor were either lying groaning on the floor or sitting propped against a wall, wondering what hit them. And the guards at the far end of the corridor started firing at me, as the only thing still moving. I ducked into the nearest open doorway, while bullets slammed into the doorframe all around me. For supposedly well-trained professional bodyguards, they really were rotten shots.
But of course it’s not often they’d come up against someone like me. Because there is no one else like me, as far as I know.
I looked round the room. December was sitting on his bed, wearing nothing but an old-fashioned dressing gown and fluffy slippers. He stared at me coldly, seeming almost as annoyed as I was about what was going on. I nodded briskly to him and raised a hand to forestall any questions, then looked round sharply as the firing stopped. I waited a moment, before peering cautiously out the door. It was always possible that sanity had broken out, but I wasn’t ready to risk my life on it.
No one shot at me. Somewhat heartened, I took a deep breath and stepped confidently out into the corridor; doing my best to look like it had never even occurred to me that I might be in danger, while still being ready at a moment’s notice to duck and dodge like a man possessed. The guards at the far end of the corridor covered me with their guns. I struck a casual but commanding pose.
‘I am Ishmael Jones!’ I said loudly. ‘First, take a look at what I’ve already done and consider what I might do next. Second, I represent the Organization, who will be very upset with anyone who tries to kill me.’
Very Important Corpses Page 13
