by Eliza Master
Concentration evaded Renata. The computer screen had gone into saver mode. She lined up her pen and stapler parallel to the front edge of the desk’s rectangle. Her thoughts traveled to her homespun cottage in the Brazilian mountains, the secret place she shared with Miguel. Renata poured out a pile of paperclips and moved them into a flat spiral pattern. On her last visit to Brazil, she had seen an emerald hummingbird hovering by her shoulder, the flap of its wings creating an almost imperceptible buzzing. The cottage would be flooded with cool sunlight now, she thought. Its simple luxury beckoned. She leaned back into her office chair and let out a deep sigh, longing to return to such a paradise.
Wrenching herself back to the present, Renata began reviewing the last batch of yohimbe farm files before sending them off to Fitzer, who would take the project forward. The thought of Fitzer Pharmaceuticals still left a bad taste in Renata’s mouth. But she had made peace with the idea that they were buying the yohimbe farm from Agri-Gen and would run it internally. Renata had been asked to give them her most recent analysis and turn over the whole project as soon as possible.
She sank into the yield report, feeling proud that the product had responded so well even after the fire that had burnt many small tree starts.
Her phone beeped.
Office meeting in conference room 11:30.
It had been sent to the whole department from Erik. Renata was tempted to sneak over to check in privately with Erik beforehand, as they had done many times before. It sure made lunches more exciting. Suddenly her stomach lurched and washed out her sex drive. Pregnancy was no fun. Renata decided to stay put. Having her relationship with Erik out in the open had changed it somehow. Erik was getting divorced, and that was good, but that was his life, not hers. She felt depressed and not at all horny. She focused on finishing up with Fitzer file and sending it over today.
3
The Gray Powder
In the break room, Katrina poured a steaming cup of coffee for her boss. Katrina’s face heated when she thought of how Renata had took weeks to even learn her name; she seemed to think she was smarter and prettier than everyone. Recently she had been kinder, but it was too late—the pecking order was already set. Katrina stirred in the gray powder, as she’d been directed by Gayle Anderson.
Ms. Anderson was to be Renata’s new superior, but that news was still a secret. Gayle would be the most powerful person at Agri-Gen, and Katrina felt privileged to be acknowledged by the soon-to-be CEO of the San Francisco office. Obviously she had noticed Katrina’s potential; maybe she would be promoted from office assistant soon. She might ask Gayle about that the next time she saw her.
“Good morning. Here’s your coffee,” Katrina said as she entered the office, her wide feet compressing the carpet in platypus prints. “Anything else I can help you with?”
“Thanks,” Renata replied. Lately the coffee had tasted weird, even though she craved it. She figured it was the pregnancy. Everything is different when your hormones are controlling you, thought Renata. She noticed Katrina had changed, too. Had she lost weight, or was it just that her black blouse set off her pasty complexion, even if it was a bit vampish?
Renata had liked Katrina initially because she was different from the other Barbie dolls Agri-Gen normally hired. She was not tall or pretty. Unfortunately, she hadn’t turned out to be smart, either. Perhaps Katrina was trying to change herself, mused Renata. She had been overly attentive lately, it seemed. Renata knew from experience that persistence and determination were the main ingredients for success.
Katrina had told Renata she was volunteering for Truce, a non-profit organization for seed preservation. Adam’s parents, Jeff and Joan, founded Truce after his suicide in the Guatemalan fire. They had started the fund as a memorial, refusing to let the memory and legacy of their son fade. Adam had been a seed preservation advocate, and he’d told Renata he hoped to start a seed bank one day. She shared his view that biodiversity on the planet was in danger. Truce’s mission was to preserve and re-plant renewable seeds that enriched the soil naturally.
Adam’s parents had showered attention on Renata without her even noticing, thought Katrina. She knew Gayle would never tell her where she was getting the special gray powder, but Katrina had a hunch it was coming from Truce. Since Jeff was a scientist and had plenty of money, he could be making it from rare seeds. Katrina figured she’d volunteer and do a little spying. Maybe even buy some, if it wasn’t too expensive. After all, it must be something special. But so far the only job she’d done was to make copies for them; the volunteer thing was getting annoying.
Renata had been surprised to find that Katrina even knew about Truce. But volunteering for a good cause would certainly help her with self-improvement, thought Renata generously. She was glad for Katrina and glad that she wasn’t expected to be a part of the girl’s self-development.
Jeff and Joan had met Renata many times in the office to bounce around ideas for the organization. They must have thought she was Adam’s girlfriend, and she didn’t correct them. Renata guessed that was how Katrina had begun volunteering for them.
Renata was flattered when Jeff had asked to name a Truce scholarship after her. He’d rolled forward in his wheelchair and gently taken her hand as he told her. Of course that could have been Joan’s idea. It was clear the woman was suffering from the death of her only child and the reality that she would never be a mother-in-law or a grandparent. Renata remembered Adam, his earnest and true sweetness. He had been honest and vulnerable with her. Could the baby be his? Her chest contracted as she remembered that he was HIV positive, and wondered if that could be transferred in pregnancy even though she had tested negative. She would Google it later.
“Do you know what the meeting is about?” Renata shot the words at Katrina as the girl was leaving the office.
“Um, no,” Katrina lied, but she saw that Renata wasn’t listening anyhow, her mind having already drifted away from the office and her question. She was thinking about Adam and their hook-up in Guatemala City, how he had held the penknife to her clit.
“I don’t know what the meeting is about,” Katrina said boldly. Why is she talking so loud? wondered Renata. It didn’t really matter, so she ignored it.
Renata returned to her reports, quickly checking over everything. She reminisced about Darwin and his mother. They had felt more like family then a work connection. Renata would miss them. She wouldn’t be working with Darwin anymore, but she could always stop in Guatemala, maybe on her way down to Brazil.
Finally Renata clicked the send button for the rest of the files to officially transfer the Agri-Gen project to its new owner. It was a multi-million-dollar deal. Even though she didn’t own the project, she felt proud that the farm had flourished under her management. It would only be a few more years until the yohimbe matured; then Fitzer would have a renewable source for the female Viagra-like compound they wanted to manufacture.
Renata ran her fingers down her svelte hipline. The pregnancy was making her beautiful, like a blooming flower. She thought about how hard it had been to be a foster child and marveled at her progress. Her clean executive suite felt like a palace.
People were shuffling past her office. It was 11:35. Renata glided down the hall, her stomach upset again. She hoped it wasn’t the coffee. It gave her the energy she needed, and she didn’t want to give it up.
4
Chicago
Katrina slipped on a pair of latex gloves from under the sink in the break room. She hoped her nails wouldn’t pierce the fingertips. It was good no one else was there. Gayle had instructed her on how to handle Renata’s coffee cup. Carefully, Katrina secured the cup in a zip-lock bag. She had waited for her boss to leave her office all morning, and now she stealthily snuck back in for the empty mug.
Padding across the immaculate carpet, Katrina pretended she was cleaning up Renata’s coffee, like a normal office assistant might. Outside the hall was quiet; everyone had gone to the meeting. Anyway, Katrina was as
natural here as Renata, she thought. In a way it was her office, too.
The crinkling of the baggie sounded loud as Katrina slipped it into her tote. She threw in the plastic gloves too. Then Katrina walked out of the break room just like it was any other day, her heart racing. She felt like she was a movie star, proud to be the deliverer of this important material. The mug was for Gayle Anderson, then to be sent onward to a lab somewhere to find out something about Renata’s precious proteins—exactly what, Katrina didn’t know.
Why Renata was so special was another mystery to Katrina. She made heads turn, though; Katrina saw the men in the office slow when passing her door. They gazed at it as if hypnotized.
The conference room was full, so Renata stood by the door, in case she needed to empty her stomach in the ladies’ room. The table was covered with lunch food, which added to her nausea. People were chatting away; it sounded like pigeons in a public park. Renata hadn’t befriended anyone else on staff, so she kept to herself.
“Good morning,” said a blond guy in a pink button-up, as if he knew her. He opened a bag of chips from the table. Renata pressed into the wall. Which one was he? Renata felt guilty that she hadn’t taken the time to really know anyone here. She should learn his name later or at least greet him.
“Good morning,” Renata replied professionally. The man smiled back vacantly, but Renata’s attention was focused on other things. She watched Erik, who was rising from his chair in the front of the room.
“Hi, everybody, thanks for coming. For those of you that don’t already know, I will be transferring to Agri-Gen’s Chicago office for a year, and Gayle Anderson will be taking my place here at the end of the month.” Erik made the announcement elegantly. His eyes roamed about the room, finally honing in on Renata.
That’s only two weeks away! And he hadn’t talked about their future at all. Of course she cared about him—maybe even loved him—but she still wanted him to court her and make the big moves despite her aggressive side in the bedroom. And the pregnancy made everything much more complicated.
Erik sat down, and Gayle stood, to meager, unenthusiastic applause. She was a large woman and wore a blue pantsuit with gold buttons. Her figure reminded Renata of a walrus.
All eyes turned to Gayle as she started her speech. “I look forward to meeting you all individually soon, and feel free to send me an email or knock on my door anytime. But first, let me tell you a little about myself; I’m from LA and have worked as an agricultural project consultant for over eleven years. I got my Ph.D. in Bioinformatics at Berkeley, and have done extensive research in the fields of…”
Renata stopped listening, and instead stared at the carpet, her mind traveling elsewhere. What was going to become of her and Erik? Was the baby his? What were a father’s legal rights? And how long until everyone would see her belly growing? Renata’s heart rate shot up.
The speech ended, and the room began to clear. Erik was headed her way, but following him was the penetrating gaze of the new boss, Gayle Anderson.
Erik touched her hand since their affair was no longer a secret. “Dinner?” he asked, not worried about anyone hearing. His blue eyes caressed Renata’s face.
“Sorry, I can’t,” she replied. Actually, Renata was free, but she declined nonetheless. Why did I turn him down? She really had to pull together and figure out if she should tell Erik about the baby.
“Okay. Tomorrow then?” he persisted, looking a bit hurt.
“Sure.” Renata gave Erik her best smile. She did really love him.
Erik’s face lit up. “I’ll make reservations!”
Behind him, Gayle was watching Erik and Renata unabashedly. She joined them right after Renata had accepted Erik’s invitation.
“Oh, and this is Gayle.” Erik stepped out of the way, and Gayle firmly shook Renata’s hand. Her fingers were cold even though the office was warm.
5
The Limo
Renata wriggled out of her Cleopatra dress. The Kevlar was unforgiving over her budding pregnancy. She hung it back in the closet and pulled out another favorite. Erik had loved this dress on her before, she remembered. And he had loved taking it off too. Renata rubbed her belly lovingly under the ebony fitted fabric. Her slender waist was rounder than it had been, but it wasn’t a noticeable change yet. Accenting Renata’s curves, the dress hung tight, with a deep V showing off her cleavage. Renata combed her thick locks while appraising her appearance in the mirror. Those black velvet pumps were a perfect match. Her skin was glowing. Renata blew a kiss to the sexy woman looking back at her.
She was running late; Erik was picking her up in five minutes. Renata put on mascara and ruby red lipstick in the same shade as worn by Dmitri’s shibari ladies. She was just grabbing her purse when Erik buzzed.
“I’ll be right there,” Renata called through the intercom. Erik had become a lot more prompt lately. Renata liked that she could rely on him but now she worried about him moving away. She hoped she wouldn’t get all stretched out, afraid that she would no longer be physically appealing. Was it true that pregnancy killed passion and dampened your sex drive? Why was everything so complicated?
Erik stood at the open door of a black limo in front of the apartment building. He wore a tux and looked like a prince in it, and Renata paused a moment to admire him. This was going to be a special night, she thought. It had been a few weeks at least since they had been out. How had time slipped by so quickly without her noticing?
Renata forgot about her pregnancy as she sank into the back seat with the handsome stud.
“Hi, gorgeous,” said Erik, planting a warm kiss on her lips. He tasted like pine and mint, pleasing Renata as his tongue explored her mouth. The soft leather of the bench was sticking to the back of her thighs, despite the air conditioning.
Gravity pressed Renata into the plush seatback as the limo traveled up a sharp incline. She put her hand on Erik’s chest and slipped it under his lapel. It was hard for her to resist a well-dressed man, and she wasn’t feeling patient. A rush went up her body. She was grateful that her sex drive had reawakened. She rubbed Erik’s chest through his dress shirt. Then she caressed him downward and landed on his belt, letting her hand anchor there. Erik held her hip in anticipation. The dress was so thin under his palm that Renata felt naked.
Out the window, the view of San Francisco was breathtaking. Erik wiggled his finger into the bend of her bikini line. Abruptly he pulled away. “Can I pour you something?” He returned to his ingrained manners. The limo had a full bar of mini airplane-sized bottles, all sparkling and organized. There was a white plate covered with fresh lemon and lime slices. A gin and tonic sounded lovely, but just as she was about to say yes, she remembered she was pregnant.
“Just lemon and ice water for now, thanks.”
“Okay.” Erik was surprised, but didn’t ask any questions. He prepared her citrus water and opened a beer for himself. Renata drank her water quietly, until the glass was empty. Erik took her glass and placed it back in the holder.
“I’m going to miss you,” he said, as he put a hand up under her dress. The car lurched to a sudden stop at the bottom of a steep hill, causing Erik’s hand to accidentally drive into Renata’s womb.
“Ow!” she exclaimed. Erik’s hand had hit against a hard place inside her that she had not felt before. It felt like a big stone. Erik’s inadvertent thrust had surprised rather than hurt her, but still she felt protective.
“Oh, sorry. Are you okay? ”asked Erik. He was clueless about Renata’s situation but genuinely concerned.
“Excuse me, is everything okay?” came a voice from the front seat, reminding the passengers that they were not alone. Had the driver been spying on them? The thought made Renata excited; so excited she forgot about Erik’s jab.
“No problem, sir. Everything’s fine. If you don’t mind…” Erik pushed the button to close the screen between the driver and the traveling compartment.
The limo reminded Renata of a luxury hotel room. S
he looked around; the benches were long and wide, with plenty of room to stretch out. Erik pushed another button, and tinted screens rose up along the windows. How had she forgotten the velvet neck cord Erik had gifted her? She hoped he wouldn’t ask for it. Or did he have a spare with him?
He laid Renata down carefully, without mentioning the cord. Reaching under her dress, he lowered her pantyhose. Erik paused to take a look at the lacy thong that fit Renata perfectly. Then he lowered that too. An unbidden gasp escaped from Renata’s mouth as he kissed her clit. Renata tried to stifle her moans for the benefit of the driver. Without asking, Erik slipped on a condom and thrust himself inside her. Renata forgot about the driver completely. She wrapped her legs around Erik and squeezed him as hard as she could as he kissed her deeply. Renata swallowed him, getting wetter.
The car was climbing another hill. Renata didn’t know where it was going, and she didn’t care. Erik nibbled her lips and pulled her dress down, finding her nipple. It hardened in response to his tickling. Taking a deep breath, Erik paced himself politely. He watched Renata without breaking his rhythm as she filled to flood and burst with a cry. Right away Erik threw his head back and went at her harder and stronger. Her orgasm had triggered his, and he roared once loudly.
