Beth lay in bed and wondered if her new relationship with Toby would last long when he realised she was totally awkward around his friends. But it was nice to dream; she smiled at the ceiling imagining herself and Toby walking down the school halls hand in hand. People might actually start to talk to her, to notice her.
Uh oh! She didn’t want to be noticed! She began to hyperventilate just thinking about being the centre of attention as Toby’s girlfriend.
Calm down, she told herself. It’s never going to happen anyway. Just enjoy the novelty of having a boyfriend for a bit. At least now I can say I’ve had one. Plus he’s gorgeous, and Wendy is impressed. I actually kissed a boy and it was nice.
She began to smile again, feeling like a normal girl: the sort of girl who could have a boyfriend, rather than the weird girl who hid behind her hair and in the library.
AS BETH SAT DOWN FOR lunch on Monday all she could think of was how incredibly awesome Toby was. He’d been waiting for her after breakfast and had walked her to her first class. He’d made it clear to everyone they met that she was with him, and her social status had reached a high never imagined. People she had never spoken to before were talking to her like she was normal. She wondered if maybe she was normal. After all, she didn’t have to hide in the library, she had just chosen to because she was scared of the noise and the crowds and of any comments she might attract. But with Toby by her side she had been able to face the crowds, if not calmly then at least with the appearance of calm. And they didn’t go near any of the “mean girls”; none of them were in his friendship group.
Beth suddenly realised that the school wasn’t split into “popular kids” and “unpopular kids” at all. Instead it was just lots of groups of friends who gravitated towards each other and made up their own social circles, and Toby’s friends seemed to have no clique at all. They were just a bunch of people. Mainly from West Tower, but some from other schoolhouses as well. Admittedly his male friends did seem to talk about sport a lot, but the girls were just nice girls, nothing more. The whole morning had been a bit of a pleasant blur of classes and chatter, in which she had been included as if she always had been. No one had given her strange looks or treated her like she was special or like she was a nobody; they simply spoke to her like she was a regular girl.
Beth sat at the North Tower table for lunch and waited for Wendy. Toby waved her over to join him at the West Tower table but she shook her head. So he came and sat at hers. Then Bryn came over, and then Kelly. Joey looked around the room with his lunch tray and seemed confused by the two different tables his friends were at and then made his way over to the North Tower one.
“This is nice,” he said sitting down, “more natural light over here.”
“Yes.” Wendy’s voice sounded half irritated and half amused from behind him. “At least there was until all you burly boys blocked it out.” She gave Bryn an elbow in the ribs to make him budge over and then glared at them all as if daring them to say she wasn’t welcome.
No one did dare. They did look mildly surprised at the goth girl choosing to sit down among them, not realising it had always been where she’d sat. But then they carried on their conversations.
“Sorry,” Beth whispered. “I was seated here as usual and then Toby came over and half his friends came too.”
Wendy rolled her eyes. “Because they’re sheep, they just play follow the leader. Still, I’m not complaining – this one smells rather good.” Wendy gave Joey a comedy sniff, and he couldn’t help flexing his muscles back at her in response.
Then Kelly asked Wendy where she’d bought her “totally rocking” boots, and Beth smiled at Kelly gratefully, as Wendy couldn’t resist getting drawn into a conversation about them. Her massive range of boots and shoes was one of Wendy’s only weaknesses to fashion.
Beth felt his eyes on her before she spotted Matt. He was standing with his lunch tray looking over at them all just as Joey had. Beth made a move to beckon him to join them but before he could respond, Marianne appeared by his side and firmly guided him to the East Tower table. He gave Beth a half shrug of apology and went to sit with Marianne at his own house table.
Beth felt unaccountably depressed – like the bubble she had been in all day had just burst. Toby had an arm slung around the back of her chair, and Beth felt ashamed of herself as she leaned into him for some comfort.
Later that afternoon Beth went to her Special Education class to discover that Miss Grant was away sick and that a supply teacher had taken her place.
Beth recognised the girl as the resident Teaching Assistant, who was just as shy as half the people in the Special Ed. Class.
“Um, what do you normally do in this lesson?” The poor girl asked the students.
Matt put his hand up. “We just talk in pairs or groups about the books in the box at the back.” He looked around the room for anyone to add to that, but no one spoke up or contradicted him.
The Teaching Assistant nodded, looking relieved. “Great, carry on and do that then.”
Matt raised his eyebrows in a silent question to Beth, and she nodded, knowing that he was asking if she wanted to pair up. They collected a couple of books and then went back to the desks by the window where she normally sat.
Whether it was by silent agreement or just because it was too awkward, but neither of them mentioned Toby or Marianne or even football at all. Instead Beth told Matt all about Compass Court, the history of the school and some events that happened during the year, like the Year Twelve play and the Upper School dance.
Matt, in return, told her stories about one of the pupils at his old school, who had, one night, created tar footprints going from various statues around the school into the restrooms and then back to their plinths again.
They were soon relaxed and giggling together, and Beth felt very content just to be in Matt’s company. She still felt a little breathless every time he ran his fingers through his gorgeous hair, but at least they could now spend time in each other’s company without her doing an impression of a guppy fish.
When the Teaching Assistant came around they pretended to be looking at the books, and Beth took the opportunity to analyse her feelings. She was surprised to find that her overriding emotion was not fear but happiness. She suddenly wanted to hold on to the moment for as long as possible, as she literally couldn’t remember the last time she had felt that relaxed and happy.
She just wanted to stay in the bubble of this class with Matt forever.
It was only after she got back to her dorm room that Beth realised she had never even mentioned her date with Toby to Matt. She felt almost guilty that she had kissed Toby. It somehow felt unfaithful to her feelings for Matt, and she felt confused and conflicted.
How was it possible to suddenly like two boys?
Chapter Sixteen
BETH GOT A REAL BUZZ when she turned up to football practice on Wednesday evening and Toby jogged over to meet her and planted a smacker right on her lips.
“I’ve got news,” he told her.
“Oh, what?” Beth instantly assumed it was something bad.
“Don’t look like that, it’s not that dreadful – well, maybe you’ll think it is, but I hope not. The thing is that Emma sprained her ankle last night. She was sneaking out of bed to meet Bryn and tripped down the stairs.”
“Oh, that’s awful.” Beth hoped Emma wasn’t in too much pain.
“Yes, but it means you can’t just be reserve any more. I need you on the team.”
Beth faltered as they walked towards the others. “I’m not sure, Toby, I don’t know if I can do it.”
Toby put his arms around her. “Look at me, Beth. Now, repeat after me: I love football, I’m good at it, I’m going to play it.”
“I love football, I’m good at it, I’m going to play it,” Beth dutifully repeated.
“And we’re going to win,” he said with a smile.
“And we’re going to win.” Her voice felt stronger.
“A
nd then I’m going to show my boyfriend a good time.”
“Toby!” She slapped his arm.
“What?” he said innocently, “I didn’t mean anything rude.” He gave her a wicked grin.
“Oh yeah? What did you mean exactly?”
“Uh, we could have a good time going bowling?” Laughter danced in his eyes.
She grinned back at him. “You’re going to be a handful, aren’t you?”
“Beth!” He faked a shocked look, and she cringed when she realised her unintended double entendre.
“You’re so sweet.” He pulled her closer and kissed her properly.
“Get a room!” one of the boys shouted, and Beth quickly pulled away, her face flaming with embarrassment, having completely forgotten that they had an audience.
She caught sight of Matt, and her stomach dipped at what he must have seen, but he didn’t seem interested; instead he was just doing warm-up stretches and looking the other way.
Beth steeled herself not to be bothered and turned her focus back to Toby. He really was cute, and the attention really was doing wonders for her social development. Thanks to Toby, and the arm he had around her, Beth felt able to face the rest of the team with only a slight blush. She’d come a long way in a short time.
Toby caught her look of gratitude and dropped another kiss on the tip of her nose before letting go of her to start the training session.
It wasn’t until she was walking back to her school house again that it occurred to her that she and Matt hadn’t even exchanged one word directly to each other. The thought saddened her. They had felt so close in class on Monday, but somehow outside of that room things weren’t the same. Plus there was Toby and Marianne in between them too.
At Friday’s practice she went out of her way to try to talk to him, but she got steamrollered away from him in no uncertain terms by Marianne. Every time she approached Matt, Marianne would pop up and draw Matt in the opposite direction to discuss something or nothing. Beth felt quite frustrated by it, but Toby was doing a good job of distracting her too. He kept whispering funny comments in her ear whenever he went past her, and even picked her up for a hug when she fell on her behind after kicking the ball too hard. He was always there, not far from her side, and Beth really did appreciate it, even though it meant it was near impossible to talk to Matt.
But Beth knew she needed to have a talk with Matt. She needed to resolve her feelings about him. She had no idea why she felt so strongly about him, there was of course the fact that she found him incredibly attractive, but it was more, something that just felt right about being with him, something about him that had changed her almost as much as Toby was managing to do. She couldn’t explain it, but she knew it all started with Matt.
Chapter Seventeen
IN CLASS ON MONDAY, Matt didn’t come and sit by her. He stayed at his old desk near the door. The Teaching Assistant had her nose in a book and had given up even monitoring them, so Beth knew she would have to be the one to make the move.
Beth counted the steps over to Matt and then forced herself to take them one at a time until she reached him.
“Eight, nine, ten,” she muttered under her breath, then “Hi,” in what she hoped was a normal voice.
Matt gave her a friendly smile, but she was sure it lacked some of its previous warmth.
“Hi, Beth.”
She perched on the edge of the desk next to him, “We didn’t really get a chance to talk at football at all this week.” She hoped to convey that she really had wanted to.
“No. I meant to say how glad I was that Emma sprained her ankle,” Matt broke off. “Jeez, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean that, I just meant for you... I was glad for you that you’re on the team now.”
Beth laughed; it was just so nice to see someone else mess up and get embarrassed when it was nearly always her.
“Thank you, Matt.” She attempted to keep a straight face because he looked so mortified. “It’s a little scary but very cool to be a real part of the team. Everyone has been really nice... so far.”
She thought she was doing quite well at holding up a conversation, but things still seemed strained; they had lost the easy flow they had achieved the week before.
“So you and Toby are going out now?” Matt said, and Beth sensed the distance in his words. She wondered if he didn’t like Toby, but couldn’t think why he wouldn’t.
“Yes.” She felt defensive somehow. “And you and Marianne?” She finally managed to get out the words she had been meaning to ask him for weeks.
“Uh, yeah, I guess. We went for an ice cream in Oakworth on Friday after training.”
“Oh.” Beth was trying to work out what that meant – had they been together for ages or just started? She sighed, not that it mattered either way. The truth was out there now: they were both seeing other people.
“Well, great.” Matt’s voice held a slight edge. “So we’re one big happy team.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Beth asked, wondering why he sounded like he didn’t think it was.
Matt sighed. “I suppose so. It’s nice that I know you all now and have a group of friends at Compass Court. And it will be great when we play our first game next weekend. Come on, let’s get some books to pretend to be reading.”
He took her hand to pull her through the desks to the box at the back of the room, and Beth felt the same attraction that she previously had whenever he touched her. Then she felt bereft when he dropped her hand to pass her a book.
This was so not good. When was she going to stop wanting Matt to hold her and just be content with Toby? Toby was good for her. Toby understood her and helped her. He was her real-life boyfriend, and she was darned lucky to have him.
Beth flicked through her book and watched Matt from beneath lowered lashes. All of her feelings for Toby didn’t stop her wanting to reach out and make contact with Matt again.
They stuck to safe subjects again after that, but Beth felt like their eyes kept connecting and holding a fraction too long. She hoped he couldn’t see the longing in hers. But they were both now dating other people. How long was it going to take to move on from her feelings for him? And what if it was actually love?
Chapter Eighteen
TOBY FALCON’S FORM tutor tapped her pen against her teeth. “There’s no way around this Toby, you’re going to fail Mathematics if you continue with the subject, you just aren’t at the required level.”
Toby nodded in agreement, “It’s harder than I thought it would be, I hate it.”
“Then you need to choose another course, Toby, and quickly. You won’t get the place to study Sports Science at Birmingham unless you get four A-levels. So far we’ve got Physical Education, Biology and Chemistry, which you’re keeping up with, but you need to switch Mathematics for something you can pass. Did you have any other subjects in mind?”
Toby tried not to grind his teeth. “Look, Miss Chumworth, I’m not really an academic, that’s why I want to do Sports Science! I’m good at sport. I already struggle with biology and chemistry, but I know I need them on my application. So what do you suggest I do?”
“Hmm, well, Psychology might be a useful subject... But it’s also a very difficult course to pass. There are a lot of theory-driven exams, and it requires extensive reading and research.”
Toby shook his head. “That’s a no then.”
“I’ve got it.” Miss Chumworth pointed her pen triumphantly. “Home Economics.”
“You’re kidding. Cooking and sewing and all that girl stuff? No chance.”
“It’s not all cooking and sewing. Also you don’t have to take every module; you could skip the sewing I suppose. But just think, you could use it to combine the study of nutrition with sports! Nutrition will be a huge part of the university course and you would have a head start; who else would think to do that? And there are other elements, like finance, where you do the costing of dishes and that kind of thing. That would also be useful for your degree.”
Miss Chumworth played her ace card. “It’s up to you of course, but do bear in mind that no one has ever failed Home Ec. It would be a guaranteed A-level.”
PAIGE FINCHLEY HUMMED happily to herself as she tied her apron. Home Ec. was by far her favourite lesson, the kitchen classroom was one of the few places where she felt truly at ease. She began to arrange her books ready for the lesson ahead, and pulled out her high stool to sit at, when the classroom door opened and a boy slunk in. That shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was, but the truth was that there simply were no boys in the class. They were already into the second term of the school year and she’d never seen him there before. She might even have thought he had the wrong class, but the fact that he had his hands stuffed in his pockets as he gave the room a scowling sweep, told her that he was indeed in the right place, and none too happy about it.
Mrs Meadows looked up from her desk at the front of the room. “Hello, you must be Toby. You’ll find an apron in the cupboard over there if you don’t have one of your own, and then why don’t you take the workstation next to Paige. That one.” She pointed as he looked around blankly.
The boy’s face registered near pain as he picked out an apron. None of them were subtly coloured, some were even covered in floral prints, but eventually he settled on a red and white stripe and brought it to the workstation indicated.
“Hi.” Paige gave him an encouraging smile.
He gave her a withering glance in return and hunched his shoulders as though hoping to sink through the floor.
Mrs Meadows stood up and clapped her hands. “Okay, girls, uh, I mean pupils,” she hastily corrected with a look at Toby, “as a treat today I thought we’d start with a Victoria sponge. After all,” she wagged her finger at them jokingly, “it’s very easy to get it wrong! You’ll find all the ingredients you need in the store cupboard.”
Boy Girl Games Page 7
