“I really like you, Angelica,” he said, putting an arm around her. He pulled her closer.
She scooted away. “Look, Buck, I can’t...I don’t think I can go out with you. You’ve had too much to drink.”
“One drink!” He sounded irritated.
Angelica stood and backed away. Couldn’t something, just once, be easy? “Sorry, friend, but I can’t get in the truck with you. And you shouldn’t be driving, either.”
There was a sound of booted feet, and then Troy was beside her. “She’s right, Buck.”
“What you doing here, Hinton?”
“I live here, as you very well know.”
“Well, I’m taking this little lady out for a meal, once—”
“You’re not going anywhere except home. As soon as your sister gets here to pick you up.”
“Oh man, you didn’t call Lacey!” Buck staggered to his feet, his hand going to his pocket. He pulled out truck keys. “This has been a bust.”
Angelica glanced at Troy, willing him to let her handle it. She had plenty of experience with drunk people, starting with her own parents. “Can I see the car keys a minute?”
He held them out, hope lighting up his face. “You gonna come after all? I’ll let you drive.”
She took the keys. “I’m not going, and sorry, but you’re not fit to drive yourself, either.”
He lunged to get them back and Troy stuck out a crutch to trip him. “You’re not welcome on this property until you’re sober.”
Angelica kept backing off while, in the distance, a Jeep made clouds on the dusty road. That must be Buck’s sister.
So she could go home now. Back inside. Face Xavier and tell him the date was off.
Except she couldn’t, because tears were filling her eyes and blurring her vision. She blinked hard and backed up as far as the porch steps while Troy greeted the woman who’d squealed up in the Jeep.
The woman pushed past Troy, poked a finger in Buck’s chest and proceeded to chew him out. Then she and Troy helped him into the passenger seat. They stood beside the Jeep for a minute, talking.
When Angelica turned away, she realized that Xavier could see her here if he looked out the window. Hopefully he was too deep into fort-building to notice, but she wasn’t ready to see him and she couldn’t take the risk. She headed out to the kennels at a jog. Grabbed one of the pit bulls she’d been working with, a black-and-white beauty named Sheena, attached a leash to her and started walking down the field road as unwanted, annoying tears came faster and faster.
She sank to her knees beside a wooden fence post, willing the tears to stop, hugging the dog that licked her cheek with canine concern.
“Get yourself together, girlie. Nobody said life’s a tea party.”
Gramps’ words, harsh but kindly meant, had guided her through the storms of adolescence and often echoed in her mind.
Today, for some reason, they didn’t help. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to pray, but the tears kept coming.
After long moments, one of the verses she’d memorized during Xavier’s treatment came into her mind.
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Slowly, peace, or at least resignation, started to return. But every time she thought about Xavier and how disappointed he’d be, the tears overflowed again.
A hand gripped her shoulder, making her start violently. “You that upset about Buck?” Troy asked.
She shook her head, fighting for control. It wasn’t about Buck, not really. He was a small disappointment in the midst of a lot of big ones, but it was enough to push her over the edge. She couldn’t handle the possibility of losing Xavier, the only good thing in her life, and yet she had to handle it. And she had to stay strong and positive for him.
It was pretty much her mantra. She breathed in, breathed out. Stay strong, she told herself. Stay strong.
A couple of minutes later she was able to accept Troy’s outstretched hand and climb to her feet. He took the dog leash from her and handed her an ancient-looking, soft bandanna. “It’s not pretty, but it’s clean.”
She nodded and wiped her eyes and nose and came back into herself enough to be embarrassed at how she must look. She wasn’t one of those pretty, leak-a-few-tears criers; she knew her eyes must be red and puffy, and she honked when she blew her nose. “Sorry,” she said to him.
“For what?”
She shook her head, and by unspoken agreement they started walking. “Sorry to break down.”
“You’re entitled.”
The sun was setting now, sending pink streaks across the sky, and a slight breeze cooled the air. Crickets harmonized with bullfrogs in a gentle rise and fall. Angelica breathed in air so pungent with hay and summer flowers that she could almost taste it, and slowly the familiar landscape brought her calm.
“You know,” Troy ventured after a few minutes, “Buck Armstrong’s not really worth all that emotion. Not these days. If I’d known you were this into dating him, I might have warned you he has a drinking problem.”
She laughed, and that made her cry a little more, and she wiped her eyes. “It’s not really about Buck.”
He didn’t say anything for a minute. Then he gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You’ve got a lot on your plate.”
“I’ve got a plan, is what I’ve got,” she said, “and I was hoping Buck could be a part of it.” Briefly, she explained her intention of finding a stand-in dad for Xavier.
Troy shook his head. “That’s not going to work.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s a smart kid. He’ll know. You can’t just pretend you’re dating someone so that he’ll think he’s getting a dad.”
“I can if I want to.” They came to a crossroads and she glanced around. “I’m not ready to go back home and admit defeat yet, and I don’t want him looking out the window and seeing me cry.”
“Come the back way, by the kennel.”
Sheena, the dog she’d brought with her, jumped at a squirrel, and Troy let her off the lead to chase it. She romped happily, ears flopping.
“So you think getting a dad will make Xavier happy? Even if it’s a fake dad?”
“It’s not fake! Or, well, it is, but for a good reason.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out the picture she always carried, Xavier in happier times. “Look at that face! For all I know, he’ll never be really healthy again.” She cleared her throat. “If I can make his life happy, I’m going to do it.”
He studied the picture. “He played Little League?”
She swallowed hard around the lump in her throat. “T-ball. He’d just started when he was diagnosed. He had one season.”
“He started young.”
She nodded. “They let him start a few weeks before his birthday, even though officially they aren’t supposed to start until they turn four.”
“Because he was sick?”
She shook her head. “Because he was so good. He loved it.” Tears rushed to her eyes again and she put her hands to her face.
“Hey.” He took the sloppy bandanna from her hand, wiped her eyes and nose as if she were a child, and pulled her to his chest. And for just a minute, after a reflexive flinch, Angelica let herself enjoy the feeling. His chest was broad and strong, and she heard the slow beating of his heart. She aligned her breath with his and it steadied her, calmed her.
In just a minute, she’d back away. Because this was dangerous and it wasn’t going anywhere. Troy wouldn’t want a woman like Angelica, not really, so letting an attraction build between them was a huge mistake.
* * *
Troy patted Angelica’s back and breathed in the strawberry scent of her hair, trying
to remind himself why he needed to be careful.
He wanted to help Angelica and Xavier in the worst way. His heart was all in with this little family. But that heart was broken, wounded, not whole.
He felt her stiffen in his arms, as though she was just realizing how close he was. For the thousandth time since he’d reencountered her, he wondered about her skittishness around men. Or was it just around him? No, he’d seen her tense up when Armstrong had hugged her, too.
Carefully, he held her upper arms and stepped away. Her face was blotched and wet, but she still looked beautiful. Her Western-style shirt was unbuttoned down to a modest V, sleeves rolled up to reveal tanned forearms. Her jeans clung to her slim figure. Intricate silver earrings hung from her ears, sparkling against her wavy black hair.
“Come on,” he said gruffly, “let’s go in the house. We’ll get you something to drink.”
“Okay.” She looked up at him, her eyes vulnerable, and he wanted nothing more than to protect her.
Don’t go there, fool.
They walked back along the country road as the last bit of sun set in a golden haze. A few dogs barked out their farewell to the day. At the kennel, they put Sheena back inside, and then he led Angelica up to the house.
He loved his farm, his dogs, his life. He had so much. But what right did he have to be happy when Angelica’s problems were so big?
How could he help her?
An idea slammed into him, almost an audible voice.
You could marry her.
Immediately he squelched the notion. Ridiculous. No way. He wouldn’t go down that path. Not again, not after what she’d done to him.
And even outside of the way she’d dumped him, he’d never seen a good marriage. He didn’t know how to be married; didn’t know how to relate to people that way; didn’t know how to keep a woman happy or make it last. He didn’t want to be like his dad, the person who failed his wife. He didn’t want to let Xavier down.
But the point was, he thought as he held the door for her, Xavier might not have the time to be let down. Xavier needed and wanted a dad now, and Troy already knew the boy liked him.
As they walked into the kitchen, he remembered proposing to Angelica the last time. Then he’d been all about wanting to impress her, to sweep her away. He’d hired Samantha Weston, who usually used her small plane for crop dusting, to sky-write his proposal at sunset during an all-town Memorial Day picnic. Angelica had laughed, and cried, and joyously accepted. Her friends had clustered around them, and he’d presented her with a diamond way too big for a new vet with school loans to pay off.
He still had that ring, come to think of it. He’d stuffed it in his sock drawer when she mailed it back to him, and he’d never looked at it again.
It was upstairs right now. He could go and get it. Help her handle this massive challenge life had given her. And Xavier... Boy, did he want to help that kid!
Angelica perched on a kitchen stool and rested her chin in her hands. “I guess the idea of Buck as a pretend husband does seem kinda crazy, when I think about it,” she admitted. “Anyway, enough about me. How long has Buck had a drinking problem?”
“Since he lost his wife and child,” Troy said. “Not only that, but he served a couple of tours in Afghanistan. Which is why I cut the guy a break and let him work at my weekend clinic. I’ve offered him a full-time job, too, but only if he’ll stay sober for six months first. So far, he hasn’t been able to do that.”
“That’s so sad.” She bit her lip. “I hope he’s going to be okay tonight. I felt bad, but there was no way I was getting into a truck with him.”
“And no way he could be Xavier’s pseudodad.”
“No.”
He cracked open a Pepsi and handed it to her. “Here. Sugar and caffeine. It’ll make you feel better.”
“Always. Thanks.” She swung her feet. “Remember buying me a Coke at the drugstore, that very first time we went out?”
He nodded. “And I remember how you sat there drinking it and explaining to me your dating rules. No kissing until the third date. No parking. No staying out past eleven.”
“I know, and it wasn’t even Gramps making those rules, it was me. I was so scared of getting myself into the same bad situations that landed my folks in trouble. Plus, my brother told me I should be careful about you. Since you were an older man and all.” She smiled up at him through her lashes.
His heart rate shot through the ceiling. “Your brother was protective,” he said, trying to keep his voice—and his thoughts—on something other than how pretty she was. One question still nagged at him: if she’d had all those rules, then how had she ended up unmarried and pregnant?
“Xavier really misses my brother. Carlo lived near us in Boston for a while, and he’s the one who got Xavier involved in T-ball. He did the whole male influence thing, until he got the call to go overseas.” She flashed Troy a smile. “If I keep thinking about Carlo I’ll get sad again. Save me, Bull!” She slid off the stool and sat cross-legged on the floor. The old bulldog climbed into her lap, and she leaned down and let him lick her face.
“Whoa, Bull, be a gentleman! She’ll pass out from your breath!” But he couldn’t help enjoying Angelica’s affectionate attitude toward his dog. A lot of women didn’t want a smelly old dog anywhere around their stockings and fancy dresses, but Angelica was a blue-jeans girl from way back.
He sank down beside her, petting Bull. “So, what are you going to do now? About your plan, I mean?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to disappoint him. I mean, I’m not the most outgoing person when it comes to dating, and I don’t want to mislead any guys about where it’s all headed.” She forced a smile. “Know any eligible bachelors I could snare?”
“Me,” he heard himself saying. “You could marry me.”
Chapter Four
As he watched the color drain from Angelica’s face, Troy’s chest tightened and he wished he could take back his words. What had he just said? What had he been thinking?
Cynical doubts kicked at the crazy adrenaline rush coursing through his body. Why would he want to propose to Angelica again when she’d dumped him without explanation before? He’d already done what he could to help her and her son. He’d given her a job and provided a place to live, but this was way beyond the call of duty.
He opened his mouth to say so, but she held up a hand.
“Look, it’s amazingly kind of you to offer that, especially after...after everything. You’ve already done so much for us. But I could never expect anything like that. And I couldn’t marry someone without...”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Without loving him?”
“I was going to say...” She lowered her head and let out a sigh. “Never mind.”
Suddenly warm, he stood, grabbed a crutch and limped across the room. He flicked on the air-conditioning and fiddled with the thermostat on the wall.
She’d brought up all the very same objections he’d had himself. She’d given him a way to back out.
So why did he feel so let down?
She scrambled to her feet, watching him as if he were a wild animal she had to protect herself from. All comfort, all closeness between them was gone. “Um, I should go.” Her hand on the screen door handle, she stilled. “Uh-oh.”
“What’s wrong?” He came up behind her and looked over her shoulder out the door as the scent of her hair tickled his nose.
In the outdoor floodlight he saw Xavier was running toward the house, his face furrowed. Teary hiccups became more audible as he got closer. Behind him, Lou Ann followed at a dangerously fast pace, huffing and puffing and calling the boy.
Angelica opened the screen door just as Xavier got to the top of the porch steps. She knelt, and Xavier ran into her arms, causing her to r
eel backward.
Troy balanced on his crutch and reached out to steady the pair. “Whoa there, partner, slow down!”
“Is it true?” Xavier demanded. “What Miss Lou Ann said?”
At that moment the lady in question arrived at the top of the front porch steps. “Xavier!” She paused for breath. “You come...when I call you. I’m sorry,” she added, turning to Angelica. “I said something I shouldn’t have. It upset him.”
“She said it wasn’t going to work out for that man to be my daddy, and I might not get a daddy!”
“Come on in, baby.” Angelica scooped her son into her arms and struggled to her feet, shrugging off Troy’s attempt to help her. She carried Xavier inside. “Is it okay if we talk a minute in here?”
“Sure.”
And then he watched her focus entirely on her son. She sat down on the couch and pulled the boy, all angular arms and long legs, in her lap. “So tell me more about those tears, mister.”
“I want a daddy!” he sulked. “I thought you were gonna get me one.”
She rubbed his hairless head. “I know how much you want a dad. You want to be like other kids.”
“I want somebody to play T-ball with me and take me fishing.” Behind the words, Troy heard a poignant yearning for all Xavier wanted and might not get, all he’d missed during the long months of treatment.
“I know,” Angelica said, rocking a little. “I know, honey.”
“So why did you send that man away?”
She shot a glance at Troy. “He wasn’t feeling well.”
“So he might come back when he’s better?”
Slowly, Angelica shook her head. “No, honey. Turns out he’s not right for us.”
Tears welled in the boy’s eyes again, but she pulled his head against her chest. “Shh. I know it’s hard, but we have to let God do His work. He takes care of us, remember?”
“Sometimes He does a bad job!”
Angelica chuckled, a low vibration that brushed along Troy’s nerve endings. “He never does a bad job, sweetie. Sometimes you and I can’t understand His ways, but He’s always taking care of us. We can relax because of that.”
Engaged to the Single Mom Page 5
