by Shari Low
Nate – and to a lesser extent Connor, Sasha, Chloe and me – were all he had left.
We arrived at A&E and were shown straight into his room, thanks to Chloe’s inside connections. This was her ward, and she automatically switched into work mode, getting a full update from the staff and checking all his stats.
Even without the information, I could see he didn’t look good. He was conscious, but he had dressings on his head and face, one eye purple and swollen shut. His knuckles were covered in blood, his clothes dishevelled and stained deep red, and somewhere along the line he’d lost his shoes. This poor soul lying here was about as far from the young, gorgeous cheeky twenty-three-year-old we’d first met as it was possible to be. How had it got this bad? I felt a twinge of guilt. Why had I not done more to help him? I’d tried, we all had. It was too little too late to wish I’d tried harder, but that didn’t stop me from wishing that I could press rewind and get the old Justin back. Beside me, I heard Sasha give an involuntary gasp, and I knew behind her deathly calm, her heart would be racing. And breaking.
Sasha went immediately to his side and took his hand. ‘I’m… am…’ He tried to speak, but his words were slurred and he was clearly struggling, so she stopped him. ‘Don’t say anything,’ she said gently. ‘We’ve got you. It’s ok. It’s all going to be ok.’
He closed his one functioning eye with a wince.
Only a few minutes later, the porter arrived to get him down to X-ray. Chloe went with him, keen to get answers as soon as possible. They were back in less than an hour, but it felt like ten, as we sat in silence on plastic chairs, my hand clutching Sasha’s. Justin was out cold now, so Chloe gave us the run down on the results. ‘Two broken fingers, three broken ribs, a broken nose and multiple bruising and soft tissue damage. But, thank God, his head seems fine, no skull fractures. They’re going to monitor him really closely overnight for any signs of deterioration and do a CT tomorrow just to be sure there’s no other head trauma. In the meantime, they’re just getting a bed ready in the admissions ward, and they’ll take him upstairs.’
Sasha gestured to the bed. ‘Is he unconscious or sleeping?’
‘Sleeping. His blood alcohol level is extremely high,’ Chloe said, stating what we all already knew. ‘So he’s going to be groggy for a while.’
She’d barely got the words out when Justin opened his non-swollen eye, made a gurgling noise, then tried to speak.
‘Oh Christ,’ Sasha whispered, and I knew what she’d seen. When he’d opened his mouth this time we could see that his top four teeth were missing.
If there was such a thing as rock bottom, this was it.
Chloe, still in work mode, was the first one to speak. ‘Hey you,’ she said, gently and with a warm smile. She was a total pro, even now. An outstanding nurse. ‘You had us worried there. The tests results look good though. You’re a bit bruised and you’ve got some injuries, but you’re going to be fine.’
His eye suddenly became blurry with tears. On the other side of Justin’s bed, Nate stepped forward and placed his hand on his friend’s forearm.
‘All right, mate,’ he said, not swaying from their standard greeting despite the fact that Justin was very far from being all right.
He tried to nod his head but winced with the pain. Perversely, I knew it was a good sign that he was responsive and awake, albeit still groggy and a bit disoriented, but I was also all too aware that with this level and type of injuries, the next twelve hours would be crucial in establishing the exact extent of the damage.
His eye slid to the side and then began to ooze tears. ‘Sasha?’ he whispered.
Chloe moved out of the way so Sasha could step forward and take his hand.
‘You are a fricking nightmare; do you know that?’ She was hurting for him, but she knew that gushy sympathy wasn’t the way to go with Justin. Her bedside manner needed work, but it had the desired effect.
He winced again as his shredded mouth raised at the edges. He murmured something, that none of us caught.
Sasha leaned in closer. ‘What did you say?’ she asked.
It took him a few seconds to find the strength to answer. ‘Stay,’ he said, before exhaustion or concussion claimed him and he closed his eye again.
‘Will they let me?’ Sasha asked Chloe.
‘Let me go make a call and find out who’s up in the ward and what room they’re putting him in.’
She’d just left when the door opened again, and a doctor came in, reading a chart as she entered. It took a moment before she noticed we were there. ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise…’ The moment of recognition was instant for both of us, but I was the first to articulate it.
‘Francine!’
‘Liv!’ I saw her compute the rest of the scene. ‘Family?’
‘It is.’ I nodded. Family I’d chosen for myself, but family nonetheless.
‘Okay. We’ll take care of him,’ she replied.
Francine. The young girl I’d found in the toilets a million years ago. Chloe had nursed her immediately afterwards and a couple of years later she’d told me that Francine had decided to train to be a doctor. She’d obviously done it. In a different time and place I’d be delighted for her.
‘Chloe said you were a doctor,’ I offered.
‘Neuro,’ she said. ‘But today’s my first day here. I’ve been working in London since I qualified.’
‘I’m really pleased everything worked out.’
‘Thanks. Me too.’
Our eyes met and we both knew we were talking about more than just her career.
With no need for more words, she flipped back into doctor mode. ‘I just want to check on Mr Donnelly.’ She was talking to me, but I could see that her mind was already on Justin. She was reading stats, taking pressures, lifting his eyelids and checking reactions and… ‘I’m not happy with this,’ she said, almost under her breath. Then to us, ‘Listen, I’m going to have him taken up for a CT right now…’
‘It was scheduled for tomorrow,’ I told her, in case the notes hadn’t been updated by the A&E doctor yet.
‘I see that, but I want to take him up now, just to be on the safe side,’ she repeated, calmly and kindly. She clearly didn’t want to alarm us, but something was wrong here. She was obviously seeing something that the A&E doctors had missed, or something that was just developing. With this kind of trauma, anything was possible.
Anxiety began to twist my gut.
‘Take him now,’ Sasha blurted. ‘Do anything. Anything you can.’
Francine rushed out of the room and within minutes, two porters arrived to wheel him out.
When Chloe got back, we filled her in on what had happened and she immediately made a call. ‘Let me know as soon as you have the results,’ she said to the person on the other end.
It was two hours before we heard. There was a bleed on Justin’s brain and Francine had taken him straight to theatre to operate. I had a sickening tug of guilt that I hadn’t spotted it, and I could see from Chloe’s stricken face that she felt the same. In reality, not only could these things develop extremely rapidly, but we weren’t in charge of his care, so hadn’t examined him, leaving it to the staff who were treating him, all of whom I trusted implicitly. His level of intoxication would also have masked many of the typical symptoms of a brain bleed, making diagnosis even more difficult. Right now, that was no consolation though.
Sasha was grey as she listened. ‘Can I stay here?’ she asked.
Chloe nodded. ‘I’ll take you to the family room.’
‘I’ll stay too,’ Nate said. ‘Liv will you…?’
I knew what he was going to say. Someone had to go home and be with Finn, and let the babysitter away. Justin was Nate’s best mate – he had to be here for him. I checked the time. Almost midnight. The operation would be several hours. I could keep in touch with him during the night and come back first thing in the morning.
‘Of course, I’ll go home and let Maisie away. Text me if you hear anythin
g.’
‘I’ll take you,’ Chloe offered. ‘I’m on an early tomorrow morning too, so I’ll be back at 7 a.m.’
She also knew there was nothing to be done for the next few hours and the best thing she could do was to go home and get some sleep before her shift.
Chloe and I guided Nate and Sasha to the family waiting room, got them tea and food, and then hugged them goodbye. Chloe stopped at the nursing station to say thank you and goodbye, then we headed outside.
We’d just started walking down the path to the car park, when a car screeched to a halt in front of us and Connor jumped out.
‘Sorry! We ended up sitting on the runway for two hours and my phone died. I only got your message when we landed and I charged it up in the car. Is he okay?’ He wrapped his arms around Chloe and hugged her. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine, but Justin’s in surgery. He’s in a pretty bad way. Nate and Sasha are going to wait until he’s out of theatre, but I’m going to go home and get some sleep before my shift tomorrow.’
‘Can I go in and see them?’ he asked.
Chloe nodded. ‘They’re in the family waiting room. Ask at reception and they’ll give you directions.’
‘Okay, I’ll see you back at the house. You sure you’re okay?’
The tenderness in his voice was palpable. Three years they’d been married and they were more in love than ever – something Nate and I had never managed. Seeing them gave me hope.
‘I’m fine,’ she said softly, before kissing him and watching for a second as he ran in the direction of the entrance.
We climbed into the car and started off home.
‘You know, I feel massively guilty that we let Justin get into this state,’ I said, with a weary sigh. ‘I feel I should have tried harder, or somehow forced him to get professional help.’
Chloe spoke without taking her eyes from the road. ‘It’s one thing saying that, Liv, and I know it comes from a good place, but the reality is he wouldn’t accept anyone’s help. I see this every weekend – people with serious alcohol problems making decisions that lead straight to a blue flashing light. The truth is, he’ll seek help when he’s ready. We can encourage him and support him, but we can’t do this for him.’
I knew what she was saying was true, but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. I also realised we were talking as if he would make a full recovery from the brain bleed. In truth, we had no idea, but it was what we needed to believe.
‘I get that. But I do think we need to be around for him more. I’ll talk to Nate and Sasha and see what they think. Maybe he could move into Nate’s spare room until he gets his life straightened out.’
‘I don’t think it’s a spare room he needs,’ Chloe said, and I knew immediately what she was thinking. ‘He needs to dry out and he needs professional help to do it.’
‘You’re right,’ I said. ‘I’ll speak to a couple of the consultants on the ward tomorrow and see what they suggest.’
We spent the next few minutes in silence, both processing what had happened tonight. When I replayed it, a niggling thought popped into my head.
‘Your news!’ I blurted.
‘What news?’
‘Just before Nate came into the restaurant, you said you had news.’
She thought about it, then dismissed it. ‘Och that can wait for another time.’
‘No it can’t,’ I insisted. ‘If you have anything to say, especially if it’s good news, then right now we need it more than ever, because we need a distraction.’
‘Oh, this is definitely a distraction,’ she said, and I could see that despite the stress, pain and heartache of tonight, her eyes were glistening. There was only one thing that could cause that reaction.
‘Stop the car! Stop the car right now,’ I screeched. Thankfully it was late and the roads were empty, so she was able to swerve right into the kerb and pull on the brake. ‘You’re pregnant!’ I squealed.
The conflict of tonight’s emotions prohibited speech, so she could only nod.
‘Chloe, that’s amazing! I’m so, so thrilled for you.’ I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight.
I didn’t buy into the adage that everything happened for a reason. I’d seen too much needless pain and sorrow for that. But perhaps, just maybe, Chloe’s news was a sign that there were new beginnings and good things around the corner for our self-chosen family group.
We just had to hope Justin made it through tonight. And that if he did, we could make him believe that too.
Chapter Twelve
A New Arrival… Or Two.
June 2010
We’d given up trying to resist and had capitulated to an unshakeable force that could not be broken or stopped.
Yep, Chloe had arranged for a stage and a support band, and given my mum the full gig of entertaining the guests at the reception after her twins’ christening. Twins! Joshua came first, and six minutes later, Jasmin entered the world.
They’d been warned that the IVF could result in multiple births and they were beyond delighted that it had happened. After all those years of trying, they now had two babies at the same time. Chloe hadn’t slept or stopped smiling since.
Today perfectly captured their happiness. The music played, the drinks flowed and the dancing was in full swing.
Chloe’s mum, Verity, and an ever-increasing group of aunties were already on the dance floor, shaking their stuff to Ida’s favourite Diana Ross hits. I’d seen her set list and it had everything from Motown, to Dusty Springfield, to her beloved Cilla, to Shania Twain, Celine Dion and Mariah Carey. This was a performer who liked to share her versatility.
The ceremony had been beautiful, made even more special by a speech from Connor, in which he paid tribute to his incredible wife and thanked her for their children and the lifetime of happiness in front of them.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the pews. Except for Sasha, whose toes curled in her stiletto heels at the emotion of the PDA.
‘You deserve every single bit of this,’ I’d whispered to Chloe outside the church. ‘I couldn’t be happier for you. Your twins are wonderful, your man is a keeper and they’re all so lucky to have you. Oh, and your pals are great,’ I’d added, making her chuckle as she hugged me.
‘Dear God, two crying women. This is what hell looks like,’ Sasha had drawled, before she got dragged into the group hug despite furious objections. We knew she didn’t really mean it. It was all part of her unique charm.
With the formal part over, the celebrations could begin and this showed every sign of being as riotous as their wedding. Not that it would end the same way for me. I experienced an involuntary heart tug at the thought. I’d ended up in bed with Nate, a one-night stand, and nine months later Finn had been born. I wouldn’t change the end result of that for anything, but I could guarantee tonight wouldn’t go the same way. There was zero chance that Nate and I would hook up, because we had neither the opportunity nor the inclination.
There had been no repeat of the conversation we’d had soon after Finn was born, raising the possibility of getting back together. We’d both settled into our own lives, and while mine was still a sexual wasteland, I could honestly say that I was happy. Finn was thriving in nursery and would go to school next year. I’d been promoted to charge nurse on the ward. And Nate and I were truly good friends who were making the co-parenting situation work. We even hung out together with Finn once a week or so, when my shifts allowed. It wasn’t a conventional situation, but it was working for us.
I had no idea what he did when I wasn’t there and I was happy with that. Although, I did know that he’d spent a lot of time working with Justin to get him better. The op had taken so much out of him, but he’d recovered, a little weaker and shakier than before, and swore that it was the shock he needed to finally stop drinking for good.
We all believed him, especially when he’d checked himself into rehab for a three-month intensive programme. When he got out, he’d moved into Nate’s spar
e room, and Sasha and Nate had worked together to keep him busy and make sure he got to work every day. His company, thanks to a progressive Human Relations policy, had reinstated him and even financed visits to a private counsellor. It had all been going so well until a few weeks ago, when – for reasons no one knew – he’d spectacularly relapsed, gone on an all-day bender and, after a night scouring the streets, Nate had found him, bruised and battered, on a piece of waste ground near Sasha’s house.
They’d got him back into rehab and were supporting him through the relapse. Sometimes I thought it would be easier if we understood why he drank, if there was some dark episode in his past that he was hiding from, but that wasn’t the case here. He’d grown up with distant, authoritarian parents, but he was definite about the fact that they hadn’t been cruel. Apparently, he’d been a shy kid, and when he’d sneaked some booze from his dad’s beer stash it had made him vomit the first time, and the second… But by the time he was a teenager, it gave him all the confidence he needed to have a wild, crazy social life full of friends.
We’d never guessed where his drinking was rooted, because by the time we met him, that shy, awkward kid was long gone.
Now, the sociable, sexy, fun-loving Justin was gone too.
However, Sasha was by the side of the man who remained, and she hadn’t complained once. I loved her for it. This was a guy she hadn’t been in a relationship with for years, one who had devastated her life in the worst way, and yet she forgave him and was prepared to invest time in helping his recovery. Sometimes I could see that the worry and emotional challenge of supporting Justin was taking its toll on her, but she would never admit it and never give in to it. That was an incredible show of character and I’d never been so proud of her. Of course, I didn’t tell her that, because that would be classed as an ‘emotional outpouring’ and she’d be completely horrified.
