by Clint Stoker
“Like I said, I’m trying to help you.”
“You aren’t helping me. You’re making me sick.”
“You feel guilty?”
“Not at all.” Air stepped closer until the gun was only inches away from Fields’ head.
“I know how it feels.” Fields moved nervously.
“Are you saying you feel guilty?”
“Sometimes I do. It used to be worse, but I found a way to cope with it.”
“There is no way to cope!” Sweat coated Air’s palms. He reinforced his grip with his left hand.
“That’s what the city would like you to believe. It’s a lie.”
Air pretended not to hear anything.
“I’m a purger and it’s obvious you’re suffering from guilt,” said Air, “You need to be purged. I’m sorry but I can’t let you drag me down with you.” Air didn’t really have the power to purge Fields, but it sounded intimidating enough to keep Fields in check.
“Just give me a chance to help you understand.”
“I can’t do that.”
“I’m sure the past couple of days have been rough for you. They were hard for me too but it gets better once you…”
“Once I… what? Accept guilt? Get myself killed?”
“Put the gun down and we can talk about things,” said Fields.
“No, I refuse to go down with you.”
“Then just kill me! You’ve always been good at it.” Fields closed his eyes and shook his head in regret.
Air believed him. Maybe it was just because he wanted to believe Fields. For whatever reason, he believed it. Violence came too naturally for Air.
“How do you know me?”
“It’s hard to explain all at once… You used to be someone important to a lot of people. I forgot about you. For a long time I didn’t know someone like you existed. But just recently I’ve remembered, so I had to do something about it.”
“We knew each other, personally?”
“No.”
“You said you knew me before the city.”
“I knew of you. We weren’t exactly on the same side.”
“This is some grudge,” Air snapped.
“I’m on your side now. You were right about everything and I was… confused.”
“I’ve heard enough,” Air sighed, partly relieved. Fields wasn’t as big of a threat as he once thought.
“Stop pretending you aren’t interested. I’ve been watching you for months. You’re looking for something.”
“Oh? What do you know?”
“I know you have dinner with a different woman every night. You listen, but you don’t say much. It’s an audition and every one of them fails. I know you encourage Napal’s conspiracy theories, but you never act on anything. I know you used to be a man of action, a leader, but now you’re just going through the motions as numb as you can. And you feel guilty about it all, not just since you killed that man in the cleaning center yesterday. No. You’ve been feeling guilty ever since that lonely day you signed your life away to this city.”
Air stepped back, shocked. There was no good argument. Maybe Fields really did have the answers, or he was lying and it was all part of an investigation. Fields was an outside contractor assigned to find guilt among the purgers. Anything was possible.
“I’ll give you a chance to prove it, but I don’t want to hear any more stories. I want proof.”
“We can have your service reassigned. I’ll send you somewhere you haven’t been since before the city. Just being there should help you remember.”
“I don’t see how that will work.”
“It certainly worked when we transferred you to the purging basement.”
“How could you possibly?” Air frowned, annoyed. It seemed crazy or stupid, but something made him want to listen – give Fields a chance to explain. It could help, or it could be the biggest mistake he’s ever made. But what else could he do? He needed answers and Fields seemed to have them. “How much do you know about me… before the city?”
“I know enough. I can find out what experiences you’ve had and lead you to the places where… memorable events took place, but I don’t know what you remember.”
“And what about you?”
“Me?”
“Who are you… or who were you?”
“I remember medical school and working hard to make tyrants rich. I remember falling in love, getting married and losing her to cancer. She was too young so I thought I could fix things. I remember leaving my family with the best intentions to help start this city. I remember the rise of the city and I watched it become the monster that it is today. The worst part is, I had no objections because time made me forget my good intentions.” Tears swelled in Fields eyes. He sniffed and dropped his head into his hands. Air checked both ends of the alley to make sure they had not made a lasting scene.
A heavy door leading to the southern building seemed like a better place to talk, so Air gestured with his gun for Fields to go inside. They walked up a flight of stairs and went through another door into a dark office space. Cubicles partitioned the large room and soft light beamed in from the uncovered windows. Fields sat in a chair and stretched his knees. He was in obvious pain from kneeling on the concrete so long. Air sat at the edge of a desk and sighed. He set the gun down and folded his arms.
“Why do you look so…”
“Old?” Fields smiled and laughed pleasantly. “I want to put things back the way they were before the city.”
“Old?”
“That’s only part of it.”
“Why would you want to go back? Everything you remember from before is terrible.”
“Not everything. The most vivid memories are awful, but when you start sleeping again, beautiful memories return and it’s worth it.”
“When I slept, I had a nightmare. No memories, especially not good ones.”
“Try it again tonight. It takes some getting used to first.”
“No, thank you.”
“Just wait,” Fields wringed his aching hands and breathed deeply, “Service tomorrow should rehash some old memories. It should give you the proof you’re looking for, but they won’t be good memories.”
“How do you know?”
“You witnessed something terribly tragic there.”
“Where do you want to send me?” Air spoke accusingly.
“You will get the assignment in the morning.” Fields yawned.
Air touched the gun lightly with his fingertips. He studied Fields’ face. Blood shot eyes. Grey disheveled hair. His features were all worn and spent. His appearance started to look more natural. The wrinkles weren’t as deep as they seemed the night before. He was just a normal aging man.
“If you are able to transfer my service location and I do remember something… Then what happens?”
“At the least, you can understand more.”
“What good does that do?”
“I don’t want to mislead you. The more you remember, the guiltier you will feel just for being alive. You will want to remember more in hopes you will find something to vindicate you from your guilt, but nothing will come.”
“Then why remember?”
“Because you are still alive, and you’re still making new memories. Instead of forgetting and ignoring the guilt, you can make an effort to correct the cause of it.”
“Okay. Send me to this place tomorrow but I want to find you tomorrow night no matter what happens.”
“I’ll find you.”
“I can’t just take your word for it. You know where I work and live, I think it’s only fair I know where I can find you.”
“That sounds fair. I think it would be best if we met at the central library.”
“That’s a long way from here isn’t it?”
“Yes, but that’s where I spend most of my time and it will be helpful in answering your questions.” Fields yawned again and rubbed his eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“I�
��m fine. I’m just tired.”
“Are you going to sleep tonight?”
“I sleep every night. I need it now.”
“Why?”
“You will understand better tomorrow,” said Fields.
“Of course.” Air grumbled and walked past a row of darkened desks.
“Air.” Fields stood up and slowly followed toward the exit. “It will be hard at first, but don’t stop after just one memory.”
“We’ll see.”
Fields smiled and pulled the mask over his face. Another yawn silenced and stopped him, then he carefully navigated the stairs by the railing. They made their way out onto the streets as the sky began to light up.
“It doesn’t look like I will get much sleep tonight.”
“There’s your little knock-out needle.” Air pointed to the syringe on the ground. “Do you want me to jab you in the neck so you can get started?”
“No.” Fields laughed. “I don’t need that anymore.”
“Remember, if I don’t see you tomorrow, I’ll see you in the purging chamber.” Air walked back toward the street.
“Welcome to the cause,” Fields smiled.
Article 5
The city will prevent and correct the damage the human condition causes to the environment. By leaving the confines of the city to replant and clean the earth, residents will gain an appreciation for nature. Residents will be expected to provide such service on a weekly basis. By accepting this responsibility you may be counted as a resident.
-The Founder
Chapter 7
“The issues today have taken a very interesting turn. Are unique celebration outfits really best for residents? Today we have a new candidate who says otherwise…”
The media moaned from the screen in Air’s apartment. He dressed into a simple t-shirt and grass-stained pants for service. He had been watching his phone for a last minute notice to inform him his service had been transferred, but no message had come yet.
“It’s a terrible thing.” Colin, a new candidate, spoke in eloquence. Like a priest. “Equality is in danger every celebration. We, as creatures of habit, form cliques and avoid going out of our way to meet new people. Some people feel lonely during celebrations because they are simply not part of a clique. I have a few plans on how we can counter this. First, we should encourage residents to celebrate in new areas of the city every night. Second, celebration outfits could be changed every night or we could simply all have identical outfits. Third…”
The issues seemed unimportant. The media interviewed citizens who complained of feeling alone or bored with the same groups of people. It seemed obvious the media backed Colin as the new administration leader. They played a few more heart breaking stories then they displayed the candidates. Air considered recent events. It would be useful to be unrecognizable and unexpected during celebrations. He voted for Colin and sat on the bed. Votes were cast all over the city and electronically tallied within minutes.
“The results are in and it looks like Colin is our new Administrator. As always, I’m Dharmesh with your politics…”
His phone buzzed and displayed a message.
Transfer request.
Report to transport station B7
“He really did it,” Air said to himself. He threw a small bag over his shoulder with a cold-packed lunch inside. Just before going out the door, Air turned back to look at his closet. It might be a good idea to bring his gun. He stuffed the revolver into his bag along with an extra box of ammunition.
---
The transport ride was quiet. Only a handful of residents were scheduled to go to the same service location. Air caught the driver staring at him several times through the mirror. He was a stocky, muscular man with dirty-blonde hair and a timid countenance. Air dismissed the looks and counted it as his own paranoia. He looked down the aisle to see if anyone looked familiar. A pretty and petite woman in a green uniform sat at the back. She looked over a small stack of laminated pages. Her hair was done-up in loose, sun-bleached braids contrasting against her freckled and tanned face. Air looked closer and noticed the pages in her hands were maps. A white tag was pinned to her shirt pocket. Four men sat, each on separate benches, in front of her. Each wore service clothing much like Air’s. Two other women sat a couple benches in front of Air. They were chatting loud enough for everyone else to unwillingly eavesdrop.
He watched the city skyline shrink into the distance behind. The transport sped up significantly and the dry, desolate scenery flew past. Nothing but cracked dirt spread across the land for miles. Ten minutes passed and dead trees began to spot the scabbed earth. The transport slowed as they continued up a mild incline. As the elevation rose, patches of green blurred by. New trees and foliage recently planted.
“Alright, everyone…” The guide carefully walked to the front of the aisle and smiled. “My name is Anna-Desi for those of you who are newly transferred to this region for service. We are almost at the site.” Her posture was tall and professional. As she spoke, Air thought her blue eyes seemed familiar. He tried to picture her in a celebration mask and hoped she wasn’t someone he’d dated before. What would happen if she remembered him?
“Today we are working on extracting old artifacts, or garbage, and covering up some large imperfections. The sooner we can do this, the sooner we will be able to plant new vegetation.”
The transport slowed to a crawl as the incline steepened. A few minutes later, the ground came to a plateau and the transport toppled forward and sent a nauseating flutter up Air’s gut like an amusement park ride. Anna-Desi walked off the transport first and the others followed. Air stepped out onto the sandy ground. Anna-Desi divided shovels and baskets among the group. She handed Air a small spade and a basket. The transport went back down the hill slowly until the back end dropped off and gravity pulled it out of sight.
“Follow me,” said Anna-Desi.
They stumbled through soft sand until they reached a hard-packed trail. Stone pillars pierced the earth around them. Jagged walls of concrete formed squares, hinting of old foundations and primitive structures. The wasted landscape seemed completely foreign. He studied the scenery closely but nothing rang familiar.
“Let’s stop here for a moment.” Anna-Desi stabbed the blade of a shovel into the ground and leaned against it. “This is an extremely old part of the country. As you can see, we have some pretty ugly structures left over. We are going to remove small debris, and anything too large to move by hand will have to be buried.”
She directed most of the volunteers to a large exposed deposit of rusted metal and crumbling cement. They walked off the path and laughed among themselves as they struggled for footing on the sand. Anna-Desi led Air and another volunteer further down the path. They walked for fifty yards and the ground was soon riddled with rocks and unrecognizable fragments of shaped steel. They reached a wide, shallow pit with a circumference roughly equal to 4 city blocks. It had been excavated like an open-faced mine.
“We call this ‘The Hole’. You can guess why,” said Anna-Desi, “We found a few interesting artifacts here. We decided to dig a little deeper to see if we could find anything else interesting. At this point, we are sure everything is garbage, but if you find anything that might be worth sending to the library archives, let me know.”
“So we’re cleaning out an ancient land-fill?” Air smirked.
“It wasn’t intended to be a land-fill. Artifacts we’ve found imply that people once lived here but it’s hard to know for sure. There have been tribes people spotted in the area. They often contaminate sites like this.”
“So it used to be a city, now it’s a landfill.” Air kicked at a plastic container that was obviously not ancient.
“Call it what you like, we need to clean it up.”
---
Air crouched by himself and sorted through decaying matter. Some scraps were easily discernable. Rubber, plastic, metal and dead organic material. Other objects were much harder to interpret
. He tossed most of the debris into a basket to be recycled. He found several roughly corroded objects. They were flat and circular like saucers only they were each small enough to fit into the palm of his hand. He sorted for two hours. Nothing seemed to spark a real memory. He cleared a small spot and sat, annoyed. No memories.
“Are you finished already?” Anna-Desi smiled sweetly.
“I’m just taking a break.” He hadn’t noticed her making her rounds.
“May I sit here?”
“Sure. Here,” Air pushed the basket across the sand to make room. “I saved you a seat.” The sand mounded as Air rubbed his hand in a circular motion over it.
“Perfect.” She dropped her shovel and sat in the center of the ring Air had created in the sand. She ignored his sarcasm.
“It’s Air, right?”
“Yeah that’s right.”
“What kind of service did you get transferred from?”
“Planting actually, I planted trees just south of the city.”
“I can tell, you aren’t very good with excavating are you?” She quipped.
“Is it that obvious?” He shook his head and smiled. “I’m sorry, it’s just… not what I expected.”
“You’ll get used to it.”
“Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.” He was already so comfortable with her. Had he met her before? During celebration? “I think I can be vastly more efficient if you’ll tell me what these crusty metal circles are.” He prodded the basket full of unidentifiable pieces with his foot.
“I don’t know what they are, but I can help you find out. We’ll clean them and sort them when your basket fills up.”
She sifted her fingers through the warm sand. Just being with her made everything feel peaceful and calm. But still, she wasn’t bringing back any memories. Air sat rigid, as though any sudden movement could scare her away. He would have stayed quiet and forgot about everything if he could.
“What was this place?” He asked.
She nodded as if she’d rehearsed an answer. “There are a few theories.” She brushed sand from her pant leg. “It used to be a community, but the people abandoned it, or it was a settlement from the city, and it was found to be too much trouble to… maintain.”
