“You don’t have to do that.”
He leaned his elbows on the railing as he looked out over the shadowy landscape. “It’s okay. I have to face this. I can’t hide from it forever.” He looked at her. “It helps to have someone here with me.”
She turned to look at him. “I don’t want you feel like you have to stay on my account.”
“I’m not. I love this place. I didn’t realize how much I missed coming here until tonight.” He shrugged. “I was afraid I would go all to pieces, but…” he paused then shrugged again as he smiled softly. “Maybe I’m finally getting over it.”
She looked at him a moment then melted into his arms. It was the first time she’d hugged him since she moved into her own room and tonight she didn’t want to sleep alone. “Will you stay with me tonight? In the room with the windows?”
“If you like,” he said softly as he stroked her head.
She pulled back and looked into his eyes. He smiled at her with a lopsided grin she was becoming very fond of. With a smile of her own, she stretched up, offering him her lips, sighing softly as he took them.
“Are you sure about this,” he asked as their kiss slowly dissolved.
“No,” she whispered.
“We don’t have to do this.”
“I want to.”
“Are you sure?”
She looked down. “No. But like you, I have to face this. Somebody has to be my first time, and I want it to be you. You have been so kind and wonderful and patient. I trust you. I have to find out if I’m…broken.” She looked up at him. “I used to love sex. I can remember how much I enjoyed being close to Wade, feeling his caress after we’d made love. I miss that. I want that again, but I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of being broken, of not being able to enjoy the touch of a man again. I’m afraid nobody will ever want me after I’ve been used by so many men.” She looked up at him, unable to read his expression in the darkness. “Would you want a woman that couldn’t stand your touch?”
“No.”
“Nobody would, so I have to know.”
“I want you,” he said softly.
“Even after what happened to me?”
“That doesn’t matter to me. It won’t matter to anyone else, either. Or, if it does, you’re better off without them.”
Her face began to twist as she struggled to not cry. She hadn’t cried at all in the last two weeks and she was disappointed that she was about to now.
He pulled her in and brought his lips close to hers, but stopped, allowing her to decide if she wanted to be kissed or not. She stretched up and took his lips, enjoying the warmth of the kiss. She could feel his pull, her passions spooling up, but then felt a sickness in her stomach. She pulled back and looked down again. She wanted to, but she didn’t know if she could.
“We’ll take it slow,” he said softly, sensing her hesitation. “We’ll stop anytime you want. Or I can just hold you.”
She nodded, struggling to shove the darkness back into the box. “Take me to bed?”
He tipped her head up. “You don’t have to do this,” he repeated, trying to make it clear he wanted it to be her decision.
“I have to know,” she said again. “I have to know, and I want to find out with you.”
He nodded, took her hand, and led her back inside.
Chapter 20
They hadn’t come prepared for spending the night, but the cabin was kept stocked with staples and basic toiletries. He led her in and up the stairs. At the top he turned to face her, pulling her in slowly. She was shaking, her eyes wide.
“We can stop any time,” he whispered.
She grabbed his face and pulled him strongly in, kissing him passionately, but it felt unnatural and forced. He slow extracted himself from the kiss. “Not like that,” he whispered. He turned her so she could see the twinkling lights through the window then pulled her softly back into him, kissing her neck. “I want you to want to, not force yourself to,” he whispered.
She whimpered. “What if I can’t want to?”
“Then we won’t. We can try again later, or not at all. I won’t force you, and I don’t want you to force yourself.”
She whimpered again. “I’m scared.”
“Shhhh…” he breathed. “All you have to do is say stop.”
He kissed her neck again, pulling the collar of her shirt open to reach more of her. She was trembling, but part of this was trusting her to set her own limits. He moved slowly, no surprises, but he didn’t stop. He slowly opened first one button, then the next, then paused as he felt her stiffen. He slid his hands down, and over her stomach, but no lower as he continued to kiss her neck and shoulder.
She thought she was ready for this, but as he began to open her blouse, she wasn’t sure. She was determined to try to push through her fear, but somehow he sensed her hesitation and stopped. His warm gentle breath on her neck and the soft caress of his lips, not pushing her, allowing her to set the pace, eased her fears and she began to relax again.
Slowly, by measured degrees, he undressed her, stopping when she tightened up, continuing on once she relaxed. He’d been over six weeks without a woman and had started out with his desire for her raging, but his passion had cooled as he realized she was struggling to overcome her fear. He wanted her, wanted her like no woman since Holly, but he could wait, and take his time to help her overcome her reluctance. If he’d know this was coming, he might have availed himself of one of the club girls to take the edge off his desire, but as she turned in his arms to offer her lips, he realized he didn’t want a club girl, he wanted her.
She turned, allowing her blouse to fall to the floor, taking his lips and kissing him slowly. She was certain he’d been with no one since she’d arrived, and if Wade had been without sex for a month, he’d have stripped her bare, thrown her on the bed, and fucked her good. That would have been fun, before she was taken, but she knew if that were to happen now it would open the darkness she’d worked so hard to box up. Now, with Arsen’s restraint and self-control, she felt safe.
She pulled back from the kiss and unbuttoned his shirt, kissing down his chest as she pushed it off his shoulders. He tasted of sweat, and dust, and she could feel her desire flow through her, slick wetness starting between her thighs. She smiled as she tasted his nipple, her fingers exploring the ridges and valleys of his body. She wanted him, wanted to feel his touch, to experience him inside of her. She wasn’t broken!
She rose, and unbuckled his belt, watching his eyes as her fingers worked, opening his pants and sliding a hand inside to grip him. His eyes narrowed and she felt a rush of fear, but then he gasped, his eyes closing as his head tipped back and he held her wrist.
He clamped down on his desire. Having her squeeze him made him want to throw her on the bed and ravage her until she was screaming in pleasure, but he knew that was exactly the wrong thing to do. He could sense any aggression on his part would instantly break the moment. She needed to be handled gently, especially this first time, until she could overcome her hesitation and fear.
“I want you,” he whispered, pulling her lips close before kissing them gently.
She smiled as she gave him her lips. She could feel the war going on inside of him, the tension in his body as he held himself in check, allowing her to set the pace and make each move to the next level. She could sense he was normally a take charge lover, the type of lover she liked, the type of man who knew how to please a woman and did so without hesitation. But he was proving he was also a considerate man, a man who knew the boundaries, a man she could trust.
“I want you,” she whispered in return.
He moved to the bed and removed his boots and pants as she squirmed out of her shorts, but then she was suddenly afraid. She covered herself, the fear rising up inside of her. He smiled, then rose slowly from the bed, his cock standing at attention as he moved to her and slowly, gently, pulled her hands from her body.
“You’re stu
nning,” he whispered. “Don’t cover yourself. Please don’t deny me the pleasure of seeing how beautiful you are.” He stepped back, allowing her hands to slip from his own, and though he could tell she wanted to cover again, she forced her hands to her side. Slim and athletic, her bruises and scrapes gone, she was an incredibly desirable woman.
“Beautiful,” he whispered with a smile. He returned to the bed and flipped the linens back then lay down, turning on this side so he could continue to watch her. He didn’t call to her, letting her decide if she was ready.
She swallowed hard, then moved to the bed. Arsen was the stuff women dreamed up. Kind, gentle and attentive, not to mention stunningly attractive. She wanted him, but her fear was becoming more and more difficult to control. She joined him and he snuggled in, slowly caressing her breast, his heavy length pressing into her leg.
He kissed her, slow and gentle, as he continued to tickle her nipple with his finger. “Do you want me to stop?” he breathed.
“No,” she sighed, her eyes closed, trying to enjoy his touch. He kissed lower, taking a nipple into his mouth and playing with it with his tongue, then rolled over onto her. She gasped as he settled between her legs. He didn’t try to enter her, had only positioned himself to better kiss her lips and breasts, but it was too much. She didn’t want him to stop, wanted him to push though, to prove to her he wouldn’t hurt her and she wasn’t broken, but he immediately backed off.
He felt her go rigid and knew he’d crossed a line. He shifted away from her, putting a few inches of space between them. “Shhh…” he breathed, wiping the tears from her face. “It’s okay.” He pulled her up onto her side, and snuggled into a spoon, holding her as he cupped her breasts in his hands to show he wasn’t giving up and wasn’t deterred.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Nothing to be sorry for,” he whispered as he kissed her neck. He was surprised they’d gotten as far as they had before she couldn’t take it anymore.
He held her for a long time, slowly caressing her breasts, neither saying anything. He was becoming drowsy when she rolled over and kissed him slowly. “Can we try again?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I want to, but…” He watched her face crinkle as if she was going to cry.
“Don’t cry,” he whispered. “I understand. We can try as many times as it takes.”
She whimpered. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
He smiled. “Because you’re going to make me rich selling soap.” She giggled soggily, then wiped her eyes. “And because I want you, and I’m willing to wait as long as necessary, to do whatever it takes, to be with you.”
She sobbed once, then sniffed. “Your wife was a lucky woman.”
He gave her that lopsided grin again. “I think so.”
She giggled and wiped her eyes. “If I can’t, and you need to, you know, use one of the girls, I’ll understand.”
“I don’t want a club girl. I want you.” He smiled as her face twisted as if she was going to cry again, but she gave him a small sad smile.
He seemed content to watch her face and she knew he was waiting for her. “Are you going to kiss me or not?” she asked softly. As his lips took hers, she steered his hand to her body, gasping as he softly stroked her. His touch was electrifying and he rolled her to her back again, stroking her softly, slowly, smearing her wetness, his finger sending jolts of pleasure rocketing through her as he caressed her breasts with his mouth.
He kept his touches light and slow, but when her hand gripped his and pressed him in harder he increased the pressure on her. He teased hood of her clit as it hardened, increasing the intensity of his kisses on her breasts as she moaned softly. She tugged at him, drawing his mouth to hers. She kissed him deeply as she began to pant, then moaned long and low into his mouth.
“Oh, God, I want you,” she gasped, shoving his mouth away from hers so she could catch her breath.
He knew he was clean. She’d gone back on the pill weeks ago to regulate her cycle. He hadn’t been with a woman without protection since Holly and the thought that Quinn would be his first excited him and somehow seemed natural and right. He moved between her legs and slowly pushed into her, gasping with his passage. He began to thrust, slowly, gently, taking her lips with his own.
He moved within her, the pleasure exquisite and she gasped as another orgasm began to rise within her. I’m not broken! she cheered to herself and tears of relief and joy began to flow.
He opened his eyes, wanting to see her face, and froze as he saw the tears. He pulled out, but she hooked him with her heels, and tightened down her legs, preventing his escape.
“No! Please don’t stop! Please!” she begged, trying to draw him back inside. He hesitated. “Please,” she pleaded as she opened her eyes. “I want you inside.”
He hesitated a moment more, then pushed himself inside again. Her gasp as her head tilted back was like a match to gasoline. He began to thrust again, trying to keep his pace slow and gentle, but as she spurred him with her heels, he moved harder, faster, driving into her with purpose.
She began to moan softly, then gasped with a stuttering intake of breath. With another soft moan she squeezed him tight as her hands gripped his arms and her back arched. She gasped again as her orgasm washed out of her, but another was coming hard on its heels.
She was writhing under him, her fingers biting hard into his arms as she moaned and gasped. He could feel his orgasm coming and tightened down, stalling it, trying to time his release with hers.
Her orgasm slammed into her, erotic energy rippling through her like waves from a stone tossed into a pond. She was alive with pleasure, her pain forgotten, the dark stain on her soul blotted out by the searing light of her climax. Arsen’s soft cry as he held her tight and drove into her with a final hard thrust, his soft groan and hard ragged breathing, renewed her orgasm and drove it on.
They held each other, caught in the web of the perfect moment of pleasure, then gasped as their climaxes washes out of them, leaving them panting with relief.
“You’re crying,” he whispered as he kissed her wet cheeks.
“I know,” she murmured in reply, pulling his head to her neck.
“Are you okay?”
She smiled, her eyes close. “I’m not broken.”
He smiled, and was glad his face was buried in her neck so she couldn’t see the wetness come to his eyes.
Chapter 21
When Arsen woke the next morning he didn’t try to seduce her, even though having tasted her pleasures, he wanted her more badly than he had the night before. Something had changed between them after they made love, but the change seemed to be for the worse.
Quinn seemed more distant and withdrawn than she had been recently. He was familiar with her rollercoaster emotions, though that had been improving as well, but even though he knew he had let her lead every step of the way last night, he suspected she was regretting the decision to fuck.
He’d tried to draw her out, but she dodged every attempted to engage her on the subject, assuring him everything was fine. He’d finally dropped the matter. If she wanted to talk, she knew where to find him.
They returned to Tucson, stopping at his house to shower and change. The deeper into the morning they got, the more distant Quinn became. She wasn’t unpleasant, or surly, just quiet, and that concerned him more than anything.
They arrived at the clubhouse just after lunch and Arsen went directly to the lab. They should have received their latest order of sassafras oil, and he needed to check it for purity. He trusted the assay document that shipped with the oil for the soap, but not the MDMA. If it wasn’t ninety percent pure, as the supplier claimed, he would have to adjust the quantity of oil used in the distillation process to compensate.
He was waiting on the CG-MS to complete the run and tell him what was actually in the oil when his phone rang.
“Jason,” he said, after glancing at the caller ID. “What can I do for you?”
he asked.
“Thanks for the information on the fake Hearts and Daggers. I’ve been able to put the fear of God into people with it. Which leads me to the next thing. We’ve tracked down the counterfeiters. It’s right in your back yard. I don’t know if they’re manufacturing, but the supply is coming from an outfit called the Chrome Horsemen, out of Phoenix. Heard of them?”
Arsen sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. They tried to break into the molly market a couple of years ago and we shut them out. Looks like they are trying again, but this time trading on our name, the fucks.”
Jason chuckled. “It sucks to be so successful at what you do that people try to counterfeit it, doesn’t it?”
“Ha, ha, fuck you,” Arsen growled.
Jason laughed. “I’m sure you can handle it. We’re squeezing their pipeline on this end. People were pissed they were buying a 60 hit when they thought they were getting a 150, not to mention all the other shit you said was in there. Word on the street backs up what you were saying about the dosage.”
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