by Darrell Bain
I stared at my breasts. They were full and firm without being overly large and each was tipped with dark pink virginal nipples. As I examined them with all the admiring fascination of a newly discovered treasure, the nipples slowly hardened into erectness. They tingled with a warm, sensual pleasure. My waist was small, flared into moderately curved hips that tapered back to long, slim legs. My pubic hair was a darker colored auburn triangle of tight curls nestling at the junction of my thighs, emphasizing once and for all that I now inhabited a woman's body, and a damned attractive one at that. Just staring at my reflection made me want to crawl through the mirror and jump my bones.
I took care of the first necessities, then stepped into the shower. Just bathing was a new experience. I didn't know how much or how far in to wash the squoosy area between my legs and hurt myself a couple times bumping those protuberant breasts while I scrubbed. This was going to take some getting used to, to put it mildly.
I was toweling myself dry when Donna knocked on the door, then came on in without waiting for me to answer. She smiled at me. "Good morning."
"Good morning, if you can call it good," I said, holding the towel up like a barrier between us. I felt my face getting red.
"Poor Li. You look as if you've lost your last friend."
"I feel like I've lost myself," I said.
"You'll get used to it. Why don't you go on and get dressed? I think most of Rita's clothes will fit you. I'll be out in a minute."
Just dressing was a chore. I felt like a transvestite while I poked through Rita's drawers and closet, especially when I got into the lingerie. I thought for a moment I would just wear my own shorts, but I could see immediately they wouldn't fit, and besides, it was a silly idea. I chose a pair of her plain panties and put them on. They hugged my hips instead of my waist. I kept tugging at them; they felt as if they were going to fall off. Her jeans were a size or so too large, but they would do for now. I held up a bra, looked at it and flung it down on the bed without even trying it on, not that I would have known how to adjust it if I had. I pulled a blouse from her closet and was just putting my arm through the first sleeve when Donna came back into the room.
She took one look at my bare breasts, then her glance shifted to the discarded bra, crumpled on the bed like something designed for the Salvation Army box.
"So, you decided against a bra, huh? Well, it looks like you can get away without one most of the time. You'll have to wear one on occasion, though." She began pulling on casual clothes.
I had trouble buttoning the old-fashioned blouse until I realized the fastenings were on the wrong side. I decided right then I would wear touchtab clothes from now on. I sat down on the edge of the bed, thinking gloomy thoughts until Donna finished dressing. I wondered how Rez was making out. Probably better than I was. Rita had always been a practical person and she still retained the same mind, just as I did. I doubted she-he-would be in the kind of funk I was in.
"Ready?" Donna said.
"I guess." I got to my feet but was reluctant to go out and face the others. What had Rez and Russell done last night? Had they just slept, like Donna and I? Probably. Grief over Seyla's death, if nothing else, would have kept them apart. Besides, I didn't think Russell was that way.
I stood in the same place by the bed until Donna came over and put her arms around me.
"Li, please don't take this so hard. I promise, it's not all that bad."
"I'll try, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it," I said.
"Of course you will. I'll help. Remember Don, your old friend? I'm still in here, just like always. Now that we're both women, I think you'll find it's easier to share your thoughts with me, like we used to do. We can let our hair down and talk men-talk, just between us girls."
I had to laugh at that, and felt better for it. I returned her embrace and kissed her, just as I had been doing for months. She responded enthusiastically for a moment, then broke away from me.
"Let's save this for later, huh? Boy, have you got some revelations coming!" She smiled like a student who knew all the answers to an exam in advance.
I wondered what she meant, but didn't give it much thought at the moment. We left the bedroom.
***
Breakfast smells brought Russell and Rez out into the den. Rez was dressed in some of Russell's old clothes. They fit him no better than Rita's did me.
"Good morning," Rez said, looking at me tentatively, as if I were an old lover who had unexpectedly appeared from out of the past.
Talking with Donna had helped my attitude some. I went over to him and put my arms around his neck and pecked him on the lips. "Good morning," I said. God, I felt short. He towered over me. I didn't linger in the embrace, stepping away just as I felt his hands touch my waist.
Russell was dry-eyed, but he was still haggard-looking, as if he were just returning from the lab after a week of no sleep.
The first thing we did after breakfast was to go back to the gate where Seyla had died-or at least not come out of the gate. There were a couple reporters hanging around, but we ignored them, or tried to, but they were persistent. I felt for my gun, intending to use it to wave them away. The damn female blouse didn't have pockets, so I couldn't get to my little automatic easily; it was tucked into the back pocket of my jeans and I sure as hell wasn't carrying a purse. Or not yet, anyway. Donna pulled hers out just enough to show them that we didn't intend to be bothered. They retreated, but I suppose they were still recording. We laid a wreath of flowers nearby and cried together until we could no longer stand it. After that, we went back home.
None of us wanted to catch the news; we were too afraid we would see Seyla in her last moments. Instead, we had a light lunch, then Russell and Donna excused themselves and went into his bedroom together. I think they left Rez and I alone deliberately, to let us begin getting used to our change, but I'm sure that wasn't the only reason. Donna had learned how to comfort a man, and Russell was in dire need of it.
I sat down by Rez on the small lounger. His eyes were wet with unshed tears.
"Are you still thinking of Seyla?" I asked.
"Yes, of course, but that's not the only thing. I was thinking of our ba-our bab-" He burst into full-blown tears. "Oh, Li."
My immediate reaction was to do what I would have done the day before: pull him into my arms. That didn't work too well; I had forgotten the disparity in sizes again. We fumbled for a moment and he wound up with his arms around me. I felt small and vulnerable and helpless. What do you say to a woman who has just lost a baby, especially if the woman has suddenly become a man?
Eventually, he wiped away the tears and let go of me. "I'm sorry, Li. I won't do that again."
"It's all right," I said. "I feel the same way."
"It's not all right, but I'll get over it. Just please, be patient with me."
"I will," I assured him, thinking I didn't even know how to assure myself.
"I hope so. I need you now more than I ever thought I would need anyone."
Well, I needed him too, but it was Rita I wanted, not Rez. I couldn't reconcile the man sitting beside me with Rita, even though I knew she was still there, inside that male body. I didn't know what to say, let alone what to do.
"This is hard on you, isn't it?" Rez said, looking inquiringly at me.
"No more so than it must be for you." I said.
He shook his head. "No, I don't think so. I'll get used to it quicker than you will." He patted one of my shapely thighs. "It will come, though. Spend some time with Donna. She'll help you along. Just don't forget who I really am, though. Rita. And I love you just as much as ever."
That was the thing. I still loved Rita, too, but I couldn't feel her presence like I wanted to, not in that big male body. It was like a kid seeing his dad dressed up in a Halloween costume.
We spent the afternoon just talking and walking around the house, trying to get adjusted to our new bodies. I got to where I could converse a little easier with Rez, especially aft
er he had laughed at me a few times when I made mistakes, like having to jerk forward an extra few inches when reaching for something in order to compensate for shorter arms than I was used to, or suddenly being blinded by my long hair when I leaned forward, or making moves that caused my breasts to get in my way. All my reactions were still geared to a larger male body, and I had come out small, even for a woman. I wasn't much more than five feet tall.
The third or fourth time Rez laughed at me, I glared at him, trying to look angry. He just laughed harder. "Think of me," he said through a fresh burst of giggles. "I woke up this morning with an erection and didn't know what to do to make it go down."
That almost floored me. "What did you do?"
"What do you think?" She giggled again, almost like a woman. "I haven't learned to aim straight yet, either."
Now I had to laugh. I wasn't the only one having problems. Besides having to get used to a penis, he was having the same problems as I was, except in reverse. He tended to reach too far, and hold household items too tight, and after I got used to looking at him, I could detect a faint sway of his hips when he walked. He was going to have to correct that or gay men would start following him around in droves.
Russell and Donna rejoined us after a few hours. Russell looked much better. "I'm going back to the lab," he said.
"Do you have to leave so soon?" I asked.
"I want to. It will get my mind off Seyla and there are things I need to check up on. I'll be back in a day or two."
He left a few minutes later after giving me a hug that was friendlier than I was used to from him. I didn't let it last long. Every time either he or Rez hugged me, I could feel the yielding pressure of my breasts against their chests, a sensation I still wasn't comfortable with.
Rez went to bed early. I think he did it deliberately, especially remembering his remark to me about "spending time with Donna". Besides, he knew as certainly as the wind blows from the north in winter that I wasn't ready to sleep with a man yet. I didn't know if I ever would be.
Chapter Eighteen
I woke up the next morning in the middle of a dream. I was a man again, and just getting ready to make love to Rita. As I came to awareness, the dream dissipated when I recognized the body next to me. Donna had her back up against me. I had an arm around her and my hand was cupping her breast. I think that was what woke me. It felt larger than it should and I couldn't figure it out. Donna's breasts were bigger than any of the other girls and I couldn't imagine who else would be in bed with me. It took me a few seconds to realize Donna was the same size as ever; it was my hand that was smaller.
If I hadn't needed to get up and go to the bathroom, the dream might have progressed on into reality. As it was, I slid my hand away and rolled out of bed. As usual, I was the first person awake. I stood there for a moment, looking down at Donna. The sheet had slid down around her hips and her upper body was bare. I felt a sexual arousal surge through my body, making my breasts and thighs feel warmer than they should. Just looking at her told me that my male mind was still working fine, but I couldn't help wondering if Donna found me attractive as a female. I thought it probably wouldn't be long before I found out, but right now, I had to go.
Donna was still making the decisions. After breakfast at McDonald's, Rez wanted to go on into North Houston to see Russell about his project, but Donna insisted we go shopping for new clothes and accessories before he left.
Rez took longer to pick out clothes than any man I have ever met, but I guess he came by it naturally, seeing as how he had spent all his previous life as a female. Donna gave help and advice from her perspective of last year when she had been male. It took three times longer to get him outfitted than I thought it should. I got impatient, then annoyed at the time they spent selecting a few pairs of jeans, shirts and jirts. There wasn't that much difference in most of the items, but apparently, they thought so. Finally, it was over and I breathed a sigh of relief when Rez left her bundles with us and took off for North Houston. I thought the rest of the shopping expedition would only take a few minutes. That just goes to show how little I still knew about being a woman.
After the booth took my measurements, Donna insisted on paying for a graphics program, then examining my image on the screen while it tried on every single garment we selected.
I tried to keep it simple, but Donna wouldn't let me. She kept saying, "No, no, Li. That won't go with your hair," or "No, those don't match. Let's try another set."
She made me buy some frilly things in silkskin and velvetin and clingtight, even though I kept telling her I would never wear them. "Yes, you will," she insisted, and I finally let her have her way. It was only money, and I had plenty of that, but I still didn't intend to wear them.
I did enjoy the lingerie selection,, simply because I still couldn't identify the auburn-haired beauty on the full-length screen with myself. I enjoyed seeing her clothed and unclothed again and again while Donna made the decisions. Again, I tried to pick out simple things, but she wouldn't let me. "Oh, no," she would say. "This is much sexier," or "Wow, wait until Rez and Russell see you in this!" I didn't tell her that I wasn't intending to walk around in front of the men wearing the few ounces of next to nothing she picked out; I knew how they would react, and I wouldn't blame them if they did. I knew exactly how men thought when they saw scantily-clad female bodies and I didn't intend to let them get bothered, then be unable to do anything about it. I have to admit, though, Donna knew what she was doing. Every single garment made my image a walking invitation for sex no man could resist..
That gave me pause for thought. God's chips, I could be raped now! It made me shudder to even think of it. I made a mental note to myself to never, ever forget to carry my gun, and to devise a quick way to get to it.
As soon as the garments were put together, we sent them all back home by courier since Rez and Russell had both cars with them. We began walking toward home, then Donna turned off on another street.
"Where are we going now?" I asked.
"Last stop before home. We have to get you an implant."
I stopped dead on the sidewalk. Implant? I hadn't even thought about such a thing. "No," I said. "I don't think I'll be needing one."
"You might surprise yourself. Besides, what if you got raped one day?" she asked, mirroring my previous thought. "Or what if someone slips some pheromones into the punch at a party? It happens, you know."
I had already thought of the possibility, but not in those terms. I shuddered. What if it did happen and I got pregnant? There were abortion pills of course, but would I want to go through the bother they entailed? I followed Donna to the clinic.
It was very embarrassing, since old Doc Tyler, whom I had known all my life, insisted on a pelvic exam first. It was probably just habit on his part, old practices which were so ingrained in him that he couldn't quit them all at once. No new female just out of a gate needed an exam; they were invariably as healthy as an Olympic athlete.
While I was in the stirrups, Donna was in the examining room with me, holding my hand. I was glad she came along. Knowing she had gone through the same procedure made it a little easier, though there was nothing at all fun about it. Right then, I would have liked to have words with whoever was responsible for designing the female body. That damn speculum was as cold as an ice cube and it seemed as if it was in there for hours. Tyson didn't talk much during the proceedings, except toward the end.
"Would you like me to remove the hymen while we're here?" he asked.
We? Where did he get that we from? "No," I said. I just wanted this to be over with.
"Yes," Donna said. She squeezed my hand when I started to argue with her. When I didn't speak up again, he took my silence for assent. I felt a sharp little prick of pain, but not enough to really bother me. After that was over, he used a little hand-held injection gun to insert the implant. He held it against my outer thigh. There was a snap like the sound of a rubber band thwacking a piece of paper.
"Ouc
h!" I said. "That hurt."
"It's all over with. Don't have intercourse until after your next period and you should be as safe as a baby girl." He laughed as he left the room. I didn't see anything funny, especially when he mentioned my next period. Next? I hadn't even had my first one yet, and I damn sure wasn't looking forward to it. I decided no matter how much it embarrassed me, I had better ask Donna about the mechanics of coping with it before it snuck up on me and embarrassed me even more.
***
Donna bought a few things of her own while we were shopping, and after we got back home, she insisted we try on our new clothes. I have to admit that I was curious about how they would fit and feel, even the exotic (to me) things, and how I would look in them in the flesh rather than as a graphie.
Donna laid the clothes out on the bed. We undressed down to panties and began putting on and taking off clothes. The silkskin items surprised me the most. I could see where the name originated from. The blouses and dresses and pants melded to my body like a second skin, outlining the contours and curves of my new body like a perfectly fitted glove. When I ran my hands over my body, it was almost like touching my own skin.
The velvetin tops and trousers didn't cling quite so closely, but the feel of them where they did touch was like downy feathers caressing my body. I wondered why they never made men's clothing from those materials. Was it some macho thing that men wouldn't wear anything slinky or silky? I had no idea, but it gave me the subject for another story.
I put each item of clothing away after trying it on, either in a drawer or hanging in the closet. I think I blushed when it got to the nightgowns. I felt like a transvestite again, especially with Donna whistling or making cute remarks when I tried them on. She had long since finished with the few items she had bought, but hadn't gotten dressed yet. There was only one thing left to try and that was the bras Donna had insisted I buy, in several different styles and colors.
