“Yes,” she said between gritted teeth, unwilling to hide it.
“Your heart’s set on June, isn’t it?”
“No,” she said forcefully, and whirled around. “I’m not going to marry you.” There, she’d said it, but in far less diplomatic terms than she’d wanted.
A stunned, disbelieving silence followed. At last she’d found a way to capture his attention.
“You’re honestly breaking our engagement?”
He seemed to need confirmation. “Yes,” she said firmly.
He scratched the side of his head. “Don’t you think that’s a bit drastic, considering that I’m willing to give up the May date? I’d like to think I’m a reasonable man. If you don’t want the wedding in May, why don’t you just say so?”
“I don’t want the wedding in May or June or any other month of the year.” She folded her arms and released a deep sigh of frustration. “This is the crux of the problem between us. You don’t hear me. I’m trying to tell you something important, and either you don’t care or you’ve already got your mind made up.”
He stiffened. “I don’t see it that way.”
Hannah had never intended for them to discuss their basic personality differences. “I want to break the engagement, Carl. I deeply regret hurting you, but I’m fairly certain you aren’t in love with me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he snapped. “Of course I love you. I think you’re wonderful. You’ll make me a good wife, you’re supportive and—”
“You’re doing it again,” she cried, clenching her fists at her sides. Hannah so seldom raised her voice that it shocked even her.
Carl looked genuinely baffled. “I don’t understand. Hannah, listen, tell me whatever it is that you find offensive. I can change.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“But of course it matters. I realize that marriage is an important step and you’re bound to have second thoughts, every woman does. Now it’s true,” he said, and raised his right hand with a dismissive gesture, “that I’ve been wrapped up in my own problems of late. I haven’t paid you nearly enough attention, have I? Naturally you’re feeling short-changed in the romance department, and frankly I don’t blame you.”
“Carl,” she whispered, “you don’t love me.”
“Nonsense. I asked you to marry me, didn’t I?”
“Okay,” she whispered, her patience wearing paper thin. “Let’s try this from a different angle. I can’t marry you, Carl, because I don’t love you.”
He laughed. The man had the nerve to actually laugh aloud.
Dumbfounded, all Hannah could do was stare at him.
“Of course you love me,” he countered, sounding relieved. He placed his hand on his chest as if to restrain the bubbling amusement welling up inside him. “Hannah, these doubts of yours are only natural. I had them, too.”
“And now you don’t?”
“Occasionally,” he was willing to admit. “But I’ve worked through those feelings, and given time, you will, too.”
Hannah had hoped that she could talk to Carl without telling him about Joshua. It was one thing to break the engagement and something else entirely to mention she’d fallen in love with another man. She’d hoped to spare Carl that.
“The problem as I see it,” Carl said, talking to her as he would one of his students, “is that people are rarely willing to see through their difficulties. Our society is caught up in fast-food restaurants, ‘pay later’ mentality, and instant gratification. My dear Hannah, what you’re feeling isn’t so difficult to understand. But we’ve made a commitment to each other, and we can’t treat it lightly.”
“Carl, I’m terminating our engagement.” She couldn’t say it any plainer than that.
“It’s times such as these that we need to hold on to each other instead of letting go of the most important relationship of our lives.”
Hannah’s heart was pounding so hard and fast, it felt as though her ribs were about to break. “I’ve met someone else,” she said forcefully.
Her words stopped Carl cold. His eyes narrowed. “Who?”
“You don’t know him.”
“Don’t be so sure. Tell me his name.”
“What does it matter what his name is?” she demanded. “I love him and he loves me.”
Looking completely taken aback, Carl pulled out a kitchen chair and slumped onto it.
“To be honest, Carl, I didn’t think you’d care.”
“Not care?” he cried as though her comment had outraged him. “Of course I care. Some man, some stranger, has stolen my bride, and you seem to think that it really shouldn’t matter.”
Hannah knew it was his ego speaking and was sorrier than she could say. “If you’re looking to blame anyone, blame me,” she told him gently. “I never intended to tell you about him, but then I couldn’t make you listen, and—”
His head jerked up. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
“All I wanted to do was break the engagement, but you refused to believe me . . . you weren’t hearing me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I heard every word you said.”
Hannah wasn’t going to get into an argument with him, but this was too much. “You keep discounting me, offering excuses and reasons for my wanting to call off the engagement. You’ve given me no option but to tell you about Joshua.”
“Joshua . . .” He repeated the name as if he were reading it off a post office poster.
“I’m genuinely sorry.”
“You’re serious? This isn’t some stupid joke?”
“I can’t marry you, Carl, nor can I go on pretending I love you.”
The silence that followed fell like a butcher’s cleaver into the middle of the room.
Carl reached for his jacket, swinging it over his shoulders like a shawl in his rush to get away from her. “Do your parents know?”
Hannah hesitated. “They will soon enough.”
He walked toward the stairway, his steps abrupt and urgent. “If this other man is who you love, then all I can say is you’re welcome to him. Just don’t come crying to me when you’ve regained your senses.”
“Joshua isn’t going to break my heart,” she assured him softly. “I realize this is painful, Carl, but I’d like it if we could be friends.”
“Friends?” he echoed as though it were a ridiculous suggestion. “You’ve got to be kidding. Frankly, Hannah, I doubt that I’ll ever want to see you again.” Having said that, he stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. The pictures on the walls shook with the force of his exit.
“Hannah?” A moment later her father called from the bottom of the stairs.
“Yes,” she said, hoping she sounded calm and assured.
“Is everything all right between you and Carl?”
She didn’t hesitate, and the relief in her voice was evident. “Don’t worry, Dad, everything’s the way it should be.”
There came a time in every man’s life when he had to admit he’d made a mistake, learn from it, and move forward. Joshua had reached that point the afternoon he’d heard Hannah’s father invite him to his daughter’s wedding to another man.
Even now he couldn’t find it in his heart to be angry with Hannah. Her inability to break her engagement highlighted what had attracted her to him. She was loyal to a fault, caring, and tenderhearted. Family took priority.
A part of him would always love her, he realized. Knowing her for this short period had blessed his life, but now it was time to own up to a few home truths.
First off, his love was hurting her. Because of the tenderness he held for Hannah, he couldn’t continue to make her miserable. The truth was, he’d found her too late.
His decision made, Joshua had hoped to experience some sort of emotional release, but he didn’t. If anything, he felt considerably worse. He’d stewed and fretted, doubted and reasoned, until he was blue with the effort. Nothing would ever change. Hannah loved him, but it went against the very grain of her being to def
y and disappoint her family.
The snowstorm that had been predicted for that afternoon had already darkened the sky. Another night of sitting home alone, thinking about Hannah, would solve nothing.
Unfortunately all his favorite escapes had been ruined. He couldn’t walk past Rockefeller Center now and not remember the time he and Hannah had skated together. Nor could he forget how good she’d felt in his arms.
This was the real problem: he couldn’t forget.
The time had come to seek greener pastures, and he had just the woman in mind. He reached for the phone and dialed Carol’s number.
“Hannah,” her mother called to her from the hallway. “Your father and I need to talk to you.”
Hannah opened her bedroom door, her coat draped over her arm.
Ruth’s eyes widened with distress. “You’re not going out, are you?”
“Yes.”
Ruth hesitated and looked to her husband.
“Did you need me to get you something?” Hannah asked, then added, “I don’t know when I’ll be home.”
“No. . . . I just received a call from Carl’s mother. Is it true, honey, have you broken the engagement with Carl?”
Hannah should have realized something like this would happen. Carl had gone directly to his family and listed her sins. Hannah regretted that she hadn’t prepared her parents for the news, but she’d been hoping to confront them with Joshua at her side.
“I don’t love Carl,” she told her mother gently. “I’m sorry, Mom, I know how much you and Dad like him, but I don’t feel the same way.”
“There’s someone else?” her mother questioned, her voice revealing the depth of her disbelief. “Helen seems to think you’ve been seeing another man on the sly, without any of us knowing. I assured her that couldn’t possibly be true.”
David Morganstern stood behind his wife, his hand on Ruth’s shoulder. His eyes, dark and inquisitive, rested on his daughter.
“His name’s Joshua Shadduck,” she admitted. “He’s an attorney.”
Her mother gasped softly and covered her mouth with her hand. Hannah wasn’t sure if this was because she’d admitted to dating someone while engaged to Carl or because Joshua was an attorney.
Her father frowned. “Didn’t I recently meet this young man?”
Ashamed that she’d deceived them both, Hannah lowered her gaze. “Yes. He was in the deli.”
“How could you have fallen in love with him?” her mother asked, her voice raised with disbelief. “How could you hurt Carl like this? He’s such a good man. We couldn’t ask for a better husband for you.”
“Joshua will make me a good husband, too.”
“I forbid you from seeing this Joshua again,” her father said sternly.
“Daddy, I’ve never defied you. I’ve always done what you’ve asked, but I love Joshua with all my heart. I need to see him. I need to be with him.”
Her parents stared back at her, too shocked to respond right away.
“How did you meet him?” The question came from her mother a moment later.
“We met at the Thanksgiving Day parade. Then, before I had a chance to analyze how I felt about him, Carl asked me to marry him. I didn’t want to agree, but at the time it seemed like the best thing to do. You and Dad were so pleased, and you both like Carl.”
“He’s been like a son to me,” her father admitted sadly.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Hannah whispered. “I didn’t mean to disappoint you.” Before either one could say anything more, she rushed out of the apartment.
“Hannah, please, don’t go,” her mother shouted from the top of the stairway, but Hannah pretended not to hear. Never in all her life had she ignored her mother and father.
Hannah caught a taxi outside the deli and read the driver the Riverside Drive address Joshua had written down on the back of his business card.
“It looks like it might snow,” she said, glancing toward the darkening sky. The sooner she reached Joshua, the better. She needed him now as never before. When she told him what had happened, he’d come with her and together they’d talk to her family and make everything right.
The driver mumbled something in return that she didn’t understand.
Several minutes later the cabdriver pulled over to the curb and flipped off the meter. Hannah gazed out the car window at the high-rise apartment building and experienced a sense of relief. The man she loved, the man she’d defied her family to marry, lived in this building.
“Lady, are you going to stare out the window all day?”
“No, sorry.” She returned her attention to her purse and pulled out her wallet. From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of a familiar figure. Looking up, she saw Joshua coming out of the building. She raised her hand and was about to call him when, suddenly, she stopped. The happy shout died in her throat.
Joshua wasn’t alone.
Standing beside him was the most beautiful, elegant-looking woman Hannah had ever seen. Joshua slipped his arm around the other woman’s waist, bent down, and kissed her gently on the lips.
Her heart pounding like a locomotive chugging uphill, Hannah hurled herself back against the seat, not wanting him to see her.
“Lady, are you going to pay me or not?” the cabbie asked a second time with far less patience.
“Yes, yes, of course.” Hannah leaned forward just far enough to peek at Joshua. It was apparent the two were long-term acquaintances. The woman with him gazed up adoringly, as though this were the happiest day of her life.
“Please,” Hannah whispered. “Take me home.”
“You got the money or don’t you?” the taxi driver asked.
She handed him a twenty-dollar bill for security. “Now take me back,” she pleaded. She’d go home because she had nowhere else to go. With her tail between her legs, her heart heavy with pain, she’d return to her family, who would love and support her despite the fact that she’d deeply embarrassed and disappointed them.
“All right, if you want to go back, then fine, I’ll take you.” The driver hesitated, and Hannah met his gaze in the rearview mirror. “Is everything all right?” he asked gently.
“No,” Hannah whispered.
She was too late. Joshua had found someone else.
Mike Glasser was buried two days later. Father Grady was scheduled to say the funeral mass and had spent considerable time counseling Mike’s mother, Louise.
Brynn was one of the first to arrive at the church. She slipped into the pew and knelt down on the padded kneeler. Since hearing the news, she hadn’t cried. It might have helped if she’d been able to release her grief, but she held on to it with both hands, clenching it to her breast, fearing what would happen if she ever let go.
Mike’s death was a constant, painful reminder of how badly she’d failed him and her other students. How badly she’d failed herself.
Emilio walked into church and sat in the pew directly across from her. Yolanda and Pearl arrived together and sat in front of Brynn.
The huge church was nearly half full with a number of other students and faculty members from Manhattan High. Mike’s suicide had had a powerful impact on those who’d known him.
Organ music, deep and somber, filled the church. Mike’s mother and a handful of other relatives arrived. Together they walked down the center aisle. Louise Glasser’s shoulders were bent under the weight of her grief. She appeared to be leaning heavily on the girl walking beside her. The two clung to each other. It didn’t take Brynn long to realize the one with Mike’s mother was Suzie Chang. They needed each other.
Brynn had met with them both, separately. They’d come together as strangers with a common bond. Both had loved Mike. Both deeply grieved his death.
Organ music surged through the church as a man’s voice, hauntingly melodic, rang loud and clear from the choir loft. The voice, a baritone, reached out and consoled with music those who’d gathered to mourn Mike’s death. Brynn recognized the singer’s voice immediately.<
br />
Roberto.
Even from this distance his voice filled her with a bitter sadness. It settled in the pit of her stomach, and a chill came over her as she closed her eyes and soaked in the comfort of the song. She pretended it was Roberto’s arms around her.
Since her last meeting with Roberto, Brynn had tried to push all thoughts of him from her mind. By the sheer force of her determination, she’d partially succeeded. Despite her efforts to purge him from her thoughts, she couldn’t keep from feeling that something important, something vital, was missing.
Once, a year or so before, Brynn had lost her purse. A knot had formed in her stomach that refused to go away until she was able to replace everything that had been lost. A similar sensation had been with her since her last meeting with Roberto. She was lost, and the way she felt just then, nothing would ever be right again. She supposed her thinking was melodramatic. In time she’d be able to put these weeks in New York behind her.
As Roberto had encouraged her from the beginning, she would return to where she belonged. But she wouldn’t go back to Rhode Island the same as when she’d left. No, when she headed home, she’d be bringing a lot of emotional baggage with her.
Father Grady said the mass. A wake was scheduled in the parish hall immediately following the service. Brynn knew she was expected to show. It was as good a time as any to tell her students that she wouldn’t be back in class following winter vacation. Already they’d been assigned another teacher, one with more experience than she.
Most of Brynn’s apartment was packed. Depending on road conditions, she should be ready to leave in another day, two at the most.
When the service was over, Mike’s family filed out first, then each row followed in turn.
Brynn stayed behind. She wanted a few moments alone before she headed over to the parish hall. With her head bowed, she tried to pray. Lately it had been a losing battle. Every concern she gave to God had claw marks all over it.
Not only had her abilities as a teacher been questioned, but her faith, once so stable and sure, had been badly shaken. She recognized that in time it would right itself again, but just then even that looked doubtful.
Angels Everywhere Page 53
