Rufus reached across the bar and grabbed Jewel's arm; he held it fast as he spoke. "A mama only one little part of what you are, Jewel. You respect yo'self out there, you heah me?"
Jewel nodded, squeezed his hand, then pushed the swinging doors aside and scanned the street for Dakota. She spotted the girl sitting incongruously on the edge of the raised boardwalk, her feet dangling like a little child's, her eyes averted and her shoulders shaking. The madam took one deep breath and crossed the dusty road to face her daughter.
"I'm real sorry you had to find out this way, Dakota. I never meant you to be ashamed, that's why I pretended like I did, through all the years. That's why I sent you east to school. But you cain't varnish the truth, I guess—it always comes out sticky. So here it is, straight and honest as I can make it. I own a saloon, and a laundry, a bathhouse and a whorehouse. Been a whore, too... been a lot of things in order to eat. I always tried to be decent and to tell the truth, been a good friend to some and a bad enemy to others. I guess the best you could say about me is I always loved you and wanted life to treat you different than it treated me." The girl stared fixedly at her shoes.
"And my father?" she whispered without looking up. "I guess he's not a traveling businessman?"
Jewel's hands were on her hips now, a measure of defiance in the stance; nobody, daughter or not, could be permitted to put Ford Jameson down... not while she drew breath.
"Your daddy is an outlaw to some, a marshal to others. Only part that counts is what he's been to you, which is real upstanding. He loves you, Dakota. He's done his best for you, even in the lean times."
The girl's body trembled and Jewel didn't know if she should try to comfort her tears. Dakota raised her fine head to look at her mother, so much merriment in her expression that Jewel was shocked. The girl threw back her head and laughed aloud, a deep, throaty sound that could have been Jewel's laugh a thousand years before.
"I'm delighted to meet you, Mama," she said through her laughter. "You have absolutely no idea how I've looked forward to this day."
Jewel felt confused and foolish. "You're not upset about finding things different from what you thought? Not embarrassed? I saw the way you looked me up and down in there..."
"Well, I should say I did," the girl replied with enthusiasm. "I was thinking why in the hell didn't I inherit that unbelievable body? I can see I've inherited quite a number of other things from you, Mama. Now I know why I never fit in at school... why I'm wilder than my ever-so-careful contemporaries. And why I want different things out of life than a proper husband and proper babies and a lifetime of boring propriety. Oh, Mama, don't you see? So many things make sense to me now that never did before this minute. I always thought you kept me in boarding schools because you just didn't want to be bothered with me. And that was the most demoralizing thing of all... wondering why. Now I know it hadn't anything to do with my inadequacies, and I'm so relieved I could just jump up and down right here on this glorious street corner.
"I came to find you because I want to see the world, Mama, and not the world the people at finishing school have in mind for me. I'm educated to a fare-thee-well. I can speak French and I never fail forks... and I can do calculus, which no self-respecting woman would ever want to admit, and if I'm not careful, I'll end up all pruned up and totally unused, and that's not what I want at all."
"What do you want?"
"To see the world, Mama! I want to touch, taste, feel, smell everything in it... to not die thinking there was something important I forgot to do. I want to find out what men are like before I get stuck married to one. I want to act and sing and dance before crowned heads, and find the source of the Nile, and maybe join the Foreign Legion... and just about every other mad, rebellious thing you can think of! Most of all, I want to write novels and there's absolutely no way to do that if you haven't lived. I have a splendid imagination, because it's gotten so much use over the years, but that's no substitute for experience."
Jewel smiled at the exuberance only unsullied youth can produce. "Better come back inside and have some lunch first, honey. Sounds to me like you'll need to keep your strength up." She shook her head in amusement; Fate never did let you get complacent for long.
Dakota slid to the ground, and Jewel marveled at her unstudied elegance, in some ways so much like Ford's. She could see each of them in their daughter, his dark sensuality, her own mischief, but Dakota was other things, too... as if the gods had added a few surprises of their own. She wondered what the taciturn and brooding new marshal of Medicine Hat would say when he heard the news that their long-lost Dakota had come home to roost, on her way to see the world.
Ford felt the warmth of the young girl at his side; she held his arm proudly, lovingly. His heart swelled every time he looked at Dakota; he was relieved he wore a tin star on his chest now, so she wouldn't have to be ashamed of his profession. She'd settled in to life at the Crown, helping Rufus, helping Jewel. Wu had actually smiled when he spoke of her, she had so many Chinese virtues, he'd said enigmatically. She was industrious and honorable and she could do sums as fast as anyone he'd ever seen who did not possess an abacus.
"Have you decided what you intend to do next, Dakota?" Ford asked her. The wind blew chill off the mountains and she held fast to his arm for warmth and love.
"Part of me wants to go west to San Francisco, or Los Angeles, Daddy. I think I'd like the West better than the East, and I'm certain I could find employment there. But I'd hate to leave Mama so soon, and I wouldn't want to stay here for any length of time without working. There's a schoolteacher needed for the Leadville Consolidated School and I do love children, so I've been thinking I might apply. It's just that being a schoolmarm seems a bit of a roadblock in my desire to see the world."
Ford patted her hand as he spoke. "Could be you should stay here awhile, Dakota. Get to know your mama... I could visit from time to time, too. Seems a shame to run off, when we three just found each other again."
"I've thought of that, too, Daddy. It's lovely to belong to someone, isn't it? Although I'm a little afraid it could be habit-forming, and then I'd never get to see all the extraordinary things I've dreamed about."
"You have a long time ahead of you to see the world, Dakota."
She cocked her head to catch his downcast gaze when she replied thoughtfully, "People get trapped in thinking that, don't they, Daddy? I expect it's why most people don't go anywhere and die knowing only the town they were born in. I couldn't bear that happening to me."
"What exactly do you think you'll find in those far-off places, Dakota?"
"Experience. Something important to write about. Heartbreak, love, adventure, tragedy, things I've never even imagined... I want to write books that will live after me, stories people will pull down off the shelf on a cold winter evening by the fire, the kind they'll read with tears in their eyes and then pass on to the ones they love." Her face shone with the expectation of immortality. "I've been keeping a diary since I was seven, you know. It's full to the brim with observations, but what does a girl in boarding school have to observe, really? I'm afraid I need to experience woman-things, and I'm not in the least sure I could find any real adventures here in Leadville. I envy Fancy McAllister—she's already done so many of the things on my list."
Ford knew far too much about adventures to be pleased with Dakota's plan, but he loved her too well to try to keep her dreams from coming true.
"You know, Julia, she's about as interesting as anyone I've ever met." Ford lifted his chin so Jewel could fix the black string tie into a more agreeable knot.
"I quoted something obscure from Virgil today and she finished up the quote, delighted as a child that I knew it."
Jewel stood back to admire her work. "She's smart as they come, Ford... way beyond her mama, that's for sure. And she says the damnedest things, real insightful and funny, too. Like the other day when she told Rufus poor Augusta Tabor had the misfortune to be 'pickled up by righteousness' and that Fancy is 'bod
aciously fractious.' Wu says he'll take her to San Francisco next time he goes; maybe that'll satisfy her wanderlust, for a while at least."
Ford put his arms around Jewel. "There's plenty her mama can teach her, Julia, don't forget that. In some ways, she's older than her years, but in others she's as innocent as a little girl. We'd best keep an eye on her where men are concerned, I'm afraid she'd be easy prey. Have you had a talk with her about men?"
Jewel laughed heartily. "Have I ever! That girl's as interested in the birds and the bees as she is in every blessed other thing you can think of, Ford. You would have fainted if you heard the questions she asked me, 'just as research for her journal,' she said. Would've made a rabbit blush."
Ford looked worried, as only the father of a daughter can.
"What did you tell her, Julia?"
"Every blessed thing I could think of, of course. I don't hold with innocence bein' so all-fired good—just another word for ignorance is all it is. I don't want her followin' some fancy man down the garden path 'cause she's ignorant of what he's after—so I made sure she had her facts straight. She said our discussion was 'most enlightening.' "
"No man can imagine what women say of sex to each other, Julia," Ford said with a hint of a smile. "Probably scare the bejesus out of us, if we knew."
"She said she might take the job they was offerin' at the Consolidated School, just to keep busy over the winter and earn her keep.
I hope she does it, too. I don't cotton to havin' her in the saloon. It ain't the right environment for a lady."
Ford's expression softened and he pulled her in close. "You're the purest person I know, Julia," he said gently. "It could only do her good to be around you, saloon or no saloon."
"I don't know, Ford. Mebbe it is best if she moves on to some-wheres she won't be tainted by our past. It's just that I hate the thought of losin' her."
"We won't lose her, Julia. Wherever she goes, she'll always be part of us. She's our immortality."
They finished dressing and walked down the stairs contentedly to the Crown at its evening revels.
Chapter 89
Dakota Jameson was as beautiful as any young woman Fancy had ever seen, she decided, and it wasn't all on the outside. She was the oddest combination of practicality and zaniness; both her imagination and her tongue seemed to work overtime. Fancy invited her to visit in Denver at every opportunity, and several times made the trip to Leadville just to see the girl.
"I knew we'd be kindred souls the moment I laid eyes on you," Dakota told her. "You've lived all the adventures I've merely dreamed."
Fancy smiled and eased her horse from a trot to a walk. "My adventures took a lot out of me, Dakota, I assure you."
"Oh, but they put a great deal in, too, Fancy, didn't they? I've been trying to decide how to characterize you in my journal, but you're so complicated I hardly know where to begin. You and Mama nearly defy my imagination, and that's a real trick because I'm a mighty imaginer."
"You love your mama, don't you, Dakota?"
"Oh, yes, I do. So very much. She's a good bit larger than life, isn't she? Nearly mythic, in fact. And an awfully good person, too, don't you think? Completely at odds with people's notions about women in her somewhat dubious profession. I keep thinking of Mary Magdalene, of course—she certainly defied the popular view of goodness. Maybe it has to do with having red hair; I've always thought perhaps it's harder not to get into mischief if you have red hair. Of course, mischief doesn't seem to have anything to do with goodness, does it?"
Fancy shook her head and laughed; she'd have to remember to tell Jewel about her resemblance to Mary Magdalene. "It's a good thing you've decided to be a writer, Dakota. You'll need a place to put all those words you keep manufacturing."
Dakota laughed, and Fancy thought she saw Ford in her exotic eyes.
"I've stored up millions of them, you know... words and stories. All those years in boarding schools, I was so lonely that I just kept making up stories about the world and life and my parents, to keep me going. Now I can let them all out and I'm afraid there are years and years of them trying to scramble out of me all at once, so it may take me quite a while to run down. I do hope you don't mind."
"Mind? I'm so happy that you love your mother, Dakota, so happy for both of you, that you can talk to your heart's content."
"Aurora really hurts you, doesn't she, Fancy?" Dakota asked, and Fancy's happy expression changed.
"You mustn't mind my talking about personal things with you, Fancy, because we're kindred souls and because I'll only be here for a while and I'd hate to think, later, that we'd only talked about the weather and never said anything at all important to each other. I tried to find out why Aurora's so cranky at you, the other day, you know. She's got a Gordian knot of anger inside that she seems to nurture. She likes the attention she gets from being difficult and doesn't have a clue how much nicer life could be if she weren't. And she's a bit spoiled, too, I'm afraid, Fancy. I suspect it's hard to keep your perspective if you always get everything, so there's nothing left to dream of. I can't think what life would be like without my dreams! And I suspect Aurora thinks she'll never measure up to the pace you've set, Fancy, and I wish I didn't feel compelled to say this, but I'm going to because you're my friend and Mama's, too. If she can't rise up to your level of achievement, I fear she may just try to drag you down to hers—so, I do hope you'll be especially careful of her, even if she is your firstborn. I have this theory, you see, quite unproven and all, but a theory nonetheless because I've had so much time to observe human nature, that sometimes the children of our bodies are not the children of our spirits. Aurora might not even be your friend, Fancy, but that's pretty terrible to think about, and perhaps I'm wrong."
Fancy shook her head wonderingly at Dakota's perceptiveness. "My friend, Magda, would agree with you, I'm afraid. But I keep hoping you're both wrong."
"Human nature is perverse, isn't it, Fancy? Of course, sometimes life can surprise you for the good, too. All my life I wanted to know my mama and daddy, and to be sure they really loved me. I wanted to really like them—as people, I mean, not just love them because Fate's whim had plopped me on their doorstep. And here I am, happy as a lord, and getting ready to go off on an adventure, knowing my most special dream has come true. So maybe yours will, too."
Fancy reached over to touch the young girl's hand; she didn't trust herself to speak for her voice was suddenly full of tears.
Dakota worked on her journal every day; in fact she worked conscientiously at everything she set her hand to. She helped her mother and Rufus at the Crown and she helped Wu do the books in Chinatown. She learned the intricacies of their businesses with an alacrity that startled Fancy. The girl wasn't driven as she herself was, rather it seemed she was a collector of competencies and applied herself to learning each new task with youthful verve. Dakota had told Fancy she intended to stay the winter in Leadville, before moving on.
"My journal has never been so full," Dakota said as she folded up the cash disbursement book at the laundry and passed it on to Fancy, who was shocked to see that Wu had let the financial record out of his own hands. "I used to have to make up every word in it, but now there's so much incredible reality to draw on, I swear the book looks forward to my arrival home each night, just to see what I'm going to report."
Fancy laughed. "By the time you get to writing your novel, Dakota, you'll have done so much reporting, you'll be too tired for fiction."
"No, indeed, Fancy. My stories are all alive inside me right this minute, I just haven't met them face-to-face yet. I believe they just mill around inside a writer until she's learned enough about life to give them proper voice. After all, it would be a perfect tragedy if you had the soul of a Shakespeare but only the experience of the ditchdigger to draw on."
Fancy smiled at the delightful girl who had grown so close to her heart. "I believe writing and acting have a great deal in common, Dakota. They both demand the ability to live in someone
else's skin. Imagination was always my escape from a reality that needed improvement... yours, too, I suspect."
"Oh, yes, I'm afraid being in boarding school is dreadfully confining, and you can't help but want to be with your family, even if you know that for some reason they can't keep you. After a while, you begin to feel unworthy of being wanted, I suppose, and if you don't want to get crotchety about it, you simply have to look at things differently. I read once that rubies are the souls of lost roses, and that made all the difference for me, Fancy. I thought it was so romantic I nearly wept, and from that instant on, I knew you can choose how you look at the world... you're not just stuck looking at things like other people do. So I began to fantasize about my mama and daddy and how they adored me, but circumstances didn't permit them to keep me near, and that made things infinitely better. And now here I am, and I find that it wasn't a fantasy at all, just the unvarnished truth." Dakota's face was shining; Fancy, for no reason whatsoever, hugged the girl to her heart.
The good women of Leadville did not take kindly to Dakota Jameson applying for a post as schoolteacher, but the board was finally forced to admit her credentials were impeccable, except for her parents. There was considerable discussion at the board meeting about whether the sins of the father, or mother, for that matter, could be visited upon the next generation, but in the end necessity triumphed, for school was about to open and no other qualified person had applied.
Miss Jameson had queer notions about teaching, too, the townsfolk found out quickly. "If I can't win them over with kindness and imagination, then I'd best go about my business elsewhere," Dakota said with conviction to the schoolboard's first meeting. The townsfolk thought sparing the rod a foolish whimsy, but the children of Leadville did their best to prove worthy of the pretty new teacher's trust.
Paint the Wind Page 63
