“No. You caught me off guard. I felt like a fucking asshole for taking something I didn’t know you were giving me. That’s it, pure and simple.” My hands slid round to her stomach, her own hands covering mine. “I’m glad it was me. I want to layout anyone that even fantasizes about putting their hands on you.”
I felt her smile under me, her fingers stroking my arm. “But this is just sex. We can do what we want.”
“I pride myself on only sleeping with one girl at a time.”
Angel laughed, breaking my hold on her and turned to face me. “Is that so?”
“New rule.”
“What, so no sharing this time?”
Sharing? Was she out of her fucking mind?
“Definitely no sharing.”
She turned serious, giving me a fixed look. “What about what I want?”
It was a challenge not to smirk. “Okay, Angel. What do you want?”
“The truth. All the time.”
“The truth?”
“Yeah. No messing around. We’re not together, so it shouldn’t be too hard. If I’m going to stand still with you, I want to feel good doing it. No drama from here on out—no arguments. That’s for couples and we’re taking time out from all that shit. Together. I get headaches from Jordan, I don’t need them from you. Otherwise, what’s the point?”
“No headaches,” I said. “I can do that.”
“I have to get back to work,” she said, flipping the lock on the door.
“Come to Nicky’s after.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Kit—”
“Won’t be there,” I concluded for her. “Stay an hour. I won’t drink, I’ll drive you home. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol.”
And I no longer needed to. But getting Angel back into bed? Yes, I needed that.
She sighed, opening the door to fresh light. “I’m finished at ten-thirty.”
<>
I was sitting sober at nine-fifteen, our small crowd gradually growing to the largest one in the bar. Angel was kept busy all night, but not by us seeing as though she was still refusing to serve us and I’d succeeded in getting everyone to stop fucking asking. Kit and Katlyn walked in just after ten, and I groaned in my seat. When they headed for our booth, I stood and left to stand at the other table where Dan was. Nicky was a magnet for Katlyn and I wasn’t getting caught in the gravitation.
It was nearly eleven by the time Angel approached me, with a reluctance that gave away all that she was thinking. I knew what was going to come out of her mouth before she said it. “You’re not coming.”
Her mouth turned down in an apologetic smile. “No tonight.”
I took her aside, away from the group. “Because kit’s here? I thought we said no drama? I didn’t invite her.”
“We did say that, so don’t make a big thing of this. Nothing is going to happen while Kit is in the same house, and I’ve got studying I need to cram in while I’ve got some free time.”
“Okay. So, another night.” I wasn’t happy, but it meant I could go home and check on Kristina. “Can I kiss you at least?”
“Right here, right now?” I wanted to laugh at how scared she looked.
“Yes, here.”
“No. You can’t.”
“Outside then?” I wasn’t leaving with nothing.
She licked her lips, looking away as a blush crested her cheeks. She was too fucking cute, making me ask for things like a goddamn kiss. As if I was twelve again.
She met me with a look and then walked away. I gave her a few seconds before I followed her outside. She turned into an alley and I checked over my shoulder for the all clear before going in after her. Her purse dropped to the floor and her arms looped around my neck as my mouth crashed onto hers. She had the sexiest, softest lips, and I knew she could feel my arousal, I had it pressed so far up against her. “You down for studying tomorrow?” I asked, tearing my lips from hers.
Her eyelids fluttered open and she planted one last kiss on my mouth. “Studying sounds good. Real or metaphorical?”
“Both,” I said, grinning. “I haven’t written a single real thing for this assignment, and I’ve got papers due in two other classes. I’d rather study with you than alone.”
“Okay. Just call me.”
It was a fucking bitch, watching her leave. “You bet.” Before she could get too far, I asked. “You need a ride?”
She never turned back. “Nope. I like to walk.”
30: Angel
I WAS ONE OF THE first off the ice, hoping to get away before Calvin caught up to me. Since our performance together, he had it built into his mind that he should forego his partner, Kyla, for me. I’d said no in a roundabout way of politeness, but if it came up again I was going to have to get a lot more forceful, and I liked Calvin. I’d rather stay friends.
I swapped my skates for my Vans and left everything else on, throwing a thin jacket over my leotard and leggings. I got in my car and drove to Kit’s, not giving myself any time to wimp out. I was telling her I’d slept with Julian, because it was the right thing to do. It also felt like the most selfish and cruel words I could ever say to her. There was no winning situation here, but she deserved the truth. Julian couldn’t see why I needed to do this, but just because he had told her one thing, that didn’t mean much to someone with a filtration on what they were willing to believe.
Had Jordan broken-up with me?
Yes.
Did I still consider him mine and only mine?
Damn straight.
Kit was no different. In her eyes, Julian was hers, regardless of if he ever was in the first place.
I got out the car and walked up to her door. I knocked loud enough to be mistaken for the cops and the door swung open on impact. It mustn’t have been shut properly. I pushed it open farther and walked inside. “Kit! You here?” The open hallway was empty.
I heard a noise in the living room and I followed the sound. If it was nothing, I’d leave and come back later. I walked into the wide space. “Oh my god!”
Kit’s bare ass and breasts was straddling Nicky while he sat in the chair with his jeans pushed down around his legs, shirtless. She lifted her head and flipped her sheet of blonde hair back when she heard me. “I’m so sorry. I’m leaving.” I banged into the door trying to get out of there quicker than my feet could respond. In the hallway I fondled in my pockets for my keys, my heart trying to run away quicker than I could. When I finally had them in my hand, I unlocked the car, got in, and jammed the key into the ignition. The engine started and a knock pounded against my window. Actually, it wasn’t pounding. That was my blood flow screaming in my ears.
Kit stood in a T-shirt hanging around her knees, one hand gripping her hair from her face. She tapped softly on my window with her other hand. I let the window down and smiled, commanding my racing pulse to just shut the fuck up.
“Sorry,” she said, with an indifference that felt like she wasn’t sorry at all. “I didn’t realize anyone was there.”
“The door was open.”
“Guess I should just be pleased it wasn’t Katlyn who saw that.” There was something seriously wrong with that sentence. “But then again, she slept with Julian. So I guess we’re even.”
They were even? Really? Was that how friends spoke about each other?
I don’t know what made me say the next part. “But you and Julian were never together.”
“We will be,” she said with a confident nod of her head, so sure of herself that even I believed it. “He just doesn’t know it yet.” She wrapped her fingers around the edge of the lowered window. “You know how it is, right? You love Jordan, same as I love Julian. These guys aren’t easy, but we can convince them. Can’t we?”
I battled with a frown. “I don’t know about convincing anyone.”
Trust me, I’d tried it.
If this was how I acted with Jordan, the wake-up call was more than welcome. Kit was downright scaring me the way she was talking.<
br />
“All they need is a push into what’s right in front of them. Guys who are as elusive as Julian can’t always see what everyone else can. So we have to make them see. He won’t like me with Nicky, his friend. He’s going to hate it. He’s going to hate it so much, he’ll have no choice but to commit.”
What?
Seriously… what?
She let go of the glass and stood back. “Anyway, sorry you had to see that.”
I smiled absently and then drove away. I could see her still standing on the sidewalk watching me leave. Who knew? Kit was crazy. And in turn I’d seen my own craziness. I’d acted the same impulsive way with Jordan. Rejected repeatedly but always on the sidelines ready for more.
There was no way I could tell her about Julian now.
<>
I spent the next hour after Sociology with Julian at the back of the library. I sat cross-legged, opposite him in a secluded corner with only the two of us for company. He sat over his textbook, flipping for the right page. He had one arm slung over his bent knee, the bill of his gray ball cap covering his eyes. He turned the last page and closed the book with a loaded sigh, resting his head against the wall. “I’m so bored.”
“It’s been ten minutes.” I looked up from my own book, contemplating.
“What?” he said, his gaze honing in on me.
“I saw something this morning.”
“What, like a ghost?”
He grinned before I bit back at what I thought was him being serious.
“A ghost would have been preferable.”
“Spill it, then.”
“I walked in on Kit and Nicky.”
Julian’s expression stayed unaffected. “And?”
“They were… having sex. On the couch. With the front door open.” The news processed in his mine for a minute, but he still didn’t look concerned. “What are you thinking?” I asked.
“She wanted me to see. She doesn’t get that I don’t care who she fucks.”
“I think you might be right. She came out and apologized to me, but it just didn’t feel sincere. She wanted someone to see, but it wasn’t me.”
“Angel, don’t tell her about us. All it will get you is a slap in the face and you’ll feel like shit when she hangs your betrayal over your head.”
“My betrayal? We’re calling it betrayal now?” I sank farther back, hitting the book shelf. “I’ve gone from one mess to another.”
“No you haven’t. We’re taking time out. That means time out from Kit as well as Jordan. We aren’t hanging out with them anymore. Not Nicky, Katlyn—none of them. When it’s us, it’s just us. Or it’s us and your friends.” He lifted the bill of his cap. “Yeah, you’re going to need to get some friends.”
I picked up my book and hurled the pages at him. He laughed, ducking the other way, evading impact with a fluidness that only he could pull off. “I have friends,” I said, picking up and throwing my notebook.
He caught it, throwing it back at me. “Family doesn’t count. Neither do ex-boyfriends.”
“What about my roommate, Mia. She’s my friend.”
“They have to have the ability to talk.”
My phone rang, slicing into the silence of the library and I picked it up, hitting answer.
“Hey, mom.”
Julian’s eyebrows slithered together and he mouthed, “WTF?”
“Hi, baby. I saw a poster for the County fair today. Do you feel like it? It’s Saturday, I was thinking of asking your dad along, too.”
“What, like a day out?”
“I figure neutral ground for a stab at reconciliation might sweeten him up a little.”
“He’ll never agree.”
“Just leave your father to me.”
“Okay. Good luck. I’ll stop by later.”
I hung up, putting the phone away.
“Your mom?” All play had fizzed from our cozy corner and the cold look in Julian’s eye wiped the smile from my face. “She’s back? Is she here?”
“Uh, yeah. She came back Monday. She’s staying with Pamela, Marilyn’s mom.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You never asked.”
“Why would I? You said she bailed. You never put an expiration on that.”
“She’s back now. What’s the big deal? That I never told you?”
“Is she staying?”
“For now. We haven’t talked about it. I have barely seen her.” I opened up my notebook to a clean page and reached over for my crumpled textbook to start studying before we ran out of time. “Anything else you need to know?”
“Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I just didn’t. Are you seriously upset about this?”
“Yes. Did she say why she took off? Are you just cool with each other now?”
“I don’t know where she has been to be exact.”
“So you didn’t tell me because you couldn’t handle what I’d think of this bullshit family reunion?”
My lips clamped together and I picked up my pen. “No drama,” I said, biting out the words. “My mom, not yours. She’s back, I’m happy.”
“You’re only ever happy when your heads in the sand. Man up. Ask her why she left you.”
“This isn’t working for me,” I said, gathering up my books. “You can be really mean, you know that?”
“Honest and mean aren’t the same thing.” Julian pinned my wrist to the floor and I raised my gaze to his. “You wanted honesty. I’m giving it to you.”
“You need to ease up on your brutal deliverance. It’s unnecessary. Believe me.” I was practically grinding my teeth.
“I lose my shit when I think of people hurting you. You’re too accepting.”
“She’s not people. She’s my mother. If you met her, I’m confident you’d like her.”
He eased backwards. “You want me to meet your mom?”
“She’s taking me to the county fair on Saturday. If you want, I’ll meet you there.”
“Or I’ll pick you up.”
“That depends. Can you play nice?”
“For you I will. What time?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m taking Taj to the ice-rink tomorrow so I’ll let you know.”
“I won’t be there. I have a late practice before the game Friday.”
“Then I’ll text you.”
The pressure of his hand lifted from my wrist and he sat back against the wall, his body relaxing. “Can we study now? Some of us care about our grades.”
I wrapped it up in the library and called in at Glenvale to check on Nellie before I went back to my dorm and crashed for an hour before work. I had talked Ricki into swapping my shift from Saturday night to tonight and that meant I’d be working until two.
The residents were in the dining hall, a bingo game in full swing. I watched through the glass doors as the balls were called. Nellie was at the back, in front of the windows and sitting next to her was pops, his arm around her chair while Nellie took control of the highlighter, probably marking off numbers that hadn’t been shouted. Pops had on a light blue button-down and Nellie’s hair had been done, her fresh curls styled around her face and shoulders, making her look so much younger. The smiling couple might be divorced, but the love was there, just a different kind. I was sure Nellie didn’t have the faintest inclination who he was, but I hoped that he could be her Sam. Even if it was only for today.
31: Julian
THURSDAY AFTERNOON I was out the door on my way to practice by the time mom pulled up in the car with Taj. “Where have you guys been?” I asked, throwing my bag across the console into the passenger seat of the Range Rover.
She told Taj to go into the house and then she sat on the wall, rubbing her fingers across her eyes. “We were at the specialist.”
“Oh, shit. That was today? I fucking forgot.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“What happened?”
Her hand covered her eyelids and her chest expande
d as her head dipped and she broke down into tears. It wasn’t good news. The doctors couldn’t help him, he’d be deaf for the rest of his life. Never hearing a single fucking word anyone said to him.
I sat beside her and her head turned into my neck, her crying now noticed by others in the street. “They can treat him, Julian. He’s getting the implant.”
“What?” I shifted away from her to make sure I heard correctly. “He’s getting a hearing aid?”
“Yes, a cochlear implant. No one will even see it.” Mom wiped her eyes, her smile out of place amongst her tears. “He’s on a waiting list, but he’s not beyond saving.”
“I can’t believe this.” I took a breath, shock masking all reaction. We all thought Taj would live his whole life in silence. “I can’t fucking believe it.” This was the only time other than the day I was told Taj would grow up deaf, that I’d ever wanted to cry. That day, I did cry. I bawled my fucking eyes out. The more we all got used to Taj and after we learned to sign and communicate with him, the easier it was to believe the lie and life became a little easier.
“They can’t be certain on results until the surgery has been done. But it’s finally happening. My baby is going to hear my voice.”
And mine, too, I thought.
“Is Taj happy?”
“It’s a lot for him to process. He’s not saying anything. It’s not like he remembers ever being able to hear. All he knows is silence. We need to give him some time. He’ll come around.”
I stood up to go and see him. “Leave him,” mom said, stopping me. “Go to practice. You’ll see him after. He’s had a long day.”
Leaving him was the last thing I’d planned, but she was right. That was a big thing for such a little kid. “Sure,” I said. “I’ll tell Angel not to come.”
<>
Staying focused long enough in practice not to take a sack was up there next to not gonna happen. I was dog shit and everyone knew it. Everyone including coach. He pulled me aside before I hit the showers, his face how I felt. “What in the fucking world was that shit out there, Seven? Are you training for the fucking Paralympics and you forgot to tell me? I’ve got a scout coming to the game on Friday, and if that’s how you are going to play, I’ll let him know now not to bother.”
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