There was a knock at the door. My mom got up. She still wore her baggy sweatshirt, but after a day at the spa with Zac’s mom and Lily, she was almost her old self again. My mom was never down for long. She was like a spring that would coil only to bounce back.
“I thought you were supposed to be smart,” Lily said to Zac, as my mom disappeared from my view into the foyer. “It’s tiny. How could you miss that?”
“Yeah. You drew it tiny, Lil,” Zac said. “Maybe next time…oh, your word was tiny?”
Lily nodded. “Duh.”
“Oh,” Zac and I said in unison, just as my mom stepped back into the room.
“Look who came to visit,” she said.
Joy waltzed in, and everyone started talking at once. I got up to give my sister a hug.
“Long time no see.” I joked, leaning in to pat her on her back.
As I pulled away, I saw Reed, chatting with my mom.
I froze.
“And, Joy brought a guest,” my mom said. “Everyone, this is Reed.”
“Hi Reed,” Mrs. Anderson said behind me.
My gaze was fixated on him—and his was on me.
Reed was here. In the same room as Zac.
My heart dropped, sinking down so low it messed with the digestion of my veggie burger dinner.
I was going to puke.
Especially when Zac crossed the room toward Reed.
“You okay, Grace?” my sister asked. “You look a little green.”
Now she notices my emotions? Why couldn’t she have considered my emotions before Reed got in the car with her? And how did that come about at all? Joy made it clear she and Reed weren’t an item.
Why was he here?
I braved a peek. He was between my mom and Zac. The three of them were chatting. It appeared civil, polite, normal.
My sister tapped me on the shoulder. “You okay?”
I ignored her, focusing on the trio behind her.
“Hey Chloe,” my sister said.
I strained to overhear the conversation between Reed, my mom, and Zac. All I managed to make out was something about construction on the interstate.
“…bucket of water here…”
I glanced at Joy. “What?”
“I said, I think we need another bucket of water to get your attention.”
“Shhh,” I said through clenched teeth while I checked to see that Zac and Reed weren’t paying attention to us. Thankfully, they weren’t. “Wait. You dumped that bucket of water on me?”
“I had help, right?” She looked at Chloe, who swiped her hand across her neck in the universal kill sign.
Was my sister trying to call attention to the Reed Thing because she thought it might make Zac jealous? After all, she still was under the assumption that Zac had broken up with me. Or was she teasing me?
Probably the latter. Sure, Joy possessed goodwill and all that, but the help she provided wasn’t always what you wanted.
I grabbed my sister’s arm, dragging her closer to the kitchen area.
“What are you doing?” I whispered when we were sufficiently out of earshot.
“Trying to cheer you up?”
“Well, I don’t need cheering up. Zac and I aren’t broken up. It was all a big mistake.”
“I’m not talking about Zac. I was talking about Dad. Mom said you were upset about the divorce and engagement.”
My dad. Joy drove all the way down from Happy Hills to comfort me over our parents’ impending divorce. This was so not like her. “Well, yeah it sucks, but Mom is the one you should be worried about.”
We both silently turned to our mom across the room, who, at that moment, certainly didn’t appear to be the sad, scorned woman. She was talking animatedly to Reed and Zac, her face sunny.
“She seems fine to me—and she sounded fine on the phone. All things considered, I think this is the beginning of a whole new life for Mom. It’s going to be good for her.”
Of course my sister would think this. Life was one big, endless adventure.
“But why did you bring Reed?”
“He wanted to come. You know, you should really talk to him about your art. He goes to some fancy art university in DC. Anyway, I figured he could help. I was hoping you two would chat. I asked him to talk to you.”
“You asked him to talk to me? When?”
“I don’t know. When you showed up at the farm.”
So the whole thing with Reed was completely engineered? That was why our conversations kept rounding back to art. Did Joy also ask him to kiss me to help me with the Zac thing, too? “Dammit, Joy. You ever hear of family privacy?”
“Privacy? Is that what you were going for when you hooked up with a stranger in the middle of a bar?”
“Shut up,” I said. “This is what I mean. Do you have any kind of loyalty to our family, or to the peace in our family? You consider my phone calls to you an interruption, yet you’d rather hand me off to a stranger?”
Joy rolled her eyes. “You’re seriously repressed, Grace. I think you need to meditate. Did you ever read that meditation book I sent you?”
“Breathing for Idiots? No. I learned how to breathe at birth. In fact, I’ve learned most of life’s basic skills on time, unlike some people.”
“Really?” My sister peered at Zac and Reed for a second. They were still talking to my mom, but Lily was now involved. “So you’re an expert in love, loyalty, and honesty? Why don’t you fill me in on all your secrets?”
“Secrets,” Lily said, hopping over to us and landing on the couch, leaning on the back to look up at us. “I can keep a secret. Tell me, please, please.”
“Grace is the expert,” Joy said and walked away.
Chapter 18
A Paper Covered Moon, Black Chalk
I went outside. To hide. I slunk into the shadows, moving off the paved or sandy paths onto the sharp, grass-covered dunes.
But apparently, I was a lighthouse, shining a ridiculous beacon of brightness, because I was an easy find. Score another point for guilt and its apparently undeniable glare.
“Grace, wait up,” Zac said somewhere behind me.
I didn’t stop until I was on top of a dune, overlooking the beach. Then I dropped to the ground and curled my arms around my knees. The sand was cold against my bare feet.
“Hey.” Zac’s hands pressed into my shoulders, and I closed my eyes. Thankfully, it was dark, because I couldn’t hide my guilt.
“Hey.” He sat next to me, and I propped my chin on my knees, focusing on the dark water. The ocean folded repeatedly onto the shore as if nothing had changed.
“You thinking about your parents?”
I shrugged, maintaining an air of indifference, but inside, my heart dropped, and my stomach rolled. Everything crashed together like rogue waves. The guilt I felt with Zac and the embarrassment over Reed met at odd angles. I couldn’t even look at him without seeing myself wrapped around Reed, my cheating lips on his. And the thought that it all was engineered, because my sister told Reed to talk to me about art school, made me feel humiliated.
Even worse was the fact that my stupid lips tingled when I saw Reed tonight.
I was officially insane. I didn’t want Reed. I wanted Zac. I felt like the only way to make it better was to be honest with Zac.
I covered my face with my hands. Zac pulled me closer to him.
“I’m sorry, Pinks,” he said.
I cringed. He thought I was sad about the divorce. I mean, I was, but in that instance, my confusion over what to do about Zac and the Reed kiss eclipsed everything else. That guilt hung on me heavy and dark, like dirty, wet sand.
But you thought he broke up with you.
I would never have kissed Reed had Zac and I been okay.
I truly thought he broke up with me. I was sad, upset, and searching for a way to feel better. I felt cast aside, and I wanted comfort, to know that I was still wanted. Reed was there. A consequence of my assumption.
A natural assumption
based on Zac’s words. And he’d said, I just think we need to chill, take a break…
I scrambled to a stand. “I can’t do this.”
Zac stood. “Grace, you’ll be okay. I promise.”
I put both my hands on my head and looked at the water. The silvery white moon dipped low on the horizon. “You told me we needed to chill. We needed a break. You said you wanted to take a break.”
Hey,” he said, and I felt his hand on my arm, warm and sure. “I’m sorry I made you think that, but you don’t have to worry. We’re fine.”
I focused on the spot on my skin where he touched me. Hopefully, I could absorb the glow of confidence radiating from his hand, like some magical paper covers rock moment.
“It’s not your fault, Zac.” I turned to him. “But when I heard that, I felt wrecked.”
Zac tugged me closer, and my left foot ended up on the edge of his flip-flop. “I’m sorry, Pinks. I hate that I’ve been so caught up with everything but us and that you actually thought that. I definitely don’t want to break up with you.”
His mouth moved across my neck, and I let my head drop. Three shades of dark clouds slid across the moon. If only my problems could float away, too.
“I want…the opposite, Pinks.”
With Zac so close, my mind went blank. Paper covers rock? Because all of my thoughts disappeared. I couldn’t think. “The opposite?”
“Yeah. I can’t even consider breaking up with you. I want to be together, united, connected. And I’m not talking about Fiji.” He leaned in close. “I’m talking about my heart, too. It wants to be stuck with you.”
My pulse quickened. Tears threatened to fall, guilty ones, happy ones. A crazy concoction more potent than that stupid Happy Hills moonshine.
I pressed my palms to his chest, half expecting to see steam rise. It took every effort to move away from him. But honesty was the only choice. How else could I survive this internal guilt battle? Was that selfish? Maybe. But deep down, I knew that airing this abysmal truth was something I actually was supposed to do.
Guilt sucked, but I really wanted to be truthful with Zac.
“Zac…” I dropped my chin to my chest. I felt one of his hands reaching for mine, and I held up my palms in front of my chest. “Wait. There’s something I have to say.”
He took a small step back. “Okay, Pinks. I’m here, whatever you have to say.”
I took a good look at him. His hair, what little there was of it, was darker in the shadows. His face was completely open, free of the longish bangs. The scar above his temple, the thought of the space between our houses, our friendship, movie night, and the love that slowly blossomed last summer, all came to mind. I could see love in his eyes, written on his face, and on the hands that wanted to reach out to me. Everything about him flashed before me.
Please don’t let this be the end of us.
Regret flared, wrapping into a knot in my chest. I sighed, giving in.
“That night… after you called, I thought you broke up with me.” I shook my head. Zac’s expression changed, tightened. He didn’t know what I was going to say, but he was on guard.
“Just say it, Grace,” he said, sounding impatient. “Come on. How bad can it be?”
“I kissed someone.” I wrapped my arms around my middle. I had no idea what this admission would do to us. I swallowed, wishing I could push back the words. “Someone else.”
“When?” His body was still as he waited for me to answer. “That phone call was only a couple of nights ago, and we talked about it the next afternoon, right?”
“Yeah, but…”
“I thought we talked about it. I told you I didn’t break up with you. When did you have time to kiss someone else?”
I closed my eyes, afraid he would be able to see Reed’s name in them or something. But there was no need for details, especially since Reed was down at the house now. I opened my eyes, only to see Zac walking away.
I looked down at my feet. I had to let him go.
Right?
My head snapped up. “Zac, I’m sorry.”
My apology sounded flat, useless, landing in the prickly brush that covered the dune.
He stopped, pivoting only halfway in my direction. “When? At the farm?”
“Yes,” I said, but it came out sounding like a whisper. A part of me wished my “yes” sailed away on the ocean breeze.
But Zac heard, because he resumed his walk down to the dune.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, but he didn’t respond.
I watched him go, feeling the crush in my heart continue, folding and pleating until my chest felt like it would cave in around it.
Hours later, I went back to the house. I didn’t want to see anyone. I waited on the dune for as long as I could, until goose bumps covered every inch of my exposed skin. Zac’s truck was missing. I went inside. The kitchen and living room were empty, and the lights were off. The only light came from the landing upstairs and what seeped out from underneath the door to game room. The house was quiet but for the muffled TV sounds coming from there.
My stomach dropped. Everything felt ruined. I wanted to rewind to the night on the porch with Zac. No, I wanted to rewind to the moment I made the U-turn on the highway. No Reed, no problems.
“Hey.”
I jumped and spun around, one hand over my heart. Reed. I glanced at the stairs behind him. I wanted to go upstairs and hide under the covers.
“Hey,” I said.
“You okay?”
I managed a tight smile. All I could think was that my sister programmed him. No wonder he kept bringing up my art rejection. “Yeah. I’m fine.”
He nodded, his jaw matching the movement as he chewed his gum. Probably that sharp mint flavor, which I knew because um, I’d tasted it. “I told you your boyfriend wouldn’t want to be away from you for long.”
I shoved my hands on my pockets. He knew my thoughts were on Zac. It was one thing to kiss him at the farm. That moment was separate from Zac. But now with him at the house, set up to sleep in the same room as Zac, having him tangled all up in my business? It was bizarre. “Why did you come here?”
Reed stared at me. I didn’t look away, noticing for the first time how his eyes mirrored the outdoors, the green, mossy, rolling fields of Happy Hills.
He pressed a palm to the back of his neck and shrugged. “Your sister asked. This is my break week, too. I’ve been wanting to paint the ocean.”
I thought of the conversations we’d almost had about art. All spurred on because of my bossy sister’s request. Not that I’d have noticed. I obviously fell for even tiniest bit of attention. I practically tripped over myself to be closer to Reed.
“So all that talk at the bar, that was you feeling sorry for me, because my sister asked you to keep me company, help me with my art program rejection?”
“Is that what you think?”
I blinked. I didn’t know what to think.
“You don’t have to think twice about anything that happened at Cow Bell. And you don’t have to worry about me saying anything to your boyfriend. We can put it all behind us.”
Of course he would say that. He was Mr. Nice Guy. He was good looking, smart, full of compliments, and he seemed to be some kind of friend to my sister. After all, he knew a lot about my family. I bet he’d never have stayed home with Jenny. And there would have been no need to take a time-out from the Jenny conversation, because anything Jenny would have been rendered moot. Obsolete. There would have been no Jenny the minute Reed realized I was uncomfortable. Right?
Reed was like Perfect Boyfriend material.
But then, that thought landed flat. What did I know? Maybe all guys were like that in the beginning.
“I’ve put it behind me. I’m not thinking about Cow Bell.”
The second the words were out of my mouth, memories of the bar flashed in my mind. I felt his warm, calloused hands cradling my jaw, the numbness of my lips, a combo of the endless kissing and minty gum sensa
tion, and the music that pulsed through my feet, out of my body, and into Reed’s.
He half smiled, and I blushed. When did I become this girl? My feelings were bolder than my actions, but then there was this foreign impulsiveness that invaded, like a hostile takeover. How was this my life? A year ago, I hadn’t even really kissed a guy and, technically, my first kiss went down in my personal history as something I initially considered cringe-worthy. This was the kind of stuff that happened to girls in the movies, or to girls who weren’t awkward, or brainless when it came to relationships.
Or maybe I was wrong. Maybe this was what happened as a result of stupid. I was familiar with stupid.
Or maybe it was simply a matter of science, chemistry.
I glanced at Reed again. He stood a little too close for comfort, like he wanted to be near me. My insides tingled a little at the thought that he might want me. Oh wow. Was I proud of this thing with Reed? Was I actually giddy over the idea that a guy like Reed could want a girl like me? I lowered my head. Probably. I’d felt so pathetic sitting in the backseat while Jenny sat in the passenger seat. Just call me needy.
Why did he do what my sister asked?
But then behind Reed, the front door pushed open, and Zac stepped in the house. I actually hopped back. My heel connected with the front edge rail of the wooden rocking chair. It squeaked, I teetered, helicoptering my arms until I landed on my ass in front of the rocker.
But it was interesting to note that both guys jumped in to help me. See? Me focusing on that observation meant I sucked. How was it I was getting some satisfaction out of this miserable situation? Next, I’d be wishing for them to fight over me or something.
Zac reached for my right arm as Reed took my left. Together, they pulled me to my feet. Then they both asked me if I was okay. Simultaneously.
This was weird. Because while Zac now knew I’d kissed someone at the farm, he didn’t know it had been Reed.
“Um, yeah. I’m fine,” I said, not looking at either of them. I concentrated on swiping and smoothing my shorts as if I’d landed in a pile of sand instead of the remnants of my dignity.
The Art of Second Chances Page 12
