Promises, Promises

by Patricia Scanlan

  As well as despairing of Chris, she was in a right pickle about Stephanie. She was damned if she was going to go crawling back to Miriam, she thought stubbornly. She had no business talking to her like that. Ellen stared unhappily into the fire. It was raining outside and the gloomy skies darkened by dusk did nothing to lift her spirits. Stephanie was across the road playing with Denise’s children. She’d give her another ten minutes and then she’d go and collect her, Ellen decided.

  She wondered what Chris was doing. He was probably sitting at home with his wife, reading the Sunday papers. Or maybe they were entertaining and they were preparing dinner. She felt fiercely jealous. Maybe Miriam was right. Maybe she was crazy to take him back. But he had come back. She had to give him a chance.

  She’d just slipped into her coat when the phone rang.

  ‘Hello, baby. How’s my girl?’ Chris said.

  Ellen grinned from ear to ear. She was thrilled to hear his voice.

  ‘Hi.’

  ‘I miss you. Can I come over for an hour or two tomorrow night?’

  ‘Oh yes. I’d love that.’

  ‘Straight after work?’

  Ellen’s heart sank. ‘It’s a bit early. I’d prefer if Stephanie was in bed,’ she murmured.

  ‘I can’t be too late coming home. I don’t want Suzy to get suspicious. Anyway I’d like to get to know Stephanie.’

  ‘Not for a while, Chris. Let’s see how things go.’

  ‘Well then I can’t come tomorrow night,’ Chris said huffily.

  ‘Don’t bother then!’ Ellen snapped and slammed down the phone. Damn him. He hadn’t changed. He was always the one to make the rules. It was what he wanted and what suited him. Well not this time.

  She’d just closed the door behind her when she heard the phone ring again. She fumbled with her keys, dropped them, cursed loudly, picked them up and got the door open. She grabbed the phone.

  ‘Hello.’

  ‘Sorry. Are we still on for tomorrow?’

  ‘You’ll have to come when Stephanie’s in bed, Chris,’ Ellen said firmly.

  ‘OK. Look, I have to go, I’m phoning from home,’ Chris said hastily. ‘See you tomorrow.’

  Ellen hung up. She felt drained. They hadn’t been together more than a week and already they were fighting. She didn’t know whether she was on her head or her heels.

  ‘Give it a chance,’ she muttered. ‘It will get better.’ At least he’d phoned. He’d been thinking about her, and he wanted to see her again. Tomorrow. Let Miriam think what she liked, Chris loved her and she loved him. Ellen closed the door behind her and walked across the street towards Denise’s. Stephanie loved going over to play with Lisa and Michelle. Ellen hoped that Denise didn’t mind her being there. She had enough on her hands with Casanova McMahon.

  ‘Hi, Ellen,’ Denise greeted her. She looked pale and strained. Ellen felt sorry for her.

  ‘Thanks for letting Stephanie come over to play. I’ll take the girls next weekend. You might like an afternoon to yourself.’

  ‘Stephanie’s no trouble. The three of them entertain themselves. I’d a lazy afternoon sitting by the fire reading the papers.’ Denise led the way into the kitchen.

  ‘Where’s Jimmy?’

  ‘Poor little Wishy-Washy Dowling has the flu and Doctor Kildare legged it over to make her dinner. He never bloody did anything like that for me,’ Denise said bitterly.

  ‘What’s going to happen between you two?’

  ‘I want him to go. I don’t want him in my life any more, but Cowardy Custard Dowling is afraid of the scandal and is worried about her precious reputation. I think she’s backing out. He’s like a demon when he’s at home. He barks at the girls and he treats me like dirt. Everyone thinks he’s Mister Nice Guy. If only they knew! If I wasn’t dependent on him financially I swear, Ellen, I’d change the locks on the door and kick him out.’

  ‘Oh!’ Ellen had a brainwave. ‘Would you be interested in making some extra money every week? Miriam’s got a lot on her plate lately and it would be great if I could have Stephanie looked after for a couple of hours after school until I finish work. Would you be interested?

  ‘Yeah, sure. I’d be interested.’ Denise brightened up. ‘Just to have some money of my own would mean a lot.’

  ‘Could you start tomorrow?’

  ‘Yep.’ Denise grinned.

  ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to put you on the spot.’

  ‘I’m certain.’ Denise was emphatic.

  ‘Brilliant.’ Ellen beamed. Stuff you, Miriam, she thought triumphantly. I don’t need you.

  ‘That’s it, Ellen. Are you happy with it?’ Doug stood with his hands shoved into his jeans pockets as he watched her surveying the finished patio.

  ‘It’s lovely, Doug. I’m delighted with it. Thanks a million.’ Ellen gave him a hug and he hugged her back. He was sorry to have finished her job. He’d enjoyed doing it. He really liked Ellen. He hadn’t realized how much until he’d heard about this bloke who’d come back into her life. He actually felt jealous of him. It was clear Ellen was crazy about him, the lucky blighter. Doug didn’t think much of him for leaving Ellen in the lurch when she was expecting Stephanie. He hoped she wouldn’t be hurt again. Just his luck to fall for someone who loved someone else, he thought wryly as he followed Ellen inside for their last lunch to-gether.

  ‘What’s your next job?’ Ellen asked as she put a plate of steaming corned beef, creamed potato, cabbage and parsley sauce in front of him.

  ‘I’m building a house on the airport road for Niall Reynolds. And you know the worst thing?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘He can’t cook.’ Doug grinned at her.

  ‘Just because you’ve finished the job doesn’t mean you can’t have lunch with me now and again.’ Ellen sat down opposite him.

  ‘Thanks, Ellen. I’d like to keep in touch,’ he said quietly.

  ‘I hope you do, Doug. We’re friends. And thanks for all you’ve done for me.’ She reached across the table and squeezed his hand.

  Doug squeezed back. He wanted to say, I want us to be more than friends. But it would have distressed her, he could see that she was preoccupied. With thoughts of that bloke, no doubt.

  Even though it was a very tasty dinner, Doug just didn’t seem to have an appetite.

  Afterwards, Ellen walked downstairs with him. ‘Keep in touch,’ she said. He hoped she meant it.

  ‘Mammy, Stephanie went home with Lisa McMahon.’ Rebecca flung her coat and bag on the rocking chair in the kitchen. ‘She said Lisa’s mammy is going to mind her. Why isn’t she coming to our house any more? I miss Stephanie.’

  Miriam was stunned. She’d been expecting Stephanie to walk in the door with Rebecca as usual. Tears smarted her eyes. Ellen was a bitch. She’d lost no time in dropping Miriam like a hot potato and finding someone else to use.

  ‘Go and change out of your uniform and I’ll have your soup ready in a few minutes,’ Miriam said flatly. She’d never had a serious row with anyone before. It was desperately upsetting. Ellen had always been her ally. They’d been friends for a long time. To think that Ellen would end their friendship because of an argument hurt desperately. Did the friendship mean nothing? Did she mean so little to Ellen? It looked like it, she thought bitterly. Well if that was what Ellen wanted, Miriam wasn’t going to go running after her. She was angry. What made people think they could walk on her? Sheila, Della, Emma and now Ellen. Miriam was sick of it. They could all go and piss off. She was going to do only what she wanted to do from now on.

  Ellen couldn’t relax. She was petrified Stephanie would wake up and come downstairs. She never woke at night once she fell asleep but Ellen was edgy.

  ‘Relax, baby.’ Chris nuzzled her ear.

  ‘Sorry,’ she murmured.

  ‘Come on, kiss me. Don’t you want to? Don’t you want me to make love to you?’ Chris said huskily as he slid his hand up along her thigh. Ellen turned and kissed him passionately. She was very happy he wa
s here. She wanted to make love, but the niggling unease was spoiling it.

  ‘I thought about you the whole weekend,’ Chris whispered, his breath warm against her ear.

  ‘I thought about you too.’ Ellen wrapped her arms around him. It was wonderful to have him in her life again, she thought gratefully as he unbuttoned her blouse. They made love on the settee and it was good to satisfy him the way she’d always been able to. But when it was over, she slipped on a dressing-gown and hurried upstairs to check on Stephanie. Her daughter slept soundly. Ellen closed the bedroom door with relief.

  She went back to Chris and cuddled into him. ‘Was it good for you?’ she asked anxiously.

  ‘It was the best.’ Chris smiled at her, his eyes drowsy. ‘I wish I could stay here all night.’

  ‘I wish you could too.’ Ellen ran her fingers through his silky hair and kissed him on the forehead. ‘When am I going to see you again?’

  ‘I’ll phone you. Maybe Thursday. I better stay at home next Friday night. I’ll try and come Thursday and then maybe I could get over for an hour or two on Sunday evening. We’ll see how it goes.’ Chris stroked her cheek with his finger and Ellen savoured his caress.

  He didn’t make it on Thursday or on the Sunday evening. The twins came down with the mumps on the Thursday morning and were very sick. Suzy was frantic and told him in no uncertain terms what he could do with the clients he’d planned to take to dinner. He was housebound, much to his disgust.

  Over the weeks that followed, Ellen experienced the highs and lows that had always characterized her relationship with Chris. She waited for his phone calls. Made plans to be with him, often had them changed at the last minute, but was always very happy when they were together.

  She hadn’t seen Miriam for almost a month. One evening when she was locking the shop, Mick asked her why Miriam wasn’t looking after Stephanie any more.

  ‘She has her hands full with her own three. And Emma’s always getting her to look after Julie Ann and that bugs her. So, when I moved to the flat, I decided I’d ask Denise if she’d be interested in minding her. It means that I don’t have to go over to Miriam’s after work to collect her, so we can have our dinner that bit earlier. It works out better.’ Ellen embroidered the truth a little.

  ‘Oh I see. She’s in very bad form lately though. Sheila asked her to sell tickets for some raffle and she said she was too busy. That’s not like Miriam at all,’ Mick commented.

  ‘I must give her a ring,’ Ellen murmured, pretending all was well between them. To tell the truth, she really missed Miriam. She missed confiding in her. She missed their chats and gossips and moans and giggles. Miriam was more than a great friend, she was closer than a sister. This row was very painful. After the initial anger had faded Ellen wanted to make up. She didn’t want to have to choose between Miriam and Chris. But that was what Miriam was forcing her to do. As long as she was seeing Chris, there would be a rift between them until Miriam was prepared to accept her relationship with Stephanie’s father.

  That night she dialled Miriam’s number. She’d make the effort, she decided firmly. Ben answered.

  ‘Hi, it’s me, can I talk to Miriam?’ she asked quietly. She’d met Ben on the street once and he’d spoken to her. But she’d felt awkward and embarrassed. No doubt Ben knew about Chris. It wasn’t fair, but she almost felt like a scarlet woman.

  ‘Hello.’ Miriam sounded decidedly frosty. Ellen’s heart sank.

  ‘Hello, Miriam,’ she said hesitantly. ‘I was wondering how you are?’

  ‘Fine, thank you,’ Miriam said curtly.

  ‘Miriam, please. Don’t be like this. Can’t we be friends?’

  ‘What’s wrong? Can’t Denise McMahon mind Stephanie any more?’

  Ellen was taken aback. ‘Is that why you think I’m phoning?’

  ‘I don’t really know. Are you in trouble? Are you pregnant? That’s the only reason you’d need me. Isn’t it? Good old Miriam comes to the rescue,’ Miriam said bitterly.

  ‘Oh, Miriam! That’s an awful thing to say.’ Ellen was shocked.

  ‘Yeah, well it’s the way I feel. Goodnight, Ellen.’ There was a click and Ellen heard the dial tone as Miriam hung up. She couldn’t believe it. She felt sick. She burst into tears.

  She told Chris what had happened the next night he called.

  ‘Tell her to get lost.’ He scowled.

  ‘But she’s my best friend. How could she say something like that?’ They were lying on the rug in front of a blazing fire. The wind howled outside and rain lashed against the windows. Ellen felt cosy and happy in Chris’s arms.

  ‘She’s probably jealous,’ Chris teased. ‘Forget about her. Do you think I should take on Arthur Grey as a junior partner?’ He got back to the topic of conversation that had dominated their last two encounters. Chris was thinking of expanding and he needed her advice. Ellen sighed as she pushed her own problems to the back of her mind.

  A few days later, she met Miriam face to face after Mass. Stephanie was thrilled to see her cousins. She turned to Ellen and asked, ‘Can they come back to our house? Mammy, please, please, please.’

  ‘You’d better ask Auntie Miriam,’ Ellen said.

  ‘Please, Auntie Miriam?’

  Miriam looked flustered.

  ‘They can stay for a while if it’s all right with you,’ Ellen said quietly, ‘I’ll drop them home.’

  ‘I don’t know, they have to have their lunch.’

  ‘Please, Miriam, they haven’t seen each other in ages. I’ll bring them home in time for lunch,’ Ellen pleaded. She didn’t want Stephanie to be estranged from her cousins because of the row.

  ‘All right, then, if you’re sure.’ Two red spots stained Miriam’s cheeks.

  ‘I am sure. What time do you want me to have them home?’

  ‘Half one?’

  ‘Fine. Come on, you guys, let’s go home before it starts raining again.’ Ellen pretended cheeriness.

  The children had great fun playing in Stephanie’s ‘nursery’ and Ellen was happy to have them there. Whatever happened between her and Miriam, she hoped Stephanie and her cousins would always be friends.

  At one-thirty promptly, she drew up outside Miriam and Ben’s. She opened the door for Connie, Daniel and Rebecca but she didn’t go in. She knew she wouldn’t be welcome.

  The days lengthened as spring blossomed. Ellen’s life continued to revolve around her snatched evenings with Chris. When she was with him she was happy, but her life was unsettled and she lived from one phone call to another.

  One Friday near the end of April, Chris called to ask her to go to dinner with him. Suzy and the kids had gone to Wicklow to a birthday party and they were staying over. Chris had the night free. It sounded wonderful. Ellen felt light-hearted and happy. She phoned Sheila to ask if Stephanie could stay over. She told her mother that an old school friend had invited her to dinner in her house.

  Sheila was delighted to have Stephanie stay and Ellen tried to banish the guilt she felt about telling her lies. She brought Stephanie over to the farm and then raced home to doll herself up. It was such a thrill to be going out to dinner with Chris, knowing that he could come back to her flat and spend the night making love.

  She bathed, and dressed with care. She wore a slim-fitting dusky pink fine wool dress which emphasized her curves. She looked sensuous and sexy. It was Chris’s favourite dress. She was putting the finishing touches to her make-up when the phone rang. Her heart sank. Was it Chris phoning to cancel?

  It was him. ‘Listen, I’ve been delayed here. Could you drive into town to meet me? I’ve booked the table for eight and we won’t make it on time if I have to drive out to Glenree. I’m sorry, love, it’s just one of those things.’

  ‘OK, I’ll drive in.’ Ellen sighed. She’d been looking forward to being chauffeured around like a lady. It wasn’t quite the same having to drive into town alone and then having to drive home.

  Chris had booked a table in a small restaurant off Steph
en’s Green. She had to circle twice before she found a parking space and she was cross as she walked towards Grafton Street where the restaurant was. He was waiting for her when she arrived and, when he took her in his arms and kissed her, her irritation melted and she gave herself up to the unexpected and rare pleasure of being out with him.

  They enjoyed a delicious meal and lingered over coffee and liqueurs chatting, holding hands, enjoying each other’s company.

  ‘Let’s go back to my place,’ Chris murmured as he kissed the side of her neck.

  ‘What!’ Ellen looked at him in amazement. She’d assumed they’d be spending the night in her house.

  ‘Let’s go back to my place, now.’

  ‘I can’t go back to your house, Chris.’ Ellen was dismayed and greatly offended.

  ‘Why not?’ Chris looked at her in surprise.

  ‘Chris! You shouldn’t even ask me. I can’t go into Suzy’s house and make love to you there,’ she exclaimed heatedly.

  ‘For God’s sake, Ellen, don’t be daft. Suzy’s not there. She’s not going to know.’

  ‘That’s not the point, Chris. She’s your wife. You should have some respect.’

  ‘How can you say that, Ellen? We’re having an affair. What does it matter if I make love to you in Glenree or in my place? We’re still committing adultery,’ he said sulkily.

  ‘I’m not going back to your house. Now or ever. And don’t ask me again, Chris. I can’t believe you’d even suggest it.’

  ‘Oh for God’s sake, Ellen. It’s a bit late for your conscience to act up now.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with my conscience. I’m not sleeping with you in your wife’s home. That’s low, Chris. I do have some standards. Can’t you understand that? Are you just thick or totally insensitive?’

  ‘Don’t be a bitch, Ellen. It doesn’t suit you. I told Suzy to ring me around half eleven. So I’ll have to be there or else she’s going to get suspicious. I can’t come out to Glenree.’

  ‘Fine,’ Ellen said coldly. ‘Thanks for dinner, I’ll see you.’ She stood up and walked out to the foyer. She put her coat on. Chris didn’t follow.