I want to thank those at Hockey Canada for the special humanity they showed me. It was truly life-sustaining. To Roy MacGregor, Bruce Cheadle, James Bronskill, Reg Sherren, and Gerry Arnold, your graciousness in dealing with my story made it possible for me to consider telling it in greater depth. And to Winnipeg Police, the Crown prosecution, and especially to Milco de Graaf, you all helped so much with an unbearable legal process.
The Princeton hockey world has given me so much support, and I thank especially Troy Ewanchyna, Tim Driscoll, and Marc Daniel. As for the rest of my Princeton community, there are simply too many to name, though I do want to make special note of Caroline Coleman for her advice on writing and Julia Hicks de Peyster for her consistent humor as an inspiration. And to my roommates in my senior year—Michael Cragg, Michael Denham, Greg Jenko, Christian Kemp-Griffin, Chris King, Brian MacFarlane, Scott Scharfman, and Ben Webster—words are not enough to thank you all.
An abuser can leave behind many types of victims in his wake. Paul Buchanan, you are a special man who suffered so much by standing up to Graham.
Theo Fleury and Sheldon Kennedy, both former high-profile professional hockey players, have a platform and use it effectively to raise awareness and provide support for those who suffer from child sexual abuse. Todd Holt helps so many by speaking publicly and telling his story, something that makes it possible for other victims to come forward and progress with their recovery. They are all more than capable of telling their own stories, and they have done so. But I would be remiss were I not to point out their leadership in this regard. Their accomplishments are often cited in the media, but the media’s bright light can be fickle, and one never knows when it will shift elsewhere. I hope that the institutions that both Sheldon and Theo have created will remain in the public eye as priorities for years to come. Victims understand the dramatic costs associated with sexual abuse. It frustrates us when people looking at the legal system focus on the costs of convicting and incarcerating criminals while missing all of the costs associated with the carnage the abusers leave behind and the rehabilitation that victims require. For too long our focus has been on only one side of the equation.
It has sometimes been difficult to remain my friend while I dealt with the mental health issues arising out of the abuse. Yet I have two friends, Rod Pertson and Brent Littlejohn, two remarkable men, who have always been there for me and who somehow managed to make my living hell not just bearable, but enjoyable, for a moment in time without even knowing they were doing so. John Macfarlane, Paddy Torsney, Brian Koturbash, David Lomow, Andrew Diamond, Sandra Antidormi, Paula Todd, the Oakville hockey guys, the list goes on. And I have had with me a man I look to as a mentor, David McCarthy, who never asks questions or puts pressure on me, who just understands me.
I am now close with my brother and sister and their families, and this makes me so happy and provides me with so much support, with my parents no longer with us. I thank you so much for all that you do for me.
In the end, I couldn’t get around to writing this book until I made peace with myself in my own heart. In finding Stephanie Smith I finally found somebody who didn’t see me for what she thought I could become, who didn’t make anything conditional on how I might recover, she just saw me for who I was and loved me for it. And because of that she became my muse. Finally, it was enough for me to just be me, and because of that, I wanted to be better. She has made me and my life better, and I can’t thank her and her children—Evelyn and Damian—enough for welcoming me into their lives.
And there is somebody else out there, somebody who, because we live in a world filled with lawyers, can’t be mentioned, but please know that you are the most important thing in my life. You are practically perfect in every way, and I cherish everything about you. I may not be able to use your name in this book (or even refer to you being a part of my life), but please know that I want to shout it out to everyone to show my pride in you and the joy you bring me.
Without all of you, I am nobody.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
GREG GILHOOLY IS a graduate of Princeton University and the University of Toronto Faculty of Law. He was a successful corporate lawyer and senior business executive, a man who could seemingly succeed at the highest levels with little effort. Yet there was something about Greg that nobody could see, a secret that he had been keeping for decades.
Greg was also a victim and survivor of sexual abuse at the hands of Graham James, one of the sporting world’s most notorious child sexual abusers, perhaps Canada’s most notorious sex offender, a man who had also abused Sheldon Kennedy and Theo Fleury, among others.
Greg’s story has been featured in national and international media. He makes regular media appearances on the subject of sexual abuse generally, and has testified before the Canadian Parliamentary House Standing Committee on Justice and the Senate Committee on Legal and Constitutional Affairs. He broke and told the story of Graham James’s pardon, which led to immediate changes to Canadian pardon and parole laws.
In addition to being a highly qualified business and legal executive, Greg is a powerful and public survivor of child sexual assault with a strong voice and media presence. He has a proven record of community service and a strength of character that has facilitated sustained accomplishment in the face of difficult circumstances.
As a savvy, informed, and passionate media commentator on national news and sports radio and national television and news media outlets, he is in demand as a public speaker for groups concerned with hockey, abuse, mental-health stigma, and the law, including the hockey community across Canada, law students and graduates, law firms, parent groups, police groups, school groups, and NGOs.
Several psychologists have called Greg a “highly functioning victim” who, because of his intellectual abilities and legal training, has the rare ability to provide a detailed and thorough perspective on the emotional and psychological impact of abuse, while also addressing the relevant issues and principles at play within our legal system and our society.
Copyright © 2018 by Greg Gilhooly
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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the publisher or a license from The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For a copyright license, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free to 1-800-893-5777.
Greystone Books Ltd.
www.greystonebooks.com
Cataloguing data available from Library and Archives Canada
ISBN 978-1-77164-245-3 print
ISBN 978-1-77164-246-0 epub
Editing by Nancy Flight
Copy editing by Lesley Cameron
Jacket design by Will Brown
Text design by Nayeli Jimenez
Typesetting by Shed Simas/Onça Design
Proofreading by Alison Strobel
Jacket photograph by iStockphoto.com
We gratefully acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts, the British Columbia Arts Council, the Province of British Columbia through the Book Publishing Tax Credit, and the Government of Canada for our publishing activities.
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