by Lois Richer
“Really?” He seemed intrigued by her certainty. “What kind of things would you look for in a husband?”
“Love. Patience. Kindness. Things that have nothing to do with a scar.” She frowned at his huff of disbelief. “It’s true. All of those things are more important to me than looks. But clearly your scars bother you. Couldn’t you have plastic surgery?” The words escaped before she could check them. Penny slapped a hand over her lips. “I’m so sorry, Rick. That’s none of my...”
“The doctors said they could make the scars go away.” The words seemed forced from him. In the growing twilight, Penny couldn’t read his eyes but she knew from the way his fingers clenched the wheel that this was a painful subject.
“You sound like you don’t want that.” She blinked in surprise when he shook his head. “Why not?”
“Because it would be like pretending the fire never happened,” he growled in a low voice. “That Gillian never died in it.”
From the faint light of the dash Penny saw a muscle in his jaw tighten. When he didn’t continue she sought for understanding.
“So you think erasing the scar means you’ll forget your sister?” That didn’t sound right and his next words confirmed it.
“I could never forget Gillian. She was my sister and my best friend. I loved her very much.” There was a rawness in his voice, an edge that told her the rush of loss and pain was barely tucked beneath the surface. Suddenly a tiny light of understanding dawned.
“You think you should have died in her place.” Penny trembled at the glower he shot her way but she couldn’t keep silent. This was too important. “That’s wrong, Rick, and your sister wouldn’t have wanted you to think that way. You know she wouldn’t.”
“Maybe not. But the least I can do to honor her death is to carry a few scars.” His words barely penetrated the quiet of the cab.
“How does feeling guilty honor her?” Penny didn’t know all the details and she wasn’t sure where this was going. She only knew that blaming himself was hurting Rick and she didn’t want him to hurt. He was too nice, too generous, too loving, to the twins.
“It’s my way,” he said, his tone testy.
“Sophie told me you went into that burning house and saved the twins. That’s what Gillian would have wanted. I know from the way you and your parents talk about her and the way the twins describe their mother that to Gillian her children were her most precious possessions and that she loved them dearly. She would gladly have given her life for them. You caring for Katie and Kyle honors your sister in the most wonderful way possible.”
“I was there, in the house. I should have saved her.” His abrupt response would have ended the discussion only Penny couldn’t leave it there.
“You don’t get to decide who lives or dies, Rick.” She touched his arm. “It’s God’s decision.”
“But I was right there, not twenty feet away. So close.” He gulped then continued in a harsher tone. “If only I’d fought through the smoke and got to her, brought her out...”
The anguish in his voice as the sentence trailed away was hard to hear. Penny tried another tack.
“I know it’s very hard to accept. But Gillian is better off where she is now, Rick. She’s in a place with no pain, no suffering, no more worries. She wouldn’t want you to keep blaming yourself for her death.”
“You don’t know—” Rick clammed up, stiff and rigid in his seat, staring straight ahead.
That was the thing—Penny didn’t know the first thing about the suffering he endured. She only knew that he was caught in a snare of guilt much as she’d been when her engagement had ended. She could see the weight that burden had etched in the lines around his eyes, could hear it in the sadness of his voice and felt it in the grief he tried to keep hidden but was clearly revealed whenever he spoke of Gillian.
Penny knew this man was stuck, unable to let go of that awful tragedy and move on. He couldn’t forgive himself. She didn’t understand why that should be. She only knew something inside her insisted she must help him break free.
“You can’t change the past, Rick. No matter how long you wear that scar it’s not going to bring her back.” An urge she couldn’t fight insisted she ignore his rock-like visage and keep trying to reach his heart. “Did you ever think that perhaps the scar reminds your parents or the twins of that terrible event?”
His veneer broke when he gave her a surprised and horrified glare. Penny hated the feeling that she’d hurt him. But Rick was such a wonderful, decent, honorable man that Penny couldn’t not try to help.
“Do you believe that? Is that what they said?” He sounded shaken.
“No one’s said it to me. And I’m probably wrong,” she said quickly, wishing she hadn’t gone down this path. “I don’t even notice it anymore. You saw the picture I gave your dad. I didn’t even realize your scar was showing.”
He glanced at her in obvious surprise, eyes wide. “Really?”
“Really. I’m only speculating, trying to make you see how your insistence on clinging to guilt affects others besides you and colors everything you do.” Penny sent out a prayer for wisdom then continued. “You have the twins’ futures to think about, Rick. You have to let go of your guilt so you can concentrate on giving them your very best. In and of itself, the scar isn’t important unless you dwelling on it hurts them.”
After a moment’s silence Rick pressed his lips together then switched on the radio. Soft classical music filled the cab for the rest of the ride to her home. Though Penny remained quiet she kept up a barrage of silent prayer for him and the twins.
When he pulled up in front of her house she hurriedly said, “Don’t get out. You’ll disturb the kids. I can manage.”
“Are you sure?” he asked in a brusque tone without looking at her.
She nodded, undid her seat belt then slung her bag over one shoulder. With her fingers grasping the door handle she paused a moment to smile at him.
“Thank you for a wonderful day, Rick.”
“You’re welcome. We’re glad you came.” Dutiful but hardly heartfelt. He was upset with her.
Before Penny could lose her courage she reached out and touched his damaged cheek, keeping her hand against the rumpled skin even though he flinched.
“This isn’t really a scar, Rick,” she whispered. “It’s a badge of love. But you don’t need it and you certainly shouldn’t feel guilty. Anyone who knows you already knows you’re the kind of man who keeps his promises to those he loves. Gillian knew. So do your parents and the twins. So do I.” She pulled her hand away, opened the door and slid out. She removed her cooler. “Good night,” she murmured before closing the door and hurrying into her house.
Inside her home Penny leaned against the closed door, waiting for her heart to slow down as she listened to his truck drive away.
How bold she’d been, touching Rick like that, saying those things. And yet, she’d felt compelled to make him understand that his guilt was needless. Just from today’s meeting with his parents Penny knew that they didn’t blame Rick. Gillian’s death was a tragic accident but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. So why did he blame himself? What didn’t she know about that fire?
Penny hung up her wet suit and towel, put the salad and pickle dishes away then made a cup of peppermint tea and carried it out to her back patio, where she enjoyed the brilliance of the starry summer night. Soon Rick’s words replayed in her head.
I’d want my wife to be like Mom, perfect in every way.
The man had once clearly envisioned a family of his own. In light of his fiancée’s rejection maybe he didn’t think he could still have that, but Penny had a hunch he still thought about being a husband and father. Through the Bible study that Sophie led, Penny had made friends with several women from church. They weren’t perfect women, of course. But maybe if she got them to
gether with Rick...
Matchmaking? I’m matchmaking?
“For an honorable, sensitive man who thinks he has to give up everything,” she said out loud. Penny liked Rick a lot. If only she—
“You’re nobody’s idea of perfect,” she reminded herself, ignoring the pang of pain that clenched inside at the reminder. “Rick and the twins need somebody special to love them.”
That someone isn’t you. You’re nothing like Eva.
It hurt a lot to accept that. But Penny valiantly swallowed her pain and decided that tomorrow she’d start arranging some chance encounters between Rick and potential wife candidates. Naturally they would have to be very special ladies because Rick and the twins deserved the best.
Funny how the thought of him water-skiing beside someone else kept Penny awake long into the night.
* * *
“Hello?” On Wednesday afternoon Rick poked his head into the Wranglers Ranch Day Care building. No one answered his summons, which was odd.
“I asked him to meet us at five thirty so you’d have time to get to know—oh, hello, Rick.” Penny’s eyes widened as she appeared around the corner of the building. She’d requested the meeting so her surprise puzzled him until he got caught up in hugs from the twins.
“Sorry. I’m a few minutes late.” He couldn’t stop gawking at her.
Penny in yellow was an amazing sight. He’d secretly dubbed it her signature color, bright, full of life and always happy, exactly like her. That was never truer than in the fitted sundress she wore today. It emphasized every curve and showed off her legs so well he had to force himself to stop gawking at her.
Funny how he’d never really noticed women’s clothing until he’d seen Penny in the sundresses she often wore. Demure but very feminine dresses that made her seem very ladylike, just like his mom.
“Miranda, this is Rick. Rick, Miranda Soames.” Penny indicated the young woman beside her.
“Hello. A new employee at the daycare?” he asked politely as he pulled his gaze away from Penny.
“Oh, no.” Miranda, who looked all of eighteen, giggled then gave a gushing smile that unnerved him. “Penny and I taught together last year. I’m taking over her kindergarten class in the fall.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” Though Rick nodded, inside he was wondering why Penny had asked him to be here at this particular time today. Surely not just to meet Miranda? He chastised himself for thinking that until he glanced at Penny’s wide-eyed eager face. Something in that gaze made him wonder. Could she...no. She wouldn’t.
“Miranda’s really a marvel with kids,” Penny said.
She was trying to sell him on the woman. That settled it. Rick gulped, feeling like a worm wiggling on one of his dad’s fishhooks until Katie tugged on his arm, diverting his attention.
“Ready, sweetie?” She nodded so he urged, “You and Kyle get your backpacks. We’ll leave Penny and Miranda to visit. We need to decide where to go for dinner. It’s our eating out night, remember?”
Katie and Kyle raced inside the building with a whoop. Realizing he was now the sole focus of the two women, Rick shifted uncomfortably.
“So the reason I wanted you to be here at this time was to meet Miranda,” Penny said, confirming his every fear.
“Uh, okay.” He shuffled, trying to rid himself of the jitters Miranda’s predatory stare gave him.
“I have some errands to run tomorrow afternoon and can’t be here at the daycare. So if you’re willing, Miranda has agreed to watch the twins.” Penny’s smile blazed as if she’d just scored the biggest coup in history.
The way she said it told him everything he needed to know about this appointment but thankfully Rick had just remembered something.
“Uh, that’s not going—”
“It’s not a big deal, Rick. I can call you that, can’t I?” Miranda simpered. There was no other word to describe her syrupy manner. “Penny and I both love children, and your twins are especially cute. We’ll have a lot of fun together,” she promised him with a gushing smile.
“Well, that’s very kind of you but unnecessary as it happens.” Rick’s awkwardness grew when her vivacious expression suddenly drooped.
“Unnecessary?” Penny frowned. “Oh. Why?”
“Because I’ll be taking tomorrow afternoon off for the twins’ dental appointments so naturally they won’t be here.” Seeing Penny’s frown, he hurried to explain. “I was going to tell you this morning but you were on the phone when I dropped off the kids and I didn’t want to interrupt. It seemed an important call.”
“Uh, yes, it was.” Penny’s cheeks glowed an interesting shade of pink as her gaze quickly veered away from his. “Well, that’s all right, then.”
“I’m sorry to ruin things like this but I really want to thank you for offering, Miranda,” Rick apologized but his thoughts were on Penny. In all the time he’d known her he’d never seen her so flustered and he couldn’t help wondering why his change in plans had thrown her off. And what was with that weird way Miranda was gawking at him? Had to be his scar, he decided.
“Another time, perhaps?” Miranda’s cheery smile was fading fast.
“Perhaps.” Rick shifted uncomfortably. Time, past time, to get out of here. Thankfully just then the twins came bounding out of the building.
“I lost my pig. Me an’ Kyle had to hunt for it,” Katie explained breathlessly. “But we found it.”
“Good. Into the truck now. I’ll help you buckle up.” When he turned back Penny was glowering at him as if he’d done something wrong. “Um, thanks again for caring for them. I guess you’re all ready for the grand opening in a few days, huh?”
“Yes. Everything’s in place.” Penny bit her bottom lip then blurted out, “If I’m not here the day after tomorrow, is it a problem? Someone else, perhaps Miranda, will be here to watch the kids for you.”
“I could get another sitter,” Rick offered, confused by her question. “But I thought Thursday was the day you and Sophie planned to hold staff training.”
“Oh, yes, ah, that’s right.” She nodded vaguely, avoiding his stare. “But those plans are sort of—fluid. Anyway, whatever happens the twins will be cared for. I just wanted you to know.”
“Okay. Well, thanks. Thanks a lot.” The longer Miranda stared at him, the more awkward Rick felt. He left wondering if he looked as confused as those zombies his former sitter had raved about. “So how was your day, guys?” he asked the twins as he pulled away from Wranglers Ranch.
“Good.” Kyle immediately began working on the LEGO blocks he was never without.
“It was a funny day,” Katie said in a rather solemn voice. He glanced in the rearview mirror and saw her small face scrunched up. “I’m kinda mixed-up.”
“What do you mean, sweetie?” Rick asked curiously while thinking Katie wasn’t the only one who was mixed-up today.
“I was wonderin’ ’bout something.”
“What’s that, darlin’?” he asked, trying to get back on an even keel.
“Well—do you need love, Uncle Rick?”
“Huh?” With great difficulty Rick kept his focus on the road though he was going to pull into the first hamburger joint he came to so he could figure out what his niece was talking about. “I—uh, I guess we all need love, sweetie.” He gulped. If this was parenting, he was about to flunk out. “Why do you ask?” he said meekly.
“’Cause I heard Penny talking to Miss Miranda an’ Penny said you needed love so you’d stop hurting.” Katie’s voice softened. It sounded as though she was near tears. “I didn’t know you were hurting, Uncle Rick, but I love you real lots an’ Kyle does, too. If we give you a hug will that make your hurt go ’way?”
“I don’t think I have any special hurt today, sweetheart, but if I did, for sure your hug would fix it. I love your hugs. I
love you and Kyle more than peanut butter,” he said, launching into their favorite game in hopes of easing off the subject of his hurts while reassuring her.
“I love you more than peppermints,” Kyle chirped.
“I love you more than Christmas trees ’n’ candy canes ’n’ presents.” Katie would never be bested in this game.
Rick responded with only half his mind playing the game as he drove. His irritation ballooned. Penny had said he needed love? What in the world—suddenly a lightbulb clicked on inside his head.
Could Penny be matchmaking? Had to be. But why?
Rick replayed their last conversation on the way home from the lake. He must have said too much and she’d extrapolated from that, decided that he needed a woman in his life. He fought an angry urge to call her up and tell her to butt out—until the questions built.
Why had she thought that? Did he look needy? Did the twins? Was it so obvious that he was failing as their father?
Tormented by the possibilities that Penny had identified some lack in the twins that he hadn’t, Rick pulled into the first fast-food place.
“C’n I have fish?” Katie asked, brows drawn together.
“Fish? Are you sure?” Rick mentally kicked himself for asking. Fish was good for you, way healthier than hamburgers. “Sure. How come you want fish today?”
“Miranda told Penny that’s how she gets such long, shiny hair.” Katie swung his hand as they walked inside. “I want hair just like hers.”
Rick let that go, unwilling to get into the fact that Katie would never have the rich auburn hair that Miranda had.
“Nope, that’s not what Miranda said, Uncle Rick.” Kyle tugged on his other hand to get his attention. “Miranda said she eats fish caps.” His brow furrowed. “Or sumthin like that. I dunno.” He shrugged in disinterest. “I want chicken nuggets. An’ fries. With ketchup. An’ can I have ice cream for d’zurt?”
