by Lois Richer
“Adopt Molly’s baby.” He said it slowly as if he needed time for the words to impress on his mind. “That’s taking on a big commitment.”
“I’ve wanted a family my entire life, Rick. This seems like a way I can have my heart’s desire. I can offer a child a good home and I know I will love him or her.” Penny saw his eyes narrow. “What are you thinking?”
“That it’s a huge step to take. Your life won’t ever be the same,” he warned.
“Good. I don’t want the same life. I want a family.” She made a face. “I work at Wranglers Ranch so at least daycare won’t be an issue for me.”
“There’s that.” Rick calmly munched on his doughnuts without saying anything more.
“You don’t think I can do it.” Anger lit a fuse inside her. Rick had his loving family yet he begrudged her a child? “You’re a single dad,” she reminded.
“And I wish every day that I wasn’t,” he said with emphasis. “Don’t look at me like that, Penny. I love the twins, you know that. But I’d do anything for them to have their mother back.”
“Why?” she asked, stunned by the intensity in his voice.
“Because I doubt myself a hundred times a day. Would Gill have said that, done that, asked that?” He heaved a sigh. “Being their only parent has meant I’ve cut almost everything else out of my life because I don’t have time for it. I don’t begrudge that because I’ve come to realize that I can only do so much and being a parent to the twins is the most important thing to me. But you’re outgoing, gregarious and—”
“You’re not going to talk me out of it.” Penny glared at him, wishing she’d kept her thoughts to herself.
“Listen.” Rick set down his glass, wiped his fingers on a napkin and cupped her chin in his fingers, pressing against it so she had to look at him. “That’s not what I was saying. I want you to have everything you’ve always dreamed of, Penny. Every single thing,” he promised very quietly, his gaze riveted on her lips.
“But?” She wanted him to hold her, to reassure her, to—love her?
“But I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t want to see you ground down by pressures you didn’t expect and eventually learn you don’t want. I don’t want you to take on more than you’re prepared for.”
Though Penny heard Rick, his words seemed to float past in the truth of what she’d just realized. She loved him. How could she love him? How could that have happened when she’d been determined to escape letting her heart get involved again? She couldn’t make sense of it and yet—she loved him.
“Penny? You look funny.” Rick’s voice broke her trance. “What’s wrong?”
He pressed on her chin, forcing her to look at him. That helped her refocus. She couldn’t let him guess. She had to hold the knowledge close, think it through.
“I’ve worked with kids for a while now, Rick.” He stared at her as she gathered her scattered thoughts. “I think I can anticipate the problems there will be with adopting a child. But there will be joy, too. And fun and sharing. That’s what I want.”
He kept hold of her chin, studying her intently with his dark brown eyes until she had to jerk away lest he see what she’d only just comprehended. But then she had to look at him again and when she did he leaned forward, pressed his lips against hers in a very quick caress then drew away.
“If you’re sure that is what you want then I wish you every success.” But the words were at odds with the way his brows drew together. “What does Molly say?”
“She doesn’t yet know that I want to adopt and please don’t tell her. I’ll broach the subject when I’ve thought through the best approach and I’ll only do that after I work out some details,” she promised, wishing he could be sincerely happy for her.
“I’ve got to get back to work.” Rick put his dishes on the rack then walked back to her, his face absent of its usual smile. “Can I say just one thing more, Penny?”
She didn’t want to hear it. She wanted to bask in the warm glow of loving him and of finding a way to have the child she’d longed for. Out of politeness she inclined her head and waited.
“Pray about it. Pray really hard and then listen for an answer. Be certain you know in your heart that this is God’s will for you before you talk to Molly. Please?” Then he left, striding away with the confidence of someone who had never known what it was like to question every single decision of her adult life because there’d never been a parent or a sibling to bounce ideas off.
But she loved Rick. What was to come of that?
Hugging the knowledge close, Penny rose and returned to work, the verse she’d memorized on the first of January rolling around through her brain.
The Lord will work out His plan for your life.
In her deepest heart Penny doubted loving Rick was part of what God wanted, but adopting Molly’s baby surely had to be part of His plan, didn’t it?
* * *
As July turned into August, Rick became increasingly frustrated with the lack of answers from the fire investigation. Living in limbo without knowing exactly what had caused Gillian’s death was difficult and he often found himself fighting his short-temperedness. On one of these occasions he saw surprise on his crews’ faces. There and then he took a break, the second one of the afternoon, to regroup.
He found Penny sitting on the patio, alone. He almost turned and walked away, would have except she saw him. And he saw tears on her cheeks.
Oh, Lord, his soul cried. It’s bad enough that You don’t seem to answer my prayers, but Penny is so sweet. She wants a baby so much. She’s lost enough. Please, please...
“Don’t go, Rick.” She sniffed and blew her nose. “It’s okay. I promise not to bawl all over you.”
“If you want to, go right ahead,” he offered. “I have broad shoulders.” That brought memories of their kiss the other night and he’d been fighting memories of that every time he saw her. Trying to blank his mind of those special moments he retrieved two cups of coffee and carried them to the table where she sat. “Here. Drink some.”
“Coffee? In this heat?” she said, one pale eyebrow arched.
“Sometimes the caffeine helps.” He sat at the opposite end of her bench to give her plenty of space. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re always listening to my problems but you don’t talk much about your own. Any news?” she asked before she sipped the strong black brew.
“No. Now stop procrastinating and spill it.” He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting, hoping she wasn’t going to say what he expected to hear.
“Molly’s boyfriend has her convinced that she can sell her baby and make a lot of money. He told her she can ask the prospective parents for whatever she wants because so many couples are desperate to adopt a child.” Penny managed a half smile and a shrug. “I don’t have fifty thousand dollars, which is what he says she should demand.”
“I’d like to have a private word with that kid.” Anger boiled inside Rick at the hurt Penny was suffering.
“It’s not all his fault.” Penny exhaled wearily. “I told Molly to really think about what she wanted for her child and to make a list. She did. Number one on that list is a two-parent family for her baby. There’s no way I can fill that stipulation, either, so now I’m out of the running altogether.”
“Aw, Penny.” Rick couldn’t help it. He slid across the bench and put his arm around her shoulders, hugging her against his side. His heart ached for her though from the moment she’d mentioned her idea to adopt he’d feared this might happen. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too.” She sniffed as if her tears were on the very edge, waiting to spill over.
“I guess it wasn’t part of God’s will.” He felt woefully inadequate for offering that pacifier to a woman who’d given so much to him and his family. Penny must have thought so, too, because she
pulled away, her sapphire eyes blazing at him.
“You know, that’s not much consolation to me right now,” she grumbled. “Obviously it isn’t God’s will or it would have happened, but where does that leave me? Alone again, that’s where.” She burst into tears then squeezed her fists against her eyes. “Oh, rats. I’m so sick of bawling.”
Gingerly Rick slid closer and hugged her to his side again, offering comfort without words until Penny regained control. What a good sport she was. Yet what a hard life she’d led. The things she faced so stoically—he doubted a lesser woman would keep bravely pressing on.
But Penny did and that was what he so admired about her.
“Okay, enough.” She blew her nose, wiped away her tears and forced a smile as she drew away from his embrace. “It’s a good thing you came for coffee because I want to ask you something.”
“Oh.” Rick’s angst returned as he tried to fathom handling more than he already had on his plate.
Except—this was Penny, who’d stepped in for him numerous times with the twins. Penny, the one who’d offered to help his shorthanded parents out in their store last Saturday when he hadn’t been available because he’d taken the twins to a birthday party. Penny, who’d uncomplainingly held three sleepovers because Rick had to make three more trips to Phoenix.
“Ask away,” he said.
“Yesterday Molly told me about two other girls she met who are her age, also pregnant, also living at the shelter, at least part-time. I have an idea to run past you.”
Uh-oh.
“I was wondering if any of the cabins have been totally completed.”
“Two are ready to go. Several others are almost there. Why?” Rick held his breath waiting.
“I thought they might make temporary homes for these two women and Molly while they wait for their babies to arrive.”
For a moment Rick got lost in appreciation for this astonishing woman. In the depths of her own disappointment and sadness Penny still managed to focus on helping someone else. Generous didn’t begin to describe her.
“You’re a pretty admirable lady, Penny Stern.” Could he help kissing her again? About as much as the Arizona sun could help shining.
But a simple touch of the lips wasn’t enough for Rick. He wanted more. He wanted—a response from Penny that would soothe this need inside him to be with her, to protect her, to shield her against hard times. Because he cared about her. A lot.
He’d figured that out after he’d kissed her at the lake.
He’d also figured out that it wasn’t going to happen.
Easing away, Rick called himself six kinds of fool for getting too close. Penny didn’t need more grief and he had nothing to offer her but that. He cared for her dearly, loved her, in fact. But he wasn’t going to tell her that nor was he going to let her see how he felt. If the fire investigator charged him he’d have nothing to offer Penny except misery. It wasn’t fair to her.
“You’d have to ask Tanner about letting them stay in the cabins,” he said quietly.
“I know. But I think he’d agree, if they’re ready.” Penny’s intense stare unnerved Rick so he glanced away from her. “Wranglers Ranch started out as a ministry for street kids so it’s not exactly a new idea.”
“Then let’s go talk to him about it.” He needed to put some distance between them, needed to end this yen to hold her, to pretend he had a future, something to give her besides problems.
“Now?” Penny blinked her surprise. “O-okay.”
They found Tanner checking the shoes on his miniature ponies in preparation for a riding class for some of the daycare children. He listened to Penny’s idea, asked Rick about the cabins and then grinned.
“Fantastic! What an inauguration of our cabins.”
“You truly think so?” Penny seemed overjoyed.
“Absolutely. It’s another way Wranglers can minister.” Tanner went with them to talk to Molly so he could learn a bit more about her homeless friends. “Okay,” he said when she’d finished explaining. “Here’s the deal. I have some conditions for staying here, but if you and your two friends can meet those, I don’t see why all three of you can’t use the cabins.”
“Really?” Molly looked ecstatic. “That would be fantastic! Lissa and Tara have jobs so they won’t be hanging around here during the day.” Her face fell a bit. “I will, though I guess I could leave when I’m not working.”
“Honey, you’re free to leave Wranglers Ranch whenever you like,” Penny assured her. “But with the baby coming so soon, you might be wiser to stay on-site.”
“Maybe. Anyway, I’ll ask the other two and let you know what they say. I’m saying yes.” For the first time she seemed to be excited. “Would it be okay if I moved in today?” she asked Tanner. “I have all my stuff with me because I always have to take it from the shelter.”
“I have no objection but—” Tanner looked to Rick.
“Give us until five to finish and clean up any debris from the sites around those cabins,” Rick said, catching his breath at the joy filling Penny’s lovely face. “After that they’re all yours.”
Molly went back to work, her face bemused as if she couldn’t believe her good fortune. Tanner told Rick to put one key inside each building and keep the second key until the job was complete. Then he went back to work, leaving Rick and Penny alone.
Ecstatic, she grinned at him, threw her arms around his neck and kissed his scarred cheek.
“Thank you, Rick,” she whispered. “Thank you for building such wonderful places for them to bring their babies.”
Rick said nothing. He just hung on, content to hold Penny, the woman he loved with all his heart.
Maybe, just maybe...
“Your phone’s ringing.” Penny released him and stepped away. “I think you’ve got a text.”
Rick pulled out his phone, glanced at the message and almost gagged as everything in his world turned gray.
“Rick?” Penny tugged at his arm. “You’re white as a sheet. What’s wrong?”
“The arson investigator is still not able to be here in Tucson, but his investigation has proceeded based on photos of the scene forwarded to him.” He stopped, unable to continue.
“But that’s good. He’ll finally figure out the real cause and you’ll be exonerated,” Penny sounded excited until she noticed his expression. “Won’t he?”
“I doubt it because he’s sending my lawyer a new list of questions though I’ve already answered everything two or three times.” Rick tried to swallow and couldn’t. “I don’t know if I can go through it all again, Penny,” he said in a ragged whisper. “To think of her dying like that, alone and in pain—it’s so hard.”
Penny gazed at him, her blue eyes stark with the same agony that tore him up inside. He knew from her expression that she understood what he meant, that once again he’d have to relive the horror of knowing exactly how Gillian died. Penny wrapped her arms around him and held on, trying to reassure him when he no longer felt certain of anything.
“We have to pray, Rick,” she whispered against his ear. Funny how it felt she belonged here, in his arms. “We have to get your parents praying, too, though I doubt they’ve ever stopped. We have to ask God to step in.”
Rick didn’t answer. He couldn’t shake the awful feeling that prayer wasn’t going to help. It hadn’t so far. Certainly his faith no longer had the sense of purpose he’d always treasured. Now it seemed ephemeral, wishy-washy, something he was afraid to trust. God felt distant, concerned with other matters.
Rick was on his own. Just like Penny.
Chapter Twelve
“You threw a wonderful baby shower for Lissa and Tara.” A week later Sophie smiled at Penny across the newborn she held. “Besides which, you look great holding that little guy.”
“I think caring for five babies pretty well wore out Molly this week but I’ve loved every moment of cuddling these precious little ones.” Reluctantly Penny handed over the now crying baby to his mom.
“Tara and I can’t believe all you’ve done for us,” Lissa said, cradling her son.
“No, we can’t thank you enough,” Tara agreed as she took her daughter from Sophie. “You were there just in time. We didn’t know we’d have our babies so close together and we don’t know what we’d have done without all these wonderful gifts on top of giving us places to live. I can’t imagine how we’d have managed if we had to stay at the shelter.”
“Any plans yet?” Sophie asked. “We love having new babies at Wranglers Ranch but I know you were both considering moving home with your families.”
“We asked but neither of our parents want us there now that there’s another mouth to feed. I’m hoping to go back to school,” Tara said. “You, too, right?” She glanced at Lissa, who nodded. “Molly might join us after her baby comes, which she’s hoping will be soon. She’s really tired of being pregnant, which I totally understand.”
“You’re both welcome to stay in the cabins for however long you need, though I realize you’ll need to find something more permanent.” Sophie glanced at Penny. “We’ve got feelers out about that so don’t give up.”
“We won’t.” Tara grinned. “We’re learning that Wranglers Ranch is a place where prayers are answered.”
Penny wanted to echo Tara’s comment except God still hadn’t answered her prayer for Rick’s love or sent the child she craved to hold more now than ever. After expressing their thanks once more, the two moms headed for their cabins, babies carefully swaddled against the mountain breeze rippling through the valley. Sophie helped Penny clean up the daycare, where they’d held the evening shower, which many ladies from the church had attended along with some ranch staff.
“I’m a bit scared for them,” Penny admitted. “New babies, no home, no one to watch over them, no futures. Do you think we could care for the babies here in our daycare if the girls do return to school in September?”
