Orange and red colored leaves floated to the ground along the tree-lined street. Fall was in high gear. Before long the branches would be bare and covered in snow.
“Care to share?” Kody asked.
After I’d told Kelton my little secret months ago, I tossed it aside. I didn’t see a need to blast the news that I’d almost gotten Ruby pregnant to Kade or Kody. But every time I saw Chloe, who was now almost nine months pregnant, I thought of Ruby.
I glanced from left to right, looking for a yellow house among the variety of two-story colonial homes that dotted the street. “Don’t freak. Two weeks before we moved back to Ashford, Ruby told me she thought she was pregnant.” I counted to three.
Kody lowered the volume of the radio on my second count. On three, he said, “What the fuck! You’re just telling me this now.”
“Chill. I didn’t see a need to bring up the subject. But since you’re with me, you should know just in case she bolts out of her house and attacks me.” I braked at a stop sign. “And she wasn’t pregnant. It was a false alarm.”
“God, Kross. That’s good news. So why do I get the feeling you’re not happy? Did you want her to be pregnant?”
“Fuck no.” I wasn’t happy because I might come face-to-face with the woman I’d left hanging. A woman who’d called me several times sounding frantic, and whose calls I’d ignored. A woman who probably wanted my balls between a nutcracker.
Family was everything to me. I wanted my own one day, but at sixteen, no way. Even now at twenty years old, I was still too young to start a family. “But I was a dick. I didn’t return her repeated calls after we moved back home.” I gave my truck some gas.
“Come on, man. We were sixteen. How were you supposed to act? You were scared.”
Maybe I was scared, but I was also confused. Too much had changed—my sister Karen’s death, Mom moving into a mental health facility, moving from Texas to Massachusetts. Then no sooner had we gotten used to a new school in Ashford before we were plucked from it and forced into Greenridge Academy. Ruby had been my escape, and I’d used her. At least looking back on the situation, that was how I felt now.
“So, why the apology?”
“We were friends, and I let her down.” Truth be told, she’d said she loved me. My response to her had been, “No, you don’t. You think you do, but the feelings we shared won’t last.” It had been wrong of me to say that. I’d learned from Kelton recently that young love could stand the test of time.
“Did you love her?” Kody asked.
“I don’t know. I was so confused. All I could think about when she told me she loved me were Mom’s words to Kelton: ‘It’s infatuation. You don’t love Lizzie.’”
Kody chuckled. “But that didn’t stop Kelton now, did it?”
“Kelton proved all of us wrong.” His childhood sweetheart had shown up in Boston several months ago, and now Lizzie and Kelton were madly in love and living together. Not that I was here to confess my love to Ruby, although I was curious how I would react to seeing her again. She had always made me feel lightheaded in a good way.
Kody scratched his head. “I sense you’re not telling me everything. Do you think if you see her again, she might stir up old feelings?”
I pressed on the gas pedal. “What? No. But every time I see Chloe, I’m reminded of how much of a dick I was to Ruby. She kept calling me after we left the academy. The messages she left sounded like she needed my help. I should’ve at least responded to her, but the pregnancy scare and her telling me she loved me kind of freaked me out. I really just want to apologize.”
A weathered, worn yellow house came into view on our right. I wheeled into a spot across the street.
“Seems to me that no one lives there,” Kody said.
Compared to the meticulous manicured lawns of the surrounding homes, Ruby’s home gave off an ominous vibe in the daylight. The grass was overgrown. The bushes lining both sides of the tiny porch needed a trim, and the black shutters were chipping.
I opened my door. “You want to wait here?”
“I’ll stretch my legs.”
As Kody and I strode up to the house, a Jetta zipped into the driveway next door. The bass of the music pounded as the driver screeched to a stop. Once the engine died, a young girl hopped out, dressed in workout gear. She caught sight of us as she hitched her sport bag over her shoulder.
“We have a looker,” I whispered.
“If you two are here to rob that house, it’s empty.” The teenage girl raised her voice as she tucked her shiny black hair behind her ears.
“Do we look like thieves?” Kody asked.
She sashayed her curvy hips through the weeds. “Kind of.” She giggled. “I’m Tasha.”
Okay, maybe we did. Kody and I were both dressed in jeans, boots, hooded sweatshirts, and knit caps. Normal attire for us.
“I’m Kross,” I said. “This is Kody. I’m looking for Ruby Lewis.”
She eyed Kody for a beat before settling her gaze on me. “I’m sorry I can’t help you. Shortly after the cops arrested her father four years ago, Ruby and her mom left.”
I wracked my brain, trying to remember what her father did for living, but I wasn’t sure Ruby had told me. I’d only met him once at one of her ballet recitals.
“Why did he go to jail?” Kody asked.
She lifted a shoulder. “Dealing drugs.”
Kody and I exchanged a what-the-fuck look.
Ruby’s messages toward the end had sounded desperate. “Kross, why won’t you call me back? I thought we were friends. I need you. I need to talk to you.”
“Any idea where Ruby might be?” I asked.
“Sorry, I don’t.” Her gaze lingered on Kody, who eyed me with a look that said he wanted to get out of there.
“Thanks for the info.” I started for my truck, feeling more like a dick. Ruby had wanted my help, and all I’d done was hit ignore on my phone.
Kody caught up to me. “Kross, did you know her old man dealt drugs?”
“No idea. Our family had our own problems back then. And Ruby didn’t talk too much about her parents. All I knew was her mom didn’t work.”
“Kross,” the girl called. “Are you Kross Maxwell?”
I pivoted on my heel in the middle of the street then angled my head.
She jogged across the lawn and stood on the curb. “Are you the father?”
My mouth fell open. “Come again?”
She looked back at Ruby’s house then at me. “Ruby was pregnant when they left.”
The neighborhood narrowed to nothing—no sound, no light, just a black hole. Kody dragged me out of the street as a car sped past. My heart was beating so fast, it was bruising my ribs. I swung my gaze from a pale-faced Kody to the girl.
Finally, I shook my head. It couldn’t be possible. Ruby had said she wasn’t pregnant. My limbs became weak, my brain became foggy, and my tongue wouldn’t move. Tasha had to be mistaken.
“So, you know this for a fact?” Kody asked.
“Sure as the wind is blowing right now,” she said. “When her and her mom left in the fall of her junior year, her belly was big, and her mom told mine that Ruby was pregnant.”
I thought back to when Ruby and I had had sex, counting the months. We’d had sex in May of our sophomore year. I’d moved back to Ashford in June. So by the fall of that year, she would’ve been at least four months pregnant. The blood drained from my face.
“Bro, maybe it’s not yours.” Kody’s face had turned completely white. No doubt mine had too.
I shoved both hands through my hair. Kody might have been right, but my gut was telling me differently. All I could think back to were Ruby’s messages. She hadn’t been calling me because of her father’s arrest. She’d been calling me because she was pregnant.
“According to my brother, Ruby had told him that the father was a guy by the name of Kross Maxwell.” She flashed her big dark eyes at me. “Is that you?”
Either a sinkhole was
beginning to form beneath my feet or the earth was shaking. Kody caught me as I swayed. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I sucked in the late October air, the cold burning a path down my throat. I was a daddy. I was a fucking daddy. I had to sit down. I whipped my head in all directions. But that only served to increase the dizziness. Kody guided me to a fire hydrant. But my body wouldn’t stop listing to one side then the other as though I was on a boat in high seas. Nausea shot up to settle in my throat.
“Is he okay?” Tasha asked.
Kody tapped me on the face. “Bro?” He waved a blurry hand in front of my eyes.
I bent over and heaved. Nothing came out. I heaved again as Kody steadied me. This time, I literally lost my lunch. Sweat coated my forehead as ice sliced through my veins. I shivered. I could handle difficult situations. I’d learned quickly when my sister, Karen, died, and even more so when my mom had fallen into a deep depression. I had to in order to help my father and Kade. While Kade was consoling Kody and Kelton, I tended to my mom, especially when my old man was away on missions. Sure, I cried over my sister’s death. I cried alone in my room at night when no one was around. I wanted to be strong. I’d seen how Kade had struggled with becoming a pseudo parent, and I’d had to help him.
But the news that I could be a father made me feel as though I had just been rammed in the gut by a cement truck.
“Breathe,” Kody said.
I couldn’t get air in my lungs. I couldn’t even form words.
“Here’s a tissue.” Tasha’s voice rose. “I’ll get some water. Be right back.”
“Sit,” Kody ordered.
Wiping my mouth, I dropped down on the curb as the neighborhood spun around me. “I’m a fucking father.” I wished I were numb. But a sharp pain throbbed inside my skull, feeling as though I was getting hit from both sides. Maybe I was taking after Kade and getting a migraine. I turned away from Kody and puked again. Man, I knew now how Kelton felt when he thought he might be the father of Chloe’s baby.
“Fuck,” Kody said. “I don’t know what to do, Bro. Do you want me to call Kade?”
A maniacal laugh escaped me. I didn’t have the first clue what to do, not when my hands were shaking and the nausea wouldn’t settle. “No. This type of news is something that Kade needs to hear in person. Give me a minute. I’ll be fine.” Another crazy laugh broke out, only this time in my head. I was far from fine.
Tasha came back with a bottle of water and handed it to me. “I’m sorry that I told you. I thought you knew.”
I downed the water, the liquid cooling the acidic burn in my throat.
“Does your brother know where Ruby might be?” Kody’s voice cracked.
“I don’t know,” she said. “He’s not home either. He goes to Boston College. I’ll give you his cell before you leave.”
It was time we did. I had to get out of there and away from Ruby’s house. I had to find her. I just didn’t know how yet.
2
Ruby
A light rat-a-tat-tat of rain pelted the roof of our makeshift home made of cardboard and a tarp, while my best friend, Norma, hacked up a lung.
I touched her forehead. “You’re burning up.”
She sniffled as she turned on her side. “I’ll be all right. It’s just a cold.”
I glanced at the Timex watch I’d found in a trashcan. I still had time to run to the drugstore. “I’ll be back. You need medicine.”
She grabbed my wrist. “We don’t have any money, and you can’t get caught stealing again.”
It warmed my heart to know I had someone in my life who cared. I loved her for looking out for me. We were a team. We had been since we met in jail a month before. Norma had been in for prostitution. I’d gotten caught stealing food from a grocery store. I actually considered her family. My mom and dad were both in jail for selling drugs. I silently laughed at how I was on the track to join them if I kept stealing.
“I have a few dollars.” I didn’t have enough for cold medicine. Since our release from jail, we had done everything we could to find jobs. We’d begged for money and waddled through dumpsters for food. She had no one in her life, and she refused to go back to her pimp.
“Ruby.” She sneezed. “We need that money for food.”
I swiped my hand over her short, dirty blond hair. It was literally greasy and dirty, giving her hair color a darker hue. “You need to get better.” She’d been sick on and off for the last week. I was worried that something other than a cold was plaguing her, but with no money, doctors wouldn’t even see her.
Norma sneezed again. “How much money do you have?” She was the practical and cautious one in our friendship.
I dug into my ripped jacket and pulled out change and a dollar bill, courtesy of a nice old man who was the only one to drop money in my cup while I was begging for change earlier that day. “See. It’s plenty to buy one dose of Advil, which will help with your fever.”
She coughed. Her brown eyes were red and watery. “Once I’m better, I’ll resume looking for a job.”
I’d submitted applications at several fast food restaurants in the last month. Those were the only places I could apply. I barely had any skills since I didn’t finish high school. But it was hard to communicate with a potential employer since we couldn’t afford cell phones. “I need to follow up with Burger King tomorrow.”
“I’ll see if my pimp can hire us,” she said through a wheeze.
“No way. I’ll continue to live on the cold streets of Boston before I do that.”
She took my hand. “Ruby, you need to get Raven back. She’s with a strange family. You’re her momma. She needs you.”
I jerked my hand away as tears threatened. “I know, damn it. But I’m not whoring myself. Right now, she’s in a good place. She has a warm bed and food in her belly. I can’t give her that right now.” I cursed my mom for following in my dad’s footsteps. Part of me couldn’t blame her too much. She was only trying to make ends meet for Raven and me. I’d always argued with her that I would find a job while she watched Raven, but she’d said bonding with a child was the most important thing for a mother.
“I’m sorry.” Norma’s teeth chattered. “I didn’t mean to make you upset. But we’ve been on the streets for a month. We, you at least, have got to do something to show social services you have a steady job and an apartment.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Selling my body isn’t a job social services would approve of.” The social worker had told me to stay out of jail, get steady employment, and find a decent apartment. Then we could talk more about getting Raven back, which I was determined to do.
“I know that.” Norma’s eyes fluttered shut. “But we can make some money to put away for an apartment, and we can continue to look for jobs while we work the streets.”
I angled my head. Maybe she had a fever that was making her delirious. I touched her forehead again. Yep, she was burning up. “Look, get some rest. I’m going to get medicine, and I promise if I need to steal, I won’t get caught.” As much as I needed to do the right thing for my own sake, I couldn’t let my friend suffer. Her cold could turn into pneumonia. Or worse, she could die.
“You don’t need to promise me. You need to promise yourself,” she said, fading in and out of consciousness.
She was sounding more and more like my mother. Norma was only two years older than me, but she came off older than her twenty-two years, maybe because she’d run away from home when she was fifteen, and she’d been surviving on the streets since then.
I covered her with a blanket that was in desperate need of at least ten washings. “Sleep. We’re in a dark, deserted alley.” We’d picked that spot because we hadn’t seen any other homeless people around. Besides, not many people were out in the rain. “No one will bother you. I’ll be right back.” Before she could stop me, I crawled out of the box, flipped my hood over my head, and dashed down the alley onto a main thoroughfare.
I jogged two blocks before the streets came alive with traff
ic. I passed restaurants where people were gathered, talking and laughing. I couldn’t help but stop to gaze at a couple sitting at a table by the window. The two were holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes. My stomach knotted as sadness sank low in my gut. I had a boyfriend once. I touched my chest, feeling for the pictures inside my jacket pocket that I carried with me at all times. Two were clear reminders of Kross Maxwell. No matter how mad I was at him, he still held a place in my heart. But high school, fun, ballet, Kross, us, had no place in my life. Thinking about the good old days would only depress me or make me angrier. I’d wanted to find him, but with how crazy my life had been with my parents and Raven, there was never a good time. Now that I was homeless, it definitely was not a good time.
Someone bumped into me. “Oh, sorry,” the woman said as she gave me a pitying look before she kept walking.
Instead of spewing swear words at her, I tucked my chin down then started on my quest. Rain poured down and so did my tears. I thought about my little girl who was almost four years old and about how much I wanted to hold her right then. I wanted to squeeze her dimpled cheeks, look into her dark-blue eyes, and feel her thick black hair. What are you doing, Ruby? You’re only torturing yourself. Get your ass in gear and get a job.
I’m trying, I screamed at my subconscious.
I picked up my pace as I traded thoughts of Raven for a plan of where to start looking when the fast food restaurants opened the next day. Burger King had the most promise. The manager was a young guy who seemed to like me by the way he smiled at me. Then I would check in with Taco Bell and a sub shop.
The drugstore sign came into view. I wiped my face with the backs of my fingerless gloves and ducked into Walgreens. The bright lights froze me in place for a second. I hated light. Light meant happy times, but it also reminded me of when I performed on stage at ballet recitals—a memory that would never become a reality again.
I squinted as I scanned the signs above the aisles, spotting the cold medicine near the pharmacy in the back of the store. I hurried down the outside aisle, away from the cashier who was ringing up a customer. I skirted a display of foil pans, boxes of pumpkin bread mix, and other items for Thanksgiving. At one time, I couldn’t wait for Mom’s turkey on Thanksgiving. Now, I hated the holiday that was only weeks away. While everyone stuffed themselves with turkey and said thanks for the things in their lives, I was dumpster diving for fresh scraps.
Dare to Dance Page 2
