Ms. Waters’s red-painted lips spread into a pitiful smile. “Let’s walk. Raven, would you like to see the ducks?”
Raven’s blue eyes went wide as her lone dimple emerged. “Swans, too?”
A pain clamped down on my chest. When I looked at Raven, I saw Kross. I had since she was born, although anger had always come with my visions of him. But not at that moment. All I could think about was the three of us becoming a family. I didn’t know the odds of that. I wanted to believe that Kross and I could work out our differences, and that I could get past my anger.
I had almost given into him when he came close to kissing me the other night. At the last minute, I’d gone from confident to coward, but not because I didn’t want his lips on mine. It was more out of fear that if I kissed him, I would want forever. I wasn’t certain forever with him was possible. When I’d tensed in his arms, sadness and hurt washed over him. He’d covered up his emotions quickly by getting all bossy on me. I believed deep, deep down in the recesses of my soul that he cared for me. I believed he was trying to right a wrong even before he knew about a supposed child. That alone meant I had a place in his heart, at least to me.
With Raven’s hand in mine, we strolled into the garden. Ms. Waters lingered behind. Tourists stopped to admire the George Washington Statue and take pictures.
Raven glanced up at me with the darkest blue eyes. “Mommy, will you take my picture?”
“Let’s go see what the ducks are up to.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her I didn’t own a camera or a cell phone with one, for that matter.
“Oooh, there’s a swan boat.” She took off running, which wasn’t surprising since she loved the swan boats.
“Wait for me.” I hurried my pace, catching her at the water’s edge of the garden’s lagoon. “How about we go on a swan ride?”
“Yay!” She tugged my hand, urging me to hurry.
We ran back to Ms. Waters, who was lingering near the George Washington Statue.
“We’re going on a swan ride,” Raven gushed.
Ms. Waters angled her head. “We are?”
“Would you like to join us? I’ve got money.” I didn’t know if money was a concern or if she didn’t like boats.
“Tell me more.” Ms. Water’s voice hitched.
“I’m waitressing at Firefly restaurant and bar. I’m also staying with one of the waitresses. I know I have to get my own place, but it’s a start.”
“Is that how you got the new shoes?” she asked.
“Mommy, let’s go,” Raven whined.
I squatted down. “Just a minute. Okay?”
She wrapped her arms around my leg as I straightened to my full height, holding her to me. “The shoes are part of my waitressing uniform.” I was lying, but I wasn’t ready to dive into the subject of Kross yet.
“That’s great, Ruby,” Ms. Waters said. “I’ll make note of that in your file. You know, I’ll have to confirm your employment.”
“Of course.” I made a mental note to prepare Pete. He was the one who answered the phone behind the bar. I should probably fill Tommy in too. I shivered. If I told Tommy about Raven, then he would hold that knowledge over my head and use it to goad me into another slimy deal.
“Mommy.” Raven’s voice sliced through my fear.
“Yes, baby girl. We’re going.”
“Ruby,” Ms. Waters said. “Is everything all right? You look a little pale.”
“Fine.” I couldn’t trust Tommy to keep a secret. If I pissed him off, then he would somehow screw me, not literally, but he could blab to Dillon or Kross, although Kross wasn’t allowed at Firefly. Stupid thought. Kross will be at the fight tonight.
I wouldn’t ruin my time with Raven. “Let’s go for that swan ride.”
Take out your frustrations on the girl you’re fighting tonight. My stomach knotted. Tommy would tell Ms. Waters I was fighting illegally. No, he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. If he did, then he would only be ratting on himself. Then another scary thought surfaced. Kross had brought up the possibility of the cops raiding Firefly. There was a real chance of that occurring since the fights were illegal. If that were to happen, then I could land in jail and kiss my chances of getting Raven back good-bye. If I didn’t fight, then I would lose my waitressing job.
Raven let go of my leg and began tugging on my hand, pulling me toward the swan rides.
I sighed heavily and painted on a happy face. At least, I hoped my smile reached my eyes. “Are you going with us?” I asked Ms. Waters. She had to keep a close eye on us, but it wasn’t as if I could flee with Raven. The boat left from the dock where we were standing and returned to the same spot. I wouldn’t dare try anything, anyway.
“It is a nice day,” she said. “The sun feels good. Sure.”
Raven talked the whole time between the ticket booth and getting on the boat. She told me about the new doll her foster mom had given her, and about her new friend, Matty. As I listened, I couldn’t help but feel happy and sad at the same time. I was so thankful she had a warm bed to sleep in and food in her belly. Yet the pain of her not being with me clenched my entire body as though I was pinned under a pile of cement rubble. Drop the illegal fighting and focus on waitressing.
The boat pulled away from the dock, carrying a handful of people in addition to the three of us. Raven sat in between Ms. Waters and me. As we glided down the lagoon, Raven went completely quiet, taking in her surroundings. I draped an arm over her, and she snuggled into me. My tears were on the verge of falling. I wanted to stay like this forever.
But forever was only fifteen minutes. So I closed my eyes, letting the light breeze wash over me. That sense of peace I had felt earlier waned as turmoil seeped into every pore. My hives bloomed with the memory of Norma’s words. “Kross could be your ticket to getting Raven back.” I rubbed a hand along Raven’s arm.
“Ruby,” Ms. Waters said. “Have you heard from your mother?”
My eyes flew open, and I checked on Raven. Thank God she’d fallen asleep. Any mention of Nana got her all excited. “No.”
I knitted my eyebrows. Ms. Waters knew I didn’t have a cell phone, but then I had an idea. I could use Tommy’s club phone to call the correctional facility in Framingham. I would love to hear my mom’s voice. The last time we had spoken was just before she’d gotten arrested. Sure, I was furious with her for her decision to sell drugs. But she was my mom. She’d done what she thought she had to do to survive. I wasn’t any better than she was. I stole to survive. I could’ve gotten a job despite my mom’s advice for me to bond with Raven. Women had babies and worked all the time.
“Ms. Waters, you said my case could take a long time. Is there anything that could speed it up?” Like a miracle.
“As I said, we’ll have to show a judge that you’re working, that you can provide for Raven, and that you have a roof over your head. Based on your new job, you’re moving in that direction.” The wind picked up, and she buttoned the top of her coat.
I kissed the top of my daughter’s head. “What about Raven’s father?”
“What about him? Your records indicate that you don’t know who the father is.”
I pursed my lips. I had to know what impact Kross would have on my case. Good or bad, I had to be prepared. “If I did, what would that mean?”
The boat began to head back to the dock.
Ms. Waters had a contemplative look on her face. “There’s no mention of a father on Raven’s birth certificate. So if he does come forward, then he would have to prove he was the father through a paternity test, which involves a lawyer on his part. Then the lawyer would have to petition the family court for a genetic marker test. In essence, the judge would need to approve the order to have a DNA test done on both Raven and the father. That could take weeks. However, that process could go quicker than your case.”
My chest expanded, but then fear squeezed it shut. If Kross filed for sole custody, then I could lose Raven. At least now, I could see her two or three times a month.
He’s her father. She’s ten times better off with family. She would love the lake that Kross had mentioned was near his house. Raven was a fish in water. Mom and I had taken her to the YMCA on occasion not long before Mom got arrested.
The boat docked. I lifted Raven in my arms and carried her. She stirred slightly but didn’t wake. Ms. Waters and I walked back to the main entrance in silence. My heart started beating like a drumroll. I didn’t want to let go of Raven. After our last visit, I had hidden for a solid day, crying.
We were almost to the George Washington Statue when a lady who looked an awful lot like Alex jogged through the gate. She wore running shoes, a sweatshirt, and yoga pants. Her brown hair was pulled back into a high ponytail.
I did a double take. “Alex?”
She stopped. “Ruby?”
“You jog?” I shouldn’t be surprised. Alex was in great shape. Now I knew how she’d gotten her toned legs.
“I love running through the gardens,” she said.
Ms. Waters cleared her throat.
“Oh, sorry.” I made the introductions and explained to Ms. Waters that Alex was the lady I was living with.
“So, you have a kid?” Alex asked.
I nodded. We hadn’t talked much about our lives. If Norma, Alex, and I were there together, we practically crashed the instant after our long shifts. Besides, Alex was staying at some guy’s place.
Ms. Waters’s phone rang. “I’ve got to take this. I’ll meet you outside the gate,” she said to me. “Don’t be long. I need to get Raven back to her foster family.”
Raven stirred awake.
“Hey, there,” I said as I set her on her feet then grabbed her hand.
She rubbed her eye.
Alex bent down. “Hi. I’m Alex. You’re adorable.”
Raven leaned into my leg.
“She’s tired,” I said. “We should go”
Alex stood. “It was nice to meet you, Raven.” Then she glanced at me. “I’ll see you back at the apartment.” Then she jogged off.
I’d thought about asking her not to say anything to anyone about Raven. But since Ms. Waters would check up on my employment, I had to at least tell Pete. Alex didn’t know Kross, so I didn’t have to worry that she would tell him.
We found Ms. Waters just outside the gate. My heart began to pound. This was the part where I got all emotional. It killed me to say good-bye to Raven.
Ms. Waters ended her call. “Alex seems like a nice lady,” she said as she pulled out her car keys.
We walked in silence to her car, which was parked not that far from the gate. She pressed the key fob. Two beeps sounded from the tan car.
Raven began to cry. “I don’t want to leave you, Mommy.”
“I know, baby girl.” I quickly buckled Raven into her car seat before I lost it. Once she was strapped in, I gave her a long kiss on her forehead. “I love you bigger than the universe.”
Tears streamed down her face. Then I couldn’t hold my own tears in anymore. “I’ll see you soon.”
She held out her arms. “Bigger than the universe.”
I kissed her one last time then ducked out of the car, dashing away tears.
“So about Raven’s father,” Ms. Waters said. “If you know who he is, he could play a key role in your case.”
My ears perked up as well as my pulse. “How so?”
“The family court system wants children to be with family first. As well they should. Raven should be with her mom and her dad, or at least an aunt or grandparent. But something tells me you’re not ready to come clean.” Her gaze swept over me like a metal detector. She was a smart lady. I imagined that in her line of work, she came across all types of people and personalities. That meant she could probably read people better than a psychic.
“I’m not ready.” I wasn’t going to lie, but I wasn’t about to give her names either, not until I spoke to Kross.
“If you’re worried about losing Raven because the father comes forward, you shouldn’t. Again, the family court system values the relationship between mom and child.”
“But it’s not like I have a home or money.”
“You said you were working. The next step is an apartment. But if the father is stable with a good job and home, then why not consider the possibility of Raven living with her daddy? Think about it. Our next visit is in two weeks. You have my cell phone number, and now that I know where you’re working, I can contact you there if I need to. Think about what I said.” She climbed into her car.
Waving, I edged back. I had a lot to think about.
15
Ruby
I tore into Firefly through the backdoor then ran up the stairs. Loud voices filled the hall from down below. Tommy was probably seething that I was late for the fight. I wasn’t scheduled to waitress, but I had to fight or I wouldn’t have a waitressing job.
After I’d parted with Raven and Ms. Waters, I’d done some soul-searching and roamed the streets too far in the wrong direction. However, I considered my time productive. My original plan was to take baby steps with Kross. I’d planned to show him Riley’s grave near my old home in the Berkshires and start at the beginning. But if a paternity test proving that Kross was Raven’s daddy was a quicker route to getting her out of foster care, then I had to put aside my own selfishness and do what was best for Raven, no matter the consequences.
I slipped past Tommy’s office.
“I don’t know where the fuck she is,” he yelled.
I cringed. I was certain he was talking about me. Before I got my ass handed to me, I had to show my face to Norma. She knew I normally liked some alone time after I visited with Raven, but today, I’d been gone too long.
I stuck my head into the bar area. Pete’s eyes went wide, then he crooked his finger. I shook my head, but he waved me over more firmly this time. His features transformed into those of one scary dude. His lips mashed into a thin line, a deep crease between his eyebrows traveled up to the crest of his baldhead, and his eyes formed into slits, his nostrils pulsating. I’d never seen him mad, but Norma had. Apparently, Pete had almost laid Kross out on a stretcher. That was hard for me to believe since Kross was more muscular than Pete.
I ventured over to the bar, mostly out of respect for Pete since he had given me so many pointers on serving drinks and addressing upset customers.
“First, glad to see you’re in one piece. Everything okay?” The angry look on his face belied the sweetness in his tone.
“I had to take care of something. It went longer than I expected. And as you know, I don’t have a cell phone. So I couldn’t exactly call.”
“Tommy is furious. You’re thirty minutes late for the fight.”
I hung my head. He reminded me of my dad when I’d gotten into trouble. Dad wouldn’t yell. He would say in a firm but calm tone how disappointed he was in me. I shouldn’t care what Pete thought, but I did. He was a big teddy bear. He kept an eye out for Alex, Norma, and me. More importantly, he kept us shielded from Tommy’s mood swings most of the time, at least while we were working.
He flicked his head toward the hallway. “Well, you better get in his office.”
I swallowed hard. “Am I still fighting?” Given that I was late, I wasn’t sure. I would prefer to put all my effort into becoming the best damn waitress in Boston. By doing that, I could show Ms. Waters I was responsible and prove to myself I could stand on my own. But I had a deal with Tommy first. Nausea began to churn.
Someone tapped me on the shoulder. If it were Tommy, Pete wouldn’t have a warm smile on his face.
Norma cleared her throat. I turned to find my best friend with a scowl on her face.
“Before you yell or tell me how worried you were, I’m sorry. You know how I get after—” My voice dried up when I spotted Tommy. He and I locked gazes.
I had bigger problems than Norma. Tommy’s dark features grew darker with every step he took in my direction. He paused in the doorway between the hall and the main part of the club. �
�Get your ass downstairs right the fuck now.”
Well, crap. I was still fighting.
“Don’t fight,” Norma whispered.
A war battled inside me. If I didn’t fight, then I would be out on the streets again. I wouldn’t have food in my belly. Above all else, my case to get Raven back would take even longer. “I made a deal.” One last fight. One last deal.
I pushed off the bar as I remembered a conversation I’d overheard between Tommy and Trent that very first night I’d hidden in the dumpster.
“The fight should yield us close to fifteen thousand dollars,” Tommy had said.
“Just make sure she shows. I’ll be taking your nuts if she doesn’t,” Trent had added.
Granted, that conversation hadn’t been about me then, but somehow I got the eerie feeling that it was tonight. Sweat beaded on my body. If Tommy’s nuts were on the line because I was late, then he would hold me responsible. I just wasn’t sure how.
“We can find another job,” Norma said at my back.
Time was our enemy and so was the storm brewing in Tommy’s dark eyes. I weighed my options. I could either run or take my licks until Tommy decided for me. When I was within his reach, he grasped my arm hard.
It was time to fight.
Thick clouds of cigar and cigarette smoke billowed out of the boisterous room as Norma and I approached.
“You can still back out,” Norma said. She’d been telling me that nonstop during the two minutes Tommy had given me to change into my workout gear.
“Chill.” I blew out a breath as I entered the room. In my mind, I couldn’t run. I’d made a deal, one that would allow me to at least keep waitressing whether I won or lost the fight.
Dare to Dance Page 14
