by Julie Frayn
“What the hell?”
She looked to her left. He walked toward her from the other side of the park, two cans of Coke in one hand and a plastic bag in the other.
“I was feeding them. I think they like me.” She was surrounded by fussing birds; a dozen or so on the ground by her feet, several under the bench and three perched on the backrest cooing in her direction.
He smiled wide and then let out a loud laugh.
“You are so adorable.” He shooed the birds off the bench, sat next to her and handed her one of the cans. He put the other between his legs and popped the top then opened the bag and pulled out two submarine sandwiches.
They ate their subs in silence, taking turns tossing bits of bun to the birds.
August peeked at him out of the corner of her eye. Except for his clothes, he was clean and smelled of soap. His hair looked so soft – the blond blonder, the waves more like full blown curls. She resisted the urge to run her fingers through it. He seemed so relaxed, so at ease. But how could he be after what he must have just done? She rocked back and forth on the bench, one foot bounced against the asphalt. She heaved a deep sigh. She just needed to know.
“So. Did you have sex with that man?”
“Something like that.”
“Like what, exactly?”
He leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head. He looked backwards at her through that constant curtain of hair. “Why do you need to know? Exactly.” He stood and shuffled through the crowd of pigeons like he didn’t want to harm them, sending them scattering in all directions and cooing in protest.
She grabbed all the garbage from the bench and ran to catch up with him. “It’s just not fair, that’s all. That you have to do that just to eat.” She knuckle-poked his retreating back. One empty can came loose from her grip and clattered to the pavement. “And now you have to feed me, too.”
He turned to meet her gaze and cocked his head to one side. “Here, give me that.” He took the garbage from her, tossed the sandwich wrappers and bag into a nearby trash bin and laid the cans on the ground next to it.
“Why didn’t you throw out the soda cans?”
“There’s some crazy homeless guys who pick them up, turn them in for cash.”
“Uh, hello?” She raised her eyebrows at him and shrugged. “Aren’t you homeless?”
He stepped toward her and stood close, smiling down at her. “Yup, but not crazy.” He brushed her hair away from her face and tucked it behind one ear. “Besides, I have other means and they don’t. And like hell am I dragging a shopping cart around with me everywhere I go. Now c’mon.” He bent and kissed her cheek. “I want to take you on a date,” he whispered right beside her ear.
She closed her eyes when his lips landed on her face, trying to will that small gesture to last a lifetime.
A date. An exciting new start. A new life filled with adventure. She looked up at him and smiled. Maybe next time he’d kiss her on the lips.
He took her by one hand and led her farther down the path.
*****
“Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!”
August grinned as John McClane threw a lit cigarette lighter at a line of jet fuel. The boom of the explosion that followed shook her whole body. The dimmed wall sconces in the small theatre rattled their disapproval. She grabbed Reese’s hand, her heart thumping. Her mother would kill her for watching this movie. Her smile broadened.
She reached across and dug her other hand into the popcorn tub resting in his lap. She shoved a greasy handful into her mouth, the buttery saltiness like heaven on her tongue.
He handed her the extra large pop they were sharing and she sucked a generous mouthful, gulping sweet, bubbly goodness. Two sodas in one day – that was a first. Pop was a rare treat at home, ranking right up there with potato chips and onion dip as coveted and craved delicacies reserved for special occasions. They didn’t have many special occasions.
When credits rolled, she stood and stretched, surveying the tiny space. Only three other people sat in the glow of the projector lights taking in a years-old movie at deeply discounted admission rates.
Reese had pulled her under the marquis of the run-down cinema when a sudden summer storm took them by surprise. He declared right there, in the spontaneous way he seemed to decide most things, that the best way to spend the rest of what little money he made that day would be on an old flick and some stale theater popcorn. A perfect first date.
The lights came up and she took his offered hand, following him down the shallow stairs to the exit. Her sneakers squeaked with each step, the soles adhering ever so briefly to the sticky cement floor. In the lobby they went their separate ways, he into the men’s and she into the women’s. Take advantage of every opportunity to use a real bathroom, he’d told her.
She used the toilet, and then pulled a few feet of paper from the roll, folding and stuffing it into her pockets for later. While she washed her hands she examined her face in the grimy, water stained mirror. Two day old mascara had almost all flaked off and was smeared under her eyes like little shiners. Dirt dulled her skin. Clean, pink trails down her dusty face marked the paths of tears she’d cried these past two days. She ran the water until it was as warm as it would get and scrubbed her face. The washing felt good. She dunked her whole head under the running water, hand soap doubling for shampoo.
She squeezed as much water out of her hair as she could into the rough paper towels, then pressed the button on the hand dryer. A pitiful warm wind was her reward, the insufficient breeze doing little to dry her long locks. She pulled out her dad’s comb from her back pocket and worked the tangles out, then stepped back into the lobby to meet Reese, shirt collar damp and hair dripping down her back.
“Man, you really did take advantage.” He pushed a wet strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her naked face. “You are so beautiful.”
Her cheeks warmed and she looked away to escape his piercing stare, focusing instead on the buttons of his jacket. “Yeah, right. I look like a freckle-faced little kid.”
“I love freckles.” He lifted her chin with one finger until she met his eyes again. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
Her heart sank. “What do you mean?”
“Home. The bridge.”
“Oh yeah.” She smiled. “Home.”
Chapter 13
In the afterglow of the storm, Reese held August’s hand and strolled with her through the streets.
The city shone under the light of the near-full moon, renewed and cleansed from the pouring rain. The stale smells of summer heat were replaced with a freshness borne of being doused with running water.
He never felt anything when he touched other people, just dead skin on dead skin. But her skin was alive, tingling with energy. When they touched, that energy jolted into him, bringing him to life with it. It was natural, his fingers entwined with hers. Peaceful and soothing. He’d found sanctuary in the palm of this strange girl’s hand. He was safe. Other than Guy and Amber, no one made him feel safe. But this was different than “family” safe. This was exciting.
He marveled at her reactions, her expressions. She found joy and awe and beauty in simple, everyday things. She thrilled at a crappy old movie, savored stale theater popcorn and reveled in clean, wet hair. Those silly birds in the park got attached to her, like she was Cinderella or something and she could speak their language. He couldn’t look at them as rats with wings anymore. Nothing looked the same – everything was better. He was seeing his world through her eyes. It was like seeing it for the very first time.
He ambled along beside her, in no hurry to get anywhere, in no rush to let her go. He guided her along the sidewalks, nodded the occasional greeting to other passersby. They crossed the street into the park, idled past the bushes ripe and heavy with all manner of summer blooms. When she stopped to smell the wild roses, chrysanthemums, and blood-red dahlias, he did too – another first. They smelled amazing, sweet and cloying. He’d neve
r noticed them before, but she did. She even knew all their names.
He picked a rose and gave it to her, then pulled a couple of petals from another, crushed them, and rubbed the perfume from his fingers along her neck. Her skin was so soft. His touch made her giggle and blush.
They strolled toward their spot under the bridge span, to the home they now shared. He wished it could be more. She deserved so much more. But could he ever give it to her? He lay beside her on the cardboard mattresses, a dim glow from the stub of their remaining candle cast soft shadows. He slid his arm under her neck. His hand grazed the sleeve of her hoodie. She rolled toward him, curled into his side and rested her head on his shoulder. The smell of her still damp hair was hypnotic.
She reached her hand up and rested it on his jacket just under the collar.
His heart beat out of his chest, his shallow breath quickened at her touch. No girl had ever made him feel this way. Feel anything at all. He hardly ever bothered to kiss other girls, but he wanted to kiss August. Tomorrow he would kiss her. He breathed in as deep as his lungs would allow, content for tonight to drink her in, and soon drifted into sleep.
Chapter 14
My darling August,
On the day you were born I discovered what love means. I thought I had it all figured out by then. I loved your grandparents, I loved my sister. I loved your father most of all. But nothing compared to what I felt when I saw you for the first time.
Your head was kind of cone-shaped from your journey to the outside, your nose so flat. You were covered in white goo, like squished cottage cheese. You reminded me of a doll I had as a girl, a baby with lovely blonde curls. I had shaved those curls off her plastic head and that’s how you looked that first day we met. A beautiful, bald little doll.
They put you, all slimy and slippery and wondrous, onto my fat stomach. I took you in my arms. We looked into each other’s eyes and that was it – I was in love. True love. For the very first time.
When I put you to my breast you latched on and enjoyed your first meal. You needed me. Would depend on me to feed you, love you, help you through life. I knew then, and still believe, every moment in my life brought you to me. You chose me. You are why I am. Because of that I could never regret a moment of it. Until now.
I regret we fight so much. I regret I yelled at you. I can’t believe I raised a hand to you, I regret that the most. I know I have to be tough on you because your father won’t be. He is too soft because he adores you and only wants you to like him. I adore you too, but there have to be boundaries and you need guidance. You need parents. You have enough friends.
I’m sorry we can’t give you the things that seem important to you. Vacations. Clothes. Shoes. Television. I’m sorry you were born into a poor, hard-working family that just barely makes ends meet. But we love you, August. More than you can imagine. Isn’t that something? Doesn’t that count?
It has to count. It’s all we have to give.
Come home.
Love, Mom
Caraleen folded the letter, kissed it, and placed it under the pillow. She lay down on the bed and wrapped her arms around the giant stuffed bear with silky white fur and a pink scarf. August’s favorite. She cried into the top of its head and eventually drifted off.
Chapter 15
Shimmers of heat emanated from the blacktop and the tongues of every leashed dog they passed hung from panting mouths. It was the kind of morning August’s grandfather would have fried an egg on the sidewalk, just because he could. He’d serve them up to his granddaughters on a piece of bread. Grit and dirt would crunch between her teeth with every bite.
August tied her shirt in a knot under her ribcage, exposing her belly to the breeze. Reese took off his jacket, unaware or not caring that the scars on his forearm stood out. No one seemed to notice. It was mid-morning before they found the others in the park.
“September, you look Daisy-Maelicious today!” Guy jumped to his feet and slapped his hands against his knees in a comic bumpkin dance.
August laughed, but Reese scowled. “Dude, you gotta stop teasing her. It’s starting to piss me off.”
Guy snapped to attention and saluted. “Yes, suh.”
“Be nice, she’s going to stick around for a while.” Reese put his arm around her waist and tugged her close to him. “Right?”
His skin was hot against her midriff, sticking in an instant when their sweat mingled. “Yes. Definitely.”
“That’s just great,” Ricki said under her breath.
Reese plopped down onto the grass and kicked Ricki in the shin. “She’s one of us now, so back off.”
“Like hell she is. What’s she ever done but be little miss virgin perfect?” Ricki glowered at August. “You ever done anything wrong?”
“I’m not perfect.”
“You ever steal anything?”
Her eyes darted around the group and she shook her head.
Amber lit a cigarette. “Give her a break. So what if she’s perfect? Somebody’s gotta be.”
“I’m not perfect. I ran away from home.”
“We’ve all run from something,” Amber said. “Or someone. But it’s a start. What else you got, honey?”
“I’ve been lying a lot lately. And I was dating a boy. That’s not allowed.”
Ricki threw her head back and laughed. “Oooh, dated a boy. You’re so badass. Did you fuck him?”
“No.”
“Blow him?”
The heat rose in August’s cheeks. “No. But not for lack of him trying.”
“Candy ass.”
“Shut it, Ricki.” Reese’s raised voice got everyone’s attention and they fell silent.
Guy tapped Reese’s arm with the back of his hand. “Maybe we should… Amber what’s that called when you have to do something to prove yourself?”
“Initiation.”
Guy nodded. “Yeah. We should make her do an initiation.”
Ricki clapped. “Yeah. Now that could be fun.”
“Like what?” Reese lit a cigarette and sat cross legged, his elbows on his knees.
August looked around the group. Her stomach ached. Was it hunger or fear for what they would make her do? Even Reese looked interested in the idea.
Amber snapped her fingers and pointed at no one in particular. “Start small. How about a little grab and run?”
August furrowed her brow. “A little what?”
“Grab and run.” Reese stretched his legs out, leaned back on one elbow and tugged on a strand of her hair. “You walk past the fruit dude’s stand, real casual like. When he’s distracted, just reach out and grab a piece of fruit. If he doesn’t notice, keep walking. If he does? Run your ass off.”
“I don’t know. That’s stealing.”
“You can do it. It’s no big deal. We all do it.”
That’s what he said about having sex with strangers. If her mother were here she’d ask, “If Reese jumped in front of a train, would you do it too?” Her dad would be disappointed in her for stealing. But her mother would be pissed. She grinned.
“Okay. I’m in.”
Ricki hooted and jumped to her feet. “This, I am dying to see. Let’s do this shit.”
Within minutes they were standing under the shade of a giant elm across the street from a small grocery store with a fruit stand outside. A man filled one table with oranges and bananas. Two other tables were set out along the sidewalk, all manner of fruit stacked precariously.
Reese put his arm around August’s shoulder and leaned his head close to hers. “Whatever you do, don’t look back. Never, ever look back. He’ll know you’re guilty for sure.”
She nodded.
“We’ll watch from here and wait for you. Try and grab something small that you can palm – a plum or a peach.”
August stared at the fruit vendor on her way across the street. Her heart beat in her ears, muffling the sounds of the city. A horn blared right next to her and she jumped sideways onto the sidewalk in time for a yellow cab
to turn the corner. The driver gave her the finger. “Stupid bitch,” he yelled through the open passenger window.
She looked back to Reese and shrugged. Amber held her hand to her forehead and shook her head. Ricki and Guy laughed.
August approached the stand. Adrenaline weakened her legs. The vendor chatted with a customer, his white apron stained with a rainbow of squashed fruit. When she was within three feet of him he looked straight at her. She nodded and smiled.
“Good morning.”
“Morning.” He didn’t smile, just looked at her like she was already guilty. Then he turned back to chat with his customer.
She kept walking, inching close to the tables of fruit. She stuck out her left hand and grabbed whatever was there. He didn’t yell at her. Wasn’t after her. She giggled. She was going to get away with it. Then she looked over her shoulder and saw him watching her. Their eyes met.
“Hey. Put that back you little bitch,” he yelled. Then he pulled out a string from inside his shirt. The shrill pitch of a whistle pierced her ears.
“Oh shit.” She ran a few feet and then darted across the street, dodging cars. Up ahead, Amber, Ricki and Guy had already scattered. Reese stood like a runner waiting for the gun to go off and motioned her to hurry.
When she reached him he grabbed her hand and they sprinted through the park. “There’s a rent-a-cop on our tail,” he said through labored breath.
They crashed through bushes and scurried down an embankment. Reese let go of her hand and vaulted over a three-foot wrought iron fence, then stopped short, turned back and lifted her over. He pulled her into a tunnel under a footpath and ran until they found an alcove near the middle.
“In here.” He stopped and guided her backwards into the alcove, then pushed himself in front of her.
His breath was heavy and hot and minty. For a homeless person, he sure was fastidious about his teeth.
August’s heart pounded. She let out one muffled laugh, then couldn’t suppress a stream of giggles.
