by Diane Moody
For more than two hours, he aired out the haunting memories and anxieties that still chased him. He told us of waking up on a street in a small village as little children poked sticks at him and dogs sniffed him. He had no clue how he got there or what he’d done for the previous ten days. That’s when he decided he had to clean himself up, get his act together, and go home. And that’s just what he did. He slowly weaned himself off the worst of the drugs, started running to get back in shape, and finally put a plan in place to get himself back home.
“Wait a minute,” I said. “If you were no longer in the Army, how did you get a hop back stateside on a military plane?”
“I’m a veteran now, Moonpie. I knew I could get a lift if I talked to the right people. I just made a few phone calls and called in a few favors.”
I thought back to the day I’d picked him up at the base in Millington. He’d been wearing his Army fatigues. Carrying an Army duffel. He looked so healthy and tan and had obviously been working out. But that had all been nothing more than a grand performance, staged to make us think he was finally released from his military deployment and perfectly fine.
How easily we’d been duped.
Except Tucker, that is. He’d been able to see what none of the rest of us could—a crack in the armor of Jimmy’s well-orchestrated façade.
When Jimmy finished, we smothered him with love and assurances, our own tears mingling with his.
The healing had begun.
Tucker called Monday morning and asked if I would have dinner with him Tuesday night. My parents had booked a room at a hotel near the hospital; Mom and Dad taking turns staying nights with Jimmy. By then, the thought of being away from Baptist sounded good to me. Really good.
He took me to Frank Grisanti’s over on Main, a quaint and cozy Italian place where Dean Martin tunes played quietly in the background. We dined on steaming plates of pasta and crusty garlic breadsticks. And I was overwhelmed with relief as we quickly fell back into rhythm with each other.
“This is nice. Thanks for inviting me, Tucker.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you and your parents had a breakthrough with Jimmy.”
“Well, it’s a start. He knows he needs serious counseling to deal with all the demons he brought home with him, but it seems like he’s genuinely ready to start.”
“That’s half the battle. Just admitting you need help. Good for him.”
We talked a while longer, then I pushed my near-empty plate aside and folded my napkin. “Are we okay, Tucker?”
He took a sip of water and set his napkin aside. “I think so. But we need to clear the air. You up for that conversation?
“I am if you are.” My heart rate spiked, but I knew we needed this to happen.
“Then let me just put it out there. I have to be completely honest with you, Shelby. It killed me how quickly you threw us away. We had an argument. That happens. All relationships hit road bumps now and then. But the minute it happened, you were done with me. You wouldn’t take my calls. You avoided me at the hospital, until I finally got the message. And I just couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe you’d give up on us that way. And what I need to know is why? Why were you so ready to bolt the first time we had a fight?”
I lowered my eyes, avoiding his penetrating stare. “That’s a fair question, and one I’ve asked myself many times over the past few weeks. I wish I knew. I really do, Tucker. Initially, I think I was so shocked by what you’d told me about Jimmy—and it made me crazy, wanting to defend my brother.”
“Which I understand. Blood is thicker than water, isn’t that what they say?”
I looked back up at him. “Yes, but I’m no idiot. It’s no secret that a lot of our guys came home with problems, and not just war fatigue. But I could not, in my heart of hearts, believe Jimmy would ever do something so stupid.”
“In all fairness,” he interrupted, “under the circumstances, I wouldn’t call it ‘stupid’—he just needed help to deal with what had happened to him but he didn’t know how to get it.”
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know. But after we argued that day, I should have searched my soul and at the very least, considered the possibility. Regardless of the fact he’s my brother. We’re all frail at different times in our lives. How could I not even allow myself to consider the possibility that Jimmy could have succumbed to the pressures around him? How could I be that naїve?
“But instead of coming to terms with that, I spent the last few weeks stewing over what I considered a cruel, unfounded attack on my brother. I was more willing to shoot the messenger than even consider that the message could be valid. It was a childish reaction and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He reached for my hand.
“As for bolting so quickly, I don’t know. I was so sure I’d finally learned to trust again. I have Dr. Love to thank for that. But apparently I wasn’t as secure as I thought I was. I think I just freaked at this first rip in our relationship. I was scared, Tucker. Scared you weren’t the man I thought you were. Scared that if I didn’t turn and run, I’d stand by and watch my heart get trampled all over again.”
He sighed heavily. “But surely you knew me better than that? You have to know I’d never trample your heart.”
I laced my fingers through his, swallowing back a lump in my throat. “No, Tucker, I didn’t know. But that’s because I felt a crack in my new resolve. It felt like the ground beneath me was starting to give way again. And I was simply scared out of my wits.”
He rubbed the top of my hand with his thumb. “So what are we going to do? How can we go forward if every time we have an argument or hit a snag along the way, I have to worry about you taking off again? How can I earn your trust, Shelby?”
I didn’t answer right away. Was it really possible for me to trust him so completely that I’d never turn tail and run again? I wanted to believe I could. Oh, how I wanted to believe it.
I had trouble finding my voice when I finally spoke. “Let me try. Give me another chance. Will you?”
He looked into my eyes, but I was sure he could see right through to my soul. “Shelby, I love you. And I might as well tell you—I have always had a special place in my heart for you.”
My head jerked. “What?”
“All those years Jimmy and I used to torment you when we were kids? At least on my part, it was all an attempt to get your attention and try to make you like me.”
I chuckled. “And somehow you thought putting a frog in my underwear drawer was the way to do that?”
He laughed. “Hey, I was only twelve at the time. What would you expect?”
“You’re serious? I had no idea. I thought you were just playing the part of Jimmy’s partner-in-crime, always coming up with schemes to make my life miserable.”
“And I can’t imagine how you might have thought that . . .” He fashioned a face of innocence. “Nothing but a schoolboy’s clumsy crush.”
I sat back in my chair. “You have no idea how this confession of yours has set my world off its axis. I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you love me, Shelby.”
My heart began playing a tympani solo, the driving beat nearly taking my breath away. But I wasn’t about to blow it this time. “I do love you, Tucker. I have for a long time now. I only wish I’d told you sooner.”
A huge smile beamed back at me. “Now’s as good a time as any. I’m just happy to finally hear you say it.” He leaned over and placed the most gentle kiss on my lips . . . the most gentle, perfect kiss. As he leaned back, he added, “There’s just one more thing I’d like to hear you say.”
“Yeah? And what’s that?”
“Say you’ll marry me.”
I’d held them in as long as I could—those wretched, pesky tears. But hearing those words kicked the floodgates wide open. I felt the tears flow freely down my face as I answered. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you! Nothing could make me happier. I love you, Tucker Thompson.”
He was
on his feet and before I could blink, he took my hand, helped me up and into his arms. He kissed me and kissed me and kissed me again, completely oblivious to the other patrons in the small restaurant. And I knew if I died that very moment, I would die the happiest woman on earth. He hugged me so tight, I think I wheezed through most of our kisses. Suddenly he broke away, reached for a spoon, and tapped his water glass repeatedly.
“Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention?” He paused just long enough for them to turn our way, then lifted our hands in the air. “SHE SAID YES!”
The room broke into applause and we laughed so hard, we couldn’t speak. When the applause died down, Tucker paid the bill and we were out of there.
“C’mon, Moonpie. I think it’s about time we spread some good news for a change, don’t you?”
Chapter 40
After leaving the restaurant, we went straight to the hospital and were pleased to find both Mom and Dad in Jimmy’s room. They were thrilled with our announcement and gladly welcomed some good news after all that had happened. Jimmy seemed happy for us too, though his was a more sarcastic response.
“After all we did to you, Moonpie, you’re gonna marry him?”
We all laughed and started reminiscing over some of the more memorably epic pranks the boys had played on me.
“Just don’t tie the knot before I get outta here,” Jimmy said. “I need time to plan the traditional decorating of the get-away vehicle so you can leave in style.”
“I don’t even want to know,” I groaned.
“No problem, Jimmy,” Tucker added. “We can’t tie the knot until they let you go seeing as how you’re my best man. If that’s okay with you.”
Jimmy’s eyes misted and he struggled to find his voice before answering. “It’d be my honor, Tuck.”
Mom kept hugging me and hugging Tucker amid a steady flow of tears. Thankfully, these were tears of joy.
When I got home, Sandra and I had our own squeal-fest when I told her my news. She kept sliding into Spanish out of sheer excitement which only served to ramp up the celebration. I decided then and there I must enroll in a Spanish course at MSU so I could keep up with whatever in the world she was always saying at times like this. Once we settled down, she made us each a cup of tea and wanted every detail.
“Don’t leave out anything!” she insisted.
Tuesday morning arrived much too early after such an unforgettable evening. As we drove in to work, Sandra and I gabbed incessantly. Of course, we had to stop and turn up the radio when Rick Dees started an Elvis segment. It seems the King reportedly had a midnight visit to the dentist office for some kind of tooth ailment. Later in the day he was leaving on tour to Portland, Maine and didn’t want to leave with a sore tooth. Or something like that. It was always hard to tell what was real and what was “The D’Man’s” antics when he got on a roll.
“If the King says he gots a toothache, then he gots a toothache,” Dees said in his Sammy Soul voice, his faux-Barry-White character.
“Nah, he just likes the happy gas they give him before drilling,” Dee’s sidekick countered.
“Now, don’t you be talkin’ ‘bout the King like ‘at. Me ‘n Elvis, we’re tight. Know what I mean? And you know the Big E packs heat.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, you be nice when you be talkin’ bout my man, Elvis. And dat’s alls I got to say about dat.”
“Well, sure thing, Mr. Soul. I’m shaking in my boots here. See?”
“No, you be’s shakin’ in dem’ blue suede shoes!”
Suddenly the voice of Rick Dees resurfaced. “Twenty-five after eight ‘Dees morning’ on WHBQ Memphis, with you on your way to work. And what’s a Tuesday without a little Elvis?”
The introduction to “I’m All Right, Baby” filled the car as we made our final turn into the BMH employee parking lot.
Sandra immediately started rambling about shopping for wedding gowns and bridesmaid dresses.
“Sandra, promise me you’ll take it down a notch or two when we get to the office in light of all that’s been going on,” I begged. “I just don’t want to waltz in there and be obnoxious about Tucker’s proposal.”
She shot me a look. “Are you out of your mind? This should be the happiest day of your life! Why not spread a little joy? C’mon, don’t be such a kill-joy.”
I rolled my eyes. “Fine, then. Just don’t get carried away. Promise?”
“I’ll make no such promise.” She pulled into a parking spot, turned off the engine, and smacked the steering wheel as if playing a set of bongos. “It’s just SO EXCITING!”
Needless to say, she didn’t hold back anything once we got to the office. Then again, the girls all knew how animated and noisy Sandra could be. I’m not going to lie and tell you I didn’t love it, because I did. At breakfast I was bombarded with wedding suggestions, tips on training husbands, and a random list of suggestions for honeymoon destinations. I hadn’t had a split second to think about any of that, but they seemed content to keep it coming.
As soon as I got my gear together, I stopped by to see Jimmy. He was still sleeping, thanks to the pain meds he was on, so Dad and I stepped out in the hall to talk. Mom had stayed with him all night and was back at the hotel sleeping. Dad seemed upbeat and encouraged about Jimmy’s progress. He said they’d had a long talk, and he believed Jimmy was truly ready to get well. As we talked, Dad kept bear-hugging me, saying over and over, “I can’t believe my little girl is getting married!” I loved it. I told him I’d check back later then headed up to Nine.
I grew impatient waiting for the elevator door to open on my floor. I couldn’t wait to tell Donnie my news! I had called Tucker to see if he could come with me, but he was down in the ER. There’d been an early morning pile-up on I-40, and he couldn’t get away. Tucker had visited Donnie as often as he could and the two had struck up a quirky friendship. I should have known they’d hit it off. They clearly came from the same DNA, what with Donnie’s roach races back in the Taco Barn days and young Tucker’s endless critter pranks of his own.
Still, I couldn’t wait on Tucker. I had to share the good news with Donnie. I didn’t even check in at the desk. I raced straight to his room.
“DONNIE, I’M GETTING MARRIED!” I yelled as I banged open his door.
I froze.
The room was empty. Two members of our housekeeping staff were sanitizing the room.
“What—”
No. Oh please no . . .
I tried again. “Wh-where’s Donnie?” The words fell out in whisper-croak.
The two women looked at each other and shrugged. “We don’t know. You’ll have to ask at the desk.
I pushed my fears down hard as I ran to the nurses’ station. “Shirley, where’s Donnie?!” My voice broke and I covered my mouth with my hand, so afraid what I might hear.
She came around the counter and grabbed my hand. “Shelby, he’s okay. He got the call!”
“What call?”
“They have a heart for him! They air-lifted him out this morning at 7:45 to catch a private jet. It all happened really fast, honey.”
“But he’s okay? He can handle the surgery? He was so weak, Shirley. I’ve been so worried about him.”
She put her arm around my waist. “I know, but he’s going to be fine. We just need to pray his body accepts that heart.”
“I just can’t believe it. After all this time. Wait—where did they take him? To Columbia?”
“Yes, to Columbia University Medical Center in New York. Oh! I almost forgot—he left you a note.” She reached over the desk for an envelope and handed it to me. “He kept saying over and over, ‘Don’t forget to tell Shelby!’ As if we would?” She shook her head. “Oh, we’re going to miss that young man so much. He’s been here so long, he’s like family. And we all loved spending time in there with him. Such a cut up, that one.”
“Major understatement. So there’s no way I can call and talk to him unt
il after his surgery?”
“Oh, goodness no. They’re in a race against time to get that heart in him.”
I hugged and thanked her, then headed to the prayer room around the corner so I could read his note. I took a seat and gently opened the envelope. I smiled, imagining the expression on his face as he’d written his note on BMH stationary. I carefully opened the folded note and began to read.
Dear Shelby,
I can’t believe I’m leaving without saying good-bye to you. (Let’s just hope that’s in the temporary sense as opposed to the permanent. Ha ha.) I wonder if my donor was in a wreck? They probably scooped up some poor man’s heart off the pavement and shoved it in an Igloo cooler for me. Sweet, huh? I just hope he liked Mexican food and Krispy Kremes. If not, I may demand a replacement.
I’m not afraid. Really. So don’t worry about me. I’m ready to go home. Whether that’s Tallahassee or the great beyond.
You’ve been the best friend in the world to me. You lifted my spirits every time you walked in my door, Shelby. I’m so glad we’ve had these months together. Lousy excuse to do it, but there it is.
So, off I go. Promise you’ll come see me soon.
Love you,
Donnie
p.s. And if you wanted to say a prayer or two, that’d probably be okay.
Just this once. ♥D
I fought the tears—again. It was all such of mix of happy/sad, I didn’t have a clue what to do. I slid down on my knees and begged God to get Donnie to the hospital in New York in time and for the surgery to be a success.
The alternative? Unthinkable.
