Ping smiled, her eyes wet. ‘I’ll practise flipping it every day,’ she promised.
‘Sure,’ chuckled Drew. ‘But just remember you’ll probably never be as good as I am.’
Ping smirked. ‘We’ll see about that!’
The boys waved goodbye as Ping’s aunty wrapped an arm around her and led her into the farmhouse, while Mei Mei yapped happily (and completely normally) at their feet.
Frankie Fish picked up the Sonic Suitcase, which had landed a little too close to ox poop for his liking, and set the return co-ordinates. Before he punched in the final number, he looked up at the setting sun and wondered if this would be the last time he and Drew time-travelled with the Sonic Suitcase.
They grinned at each other. I don’t think so, thought Frankie.
‘Happy travels,’ Drew whispered into the farmyard air, and just like that the rice paddy was empty.
Frankie had been home for less than twenty minutes when he received a phone call.
In those twenty minutes his mum, Tina Fish, had sat him down in the kitchen and made him a toasted cheese sandwich and a hot chocolate. She bustled around, seeming pleased to have such a good son who visited his grandparents regularly.
It’s good to be home, Frankie was thinking, feeling all warm and fuzzy.
Everything is EXACTLY the way I left it.
Then a sudden thought made his warm, fuzzy feeling float away like a wee in the ocean. How did he know for sure that everything was exactly the same? He’d been pretty busy hanging out with Ping in the last week, and it’s not like he’d done a thorough check yet. Who knew, maybe the trip to Imperial China had changed history in ways he hadn’t yet noticed.
Oh, no …
He was about to start quizzing his mum about important world events – like who won the last Grand Final and whether everyone still ate spaghetti – when the phone rang.
Frankie was the only Fish family member without a mobile, so whenever the phone on the wall rang it was usually a call for him. And, considering Frankie only had one true friend (in this century), it was almost always Drew Bird. It was like their own Batphone.
‘Hello?’ Frankie answered.
‘Are you near a TV?’ Drew Bird asked excitedly.
‘You know exactly where I am, you rang our house phone.’
‘Turn onto ESPN 5 right now!’ Drew shrieked gleefully.
Frankie took the phone into the living room and flicked on the TV. Drew was obsessed with ESPN’s many different sports channels, from the big professional sports like basketball and baseball to the more obscure ones like robot Frisbee and human darts (robot Frisbee darts was rumoured to be coming soon).
‘The basketball?’ asked Frankie, confused.
‘That’s ESPN 1, I said turn it to ESPN 5!’ shouted Drew.
‘OK, OK!’
ESPN 2 had a baseball game.
ESPN 3 had a rodeo.
ESPN 4 had elephant soccer live from India.
‘Are you watching it yet??’ Drew squealed.
Frankie finally clicked it over to ESPN 5, and he could not believe his eyes. He turned the volume right up to hear an American commentator bellowing over a series of epic and eye-wateringly bright graphics.
‘Aaaaaaaaand a warm welcome to this year’s International Flippies, the biggest bottle-flipping competition in the world!’ the American was booming. ‘This year’s event is being held in Chiiiiina, the home of this ancient sport. That’s right, folks, bottle-flip historians believe it was invented back in the seventeenth century by a young orphan called Gu Ping, who became rich and famous all over China for her flipping prowess! Bottle-flipping did not reach the West until many centuries later, however, which is probably why the Chinese team has aaaaaaalways dominated the sport …’
Drew’s squeals had turned into indignant scoffs. ‘Hey!’ he shouted down the phone. ‘I started bottle-flipping in China, not Ping!’
Frankie grinned. ‘Like anyone’s going to believe that!’
‘I guess not,’ muttered Drew. Then, perking up a little, he said, ‘Well, at least bottle-flipping is a proper sport now. Maybe I can enter next year’s Flippies.’
At that moment, the screen turned over to footage of the Chinese pro team flipping bottles. But not just one at a time, or even two – one guy was flipping ten simultaneously! The bottles flew up high, spinning several times before landing – each and every one of them – right side up.
Frankie cracked up laughing as Drew groaned. ‘You’ve got some practice to do,’ Frankie told his friend.
‘I was getting sick of bottle-flipping anyway,’ grumbled Drew. ‘I’m happy for Ping, I guess …’
Frankie grinned into the phone. He could tell Drew needed cheering up. ‘Hey, feel like getting some pizza?’
Drew brightened at once. ‘Sure. Where?’
‘How about the Colosseum, like two thousand years ago?’
‘Sounds good,’ chuckled Drew. ‘I’ll just go make a toga. Should we take a Frisbee?’
Peter Helliar is the best-selling author of the Frankie Fish series and one of Australia's favourite comedians. He lives in Melbourne with his wife and three kids.
The Gold Logie nominee co-hosts the award-winning news and current affairs program The Project, and hosts the popular quiz show CRAM, both on Network Ten. His latest family comedy show is The Complete History of the Better Books. He plans to be the first human ever to host a TV show in the seventeenth century (using time travel, of course).
To all the kids who read Frankie Fish and The Sonic Suitcase, and shared their drawings and reviews with me: I loved seeing and reading them all.
To Marisa Pintado, Luna Soo, Haylee Collins, and Penelope White at Hardie Grant Egmont, and Lesley Vamos and Meredith Badger.
To Kevin Whyte, Dioni Andis with Kathleen McCarthy, Rowan Smith, Helen Townshend, Sam Gray and everyone at Token Artists.
To my amazing family, Brij, Liam, Aidan and Oscar. I am a lucky, lucky man. Without your support none of this happens.
To Mum, Dad, Mark, Karen and Rachel.
I would also like to point out that I named the Texan Twins after my much-loved and sadly missed aunties, Christine and Carmel, who were nothing like these characters in the slightest. They were kind, generous, loving and hopefully would have gotten a kick out of lending their names to their nephew's silly book.
Much love,
Frankie Fish and the Great Wall of Chaos
first published in 2018 by
Hardie Grant Egmont
Ground Floor, Building 1, 658 Church Street
Richmond, Victoria 3121, Australia
www.hardiegrantegmont.com
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publishers and copyright holders.
eISBN 9781743585474
Text copyright © 2018 Peter Helliar
Design copyright © 2018 Hardie Grant Egmont
Illustration by Lesley Vamos
Design by Kristy Lund-White
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