“You want it, baby?” he asked.
My body locked tight, and my heart squeezed. It had been twelve long, excruciating years since I had heard those words. I felt my eyes prick with tears and turned my head to the side, not wanting to look at him. My body needed this; it craved the release. But my heart knew better.
I nodded my answer hoping he would hurry and give me what I desperately wanted.
“You know better. I want the words, Blake. You’re so close,” he said as he continued to give me short jabs, keeping me on the edge.
“Please,” I begged, breaking down. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to hear him talk. I wanted my orgasm and nothing more.
“There it is,” he rasped. “Goddamn, you’re sexy as hell with your tits bouncing each time I shove my dick into your warm wet cunt.”
“Oh my God,” I screamed out. So close. I never thought I would like dirty talk during sex. I had never heard it before. And as much as I hated the word cunt, right then, while his dick was inside of me, it sounded deliciously filthy.
“I’m there, Blake. Come with me.” His mouth was back on my nipple, and he let loose.
I couldn’t hold back; my orgasm broke, leaving me breathless. A few moments later Levi followed and let go inside of me.
We remained still while our breathing came under control. His head rested on my chest. His breath was coming out in pants, the warm air teasing my nipple. The connection had not been severed; his hard dick was still planted deep. I didn’t move a muscle while I savored the last moments of our joining. Undoubtedly this would be the last time I would ever have Levi. I would think about the ramifications of what that meant later. When I was alone, and I could cry for everything that was stolen from us. We had been destined for a beautiful life. That was gone now. All that was left was regret and one last fuck before he said goodbye again, not that he said it the first time he left.
Levi pulled out and rolled to the side. Getting off the bed he went to the bathroom, giving me a perfect view of his tight ass and back. He had a large tattoo across his shoulder blades. It read – So Others May Live. That was the reason he joined the Army, to fight for and protect the ones that couldn’t. He would risk his life so others wouldn’t have to.
I was still thinking about his tattoo when he came back to the bed with a towel in his hand. He sat on the bed and moved to wipe between my legs when I stopped him.
“I can do that,” I told him with a little more attitude than I had intended. It was one thing to give him my body but this… this was intimate, a lover’s work to clean and care for their partner.
We weren’t lovers. We were two people who had fucked. That was all.
Chapter Eleven
Levi
I had screwed up in so many ways I couldn’t figure out where to begin to mentally chastise myself. I had no business touching Blake, yet I did. Not only had I touched her, but I also fucked her. I treated her like she was nothing more than a warm body to abuse. I had never, not once in the all the times we were together, fucked her. It didn’t matter the pace, the position, or the location – I had always made love to her. Even if I had her bent over the hood of my truck for a quickie, I still whispered how beautiful she was, how much I loved and adored her, how much the gift of her body meant to me.
I was a dick.
“I know you can. But I want to.” It was wrong of me to demand this of her. I was taking more from her than I deserved, using this small gesture to assuage some of my guilt for basically ripping off her clothes and taking her. I made sure she was taken care of physically, and there was no mistaking that she had gotten what she needed, but emotionally, I gave her nothing. Not even a kiss. I ached to feel her lips on mine; that was exactly why I held back.
She was stiff and uncomfortable as I cleaned between her legs, wiping the evidence of our shared release away. To make matters worse, we didn’t use a condom. Never had I gone bareback; not in a drunken one-night stand, not in the height of passion – never.
“Fuck. I’m sorry Blake,” I said.
“For?” she asked, her brow pulling together.
“I shouldn’t have done that. Everything is hard enough. I shouldn’t have lost control and touched you,” I admitted.
“You mean you shouldn’t have fucked me?” she questioned.
I cringed at her using such a crass word to describe us having sex. “Yes.”
“Why are you sorry? I’m not. I think we both needed it, the rush of the op, the thrill of the kill. I know I needed a way to burn off all of the adrenaline. Was it not good for you?”
I’d give her props for trying; however, no amount of CIA training could hide the truth in her eyes. I also knew Blake straight down to her soul. She hadn’t had sex in five years, confirming what I already knew- Blake didn’t give her body easily. She could play like she was unaffected that I’d used her, but she was hurt. I debated on calling her out on her bullshit but decided that would make me an even bigger dick to make her admit that she was hurt. Instead, I decided to play along and let it go while imparting a little truth.
“The sex was always good between us, best I’d ever had. If you’re good, I am, too. As long as we both understand what that was.”
“I understand just fine, Levi. I’m not some stupid eighteen-year-old girl with stars in her eyes. Thanks for the fuck. I’m gonna go clean up.”
Well, that didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. She got up and strutted her fine ass to the bathroom and slammed the door, leaving me sitting on the bed with my dick still hard. I was honest with Blake when I told her the sex was always good with her. Sex was never the issue, just like now, my dick was always ready to go multiple rounds. I couldn’t get enough of her; she was made to take me. She was mine in every way, that was until her and Alister Bench had fucked everything up.
I found my clothes and got dressed as she was walking back into the room, a small towel wrapped around her body. She snatched her clothes off the floor and dropped the towel.
“What?” she asked when she caught me staring at her.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Now the woman was taunting me on purpose. She could’ve dressed in the bathroom or asked me to turn my back, but instead, she made sure I had a full view of her sexy little body.
“I’m getting dressed. Does it offend you that I’m naked?” Her hand went to her naked hip as she cocked her head to the side. “When did you become such a prude?”
Oh hell no.
“A prude? Baby, why don’t you step a little closer and I’ll show you just how much of a prude I am not.” She dropped her hand and started to move. “Before you take another step I’m gonna warn you, if you come to me, I’m gonna bend you over that bed and fuck you so hard and good you’ll feel me for a week. I’m not playing with you, Blake.”
She flashed a cocky grin and stepped closer. “Is that so? What’s to say you won’t be the one feeling me for a week. You think I can’t handle big bad Levi McCoy fucking me?” She made a tsking noise and continued. “Have you forgotten how much I used to love when you bent me over and tugged my hair?”
I had already pulled my shirt back off, and my pants and boxers were in the process of falling to the floor.
“This is gonna be rough, baby,” I warned.
“I hoped it would be,” she sassed and took the last step, stopping in front of me.
I had her bent over the bed, and my dick lined up before she could register what was happening. She wanted this rough and dirty; I’d gladly oblige.
In this position, I could see there were more scars across her back than I had originally thought. Pushing the thoughts of how she got those out of my head, I folded over her, placing my mouth at her ear.
“There is not a goddamn thing I don’t remember about you,” I growled and pushed inside of her. Gathering a handful of her silky strands, I pulled hard, making sure she knew just how true my words were. “You love it when I pull your hair. You like it when I’m driving my di
ck deep inside of you. But you love it even more when you’re on your knees in front of me, and I tug it as I’m feeding you my dick. Do you remember that Blake? How much you loved to suck my dick?”
“Yes,” she screamed, and I quickened my pace.
There was no way to describe the sensation of being inside of Blake again. There were so many emotions wrapped up in my feelings toward her. Anger and hate mixed together with love and lust. It was explosive and rough. I pounded into her remembering how she ripped my heart out.
“I did forget one thing – how fucking good you feel. The memory was never this good.”
“Yes,” she repeated.
“You’re gonna beg me to let you come,” I demanded, the bed frame scraping on the tile floor as I slammed into her.
“I’m ready, Levi,” she said, panting and pushing her ass back in perfect rhythm.
“Is that how you ask?” I asked, and brought my hand down to her ass, the sound of the slap echoing in the room. “I didn’t forget that either, baby. In all these years have you found someone new to smack your ass the way you need it?”
“Fuck you,” she spat out and shoved her hips back. “Lie down, I want on top,” she demanded.
When I didn’t do as she demanded, she twisted her hips and dislodged my dick. Scrambling on the bed, she left me standing there, my dick throbbing, dripping with her wetness.
“Lie down, Levi. I’m done fucking around.”
This was new; she had never been demanding during sex before. It was sexy as hell. I did her bidding and laid down. She quickly threw her leg over me and fisted my dick, her small hand gliding easily from root to tip. She lined us up and slammed down. This was going to be too much. She went to work riding my dick hard and fast.
“Is this how you like it?” she asked as she swiveled her hips each time she bottomed out. “I seem to remember you loved it when I was on top. You said you liked to watch my tits sway. Tell me, Levi, is the view as good as you remembered?”
Yeah, she was pissed, and it was totally hot. I let my hands roam. Starting at her thighs, I moved my way over her flat stomach up to her breasts and cupped them both. They were more than a handful, with perfect raspberry colored nipples that were hard and begging for attention.
“Better than I remembered. Lean down so I can taste your…” I almost said mouth. Fuck. We couldn’t go there. I had to keep that barrier up for both of us. I was afraid the moment I felt her soft lips on mine it would be game over. “…pretty tits. I want to suck on them while you ride me.”
She leaned forward, balancing herself on one elbow while her other hand went to my hair. The touch was soft and intimate. She gently ran her fingers through my short hair, making years of memories wash over me. Not the sexual recollections that I could handle; the memories of loving tender moments between us were threatening to shatter what was left of my soul.
I lifted my head and took her nipple into my mouth, so damn sweet. I tightened my grip on her hips and rocked her harder. I needed to concentrate on fucking her before I did something stupid like forgive her and beg her not to leave.
“Levi,” she moaned.
That was better, that was what I needed. “Right here, Blake. You close?” I asked, knowing damn well she was.
“So close. Help me.”
I pushed up, held her tight, and helped her as she rode my dick in a frenzied race to completion. I felt when she let go, and I followed, once again spilling myself into her. With nothing between us, the sensation was magnified times a hundred. I could feel every twitch of her pussy as she climaxed.
She gave me her weight, and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her to me. Having her in my arms again made me ache inside for all that I had lost. I would give this one gift to myself knowing that I would pay for it later. While I was alone in my bed at night, I would think back to this moment with Blake soft and sated in my arms, and it would hurt like a bitch. Even knowing all of that, I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her heat.
One last time I would hold the woman I loved close to my heart.
Chapter Twelve
Blake
After round two I cleaned up again, this time dressing in the bathroom. I thought better of taunting Levi a third time, though he could’ve gone again if his still-hard dick was any indication. He was right. I would definitely feel him for a week – not that I minded. I liked knowing that after I went home to my lonely apartment in Virginia, I would remember he had been inside of me.
Levi and I didn’t talk about what had happened between us. It wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. I suspected it had less to do with the sex and more to do with our past. It was a huge elephant in the room. I wished he would’ve asked me about that day, but he stubbornly avoided it, and I was done begging him. I did it for months after he left and again today when I asked him if he’d listened to the voicemails I had left him. He had made his choice. Even if I knew he didn’t understand what had really happened that day and I’d done nothing wrong, I couldn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do. And he was hell-bent on hating me.
When Clark and Grayson showed up, the room seemed to close in on me. It was obvious how close Levi was to his teammate. Clark may not have known the details of our past, but he certainly blamed me for any perceived pain I may have caused Levi. Clark had been watching me with the eye of a well-trained operator over the last hour as we waited for Jasper and Lenox to meet us so we could head to the airport. The airplane was fueled and waiting on the tarmac for us. I couldn’t wait to go home and get away from these men.
I caught Clark staring at me again, and I snapped. “Do you have a problem with me?”
I turned to fully face Clark, who was sitting in the only chair available in the room. Levi had stretched out on the bed and was reading something on a tablet that Grayson had provided.
“No problem with you,” he answered, uncaring I had called him out.
“What’s the problem then? Why do you keep looking at me like I’m a hostile that you’re guarding?”
“Because I haven’t figured out if you are yet,” he returned.
My eyes narrowed, and he remained cool under my stare. “Come again? You think I’m a hostile?”
“I’m not sure what you are. But I’d say there is more to you than you want me to know.”
“You’d be right. I don’t want you to know anything about me. After today you’ll never see me again. There’s no need for you to know a goddamn thing about me.”
The fucking nerve of this man. I was none of his business.
“How’d you kill Al-Harazi?” he asked.
“I sliced his throat and ended his vile existence. Would you like to examine my blade?” I pulled my Benchmade knife out of my pocket and with a flick of my thumb I released the three-and-a-half-inch blade and held it out for Clark to see.
What the hell was he accusing me of?
“I know he’s dead. We stopped to clean up the bodies. I checked your work; it was clean and precise. No hesitation marks.”
“And? That’s a problem for you?” I asked.
“Normally no. It’s damn impressive. I know only a handful of men that are comfortable with that kind of kill and most still leave hesitation marks.”
“So, because I’m not a man, you’re questioning me?”
“No. I’m trying to figure out if you’re a complete psychopath with no empathy for human life or if you’re so good at your job you’ve learned how to shut off that portion of your brain while you’re executing a kill order. Then, of course, there is the option that you learned that particular skill as a coping mechanism, a learned behavior to completely turn off your emotions as a way to protect yourself.”
Well damn, now he was getting a little too close to the truth. I was damn good at my job. He had the events out of order, but he was getting close. I had used what I learned as a CIA agent to my advantage and found I could shut my emotions down and not feel the crushing weight of loss.
&n
bsp; “When you figure it out you’ll have to let me know. In the meantime, all you need to know is I’m a damn good agent, and over the years I’ve learned how to execute any order I’m given. I’m the senior field agent in my unit, and I have earned the respect of the agency. But I’m sure you know that, seeing as you’ve had hours to dig through my life. Like I said, you don’t have to worry about me. In a few more hours this will all be over, and you’ll never see me again.”
“That’s doubtful,” he muttered under his breath.
I looked at Grayson, the man who had started this shitstorm, and contemplated kicking his ass. He sat on the edge of the bed looking at the floor, pretending he hadn’t heard mine and Clark’s exchange. Levi was still sprawled out on the bed; he, however, was looking directly at me. Fuck him, too. If he didn’t like the way I was talking to his teammate, he could suck it.
***
Five long, tedious hours later we were at the airfield. Levi had done a pre-flight walk-through with the pilot, Grayson, Jasper, and Lenox were already on the plane. I wasn’t ready to be stuck in close quarters with the men yet. Instead, I opted to wait on the tarmac. It was hot as blazes outside; the slight wind feeling like a hair dryer blowing hot air in your face. There was a row of small hangars that provided enough cover that the desert sand wasn’t blowing on us as well. Levi announced we were ready to go and turned to walk up the steps to the jet when a glint caught my eye.
“Sniper!” I yelled, and instinctively threw my body over Levi’s back, taking us both to the ground.
Hot searing pain burned through my shoulder as I rolled off Levi to draw my sidearm. Clark had already begun to return fire. Levi regained his footing, and he, too, was throwing bullets. I took cover behind the car and took a moment to slow my breathing. I saw the flash of a scope again and scanned the area for any other shooters.
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