“Oh, FUCK," I moaned. "Just like that." Liam grabbed me by the ass and held me in place again as he ground his mouth into me, driving me wild. I was so close to coming just from his mouth, but I needed something else to get me over the edge.
As if he'd read my mind, Liam moved one hand further around my ass so that he was holding me close to his mouth with only one arm. He inserted two fingers into me, and I was done for. I came with a scream, trembling as I floated back to earth, passing the moon and the stars on the way down.
“You’re good at that,” I said once I was coherent again, tugging the comforter up so it covered both of us. “My turn to send you to outer space.”
“What?” Liam laughed.
I ducked under the covers and stopped at the sight of Liam's cock straining to be free of his boxer briefs. I peeled these off and flung them to the side, then turned my attention back to the task at hand. Liam tugged the comforter up so that we were both under it, creating a makeshift sex fort. I pulled the length of him into my mouth, reveling in his sharp intake of breath. I pulled up and looked into his eyes through my eyelashes sultrily. "Time to make you scream my name." I went back down on him, working the shaft quickly as I bobbed up and down. Anticipation made quick work of this blowjob, and it wasn't long before Liam was shouting his release. I swallowed smugly, then moved back up his body, wiping my mouth discreetly.
Liam placed a kiss on my brow as I snuggled into his side. “You’re good at that, too,” he said. I laughed softly. “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of making you scream my name, baby. I could listen to that for fifty years and still wake up wanting to hear it one more time.”
“The pleasure's all mine, believe me." I smiled but despaired internally. I hoped he would steer the conversation into more comfortable waters. I didn't want to deal with the whole "what are we?" conversation just yet, not when I still wasn't sure of what I wanted. I mean, I liked Liam, of course, but my track record with relationships was not very impressive. I was a little concerned that our domestic situation was making us commit to too much, too soon.
“Hey,” Liam said. “You still in outer space over there? What are you so pensive about?”
“Nothing,” I lied, faking a smile.
“You look pretty troubled for someone who’s not thinking about anything. I don’t like seeing that look on my girl’s face,” Liam pressed.
“You must've been imagining it," I said, sitting up. "Let's go cook some breakfast." Liam shot me a look but didn't push the issue. He followed me into the kitchen, shuffling behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist.
Shrugging out of Liam’s embrace, I put the heavy skillet over the flame to preheat it. “Eggs or pancakes?” I asked, rummaging through the cabinet for some cooking spray.
“Both. Hang on. I've got to take this." Liam picked his ringing phone off the kitchen counter and answered. "Sullivan here." Liam covered the mouthpiece on his phone and mouthed the word "McIntyre” to me. I nodded and turned back to the stove. I wasn't interested in hearing a progress report about how Jack Nelson has continued to elude the Marshals.
“The Bahamas? Really? How reliable is that lead?” I turned back around, interested now. Liam shook his head in disbelief. “Obviously, this means we're closer to catching him. This is great news, sir. I will let the witness know. Yes, we'll continue to keep our heads down. Thank you, sir. Goodbye.”
I leaned against the counter, eagerly waiting for Liam to confirm what I'd just overheard. Liam put the phone down on the counter after McIntyre hung up. He turned to me with a huge grin. “What is it?” I asked. “Tell me.”
“Jack Nelson has been spotted in the Bahamas in the town of Freeport. That means he's a considerably smaller threat to you right now and is in a prime position for us to get him. We can't stop being vigilant, of course, but now I don't have to worry that you're going to get yourself killed every time you run off to the village willy-nilly." I frowned at this and nudged Liam's shoulder. His expression turned sober. “This may all be over soon, Kelsey. Then we can go home and stop worrying.”
Home. That’s what I wanted. Right?
***
Later that day, we were hanging out on the couch that had long since stopped being Liam's bed. We sat with our feet in each other's laps, lazily reclining and not paying attention to the television droning on. The fireplace was crackling and roaring. The tree we had picked out together was sparkling with string lights that we'd found in the hallway closet, buried in a box of tablecloths. It was a picture-perfect afternoon. I was glad that Jack was close to being caught, I really was, but a little part of me didn't want to have to leave our bubble here and go back to Hampton Roads, where things would get complicated and labeled, and stop being so shiny and new.
“Okay, Kelsey, snap out of it. You’ve been standoffish all day,” Liam said. “Tell me what you’ve been thinking about. Is it still that nightmare?”
“No, it’s not that,” I said.
“Well, what is it then? Aren’t you happy that we’re almost out of here?”
“That’s just it. Is it bad that I don’t want to leave here? We have loads of free time, an awesome fireplace, and a sex fort in the bedroom.”
“The sex fort is admittedly cool, but it's cold here, and the power keeps flickering on and off. All our friends and family are back in Virginia. We have to go back to the real world somehow." I wrinkled my nose at this and Liam laughed. "We can see each other when we get home. I promise to build you a sex fort there. And we can do normal things too, like go on dates in public without me bringing a gun."
I froze, then slowly hugged my knees to my chest. “You want to take me on dates?”
Liam nodded, looking at me like I was crazy. “Of course. Isn’t that what guys normally do with their girlfriends?”
Girlfriend?! Warning bells sounded in my head.
"Okay, now you look like I suggested that we eat sewer rats for dinner tonight. It's kind of hurting my feelings," Liam said slowly. He sat up straight.
I winced, trying to find the words that wouldn't hurt Liam, but also wouldn't trap me into a relationship. "It's just that we haven't discussed what our situation is yet. There's no need to define this right now and make it a whole thing, right?"
Liam cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. “I'm sorry. I just assumed that after a month of sleeping together and living together, we were, by definition, in a relationship. I see now that I was mistaken by turning it into a whole thing.” Liam stood up, avoiding looking me in the eye.
“Oh come on, don’t be like that,” I said. “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now. Like I said, let’s not define it. We can be friends with benefits.”
“Friends with benefits?” Liam spat out with distaste. “I think you just defined it perfectly, Kelsey. Message received.”
“Liam, let's not fight, please. You're making this a big deal,” I said, trying to calm him down.
“I’m going to walk around outside for a bit. Don’t follow me.” Liam stormed out of the living room and pulled on his coat, slamming the door shut behind him.
I dropped my face down and scrubbed my hands over it. I had not handled that well at all. I hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, honestly. I was trying to spare him the disappointment and the pain somewhere down the road when our relationship eventually crumbled under the pressure of the real world. I just hadn't done it so eloquently.
I waited on the couch for Liam to come back in for what felt like forever. I stared blankly at the television, not taking anything in. Liam stormed back into the living room, startling me out of my reverie. He stomped the snow off his boots, then came back to stand in front of me in the living room. We stared at each other silently, and I waited for Liam to speak. “Okay.”
“Okay?” I asked warily. “Okay what?”
“Okay, if you want to be fuck buddies, we can do that. I’ll just deal with it,” Liam said.
I knitted my eyebrows. “Fuck buddies is a harsh ter
m.”
“I call it like I see it. You don’t want to be in a relationship, but you still want to fuck.”
“Still. It’s a harsh term,” I said. Despite Liam’s seeming acceptance of the situation, I was uneasy. It couldn’t actually be as easy as he was making it.
“I think we’re going to have to start sleeping separately, though, for my sanity. I need some space to clear my head and get me out of a relationship mindset. No more snuggling, no more being around each other all day,” Liam said gruffly.
My heart sank. "Liam, I didn't mean that I want us just to have sex and ignore each other the rest of the time. I suggested we be friends with benefits. Friends hang out. Why are you trying to change what we have going on when it wasn't broken?"
“Well, you can’t have it both ways, Kelsey. You can’t do all the things people in a relationship do, but not call it a relationship because you’re too chickenshit. I’m not wired that way, and honestly, I’m not sure if I want you if you’re wired that way.”
Okay, that hurt. "I don't do relationships. I don't want to lose what we've got by labeling this and then crashing and burning somewhere down the line."
“Ever the optimist. What makes you so sure that we're going to crash and burn?" Liam challenged.
“We met under crazy circumstances, Liam. Our whole relationship is absurd and unrealistic,” I said, waving my arms in exasperation.
“I don't think it is. I think you need to move out of your comfort zone and give us a shot," Liam said, dropping to his knees in front of me. "I can't just be your friend, Kelsey. I thought we'd been through this before."
“I don’t want to lose you, Liam, but I can’t promise that I can be in a relationship with you,” I said forlornly.
“I'll wait until you're ready." Liam kissed my hands and stood back up. "Don't pretend there aren't feelings here, though. It's insulting. I'm going to leave you alone to think about it for a bit. Just don't dismiss me out of hand." I nodded reluctantly, and Liam's face brightened. "You're not going to regret this, Kelsey." He disappeared into the bedroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts. What had I just agreed to?
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
The next day was the day before Christmas Eve, which meant it was also the day of the tree lighting. We still planned on going together, despite Liam's insistence on not doing anything relationship- related while I figured out what I wanted. I was still conflicted about our fight the night before. On the one hand, I didn't do well with relationships. On the other hand, I didn't want to lose Liam. I honestly had no idea what I was going to do.
I decided to call Daisy that morning and invite her out to breakfast with me. She confirmed that she had someone to look after her shop for an hour, then accepted my invitation. I planned on talking out my situation with Daisy and seeing if that made me feel better. Obviously, I couldn’t tell her the whole truth about our situation, but it might still feel good to vent about my problems in general.
A half-hour after our phone call, I stood outside the diner and looked over the menu while I waited for Daisy to show up. She was fifteen minutes late, and I was starting to turn into an icicle. I was just about to go inside without her when Daisy came around the corner, still wearing her apron from the coffee shop under her hastily buttoned coat.
“Sorry I'm late!” she panted, approaching me with a kind of mad shuffle on the frozen sidewalk. “The espresso machine was being a nightmare.”
“It's okay,” I said. Daisy embraced me as always. "Let's go inside, though. I'm cold and hungry." I opened the door and gestured for Daisy to go in front of me, then followed her into the warm diner. Once inside, we were greeted by a harried waitress who told us to grab a seat in the first clean booth that we could find. We found one near the open kitchen and slid in on opposite sides of the sticky-topped table, then took our jackets off and settled in to wait for the waitress to get our drink order.
“So, what's on your mind?" Daisy asked, reaching across the table to rearrange the disorganized sugar caddy. I watched her in fascination as she separated the sugar from the artificial sweetener. She cleared her throat, causing me to look up into her face. Her eyebrows were raised in curiosity. "Agnes? Is everything okay with you?"
I sighed. “No. I feel rotten. Amos and I got into an argument and I know I'm at fault, but I'm stubborn. I can't make myself give in to what he wants.”
Daisy pursed her lips. “Can you be more specific so I have more context? What was the fight about?”
“I can’t really go more into detail, but I can say that the issue is that I am not as emotionally open as I could be, and Amos is the opposite. My emotional retardation is driving him a little crazy,” I said, hoping Daisy would be satisfied with this level of detail.
“Hm," Daisy said, contemplating. Our waitress arrived then to take our orders and rushed back to the kitchen to get our coffees. "Okay. The way I see it, you're married, and marriage is a partnership that is built on communication. Emotional honesty is a key part of communication. What is it that makes you so afraid of being emotionally honest with your husband?" "I don't know. Maybe I'm just not wired that way," I said, thinking back to what Liam had said last night.
“Do you love your husband?” Daisy asked.
I nodded at Daisy's question, though my heart was pounding hard in my chest. Do I love him? I'd never really been in love before. How does one know if they're in love with someone? I'd never considered it because I'd always thought it was beyond my emotional capability.
Daisy shrugged. "Just forget all the bullshit, then, and stop being stubborn. Make sure you let your husband in instead of shutting him out. Be open to him and everything will work itself out."
If only that were true.
Our meals arrived then, along with our checks. We wolfed our food down and left cash on the table because Daisy had to get back to her store. We said our goodbyes outside the diner.
“Will I see you guys tonight at the tree lighting?” Daisy asked.
“We’ll be there. I’m excited about it.”
“Awesome! Sometimes it feels like pulling teeth trying to get you guys to do anything out in public. This took no effort on my part!” Daisy grinned. I laughed as we hugged goodbye. I zipped my parka to my chin to shield myself from the wind on my walk back to the cabin. I didn’t feel any better after talking with Daisy. If anything, I felt more conflicted then before I’d asked Daisy to go out for breakfast.
As I walked, I took in all the Christmas decorations that had been splashed everywhere in the village- the light poles, every window on every building, even the poles on the road that led back to our cabin. I got lost in my thoughts on the way, trying to make sense of the confusion tumbling about in my brain. One thought kept coming to the forefront though- do you love him? It was ridiculous- right? People don’t fall in love after only a month. Obsession, maybe. Infatuation, definitely. But not love. Not really. Then again, how would I know? I’d never been in love in my life.
Somewhere in the woods, a twig snapped, jarring me from my thoughts, and I jumped about a mile. I peered between the trees, but didn't see anything but snow and birds. It must've been a fox or a wolf. Shrugging internally, I continued walking, but with a little more situational awareness this time. A second twig snapped to my right, and I stopped still, determined to find the source this time. I strained my eyes, but couldn't make anything out between the shadows of the trees and the snow. I had a feeling that if it had been a wild animal, I would've seen it running away. I moved closer, trying to get a better view of where I'd heard the sound.
“Agnes.” My head swiveled at Liam’s call. He was on the road behind me, leaning out the window and looking at me curiously.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey back. What are you doing in the woods?”
“I heard a noise and wanted to see if it was a fox or something.”
“Why is your first instinct to investigate mysterious noises in dense woods in the midst of winter?” Liam shook his h
ead. “Want a ride back to the cabin? The temperature is starting to drop.”
“Sure," I said, taking one last long look at the empty woods before coming around to the passenger side of the truck. Liam leaned over the bench seat to open the door for me, and I climbed in, grateful for the heat blasting from the dashboard vents.
I reached for Liam’s hand on instinct, but quickly withdrew my hand before he noticed anything. Was holding hands a relationship thing? Was it a love thing? Why had one little question from Daisy turned my world upside down? Do you love him?
I studied Liam's profile as he drove us back to the cabin. He really was exceedingly handsome. The sun shined through his auburn stubble, making it appear almost orange in its bright light. I could still see the square cut of his jaw through the beard, and those lush lips that did very naughty things to me were very distracting.
“You’re looking at me like you want to devour me,” Liam said, making me blush.
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
"Don't worry. I like catching you ogle me."
I rolled my eyes. Was this what it would be like to call Liam my boyfriend? Joking with each other easily while still wanting to devour each other? I love him. The thought came to me unbidden, surprising me with its comfort. I tried it out again. I love him. I found that I liked the sound of it, the way it made me feel. Would telling him this now get rid of the heavy cloud that had been hanging over us since our fight last night? I was struck with the overwhelming urge to tell Liam but stopped myself. Telling him I didn't want a relationship one day, and then jumping to I love you the very next day- that wasn’t too flighty, was it? Nah, Liam would like this.
“Liam?” I asked, excitement bubbling up inside me.
“Hm?” He looked over at me. “What’s up?”
Winter Heat Page 14
