Deep down inside, I couldn’t really blame her right now even if she did go back to her old pill-popping ways. Her attitude is surprisingly upbeat for a person who could be on their deathbed soon. It seems like my coming here today may have cheered her up a bit. She’s looking at me with a gentle smile on her face, scanning me up and down as if to memorize my features. Things are still very awkward between us, but they’re going better than I ever expected.
“Madison, are you still angry with me?”
The question catches me off guard. I take a seat in a nearby chair by her bed to evaluate my emotions. Am I angry with Jess? Deep in my core, I might still resent her a little bit, but it’s not the all-consuming anger I had when I first met her. If she had mistreated me over the past few months, I’d probably hate her, but now the only strong feeling I have toward her is sympathy. I’ve seen firsthand how empty her family life is. She doesn’t seem to have many friends coming and going, and she was screwed from the beginning with Grandmum and Granddad. Now she seems to be paying for both their misdeeds and her own.
“No, Jess, I’m not mad. I may not like what happened in the past, but I was taught to forgive. You’ve been really nice to me over the past few months. I appreciate the help with learning how to survive in this crazy place.”
Jess chuckles and it ends in a ragged, chesty cough. “It is a bit crazy, isn’t it? I have to admit, I was trying to get on your good side. Raven doesn’t want much to do with me anymore. Having two daughters that hate me was almost more than I could bear.” She inhales and exhales deeply. “I don’t blame her for distancing herself. I wasn’t the best mother to her, either. If I survive this illness, I don’t want to live the way I’ve been living. I guess I just realized how short life can be, a little too late.”
“How do you want to live? If you don’t mind my asking.”
Her eyes soften with warmth. “Well, dear…this might sound strange, but I think I’d like to live like you.”
My eyeballs bulge out of their sockets. “Me? Why would you ever want to be like me? I’m a mess.”
“Exactly,” she says with a chuckle. “You’re not afraid to make mistakes. You’re also not afraid to get close to people. If Mum had left me as a child, I’d probably want nothing to do with her ever again, but you…” She takes a heaving breath. “You’ve given me a chance. There’s no way I can express to you how much that means to me.”
“Wow…well I’m flattered. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Her eyelids flutter shut and she sinks back into her raised pillows. I stand up to adjust her pillows under her head for her. Jess catches one of my hands as I draw it back and opens her eyes again to smile at me.
“Thank you, love,” she whispers. “Will you visit me again?”
I nod. “Sure. Get some rest.”
She squeezes my hand and releases it. I pull the curtains closed for her and tiptoe out of the room.
Chapter 26
October 14, 2015
The Tables Have Turned
Back when I was about ten years old, I watched my very first Jacie Redinger film. I immediately fell in love with the mysterious, beautiful young woman who showed me it was okay to have dark hair and pale skin. Before, I always compared myself to Ana’s gorgeous tanned, blonde looks and found myself inferior. Jess’s complexion and acting skills were what drew me to her, and then thinking she was incredible for donating money to charity solidified her as my idol. I wanted to be like JR when I grew up—not an actress, of course, but she was a model for the type of success I wanted to attain with my own dreams.
Now, seven years later, after finding out the person I idolized for nearly half my life was the mother who gave me up, I just heard her say the words:
“I’d like to live like you.”
Jacie/Jess Redinger is not the supreme individual I once thought her. If she was anything like Raven as a teenager, I imagine she was quite cruel and vindictive and never gave thought to anyone but herself. Now in the wake of learning she has cancer and it’s spreading, Jess has started to give thought to how she’s been living her life, and she doesn’t like it. She says she wants to change, and in a surprising turn of events, I’ve become the model for what she wants to change into.
Um…
What?
I never thought anyone would look up to me or want to be like me, much less my own mother and the person I used to think could do no wrong. I guess it’s flattering, but at the same time I’m left wondering what she sees in me that I’m not seeing. Last time I checked, I was the girl going behind her twin sister’s back to date the guy she specifically asked her not to. I’m not exactly a model human being.
Then again, she doesn’t know that juicy little tidbit…
I have to admit, going out with Gio makes me feel deliciously bad. It’s just enough rebellion to prove I’m not a prude, but I don’t feel like I deserve to rot in hell for it, either. If Raven had really loved Gio, I might feel guilty, but my going out with him shouldn’t hurt her at all if their relationship was fake. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. That’s what I’m sticking with. Every time she shoots a biting comment at me, I chuckle on the inside and think, “Gio Abate’s my boyfriend, and you have no idea.”
Add that to the long list of strange mistakes I have going for me right now and you have a butt ton of reasons not to aspire to be like me. I hope Jess knows what she’s getting into. Then again, when it comes to modeling your life after someone, I guess she could do worse. My guess is that her first example for how to live her life was Grandmum. I’m at least a step up from that, right?
Whatever the case, it’s flattering. Yet another thing to add to my repertoire of situations I never thought I’d find myself in.
Ttyl,
Mads
***
Gio slips his hand underneath the table to brush his knuckles against my tights-clad leg. I smile and shake my head at him as an adorable naughty grin grows on his face.
“Stop,” I mouth. I try to listen to Ms. Dawson ramble about some formula that means absolutely nothing to me, but the truth is I’d rather be discussing these formulas on Gio’s comforter with his arms wrapped around me from behind and his warm lips buried in my neck behind my ear. Gio’s going to take the day off from going to Santa Monica so he can spend some extra time with me. I can’t wait to get back to his house and snuggle with him instead of sitting in these rigid chairs together.
Gio obeys my silent command, but we continue to steal secretive glances at each other all throughout the class. He puckers his lips to blow me a kiss when we have to part ways outside the classroom, and I return his invisible, intangible kiss. Since it’s Friday afternoon, we’ll have plenty of time to hang out tonight after homework is done. I try to be patient because of that knowledge. I still wish I could capture him in the hall outside our lockers and pummel his lips with my own, but having him in the privacy of his house on a regular basis is definitely not something to complain about.
Dad and Cass are starting to get suspicious, but I’ve still managed to avoid being spotted by them when I’m scaling the wall. I’m getting pretty good at climbing over that thing. A few good trees would make it a piece of cake. I have some scrapes on my legs now from it, but nothing that would immediately damn me if Dad noticed. I could just tell him P.E. has been putting me through the wringer—which, truthfully, it has. Dad and Cass think I have a special studying spot outside the mansion that I go to. I let them keep on thinking that. With all the chairs and tables we have outside, it makes total sense.
Three hours later, I’m on my way home and happily blasting my Sirius XM Octane channel. The new hard rock and metal songs have been pretty good lately. They get me pumped up and energized to scale walls and conquer Physics problems.
After a quick change of clothes, a snack, and making up an excuse to Dad about needing some fresh air, I hurriedly grab my book bag and go to my special place on the wall where I usually climb over. It’s way back in the corn
er between our two properties where the paparazzi are unlikely to spot me. There haven’t been as many of them around as there were at the beginning of the fall, but there are still some stragglers that hang around.
This time when I get to the top of the wall, my foot gets caught and twists under me and when I try to get it free, I lose my balance and fall flat on my face on the manicured grass. The fall jars me a little, but what really hurts is the ankle I twisted. I wince when the pressure of standing causes sharp pain to ball in my ankle and shoot up the side of my calf. I limp to Gio’s back door with tears pooling in my eyes. I don’t have a break or fracture, but this still hurts pretty bad, and now I don’t know how I’m going to get home without being seen.
Gio meets me at the door and concern etches into his features at the sight of my limp and tears. “Bella, what happened?”
“I twisted my ankle and fell climbing over the wall,” I say with a sniffle.
“Aw, come here, Madness.” Gio takes my bag and slings it over his shoulder, and then he lifts me in his arms. He kisses my cheek and carries me up the stairs to his room. Kicking the door open, he brings me into the room and lays me and my bag on the bed, and then he heads toward the door again.
“I’m going to get you an ice pack,” he explains. “Do you want a drink or anything to eat while I’m down there?”
I smile at his thoughtfulness. “Just a cup of water. Thanks, babe.”
I set the bag to the side and arrange some pillows against the headboard so I can lean back. When Gio returns with an ice pack and water, he takes some extra pillows out of his closet and places them under my already-swollen foot and ankle so we can elevate them. He puts the ice on the swollen area and positions himself between me and my bag as I sip from the glass of water he brought me.
“I’m sorry, bella…I feel responsible for this—”
I bring my forefinger to his lips to shush him, then take my finger out of the way so I can touch my lips to his. Gio returns my kiss softly with care and caution. I deepen the kiss by bringing my tongue out to taste him and Gio meets me with his own. We let our tongues tangle freely, savoring each other’s taste and fulfilling the longing we’ve felt for each other since we were stuck at a table together three hours ago.
He wraps his arms around my waist and rubs my back in a soothing up-and-down pattern, hooking and curving his path until all the tension has left my muscles. I relax into his hold and let him cradle me in his arms. I missed his sweetness and attention over the past few months more than I miss air underwater. The only drugs I need to forget my pain are his intoxicating kisses. If he ever broke up with me, I don’t think I could survive without them.
Gio finally releases me to look into my eyes. “You okay?”
A blissful smile stretches my face. “Fine now that I’m with you. That kiss was worth twisting my ankle for.”
He smiles and presses a tender kiss against my lips. “I’m sorry you had to twist your ankle to get this today.”
I bring my fingers up to fork them through his thick hair. “Someday we won’t have to sneak around anymore.”
He grins. “You swear?” I simply nod and press my lips to his again.
After a long time of kissing, we finally tear ourselves away from each other to get some homework done. Not all of it needs to be done since we have the whole weekend to finish it, so we decide to simply get started on it and then spend some more time with each other. When we’ve read a satisfactory number of pages, Gio turns on The Avengers and we snuggle in his bed to watch it.
“Who’s your favorite Avenger?” Gio asks, pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
“Black Widow. Obviously. I’m a bit of a feminist in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Makes sense. I kinda like Black Widow too.”
I give him the side-eye. “Bet I know why.”
Gio chuckles and shrugs. “What can I say? I like powerful women.”
“Well, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Unexpectedly, Gio pauses the movie with his remote and springs up from the bed. I give him a quizzical look when he rushes to the door.
“I want to show you something,” he says. “Be right back.”
I shrug and relax into Gio’s incredibly plush down pillows as I wait on him to return. I hear the crash of something wooden against the wall and my curiosity piques, but a jolt of pain in my leg when I move it reminds me I shouldn’t be going anywhere. Gio enters the room a moment later with a canvas on an easel that’s flipped backwards so I can’t see it. My confusion multiplies.
“What is that? An art class project or something?”
He smiles sheepishly. “I haven’t told many people about this, but I paint in my free time. I especially love redoing comic book characters. I started this project back when we first started getting back together, and I was going to wait for your birthday to show it to you, but I can’t wait any longer to see your reaction.”
“Okay?” I lean forward in expectation.
Gio turns the easel around and my chest expands with a gasp. On the canvas, in exquisite detail, Gio has painted a reimagining of Wonder Woman with my face on it. He brings it closer so I can examine it. I gaze at it in awe, unable to find words. Everything from my hair to my eyes to my nose is perfectly captured. The only thing he changed was my crooked jaw. I don’t mind him smoothing that out for a painting, even if it is something about myself I don’t want to change.
“Gio, this is breathtaking. You made this?”
If Gio was the blushing type, his face would be scarlet. His eyes are begging for my approval. He nods, pressing his lips together tightly. I gaze at the painting again, not missing the look of unwavering determination in my eyes or the smirk on my face. Gio knows me a lot better than I thought he did. This art piece brings out my soul like I’ve never seen anything do before.
“I love it, babe. I don’t even know how to thank you.”
His mouth bursts into a smile and he rejoins me on the bed. Taking my face in both his hands, he latches onto my lips and empties his soul out to me.
“Happy Birthday, bella,” he whispers against my lips. I kiss him back with equal fervor. Three words are edging their way to the surface, and I’m exhilarated by what they might mean for me. Falling in love with the actor next door wasn’t a part of my plan when I came to L.A., but every time I climb that wall I fall a little deeper under his spell.
Chapter 27
October 17, 2015
The Sweetest Damn Thing
I’m attaching a picture below of my early birthday present from Gio. I am so fucking lucky. This painting is beautiful and something I’ll treasure forever. He was so happy I liked it.
I think I’m really falling for him. I’m a little scared to. For some reason, I’m still afraid to believe this is real. Even with all the things he’s done to prove his love, I still see myself as that dorky farm girl from Kentucky who doesn’t deserve him. Hopefully someday that will change. For now, I’ll enjoy my exquisite presents and heart-melting kisses.
He’s keeping the painting over there for now since Raven might come to our place again. I hate not being able to look at it every day, but I’m hoping this is only temporary. Secret relationships are more complicated than I realized in the beginning. I can’t wait for the day when we can come out into the open. For now, I’m keeping the picture here to hold me over.
Ttyl,
Mads
***
After band practice on Saturday, Logan and I agree to meet on WoW as soon as we get home. He says Claire has been going out of town on weekends lately, so he should be completely free. I guess he must have talked her into letting him stay with the band, because he hasn’t made any moves to leave yet, for which I am extremely grateful. Logan belongs with us. I know we just started, but I really can’t imagine the band without him.
The four of us are getting pretty close-knit and our music is getting good, but we still haven’t come up with a band name yet. Ideas
have been thrown around, but none of them have that punch we’ve been looking for. Dad and Cass say there’s still time for us to figure that out. We don’t need a name until we go public with our music.
When I get home from band practice, I immediately slip into my PJs and hop on the computer to meet Logan. We put on our headsets and chat on our way to Ashran about game updates and add-ons.
Later, as Logan and I get stomped by the Alliance in Ashran, we discuss ways to avoid this kind of humiliation in the future. One way is to get in pre-formed groups who actually know what they’re doing. It’s hard trying to carry twenty other people who seem to die every other second. We look into joining groups, and somehow the conversation turns to my eighteenth birthday.
“We’re having a Halloween/birthday party. Costumes and all. I’m so excited I can hardly think about anything else,” I admit.
“That sounds epic. You could do a cosplay, maybe dressed up as Alexstrasza or something. No one would care about the geekiness as long as you’re wearing a bikini.”
I laugh…hard. “That’s actually not a bad idea, but I’d rather do that for BlizzCon. I’m going for the first time this year.”
“Me too!” Logan’s voice gets a little high-pitched with his excitement. “I thought I would be going by myself. If you and your dad are going, I’ll just hang out with you.”
“Actually, it’s just me. Dad’s more of a fan of Battlefield and Call of Duty,” I explain. “I thought I was going alone too. Wanna be my BlizzCon date?”
“Definitely. That will be a nice excuse to hang out without pissing off my significant other.”
I giggle. “Agreed. And hey, if you’re in the neighborhood, feel free to drop by my birthday party on Halloween.”
“Will there be booze?”
“There will be booze.”
“Then I definitely will be there,” Logan assures me. “With Claire being gone all the time, I figured I’d be spending Halloween alone too.”
The Sister Code (D.O.R.K #2) Page 17
