AT LONG LAST (The Playas Series - Book 4)

by Brenda Jackson

  He watched her lift a brow as she placed the coffee cup on the nightstand. “Of course, we knew each other. We would see each other at family gatherings on Paradise. And we talked a lot on the phone all the time. We even hung out together at Lyle’s wedding.”

  He recalled the things she had mentioned. But now, he needed her to understand that hadn’t been enough--and why. “Yes, but I wanted to get to really know you. And more than anything, I wanted you to get to know me. It was important to me that we did that.”

  She lifted a brow. “Why?”

  “Because I felt it was time you knew,” he said gently, taking her hand in his.

  “Knew what?”

  The curious look on her face touched his heart. Did she honestly not have a clue? Did she think these past weeks had only been about the physical, not the mental or emotional? “That I have fallen in love with you.”

  He watched the emotions in her features go from surprise and shock to panic and then horror. She shook her head. “No.”

  He reached out and placed a finger under her chin, lifting it to meet his gaze directly. “Yes.”

  She swallowed deeply before pushing his hand away and easing out of bed. She stared at him as if he’d lost his mind, right before she began pacing. Then she stopped and stared at him again. He figured the intensity in his gaze backed up his story, and she wasn’t sure how to deal with it yet.

  “But, I–I told you a number of times that I don’t want to get serious about anyone. That I never wanted to fall in love again.”

  He nodded. “Yes, you said that, but I was hoping I could make you change your mind, that once you got to know me and saw what we could have together, you would consider the idea of an “us”.”

  She shook her head. “No. The reason I told you--and kept telling you--was because I’ve always known you were a forever kind of guy, Logan. That one day, you’d want a wife and kids. But I’m not ready for that. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready. I kept telling you that. Why wouldn’t you take me at my word?”

  He eased off the bed to stand in front of her. “Because I was hoping that I could be the man who changed your mind, Claire. That what we shared would mean something, enough to at least make you consider having an exclusive relationship with me, with the intent of one day having more. In my heart, I felt you were worth fighting for.”

  He could see her fighting back tears when she said, “No. You are a forever kind of guy and need a forever kind of girl. I’m not her, Logan. I’m not what you want or apparently need. I had a good time these past weeks with you, but that’s it. I tried to tell you and you should have listened.”

  She began pacing again and he watched her, knowing she was fighting for composure. Well, he wasn’t having any of it.

  “I love you, Claire. Why can’t you accept my love?”

  “Because I can’t.”

  He didn’t say anything for a minute and then asked, “Do you need more time?”

  She met his gaze, lifting a furious chin. “No, I don’t need more time, Logan. What I need is for you to understand I am who I am and I feel what I feel. You were wrong to assume a vacation would change me. That wasn’t fair. And I’ve always thought you to be a fair person.”

  Logan shoved his hands into his pockets. This wasn’t going very well, definitely not the way he’d hoped. Why couldn’t she understand that he loved him and with love came choices and chances. Why couldn’t she choose to take a chance on him?

  “Please leave, Logan.”

  “What?”

  “I need some time alone, so I want you to leave. Thank you again for the adventure, even though you took me with you for the wrong reasons. Regardless, I enjoyed being with you but…”

  “I failed at what I wanted to do,” he finished for her.

  “If your goal was getting me to come around to your way of thinking, then yes.” She then turned her back to him, dismissing him.

  The anger Logan tried holding in check snapped. He was a patient man but all the patience in the world wouldn’t help him accept what she was saying and what she was doing. “Why can’t you see the mistake you’re making?”

  She whirled around, her eyes filled with anger, her spine ramrod straight. “Why can’t you accept my feelings and move on? I don’t love you, Logan. It’s as simple as that.”

  He felt as if he’d been slapped. It wasn’t simple, but he didn’t intend to argue with her. He would leave now before he said something he would regret. Drawing in a deep breath, he moved away to grab his shirt off the chair, and then put on his shoes and socks. He repacked the few things he’d taken out of his luggage this morning, all while she stood, silently, in the same spot, watching him.

  When he was ready to go, he thought about telling her again that he loved her, but decided not to waste his breath. “Goodbye, Claire.”

  “Goodbye, Logan.”

  Then he walked out the door.

  30

  Annie Fowler-Pringle glanced across the kitchen table at her daughter. Claire had shown up on her doorstep a few hours ago with an overnight bag in her hand and eyes that looked like she’d been crying a river of tears. She was still crying, sobbing out the reason why while rubbing her hands together.

  “So, there you have it, Mom. Logan told me he loved me but I can’t love him back. I shouldn’t feel so awful about it, but I do. He’s such a nice guy. Someone any woman would want. But I can’t love him.”

  “Why not, Claire?”

  Her daughter raised a tear-filled gaze to her mother. “Mom, you know why. I haven’t gotten over Walter.”

  Annie shook her head. She and her daughter should have had this conversation years ago. Maybe then, Claire wouldn’t be in so much pain now. Something had happened to Annie a few years ago that she’d thought was impossible. She’d found love again, after losing her husband over twenty years ago. The only thing she regretted was not having met a man like Timothy sooner. She didn’t want Claire to have a similar regret.

  “If that’s true, don’t you think it’s time. Walter wouldn’t have wanted you to mourn him forever.” She leaned in closer to her daughter. “But I don’t think that’s it. In fact, I think you’ve dealt with Walter’s death, but you’re using him as an excuse, as a crutch.”

  Claire gasped. “Mom! How could you say such a thing?”

  “Because it’s the truth. And not only that, it’s not just about Walter. It’s also about your father.”

  Claire lifted a bemused brow. “Dad? What does Dad have to do with anything?”

  Annie took a sip of her coffee, grateful that Timothy had seen the need to leave and go visit a friend, giving mother and daughter privacy. Years ago, Annie had had to have the “get your crap together” talk with Asia, when she kept running to her, crying over David Crews and his mistreatment of her. Now it was time she had a similar talk with Claire, and she had a feeling it wouldn’t be pretty. This was her headstrong daughter. The oldest. The one who had advice for everybody except herself. The one who’d been lying to herself for years about Walter Farmer.

  “What I’m saying is that the two men you’ve loved most in your life, left you…not by choice mind you, but they still left you. Don’t you think I know how close you were to your father? You were a daddy’s girl more so than Asia because you were with him the longest. You had him to yourself for two years before Asia came along. You and Thomas had a special bond. Losing him was hard on you.”

  Annie took another sip of her coffee as she remembered those days. “I recall one day, you came into my bedroom. When you caught me crying, you asked what was wrong. I told you how much I still missed your dad. You were about ten then, and I did something I probably should never have done--accepted comfort from a ten-year-old girl. You told me everything would be all right because Dad would want to know me, you and Asia were doing okay. But then you said something else--that you never wanted to grow up and get married because losing the person you love always makes you sad.”

  Claire nodded, re
membering that day. “Those were just the words of a ten-year-old, Mom. I did grow up, fall in love and had planned to marry.”

  “Yes, and like your father, Walter was taken away from you. You’ve closed your heart off to ever loving again.”

  Claire knew that much was true. “I believe I will fall in love again someday, Mom. I’m just not ready now.”

  “Aren’t you? You can fool your sister, but you can’t fool me, Thomasina Claire Fowler. I’m too wise when it comes to my girls. You already love Logan. I don’t know when, where or how you fell in love with him, but you did. If you hadn’t, then you wouldn’t be here, crying your eyes out. Logan Montgomery means everything to you. That’s the first thing you need to admit to yourself.”

  Claire didn’t say anything as she stared back down at her hands. She couldn’t deny her mother’s words. Nor did she feel the need to wonder about the when, where and how. The when was on this trip. The where was at the lodge in the Grand Canyon and the how was that night she’d had a bad dream and he’d come into her bedroom to hold her, comfort her and soothed her into believing everything would be alright. But still, she hadn’t been able to admit it to anyone, including herself, until now. Yes, she loved Logan.

  More tears fell from Claire’s eyes. “Yes, I love him but I don’t want to, Mom. I could lose him.”

  Her mom chuckled and Claire raised her head to see why she was amused. “That’s funny,” Annie said.

  Claire frowned. “What is?”

  “You’re so worried about losing Logan. How do you think he must have felt when he heard about the bombing? He was the one who could have lost you, Claire. What makes you think he will die before you? Do you have a pact with the Man above that none of us know about?”

  “Of course not!”

  “In that case, take a chance. Every day is a gamble. I don’t wake up every morning wondering if this is the day Timothy will be taken from me or if it’s the day I will be taken from him. We’ve learned to live our lives as if each day might be our last. That’s the pleasure in loving someone, Claire. When will you stop denying yourself?”

  Annie got up from the table and moved over to the sink. Claire knew her mother was giving her time to think about what she’d said. “It might be too late, Mom.”

  “Why?”

  She glanced over at her mother. “Logan’s on his way to Paradise. Asia has arranged for him to meet someone--a sister of a client who she feels would be perfect for him. Asia’s playing matchmaker because I convinced her I didn’t care. That I didn’t want Logan.”

  Annie frowned. “And? If he told you that he loved you, do you think he could switch off his feelings so easily?”

  Claire shrugged. “I hope not.”

  “I hope not, too. But I wouldn’t sit around and let another woman get a chance at my man,” Annie said, with more feistiness in her tone than Claire had ever recalled hearing. “If I were you, I would go to that island and claim Logan before another woman can get her hooks into him. He’s probably in a vulnerable state right now. Some women might take advantage of that fact.”

  Claire’s eyes widened. “I can’t let anyone do that to him,” she said, quickly standing. “I need to go to him.”

  Annie smiled. “Yes, I think you should.”

  31

  Logan read the text that came across his phone from Lance for a second time.

  Sorry, but a situation has come up that needs our immediate attention. We’ll be back in a day or two. You know where to find the door key. Make yourself at home.

  He rubbed his hand down his face. The only way to the island was by boat, or seaplane. Lance was in the process of adding an airstrip, which he hoped would be completed by early spring.

  “You need help with your luggage, Dr. Montgomery?”

  Logan glanced over at the man who’d piloted the seaplane which had brought him to Paradise. John, the fifty-something-year-old man, stood well over six feet with sun-bleached blond hair and tanned features. Over the years, he’d delivered a number of family and clients to this island for Lance and Asia and was someone Logan had gotten to know. He had a good mind to tell John to leave his luggage on the seaplane and take him back to the airport. Honestly, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to visit with Lance, Asia and the baby anyway. But then, maybe being around them was what he needed, although from the text he’d just read, they weren’t here. Maybe that was a good thing. He would have a day or two to get himself together and think what his next move would be regarding Claire. Because he wasn’t giving up on her.

  The sun was shining bright and Logan used his hands to shield his eyes as he stared across the white sand at the two-story villa owned by his brother and sister-in-law. The huge structure sat under a bevy of palm trees and was surrounded by a wrought-iron fence with a brick-paved courtyard in the front. It was breathtaking and had such a welcoming effect. He knew, at that moment, he would definitely stay.

  He glanced back at John. “No, I can handle things from here. Thanks for the ride.”

  “No problem. Just give me at least two days’ notice when you’re ready to leave.”

  “I will.”

  A couple hours later, Logan had done just what his brother had suggested and made himself at home. Asia had left a note telling him which bedroom to use and that the refrigerator was stocked. She hadn’t been kidding. He’d changed into shorts and a t-shirt and was now sitting on the patio nursing a glass of scotch. What he liked most about this place was that every angle of the house offered a breathtaking view of the Atlantic Ocean. At the moment, he appreciated the breeze. He needed it to clear his head and Paradise was the perfect place to do it.

  His talk with Claire, his confession of love, had gone all wrong. He wasn’t sure if it was the timing, or the vocabulary he’d used. Or maybe it had just been the woman. Yes, she was complicated and the whole idea of her never wanting to love because of something that happened years ago was problematic. But nothing was hidden so deep it couldn’t be overhauled with tender loving care. And if she needed more time, he would give her that, too, although forty-one was approaching fast. But if it took him to the ripe old age of fifty before getting the woman he wanted, the only woman he would ever love, then he was willing to be patient. But she hadn’t wanted to hear what he had to say--none of his compromises, concessions or acceptances. Instead she’d asked him to leave, denying him the chance to negotiate. Instead, he’d conceded…and he hated himself for doing it.

  So today, he would wallow in self-pity. Then, tomorrow he would go fishing and come up with another plan. And he would continue to come up with plans until he found one that was acceptable. The bottom line was that he loved Claire with all her complications and problems, and he intended to make sure she knew it—really believed it--before she returned to Algiers. But first, he needed to just relax, finish off his scotch and clear his mind.

  He heard the bing on his phone, letting him know he’d gotten a text message. He stood, quickly took the phone out of his pocket, hoping it was Claire. It wasn’t. It was Carrie.

  U back?

  He texted her back.

  Yes.

  When will U come home? Can’t wait for U 2 meet Thea. U R going 2 like her. Things getting serious. Happy 4 Pop.

  Logan drew in a deep breath, truly glad things were going well for somebody at least. He texted her back.

  On Paradise now. Will visit soon.

  He then clicked off the phone, and replaced it in his pocket. He’d sent Lance a text earlier to let him know he’d arrived and was making himself at home. He hadn’t gotten a response yet and wondered what had come up that had needed their immediate attention. It was probably something involving a client.

  Logan sat back down and stared out at the ocean for a long time. When dusk settled, he decided to go in, shower and hit the sack. He’d been tempted to call Claire but remembered she would be visiting her mother for the next couple of days. Besides, he wanted to give her the space she needed.

 
Claire might be intent on hanging onto the past, but Logan was determined to find a way to corral her into the future. No matter what, he wouldn’t give up.

  I wish I had a plan, Claire thought as she climbed out of the seaplane onto the sandy beach and glanced around. Nobody was expecting her. Not Lance, Asia or her darling nephew, Leland. And definitely not Logan and this woman named Susan. Had she arrived yet? Had she and Logan met? If so, did he think Susan could replace Claire in his heart so easily?

  It had taken Claire longer to get here than she’d planned because of bad weather in Charleston. But she was here and intended to make her presence known, regardless of how perfect Logan and Susan might be for each other.

  She’d decided not to text Asia before arriving, because her sister would only have told her not to come. Asia would tell Claire that she’d had her chance with Logan and she’d blown it.

  But the way Claire saw it, Logan had declared his love for her, and she would not let any woman come between them. She would convince Logan she loved him back and then hopefully, someone would send this Susan packing. If Claire had to do it, then so be it. Like Asia, she didn’t like it when things got messy, but there might not be any way to avoid messiness now.

  “You picked a great time to come, Ms. Fowler,” John, the pilot of the seaplane, said. “I delivered Dr. Logan Montgomery here two days ago.”

  “Yes, I know.” She was tempted to ask John if he’d brought anyone else here, like a good-looking female pilot, but decided against it. She would deal with that when the time came. First, she would have a private talk with Logan and then she would talk to her sister. She owed Asia an apology for just showing up and messing up whatever plans she’d made—especially since those plans wouldn’t be happening.

  John carried her luggage across the sandy beach to the huge villa. Claire followed behind him, wondering what she would say to Logan when she saw him. “Thanks, John,” she said, when they’d reached the front door.