“Really?” asked Alex.
“Yes, of course.”
Heather shook her head in disapproval.
“Uh . . . great!” said Alex. “When can we leave?”
“Well, we’ll have to gather the crew together, but I think we could get going at first tide tomorrow. Is that soon enough?” asked Magnanimous.
Alex nodded vigorously.
“Excellent!”
“Shhhh!” said Coriander, cupping his forehead in his hands.
So okay, what happened next? Well, Alex spent the day trailing Captain Magnanimous all around Port Cullis, rounding up supplies and filling in paperwork. And eventually, when everything was finished and done, Alex returned to The Gangrene.
Her final evening on land was a lively one. Heather had prepared a small feast for Alex, Magnanimous, and Coriander (and even a nice steak for Giggles, who was feeling a bit nervous about going to sea). Coriander was looking far more lively than he had in the morning and, after some cajoling, was persuaded to perform the odd magic trick.
The Odd Magic Trick is a very famous magic trick that has been passed down through generations of magicians. Basically, it has the magician asking an audience member for a watch, putting a cloth over it, and, after a few hand movements, removing the cloth and revealing a completely different watch that looks exactly like the original, but one on which the time reads 9:52. To which the audience member usually responds, “That was odd.”
Then there was some singing. And then it was time for bed. (Or the floor for Coriander, who had passed out after having been bought several rounds of drinks after his Odd Trick by a pretty young woman in a tweed skirt.)
Alex was lying under her covers, with Giggles curled up in the small of her back, as usual, when there was a light tap on the door.
“Come in!” she said.
Heather entered the room and sat on the edge of her bed. Giggles looked up and squinted at her sleepily.
“I just wanted to wish you luck with everything. I’m not going to pretend I’m not seriously worried for you, but you will be with Captain Magnanimous, and I don’t know anyone better to take you to sea. Anyway, I wanted to give you this,” she said, handing over a brown paper bag.
Alex opened it. Inside were a brand new toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste and even a spool of floss.
“I remembered what you said today, when we passed the dentist’s on the way to the admiral’s office, about your braces and everything, and how you’d sacrificed your toothbrush for the sake of the treasure map. I know it’s a strange gift, but, well, my dad’s a dentist and I get the stuff for free,” she said with a shrug.
Alex smiled brightly. “Thank you, Heather, so much!” she said sitting up and giving Heather a big hug. “It’s absolutely perfect, exactly what I’ve been needing!”
“Well, you’re welcome then,” said Heather, returning her hug.
“Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be just fine,” said Alex, looking at her. “I know what I’m doing.” She reached over for her bag and pulled out her camera. “May I take your picture?”
Heather laughed. “Oh dear, I guess so. I never know what to do for pictures,” she said.
“Just smile, that’s all,” said Alex, and she took one.
“I think now you should sleep. You’ve got a long day ahead of you. And I’d better go down and keep an eye on Coriander. He’s asleep now, but I don’t want him waking up thinking he can fly or anything,” she said, shaking her head.
Heather kissed Alex on the forehead, tucked her in, and left quietly with a final smile.
Alex fell asleep almost instantly.
And had another strange dream in which, despite having her eyes closed, she knew a burglar was sneaking around in her room. What was even weirder was that somehow she was completely aware of what he looked like. He was all in black, wearing a ski mask over his face. But the holes for the eyes and nose had been filled in. She then dreamed that Giggles woke up and jumped and attacked the burglar. She dreamed this because in real life Giggles had woken up and was attacking Coriander, who was standing in the doorway. This made Alex wake up in real life.
“Sorry, sorry!” slurred Coriander, falling back out through the door, Giggles attached to his ankles.
“Coriander?” asked Alex sleepily.
“I just wanted to say goodbye!” he called from out in the hall. “I won’t be here when you get up! Stop that!” he said to Giggles.
“Oh. Well, bye then,” said Alex rubbing her eyes. Her focus was a bit fuzzy, but she called to Giggles, who released his grip.
“Good luck!” called Coriander, and he staggered out of view.
“That was weird,” said Alex. Giggles jumped onto the bed and climbed protectively into her lap. If he had been capable of speech, he would probably have agreed. But as it was, it was neither here nor there that they thought it was weird, as there was nothing that needed to be done about it.
So they both went to sleep. Again.
THE THIRTY-FIRST CHAPTER
In which Alex boards HMS Valiant.
There is something unique about early mornings when you have to travel somewhere. First of all, for some reason they always seem to dawn bright, but with a crispness in the air, a cold nip to the nose, no matter what the season. And they always have a slight haze about them, like a fog has just recently lifted. Secondly, it seems as if on that particular morning when you are going somewhere, everyone else has decided that they will in fact stay tucked up in bed, as if going somewhere is quite possibly the silliest thing to do this morning. Thirdly, and this I find extremely odd, personally, is that, for some reason, suddenly you are obliged to take along snacks of healthy things, things you would never really take with you as snacks on any other occasion, like toasted almonds and apple slices. And the morning Alex left The Gangrene to begin her adventure on the high seas dawned precisely in this way.
Alex shivered slightly on the wagon that Heather had arranged to take her to the ship, and rubbed her nose, pulling her sweater tighter around her. Giggles sat by her side looking around, torn between feeling miserable riding the wagon and wanting to get off, and wanting the ride to continue for as long as possible so that he could avoid boarding the ship.
“Oh, come on, Giggles,” said Alex, noticing his expression, “this is the best bit.”
Giggles pretended not to hear her.
“This is the bit where we finally rescue Mr. Underwood. You’ll really like him. He is a really good teacher. And really nice. And anyway, even if you don’t like him, once we rescue him, it means we can finally go after the treasure. And that is sure to be a wonderful adventure.” She was reminded briefly of her uncle and how much he would have agreed. Alex shook her head and replaced the thought with all the positive things that had happened since her arrival at Port Cullis.
She really was feeling as if things were coming together. Having Captain Magnanimous on her side was a great advantage and gave her great confidence. It wasn’t every ten-and-a-half-year-old in search of buried treasure that had one of Her Majesty’s Finest helming the voyage.
It was an incredibly impressive sight passing from the city through the triumphal arch onto the narrow docks. The sky was filled with a forest of masts dripping with nets and rigging. Even though it was still very early in the morning, sailors and carpenters were shouting at each other, and the captains of two rusty fishing trawlers were arguing about who had the right of way.
Then, suddenly, all the other ships seemed to melt away, and Alex’s wagon came across a much more organized chaos at the docks belonging to the Navy. There were five large ships moored and one on land in dry dock undergoing repairs. With help from the driver unloading Mr. Underwood’s bicycle, Alex found herself standing on the pier, feeling even smaller than usual. The ships were huge, immaculately kept, and painted a stunning combination of gold and blue. She walked slowly down the pier reading the names of the ships as she passed, Intrepid, Champion, Glory, Dependable . . .
Two heads poked over the edge of the ship and looked down at Alex. They stared at her for a moment. And disappeared.
Then they reappeared at the foot of the gangplank. The head with dark hair waved and called out, “Hello there! My name is Daniel O’Connell. I’m quartermaster. You must be Alex. The kid.”
Alex nodded silently.
“Well, Shakespeare, don’t just stand there. Let’s help her get her things on board,” said O’Connell to the fair-haired man next to him.
“Couldn’t you get one of the larger, burlier, and, I may add, stronger members of your crew to do that?”
“My crew are getting ready for the voyage, and as far as I know, there isn’t much a ship’s surgeon has to do before we set sail.”
“Not true, not true. Why, already this morning I’ve had to deal with two splinters and a stubbed toe.”
“Which of my men would have the gall to stop work for something as small as that?”
“Your crew? I was talking about myself,” replied Shakespeare.
Alex just stood silently watching them argue. They were tall and slim and almost indistinguishable from each other, aside from their hair color and different accents. And their clothes were different (O’Connell wore the uniform of the Navy, whereas Shakespeare was dressed in gray trousers and a shirt and brown boots). But other than that, they could have been twins, and secretly were, though neither of them knew it.
Their mother had died giving birth to them, and their father was a horribly lazy man who insisted that he could not take care of two babies, and so he took Shakespeare (which wasn’t his real name but his nickname) abroad and raised him, and put O’Connell into the care of the local government.
When Shakespeare turned twelve he was sent to a very posh boarding school, and when O’Connell turned twelve he was sent off to be a cabin boy aboard the Seaworthy, where he served with Magnanimous. Shakespeare decided to pursue medicine, and O’Connell found himself very adept at sailing. Eventually, when Magnanimous became a captain, he placed an ad for a ship’s surgeon, and Shakespeare applied, always having longed for adventure. And this was where he and O’Connell met for the first time. They instantly hated each other.
O’Connell hated anyone from the upper classes, and Shakespeare hated anyone who hated him because he was from the upper classes. There was serious friction until one night, when some of the crew were playing a secret game of poker in the hatches and Shakespeare stumbled on their game. O’Connell stood to meet him. Everything went very silent. Gambling was strictly forbidden in the Navy.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“What do you think we’re doing?”
“I think you’re playing poker.”
“You got a problem with that?”
“Yes.”
“Yes?” said O’Connell, taking a step forward.
“Yes,” replied Shakespeare, taking his own. “What kind of chips are those?”
The two looked at the table, where they were using marked pieces of kindling.
O’Connell looked at Shakespeare once more. “What’s wrong with them?” He furrowed his eyebrows.
Shakespeare raised his. “Let me get mine.”
From that night on, he and O’Connell became fast friends. They discovered that they actually had a lot in common, in fact almost everything. And what was even weirder was that sometimes it seemed as if they could practically read each other’s minds. This probably had something to do with the fact that they were twins. But they didn’t know this. And never would. Which is just the way things happen sometimes.
Anyway, Alex marveled at how alike the two of them looked as they helped her bring her small knapsack (which Shakespeare carried) and bike (which O’Connell hoisted over one shoulder) onto the ship. Once aboard, Alex felt the butterflies in her stomach start to flutter about, and she picked up the nervous Giggles, holding him close to her.
Alex watched O’Connell and Shakespeare weave their way over to where a tall, slender woman with glasses and short, strawberry-blonde hair was standing. She was wearing a very striking uniform, including a hat and boots with a gold buckle. She looked at Alex and strode over, her arms extended wide.
“Buon giorno! Alexandra, it is a most pleasure to meet you finally!” she said richly. “My name is Francesca Giminiano, but please call me Francesca. I am second lieutenant and the ship inventor.”
“Oh, I didn’t know ships had inventors,” said Alex, following Francesca’s lead by kissing the air by both her cheeks. Giggles growled softly as he was squished between them.
“They don’t,” muttered Shakespeare under his breath so that only Alex heard.
“Ah, well, Magnanimous is most encouraging, and he finds my inventions most useful,” said Francesca. “For example, I have invented an automatic sail unfurler that works with a single push of a button.”
“Wow!” said Alex. “If that’s the case, then what are the crew doing?” she asked looking up at them working intensely.
“Ah, sometimes there is a, how you say, a glitch? So today the button is not working, but tomorrow the button will work. I will fix it.”
“She’s been saying that since last season,” said Shakespeare quietly. This time Francesca heard him.
“It will work! It does work! Inventions take much attempts,” she explained to Alex. “Many of my other inventions work with perfection.”
“I’m sure,” replied Alex.
Suddenly a striking young man landed in front of them.
“Tanaka!” said Shakespeare clutching at his chest. “Was that really necessary?”
Tanaka flashed the most perfect set of white teeth Alex had seen since Lord Poppinjay.
“My apologies, old chap, but I say, look!” and he pointed toward the pier. Just as he did so, there was a sudden eruption of noise, as a cheer filled the air.
“Thank heavens,” sighed Shakespeare. “The Captain, finally.”
Captain Magnanimous was marching toward the ship surrounded by well-wishers. Occasionally he would step out of the crowd and shake hands with a fisherman aboard his boat and chat for a moment or so, smiling and waving his arms energetically. It seemed as if everyone in the vicinity had come to see Captain Magnanimous set sail, and Alex felt a glow of pride that she was about to go adventuring with him.
Tanaka launched himself into the air again, did two flips, and landed in front of the Captain on the dock with a salute.
“That was Takeo Tanaka, third lieutenant, and ridiculous,” said Shakespeare to Alex.
“Not ridiculous!” said Francesca. “I would like to see you try to do what he can do.”
“I wouldn’t want to do what he can do!”
“Then why are you taking private lessons in gymnastics from him?”
“I’m . . . I’m . . . not!” stuttered Shakespeare.
“He is,” said Francesca with a smile. Alex smiled back.
“Captain on board!” called O’Connell.
There was another loud cheer from up in the rigging, and the Captain waved. Shaking his head, he joined O’Connell.
“Looks like a perfect day to set sail, eh, O’Connell?” said Magnanimous.
“Indeed, Captain,” replied O’Connell.
“All crew accounted for then?”
“Aye.”
“Well then, Francesca.” Francesca stepped forward. “No point in delay. Why don’t you take her out for us.”
“Aye, sir,” said Francesca with a salute. And she took her place at the helm.
“Hullo, Alex,” said Magnanimous, approaching her.
“Hey, Captain,” said Alex.
“You ready for this?”
“Aye, aye, Captain!” she replied with a salute.
“Ha! I like that!” He saluted her back. “Come on, let’s get you a good seat!”
THE THIRTY-SECOND CHAPTER
In which Alex experiences life at sea.
As HMS Valiant passed the breakwall and the ship’s sails caught the wind, Alex could easily see why Magnanimous was happy to return to sea so soon. It was a truly wonderful feeling standing on deck in the bright sunshine with the deep blue of the sea stretching out in front of them like infinity. In fact, it was a strange thought that it wasn’t infinity—that somewhere beyond what her eyes could see was land, and lots of it. Out there was an island with buried treasure, or maybe a few islands, and somewhere lurking in the shadow of a distant port, or menacing some unsuspecting aristocrat aboard his private yacht, was the legendary figure of the Ironic Gentleman.
The fishing trawlers and pleasure cruisers around them became fewer and fewer until the ship was traveling in complete isolation. Lunchtime passed joyfully, and after Alex had finished the peanut butter and jam sandwich packed for her by Heather, she shared her toasted almonds and apple slices with the crew. Then she took some down the hatches to Giggles, who was feeling very seasick and had found himself a dark corner to mope in. Dinner followed strikingly soon, and she ate with the officers and the captain in his cabin. And before she knew it, Alex found herself leaning on the deck rail, taking some pictures with her camera, while watching the sun make some final stretches before crossing the last length of sky.
“Hello there, Alex!” said a friendly, yet unfamiliar voice. Alex turned to see a pleasant-looking man who reminded her a little of Coriander when he was in good spirits.
“Hello,” she replied.
“My name is Julian De Wit, and I am first lieutenant. I understand you’ve never been to sea before,” he said. He was not terribly good at small talk and rushed the words together slightly.
Alex and the Ironic Gentleman Page 17
