Take breathing for instance. A karate instructor I know is fond of saying, “It doesn’t count if you’re not breathing.” In the dark, as I let go of my attachment to form, I found that my breath became fuller, deeper. The more visual an experience is, the more cerebral it is. During such self-conscious behavior there is a strong tendency to hold the breath and crank up the excitement level through oxygen starvation and carbon dioxide intoxication. When the focus of attention drops from the eyes to the breath, sex becomes a far more sensual experience. When the breathing is restricted, the muscles are kept tense, and sex turns into a charged skirmish that may be highly stimulating but not deeply satisfying. Theatrical sex always left me flushed and exhausted. But when I began to return to a more organic sexuality I found that an hour or more of hot licks made me feel refreshed and rejuvenated.
The next rediscovery in the dark was the sense of touch. Instead of using my eyes, I let my fingers do the walking. I found it deliciously sexy to explore my lover’s body without first sizing it up visually, to approach it like a child with an unknown object, without associations, sliding from smooth skin to eruption of hair to viscous center between the thighs. The most intriguing thing was to put my hand on her body and not recognize what part I was touching.
The second sense to come alive was hearing. Just as a blind man can make a map of the world from sound, so having sex in the dark made me far more sensitive to the noises my lover was making. I learned to follow the cycles and shadings of her excitement not from facial expressions and body postures, but from the sighs, moans, whispers, cries and groans she produced as we moved from the first light kisses of foreplay to the explosion of orgasm.
The third sense to assume new prominence was smell. Perhaps the greatest overall conspiracy against sexuality in our culture is the war on the sense of smell. Yet this is the most basic of the senses. We are bombarded with advertisements to scrub ourselves daily and rub deodorants into the body’s natural hollows, and even to mask the aroma of the vagina itself. In the dark, when visual cues are removed, the body’s smells are a voluptuous invitation to the most intimate exploration. The odor of sweat, secretions, and the crevices of armpits and buttocks make a compelling aphrodisiac.
In addition to breath, relaxation and the senses, sex in the dark awakens the feeling of mystery. In darkness it is easy to forget your identity, the identity of the person you’re with, or even which planet you’re on. With the two basic orientations of daily life removed—visual cues and vertical posture—it’s possible to sail off into a mood of unknowingness. After a month or so of sightless lovemaking, I didn’t feel that I was having sex so much as that sex was having me. All my egotistic concerns dissolved as two blind creatures pressed against and penetrated one another, and were hurled from the cliff of self-awareness into the abyss of rapturous oblivion.
At the psychological level, this melting into mystery emerges as freedom of fantasy and emotional expression. In the dark you can imagine anything and you can have any look or attitude you want. While visual sex does have its values and virtues, it also tends to inhibit us in the way we express ourselves. When the light is on we don’t ordinarily let our faces show anger, stupidity, bestiality, boredom or other “negative” emotions. We become as polite in bed as at the dinner table. And the degree to which I’d become mannered hit home one night when, in the midst of one of my best ravishment routines, my entire body erupted with the sense-memory of the joyous wildness I used to feel before my sexuality was choreographed, at which point I began to ravish the lady in earnest.
Those four months in the dark served as a purification ritual for me. When that process was finished, I wanted to move into a regular, balanced cycle of darkness and light in our lovemaking. But she was afraid that if we put the light on, that would “break the spell.” Maybe it would have. The relationship was a failure in too many other areas anyway and we never found out what might have happened next. We parted and went our separate ways.
Although the affair ended, its effect continued. I subsequently spent six months in celibacy and then began living with someone on the condition that I would say or write nothing about our sex life together, thus completing my return to a totally personal, private and even secret sexuality.
It feels good, although still a bit odd, to have arrived at such a conventional solution. One night last month I was talking about all of this with a few old friends and comrades from the early days of the Sexual Revolution and one of them remarked that I was sounding very conservative these days, and that some of my views could even be endorsed by fundamentalists. I saw that he was right and had to smile at the way the wheel of revolution keeps meeting itself coming and going.
When the wheel was turning in the direction of liberation, it was good to open all the closet doors and sweep away the stultifying hypocrisy that was our official national policy on sex. But now that the movement is back in the other direction, it’s time to admit that the previous period of letting a thousand orgasms bloom did leave pockets of corruption—the wastes produced by commercial exploitation of liberated sexual energy and the diseases spawned by unbridled debauchery. Then perhaps we wouldn’t have to swing all the way back to the “right,” but find instead a middle way between massive suppression and total license.
As individuals we have little control over the larger movements of history. But each of us can strike a balance in her or his own sex life and thereby be a stable element in the greater process instead of adding to the confusion. Those who are still keeping themselves in the dark because of fear or prejudice need to let some light into their bedrooms and their minds. These who are overly dependent on visual stimulation, on sexual theatre and erotic imagery need to shut the door, pull the curtain over the window, turn off the light and, in what Dylan Thomas called “the close and holy darkness,” remember how to get down.
When we are no longer afraid of or addicted to the light or the darkness, then our sexuality will be free.
FANTASY GAME
I knew Kevin for less than a month, and never met his wife. But when he invited Kathy and me to join them for an evening of erotic games, I could hardly contain my excitement. At first my wife was skeptical about a sex game for two couples with no swapping. “He said you didn’t have to switch partners,” I told her.
“And she’s pretty?”
“She looked beautiful in the photo . . . great legs.”
“And you’re a leg man.” Kathy leaned over and kissed me. I fondled her breast and kissed her back. “Yes, but no one has better legs than you, darling.”
“And he’s good looking?” she asked coyly.
“About six-foot-two, slim, with sandy hair and a nice moustache—just your type.”
“M-m-m-m . . .” Her tongue found mine and she began unzipping my pants. “Okay,” she whispered. “Let’s meet them.”
Kevin and Sheila lived in a lovely old section of Long Island. As we drove up the driveway, I had butterflies in my stomach. Kathy was attired in a skimpy black dress and red ankle-strap high heels that previously she only wore in our bed.
Kevin welcomed us warmly and introduced Sheila. Slim and strikingly pretty, she stood in four-inch black heels. Her tight skirt showed off the curves of her legs and ass when she moved, while under her filmy blouse was the hint of a lacy bra. I was utterly enchanted.
Soon the small talk turned intimate. Kevin and Sheila steered the conversation to sexual fantasies.
“Most of ours involve everyday situations that become sexual encounters,” Sheila informed us. “That’s how we devised our little game.”
“Ah, yes, the game,” I mused. I was very aroused by now.
Kevin picked up a white leather binder from the coffee table and handed it to us. We started leafing through the pages with photos of two couples cavorting in various stages of undress.
“Each page contains a different fantasy to be acted out,” Kevin said. “There’s a three-minute time limit for each one and we put our clothes
The fantasies were divided into categories. “Ones” were cute and flirty—like a man opening his partner’s blouse and squeezing her breasts while the other couple watched. Another had him raising her skirt. The “twos” were more daring: a girl with her skirt pulled up around her hips, with one man pressing a vibrator into her cunt while she sucked another’s cock. Kathy was beginning to breathe heavily.
Before we got to the “threes,” I suggested we just start playing. Sheila led Kathy out of the room. When they returned, my wife was blushing. Adorned in pale blue stockings and little white anklets with red high heels, she sat down and darted her tongue playfully into my ear.
Sheila announced that the fashion show was about to begin. Kevin pushed the table out of the way. Then he positioned his wife in front of us, gently ran his hand over her blouse, and caressed her breasts. Boldly, Kathy put her hand on my cock. Then Kevin unbuttoned Sheila’s blouse and exposed a lacy bra that barely covered her nipples. Sheila’s eyes closed in ecstasy as he pinched through the bra. Kathy and I began kissing each other as we watched.
Kevin then knelt to stroke his wife’s legs. Slowly, he pushed up the hem of her skirt, stopping at mid-thigh. Her hose were sheer and dark, defining the provocative curves of her legs.
“Higher,” said Kathy. “Let’s see more.”
Kevin raised the skirt up above Sheila’s stockings, which were held by a black garter belt.
“Do you like my panties?” asked Sheila, pointing to her black bikini panties.
“They’re beautiful,” Kathy murmured as she kneaded my cock through my pants.
Kevin now held Sheila’s skirt up to her waist. We could smell her wetness as she pressed against him. Sheila opened her legs slightly to allow Kevin to insert his hand. After he withdrew, the silky crotch remained tightly nestled in the crease of her cunt.
“Now it’s your turn,” I told Kathy. Sheila buttoned her blouse and took Kathy’s hand. Kathy slowly rose and stood before us. Kevin kissed my wife on the cheek as Sheila sat beside me to watch the second part of the fantasy unfold.
Kevin slowly cupped Kathy’s full breasts. The sight of another man fondling my wife was incredibly arousing.
“Open her dress,” Sheila ordered. Kevin unzipped Kathy’s dress and lowered it down her back. She wriggled and the dress slipped down her arms.
I was startled by the snugly fitting corselet pushing her breasts up over the lacy cups. Kevin playfully traced his fingers over the edge of the bra.
“How does that feel, Kathy?” Sheila asked.
“It feels wonderful, orgasmic. He’s squeezing so hard.”
Meanwhile Sheila stroked my cock through my pants. I worried briefly about what Kathy would think, but she was too preoccupied to notice.
“Show us more,” Sheila insisted.
Kevin grazed Kathy’s thighs and toyed with her garters. Then he tugged on the white satin panties, causing them to press against her cunt. Turning her around, he bent her over to show us how vulnerable and available she was. Pulling the panties to one side, he revealed one of my wife’s delectable cheeks. Then he poked the satin into her ass as Kathy began writhing her hips against his touch. His other hand played with her cunt.
It took us all a few moments to regain our composure. As Kathy dressed, we took deep breaths and long sips of our drinks.
“This beats Trivial Pursuit,” I joked and everyone laughed. “But how can you keep up this excitement without coming?”
Sheila confided that there was no penalty for orgasm. But the longer we delayed climax, the better it was when it finally occurred. Kevin announced that the game got more interesting when we reached the “twos.” I couldn’t wait.
“How about doing Hot Flashes?” Sheila asked. “We all write a short fantasy, a hot flash, on a slip of paper, then we read them in turn and act them out.”
Sheila handed out pencils and paper. “Now remember,” she cautioned, “we only have a minute to act each one. Be sure to specify who does what to whom.”
Each of us finished quickly, folded the slips of paper, and placed them on the coffee table. “Eric, why don’t you read the first one,” Sheila suggested.
Closing my eyes, I picked up Kathy’s note. She wanted to suck both men simultaneously. Sheila expressed her delight. Kevin and I obediently stood in front of Kathy, who promptly unzippered us. Wrapping her fingers around our cocks she stroked us gently. Pulling down Kevin’s briefs, she exposed the head of his cock. It bobbed, then stood straight out, long, thick and rigid. Next she lowered my shorts below my balls. My cock, too, stood out slightly uptilted.
Kathy proudly displayed us and gently pulled both shafts, then licked the tip of my cock, fondling my testicles. She repeated the process with Kevin. I loved watching her play with his penis.
“Go ahead,” I urged her, “put it in your mouth.”
She took the head in her mouth. I could almost feel the swabbing tongue that Kevin was now thrilling to.
Kathy next sucked on me. Grasping both cocks firmly, she pressed the two heads together. I had never felt another man’s cock next to mine, and the sensation was strange and exciting, like one’s first French kiss.
Opening her mouth wide, she took in as much of both tips as she could, licking each shaft in turn. Finally, she accommodated both cocks in her mouth at once.
Sheila now read the next flash. She wanted to suck my cock while Kevin spanked her. I sat next to Kevin on the couch. Sheila lay across his lap. She took my cock and probed the tip with her tongue as Kevin spanked her through her skirt. She moaned as he brought his hand down hard. Her mouth held my cock tightly.
Kevin roughly yanked her skirt up. Sheila wriggled to allow him to work it up over her ass. As she writhed her hips, her long stockinged legs and spike heels kicked defiantly in the air while her black-laced cheeks jiggled at his touch. Meanwhile her head bobbed up and down, playing with my loose foreskin.
Kevin’s hand came down hard again on Sheila’s ass. As he bared his wife’s cheeks I began to feel an undeniable rush. “I’m going to come,” I warned.
Kathy began kissing me as the first burst hit. Sheila sucked voraciously. I was filling her mouth with come while Kevin pried her legs apart and spanked her again. “I love you,” Kathy whispered as Sheila swallowed my come and licked my cock clean.
Now it was Kevin’s turn. Having spent myself, I was to be an observer. But my hair-trigger cock sprang to life as Kathy read Kevin’s flash: “I would like to pleasure Kathy and Sheila simultaneously with two vibrators.”
I could not resist stroking myself as he positioned the women side by side on their hands and knees. Then, slowly pulling down their panties, he took two shiny gold vibrators and switched them on. “Spread your cunts,” Kevin ordered.
Carefully he inserted the humming tips into each gaping vagina. The buzzing grew alternately softer, then louder, as he worked them in and out. Both wives squirmed as he dildo-fucked them faster and faster.
Then it was time for my hot flash. I wanted Kathy and Sheila’s mouths to meet around my cock. The thrill of two tongues licking me was surpassed only by the sight of two women tongue-kissing as their mouths met at the tip. Afterward we advanced to the “threes.”
“This one is our favorite,” said Kevin, opening to a page depicting two couples sucking and fucking.
The instructions called for one pair to assist the other in sliding cock into cunt. The second couple then took their turn at fucking while the first lovers helped them. Play was to proceed to a natural conclusion with no time limit. Kevin and Sheila were the first pair.
Kathy lowered Kevin’s shorts and began to suck him. I removed Sheila’s bra, admiring the pink spice-drop nipples. They jiggled pertly as I sat her on the coffee table. The sound of Kathy slurping Kevin’s cock was wonderfully exciting. Taking hold of Sheila’s high heels, I spread her legs apart. Then I began running my tongue lightly from the instep of her shoe slowly up the inside of her dark silky leg.
Pausing at the top of her stocking, I licked along the edge, feeling the delicate texture of the nylon and the cool softness of her inner thigh.
“Eat me, Eric. Please eat me,” she begged.
I pushed my tongue deep into the moist cleft. Gently prying apart the lips with my fingers, I alternately sucked and blew. Sheila groaned loudly.
“Let’s make them fuck,” Kathy said to me.
I instructed Sheila to lie on the floor on her stomach. Placing a pillow under her head, I raised her ass so that her cunt was presented for Kevin.
Kathy positioned Kevin behind Sheila and continued to suck his penis. I parted Sheila’s cunt as Kathy slowly introduced the head of Kevin’s penis. The two slowly began to fuck. I sat on the edge of the coffee table so that Sheila could take me into her mouth.
Kathy stroked Kevin’s cock as it plunged in and out of Sheila. “Can you get your finger in, too?” Sheila asked Kathy. As my wife complied, Sheila began to come. I pressed my cock deep into her throat.
Kevin had not come yet when I suggested we switch roles. He did not object. Kathy sat astride me, facing away so that Sheila could kneel and lick us both as we fucked. Kevin climbed on the couch beside us so he could offer his penis to Kathy’s mouth. She accepted his offer and sucked him as my cock buried itself deeper into her cunt.
Kathy and I fucked furiously. Sheila withdrew my cock from Kathy’s cunt and plunged it into her mouth. Then she carefully reinserted it into Kathy. She repeated the process over and over until I thought I would burst. Suddenly I felt the torrent mustering, as though I had never come before in my life. I looked down to see Sheila take the first burst into her mouth. Seconds later she pushed my shaft into Kathy’s cunt.
Thrusting even deeper into Kathy’s mouth, Kevin shouted, “I’m coming!” The first drops spurted against Kathy’s cheek and she quickly swallowed the head. With Kevin’s come dripping down her cheek, Kathy began to tremble. All three of us had climaxed at once. Sheila rose to lick the semen off Kathy’s cheek. We all fell into a sweet kissing embrace.
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