by Jana Leigh
“How did you hear about all that?” Thane asked. “I mean, I hate to say I have been keeping everything on the down low. Not many people have been able to find exactly where we are.”
Dario laughed, “Right, you know how it is in this community though, like a bunch of little girls gossiping. I heard from one of the other teams, I asked them to inform me when you all surfaced, I was going to visit. I was told about the situation in Healing. I called the base and tried to get a message to you, but they wouldn’t talk to me. I know you think I am involved, but I didn’t know where you were until after you were attacked, you can check my messages.”
“Yeah, we were on lockdown,” Thane admitted. He wanted to trust his old friend but he wasn’t sure yet. “Did you ever meet Diego’s father?”
Dario looked up in surprise. “He is dead. My father refused to adopt Diego and his father’s family raised him. That is why he is the black sheep, they were involved in some nefarious activities.”
Thane looked at Dario and shook his head. “No, Javor Dragomir is alive and being held at Guantanamo prison on terrorist charges.”
Dario stood and swore loudly, “Fucking lies, everything they ever told me.”
Thane waited as the man stormed around the room. He believed he had not known, the man’s whole world was built on lies. When he stopped, Dario closed his eyes and turned to look at Thane. “What?” he asked.
“I need you to know that I would never have betrayed you or your men. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will taint our friendship. It is the only real thing I have left. I can’t lose your friendship,” Dario said seriously.
Thane nodded and looked at the man who he would have called a teammate. He couldn’t blame him for something his family had done, neither could the authorities. Thane would make sure of it. “We are solid.”
Thane and the team had spent over six months training the soldiers from NATO. They were the elite guard, and every year a group was sent to train in the US for three months, and then a SEAL team went to various bases for three months to finalize the training.
SEAL Team TEN had formed a bond with the men, but more so, with Dario, he seemed to fit right in with them. Thane had gone as far as to see if the man could get assigned with them on certain missions, but they wanted Dario for something bigger. Thane knew he had left the service as the Head of European Security; he should never have been on the extradition team itself. They knew afterward, Dario came because of who had been involved, Team TEN.
Dario had spent time with each of the men, both in the United States during training, as well as abroad. When you put your life in another’s hands, it was easier to read them and there was no way Dario was involved in his team dying.
“We never had a chance to talk about what happened,” Dario said quietly.
Thane nodded slowly, “I guess I wasn’t quite sure what to say, I mean my team is gone, and I was still there. What else was there to say?”
Dario looked at Thane and said, “Just that, why were you still there?”
“Yeah, I guess that is a question I will never have answered,” Thane replied.
“Does it really need to be?” Dario asked.
Of course he would ask, Thane liked that about Dario; he never pulled any punches when he talked to him. And he called him on his bullshit too. A lot of men wouldn’t, they were intimidated by the rank, they put him on a pedestal. His team did, no matter what they said, they looked at him as their leader. On the ranch in Healing, he had been able to fade into the background, but Alex still looked at him when he was organizing things. Thane had argued with him, but Thane was good at being a leader, keeping things running smoothly. It was the way it would be.
“Yeah, it really does,” Thane said and stood frustrated. “My job was to protect them and make sure they got back alive. That was my job, and I failed. Instead, six dead, and I am left trying to figure out why I was the one who lived. Sam was in back of me damn it. I was the one leading the way, and I lived, they didn’t. What kind of fucked up logic is that?”
Dario was silent and Thane let loose. He had been holding so much in, holding it together for so long because the men couldn’t see him ever waver. Dario wasn’t the same, he saw him as a man, he walked in the same shoes as Thane, if they made a mistake, others would pay, it was a weight they carried. But when the shit hit the fan, they were the only ones who understood the level of guilt that was carried.
“Do you want to hear something really pathetic? With all this shit going on, you know one of us may not make it out of this alive. To many factors, and I go to bed every single night and pray that it is me that goes. If God had a decision on who is going to not make it, he fucking better choose me, because if one of my men dies and I live, I have promised I will rip heaven itself apart for vengeance,” Thane yelled at the wall. Dario listened and waited as Thane vented and raged. “Why me?”
“Because the others needed you,” Dario answered.
“No, they would have been fine,” Thane argued.
“They would have been lost. You and I know it. You are their leader, don’t stop being it now. When push comes to shove, they are all looking at you for guidance, they always will. You know how it works in the military, especially when training. We tear the recruits down, and build them back up the way they need to be. SEAL training is hard; it is about the best of the best. Not just physically, but mentally too. They look at you and see the man they want to become, you are larger than life for most of these guys. You were saved because you had to be in order for the rest of them to go on. Hell, the rest of us. I need you,” Dario said quietly.
Thane shook his head. “No, being a leader means you would sacrifice everything for your men. I should have been the first to go. I can’t be what you need me to be.”
“Damn it, don’t you see? If you had been, they would have all been killed. In one way or another, they would have died,” Dario yelled.
Thane reared back and looked at his friend in surprise, he was the only one who had yelled at him. The others let him go and wallow, not Dario, he got in his face, literally and then shoved him back until he was pinned against the wall and had nowhere to go. He had to stay there and listen.
“One by one, you took these men and made them your own, and now you are deserting them. If you won’t fight to live why should they? Don’t you get it, all of this can be gone in a second for anyone, the only thing we have to hold onto is the family and connections we make. You made them and now you want to take it away, for what, them? Fuck no, I can call any one of them in here and they will say the same thing, you are their family. You don’t get to make the decision for them, for me, hell, for anyone. It is what it is, and thinking you are above all of it, is a disservice to them,” Dario said, leaning close to Thane until they were nose to nose and he continued, “They would die for you, I would die for you, but no one else has to die, except the muther fucker who started this. If it was my brother, he dies, if it was my mother, she does. Don’t you see, our family is who we make it, and I am choosing you and yours.”
Thane closed his eyes, listening to Dario tell him what he already knew was hard, but actually embracing it was close to impossible. The guilt ran too far.
“No,” Dario said as if he could read his mind. “You listen to me, we will figure this shit out, together.”
“You can’t know what will happen,” Thane whispered and looked at his friend with pleading eyes, begging him to understand what he was saying.
“Neither can you,” Dario whispered back. “But I can tell you one thing, each of these men took the same oath that you did, that we did. Making them think they have less at stake than you do is fucked up. You have just as much to live for as they do.”
Thane shook his head. He refused to let Dario put him there. “No, fuck this, I am doing what I have to do.”
Dario growled at his friend and shook his head, “All but living.”
“Why can’t you just leave well enough alone?” Thane said.
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“Because if you can’t overcome this, then no one can. I refuse to think that everything I have been hoping for is a lie,” Dario yelled.
“What?” Thane said confused.
“I planned to come here, contact you and the others. I have been looking for something that I can’t find. The only thing I could think of was finding you all and finding out what more there was. I needed to connect again, to something, anything. The only time I could remember feeling anything other than disgust is when I trained with you. Our friendship saw me through some rough times. I never felt a connection with my family and now I know why. They are fucking murdering bastards who don’t deserve to breathe the same air,” Dario said angrily.
“I agree about your family, but why come to me?” Thane said warily. “I can’t help you, hell, I can’t even help myself.”
“Maybe we can figure this out together,” Dario said quietly and released his friend. “That is what friends do. Hell, my life is fucked up enough, I need to have an anchor, something I know I can count on. I thought that was you.”
“Man, I am fucked up right now,” Thane said warily.
“Yeah, well so am I, but together, I think maybe we can figure this whole thing out,” Dario said and turned back to his mentor and friend. “Will you at least try?”
Thane was silent, he could see Mel walking toward the room and grimaced. This was going to suck. He turned to Dario and said, “We need to talk about Melanie. First, I have to explain some things. Will you help?”
Dario looked at Thane and nodded slowly. “I know you have feelings for her, so do I. Right now, let’s agree to work together to get her through this.”
Thane nodded when Mel opened the door and smiled hesitantly at the two of them. The air was still thick with tension and it was only going to get worse.
Chapter Six
Thane pulled his wallet out, and looked at Melanie as he took the tattered letter out of the back where it had been since all this had started. He had taken his friend’s letter that very first day. The edges were bloodstained with Clippers blood, he hated giving it to her like this, but it was all he had.
Thane looked up and saw Mel, the tears already gathering in her eyes, she knew what it was. Dario did as well, reaching across to grab Melanie’s hand. Damn it, it should be him comforting her. After speaking to his friend, he knew they were going to have to talk about this later, they both were drawn to Melanie and Thane was not going to back down, he suspected Dario wouldn’t either.
Thane cleared his throat, “Mel, Sam wanted me to make sure you got this.”
Melanie shook her head and turned to the side. She didn’t want it, Thane knew it, who would, but he had to. Thane closed his eyes and looked up, Sam was standing there looking down at his cousin. The others were in the background, letting him deal with what had to be done right now. He saw the look on their faces though, they knew something was coming.
“Tell her that I am fine,” Sam whispered and Thane nodded, this could be awkward.
“Mel,” Thane started. “Listen.”
“I can’t, Thane, I am not ready,” Mel cried softly.
“She has to be,” Sam said softly, placed a hand on her shoulder, and moved her hair a little. Mel gasped and turned around and shivered.
“Mel, it is Sam,” Thane said quickly.
“What?” Mel said confused.
Thane swore under his breath, right, now to sound like a crazy man. “Sam is here, don’t ask me how, I don’t know. Since the bombing with have been able to…well…see them. All of them.”
“Who?” Mel said confused.
“The rest of the team, the ones who died,” Thane admitted.
Mel and Dario stiffened and frowned. They looked at each other and then back at Thane who was watching them intently. Mel shook her head and put out a hand. “Thane…”
“Nope, don’t say it, I have already heard it all. I see dead people, the walking dead, all of the jokes. But it is true, and no I am not crazy, or need meds,” Thane drawled. “As unbelievable as it sounds it is true.”
Dario couldn’t stop from letting a snort out. “Uh…”
“Ask Dario where I took him surfing?” Sam said intently. Thane looked up in surprise, he had not known Sam and Dario had hung out off the base. Thane repeated the question, then provided the answer and Dario looked up in surprise.
“How the fuck did you know that?” Dario whispered. “He was not supposed to tell anyone.”
“Because he is standing right here,” Thane said casually. “Oh, and losing your suit in the wake is common. The older woman is still smiling about getting to see your naked ass run across the beach.”
Mel laughed, “I can feel him.”
Thane nodded seriously and replied, “I am not crazy, none of us are, but for some reason this is all real. I need you to believe that right now.”
“I do,” Mel said. “I have no idea why, but I do.”
Dario looked at Thane and nodded, he had a guarded expression on his face, but he knew Thane and Mel needed him right now. This was going to be hard for both of them, and the story about the beach had been a secret.
Mel looked at the envelope on the table and touched it gently but not moving it. She closed her eyes and wished like hell she didn’t have to read this, but she knew she did. With a sigh, she pulled the letter closer, took it in her hand, and opened it slowly. Mel could see Sam’s sloppy handwriting and smiled through the tears that were already flowing.
Hey, Melly Belly,
You know I couldn’t resist calling you that one more time. I know you hate this shit, and we have argued a lot about me writing a letter. Just so you know, I realize that right now you are thinking I am an asshole for writing it anyway.
Here is the thing though, Melly, since we were young, you have always been the one who was strong. This time I need to be. Because I need you to know a few things. When our parents died and we were alone and you took over, I have never once thanked you for that. I could have ended up in a strange house, with strange people, if you hadn’t been so damn adamant with Social Services that you would raise holy hell if they separated us. We were raised like siblings since our parents were so close, but they didn’t give a shit until you spoke up. For that, I will always love you.
Then when you graduated and turned eighteen and could have left me, you petitioned the court until they gave you custody of me. Granted, I was sixteen and threatened to run away if they didn’t let me go with you, but you are the one who got the job when you were seventeen and saved money to prove to them you were responsible. For that, I will always love you.
When I was in high school, and got into trouble because I was skipping school to go surfing, you stepped in and first assured the principle that you would walk me to class every period until the end of the school year, just so they wouldn’t kick me out. Then kicked my ass and yelled at me until I listened to you about school being important. For that, I will always love you.
When I graduated from high school, you were the only one in the stands cheering for me. You stood by me when I signed the letter of enlistment, you cheered when I made it through basic, and you sent care packages when I went off to SEAL training. There has never been a moment since our parents died that I have been alone. For that, I will always love you.
And because I will always love you, I had to write this letter. You have taken care of me for so long, that I needed to make sure you were taken care of now that I am gone. Now don’t get your back up either. I know what you are thinking, how am I going to make sure you are taken care of since I am gone. It is very simple, Thane. I know you have feelings for him, and I know he has feelings for you. Damn, being around you two is like touching fire, you burn so bright. I would have to be blind not to see it. Here is the thing though, Thane won’t make the first move, Melly, he won’t because of me. So you need to wear those big girl panties one more time. I swear this is the last time, because if you let him, Thane will take care of you forever.
The guys, they are our family. You need to lean on them, don’t go off half-cocked, and do something stupid. I know you, and you will want answers, that is the way you are. But here is the rub, I don’t want you to know how I died, I just want you to remember how I lived, and Melly, I lived an awesome life because of you. I have done everything I have ever wanted because I knew you were standing right behind me, ready to catch me if I failed, and cheer me on when I succeeded. No one can ask for more than that.
Now for the last of this letter. I want you to know that you have been the most important person to me. Never doubt that I will watch over you, just to make sure you do exactly what you should be doing. I need you to be happy, for both of us. Because no matter what else happens in the world, you deserve to be loved. I know Thane will do that for you, I trust him.
One last thing you can do for me. Let Thane know that it wasn’t his fault, none of it. Because I know he is blaming himself if me or any of the guys are gone. If I were there, I would kick his ass and make him see reality, but since I’m not, you need to do it. Make sure he reads this letter too, so he knows he is not to blame. Thane gave me a purpose when I was wandering. Let him know he did his job and made a man out of me.
I love you, Melly Belly. Be Happy,
Sam
Melanie finished the letter and slid it to Thane and Dario to read, she wanted to share it with them. The tears she had held in for a year flowed out of her. Sam really is gone, she thought. Even though she had known it, without the letter, she had been able to push past that pain.
She felt a soft brush on her shoulder and instinctively leaned her head to the side. It was like he was there, if she closed her eyes, she could feel his hand resting on her shoulder, giving it a squeeze in encouragement, offering her strength. Against her cheek, she could feel his knuckles, and smiled, Sam was here.
