by A. K. Koonce
He isn’t a father at all.
Slowly, painfully slowly, the dark substance starts to push from the syringe. It fills my veins with a chilling feeling. It’s so cold a shiver shakes through my body.
An odd, euphoric sense of mind starts to wash over me as my eyes lower to a hooded state. Desperately, I try to keep my focus on the pleased look in my father’s gaze. But the storming power I thought would burst from me never comes.
Emptiness and confusion settles in instead.
He guides me down into a stiff chair and motion’s to Jeriko. Jeriko’s movements are blurred to me. I feel smooth leather meet my wrists and find that I’m tied tightly to the chair.
“You won’t remember how irreplaceable you’re about to become, Violence.”
So many emotions surface in my mind, but none of them come forth.
My father’s right.
I won’t remember.
Chapter Three
Stay Forever
Violence
My joints ache when I lie down. The soft bed is no comfort to my tender body. Exhaustion blankets my mind. There’s a fearful span of time that’s vacant in my memory.
There was the injection …
And then nothing.
I didn’t sleep. I don’t feel like I’ve slept. But the time just isn’t there. When my thoughts returned to me, I was here; standing in my room staring at the steely wall.
Out of everything, what hurts the most is knowing my terrible thoughts are all that will keep me company through the night. The pale moonlight isn’t here to watch over me. The cool winds can’t cradle my body. The men who I grew to trust no longer exist in this place.
It’s just me.
What did he do? What did my father do while my mind was away?
I lie ever so still against the smooth blanket of my bed while the small room presses in on me. The steel wall is my focus for so long I no longer see it. My thoughts are empty. A weight presses against my chest until there isn’t a gasp of hot air for me to breathe.
My eyes close tightly.
Why am I like this?
The most powerful woman in the Dark Kingdom, and yet I can’t defeat my own terrible mind.
When my eyes open slowly, he’s staring down on me.
I blink hard, trying to see the darkness more clearly.
But he’s there. Right there at the edge of my bed. The image of his body is more than shadows as the candle light dances across the walls of the room. Oddly, it’s like he has a light of his own though.
“Nollix.” A whispered word is all I can speak.
My thoughts are playing tricks on me.
They have to be.
His long hair skims his jaw as he lowers himself, kneeling on the floor until we’re face to face. His smooth skin is so bronze it practically glows in the darkness. He’s more beautiful than I remember.
I study him, knowing he must be another test sent here by my father. I can’t make sense of it but I know it’s a trap.
“Vi,” he pauses, his hand hesitant against my knuckles. Ever so slowly, his palm pushes over mine.
It’s an odd feeling. A tingling feeling like the wind caressing my skin.
“Vi, what’s wrong? Tell me where you are and I’ll come for you.” His words are a quiet and promising whisper.
He’ll come for me. What a strange thing to say.
This is definitely a trap set by my father.
“I don’t need you, Nollix.” My lip trembles and I clench my jaw tighter as I stare up at his pretty eyes. I forgot how beautiful and shining his eyes are; like looking at the most dangerous part of the ocean and wanting to dive right in.
But there’s a darkness just below the surface. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.
He seems to let that terrible confession linger in the dark. His lips part but he doesn’t have a thing to say to that. Deep eyes trail across my features.
I sadly know what he sees.
An angry woman, clinging to the physical strength she has to make up for her mental instability. I hate that I’m like this. I hate that I doubt my reality.
Nollix isn’t real.
My fingers skim along his corded arms, rubbing back and forth against the veins of his forearms.
He isn’t real but his presence that my mental breakdown is gifting me is nice.
It’d be nice to have someone to talk to.
“I never told you how attractive I thought you were.” My voice is steady as I recall how often I watched him; quietly appraising him but never speaking to him. “Goddess, even your veins are sexy. How is that possible? Veins aren’t sexy.”
A shaking laugh rumbles through him. It’s a delicious sound that fills my chest with an odd feeling of happiness.
“You think my veins are sexy?” His fingers trail up my arm, skimming across my flesh with that tingling energy of his. “Believe me when I tell you, you haven’t even seen the best part yet, Vi.”
Warmth floods my chest at his clever words. Words always seem to flow smoothly from him in the most perfect ways as if thought isn’t needed, only confidence.
He makes life seem so easy. Carefree even.
“I hated how much I loved your arrogance. I hated how much I loved when you touched me. I … loved the way you kissed me.” I continue my slow stroking across his strong forearm, keeping my attention fixed there as I confess everything I wish I’d said to him.
“Mmm… I think we’re getting distracted here.”
“Did you like it?” My head tilts against the soft pillow when I look up at him.
His brows raise, his mouth open as a hesitant smile creeps across his features.
“Wow, this is not how I thought this conversation was going to go.”
“Did you hate it?” My voice sounds empty and dejected but it isn’t because of him. It’s because of myself.
“What? No.” His palm trails lower until it settles against my hip, his thumb brushing against the exposed skin of my side. “No, I didn’t hate it. Fuck, what kind of question is that? I—I loved kissing you. I loved watching you relent to me. I loved the way your body felt beneath mine. I loved that fucking sound you made just as you—”
“I don’t think we should be talking about that.” The energy sweeping through my core is the most I’ve felt in weeks. My thighs shift just thinking about it. “I wish you were really here.” My eyes close while my throat grows tight as I trample down the emotion.
“Vi, where’s here? Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you.”
This must be a trick. A way for my father to find out what I know.
Or is it just my pathetic mind trying to ease some of my loneliness?
I turn away from him. The blankets shift beneath my body as I roll until my back is to him. The dark panels of the wall hold my focus.
A heaviness clings to my limbs. I’m so tired but I won’t be able to sleep. At some point my body will shut down. In the next day or two I’ll fall asleep randomly.
But it won’t be tonight.
“You’re not going to let me come save you, are you?” His palm pushes up and down my arm.
“I don’t need someone to save me, Nollix.”
“I know.”
The bed dips just slightly and I feel his warmth against me.
“Can I stay with you instead? Just stay here until you don’t need me to anymore?”
Just stay here until I don’t need him anymore.
If that doesn’t sound like something my mind would offer me I don’t know what is.
I thread my fingers through his, his glowing skin casting light against mine in a strange way. He isn’t completely solid. I feel his warm skin beneath my touch but it’s a transparent sort of form. It looks like his hand could crumple beneath too much power within my fingertips.
I pull hard until his lean body wraps around mine. He feels good. He feels so good against me.
“I want you to stay forever.” My chest aches just speaking. “But I know by morni
ng you’ll be gone.”
During the night, when I’m alone, is when I’m weakest. Loneliness causes the worst to come out in us. Right now, when I’m shut away from the prying eyes of my father, I’m at my worst. I’ll fake my confidence throughout the day, but I can’t fake anything when I’m alone.
“I’ll stay as long as I can. I’ll stay forever if I can.”
I’ve had someone promise me forever before. I know from experience forever never lasts.
Chapter Four
The Problem with Forever
Nollix
It feels like my limbs are trying to tear from my body. Pain rips through my every nerve ending.
I spiral back into consciousness so fast I see stars. A hand tenses against my shoulder, waking me fully just as a groan slips across my lips.
I tighten my arms around Violence trying to cling to her. But it’s too late.
She’s gone.
Lavender eyes shift back and forth. Link studies me closely, and I try my best to wipe away the anguished look that’s creasing my features.
Forever isn’t nearly as long as it seems.
“It didn’t work on me. Did it work for you? Did the herbs show you anything? Any leads at all?” He kneels until he’s level with my line of sight.
Warm sunlight tries to break through the darkness of the night but dawn seems to still be an hour away. The white wafting smoke of the smoldering offering holds all of my focus as it drifts into the sky. Those fucking Reveries aren’t crazy after all.
Okay, they definitely are. But they know their shit.
It comes with an awful migraine, but it really does work.
Or did I only imagine her?
No. I don’t believe that for an instant. I could never imagine her saying that sexy shit to me last night. A smile threatens the corner of my mouth as I recall the first sweet words she’s ever said to me in the three years I’ve known her.
It only took me three years to get a compliment out of her.
“Did you see her?” His voice raises as he stares expectantly at me.
“Yeah, I saw her.”
My mind reels and all I can do is think about the vacant echo of her words. She sounded so lost.
“And? Where the hell is she?” His head dips lower, trying to cut into my vision once more.
A short breath fills my lungs as I shake my head. The smoke still lingers, trying to drift through my mind. It hurts. My brain actually fucking hurts right now. It feels like it wants to split in two.
That can’t be a good sign, can it?
“And it’s not good. I couldn’t tell where she was. She wouldn’t tell me where she was. I think she thought I was a hallucination.”
“What makes you think that?”
My mouth opens and I consider telling him about my sexy veins but I can’t bring myself to repeat it. It probably wouldn’t sound as nice when I say it.
“I don’t know. She was just… really vocal about some … stuff.” I shrug as his eyes narrow suspiciously on me.
The pain slashing through my skull makes we wince with a low groan shaking within my chest. I breath through my nose slowly.
“Maybe you should take a break.” Pale eyes study me and I have to force myself not to show how much everything hurts.
I promised her forever. I checked out four hours into forever. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to depend on someone only for them to turn their back on you. The only people who were supposed to take care of me were disgusted by my Demon heritage. The people who are supposed to be there for us most, leave the easiest sometimes. My parents did it to me.
I’m not about to do it to Violence.
“No, I need to get back.”
The worry in Link’s eyes softens to a look of almost regret. He stares at me for several long seconds. He wants to be with her and he can’t. It must be killing him inside to just sit here and wait while I’m there.
“She’s okay, though?” The quiet tone of his voice carries away on the cool night’s breeze.
I nod, trying to find some sense of normalcy.
“You know she’s okay. She’s always been stronger than she looks.”
His nod starts to mimic mine.
All that’s left to do is pray to the goddess that this Reveries shit will take me back to her.
It doesn’t though.
Hours pass and I’m nearly eating these fucking dried herbs just to force the process. Pain and exhaustion tear away at me, but I never stop.
Link starts to walk away from my pathetic attempts. I didn’t have much faith in it the first time, I didn’t believe much of anything would happen.
What if it was a one-time use?
Fear starts to trickle in, but I shove that shit down.
I promised her forever.
I’ll spend forever trying to get back to her if that’s what it takes.
Chapter Five
Imaginary Friend
Violence
Every bolt within the wall has been counted and recounted. The steeliness of it has been properly studied. And yet I don’t see any of it.
Where is he?
I’ve tried to envision him, tried to force Nollix to appear, and yet my comforting hallucination seems to have better things to do. Huh, I can’t even force my imaginary friends to hang out with me. How pathetic.
Just as I’m glaring a new hole into the wall, his body flickers in. Dark and messy hair frames his intense features. The scar of the Wild Hunt slices up his neck and across his sharp jawline. The porcelain bathtub just behind him reflects the golden glow of his skin, casting pretty colors across the dark flooring.
A smile almost touches my lips when he finally comes into focus. My index finger pushes back and forth against my own scar, realizing how tender the flesh is there against my knuckles. It causes a shiver to race across my flesh. And that small movement has a dirty thought circling my mind that I can’t seem to ignore.
In just a few short steps, I’m right in front of him. His gaze flickers over my features. When my hands meet his shoulders, his muscle tenses beneath my touch. I meld against his body until my lips are poised just against the column of his throat. The glittering scar tingles against my lips as I place a slow kiss there. He tastes … sweet. My tongue rolls across the tender flesh of his scar.
The moment my tongue meets his skin, his big palms grip onto my hips. The feel of his hands on my body makes me want to rock my hips against his.
But I don’t. I keep my mouth busy and he angles his neck perfectly for me.
My teeth rake across his skin and a low and rumbling groan shakes through him.
“What are you doing, Vi?” His voice is nothing more than a rasping sound in the darkness.
Another slow kiss is placed against his sexy jawline. I could press my mouth against his right now if I wanted to.
He was a good kisser. Incredibly good.
I shift in his arms, keeping my face tilted against the curve of his shoulder.
“I’m doing what I always wanted to do but never had the nerve to do. I want to do all the things I should have done when I had the chance.” My hand pushes down the hard muscle of his abdomen, skimming lower and lower and lower. When my palm meets the thick bulge in his jeans, he jerks back from me.
An astounded smile kisses his lips.
“Shit.” His warm body slips away from mine. He shoves space between us and his hands push through his hair like he’s trying to push away the thoughts in his head. “Listen, I’m not Link. If you keep messing with me like this, I. Will. Fuck. You.” The glint in his eyes is a promising look that makes my heart race.
“What if I said that’s what I want?” I take a small, daring step toward him.
His brows raise impossibly higher.
“I’m not cut out for this. Chivalry is not for me, I’m sorry. The Reveries apparently sent a weak man for this job.”
The Reveries? The Witches?
The pink of his tongue slips a
cross his lips slowly and he levels me with a look. He looks like he’s reconsidering every mistake he’s ever made. Finally, he steps forward, his palm pushes across my hip and with a hard pull I stumble against his chest. The warmth of his hidden magic caresses mine. His arms wrap around me, settling low on my back. My hands rest between us, against his chest. For several long seconds he only studies me.
“Are you okay, Violence?” The gentle tone of his voice is unlike anything I’ve ever heard him say.
“I’m not okay.” A whisper is all I have. My fingers push up his chest before lightly skimming over his jawline. He leans into that small touch. “I don’t think I’ve ever been okay. Maybe none of us have.”
His lips part to speak but I cut him off.
“But being not okay isn’t going to stop me.” Another day of injections passed and I feel used and lost. But now that I see a pattern, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I have a plan. Tomorrow is a dangerous day indeed.
The length of his body settles against mine as he holds me closer to his chest.
“Where are you?” Dark blue eyes bore into mine.
“I don’t know. I feel like I’m nowhere. I feel like a fucking crazy person here.” It’s the truth. I fully believe my father is very capable of taking me somewhere that does not exist.
It seems he’s capable of taking my sanity as well.
Long fingers push through my messy hair and he tilts my chin up toward him. I’m very aware of the meager amount of space that separates his lips from mine. My gaze notes it and a smirk tilts his mouth as if he’s thinking the same thing. A tingling feeling has me shifting in his arms but neither of us close that maddening space between us.
“You’re not crazy, Vi. Not any more than usual. I promise.”
Thoughts drill through me all at once; how strong his arms feel locked around me. How sexy his eyes are. How his confidence must stem from somewhere. How confident he probably is with everything he does.
I’m being a total creep with my imaginary friend. Imagining his imaginary dick. How pathetic.
