“Askca.” Laidea called. “Take Palius inside.”
I nodded, taking the girl into my arms.
“And offer Meesha a portion of our meat.”
Once inside, I laid Palius on the waiting blankets as Meesha kneeled beside the child.
"Young warrior, if you will, take those vegetables to the kettle outside. I will tend to the girl."
I studied the woman, presuming her to be older than myself, but not quite Commander Laidea’s place in cycles.
"Thank you." I said, gathering the food. “I am to offer you a portion of our meat. It waits outside for your taking.”
“Thank you.” Meesha smiled as she began swabbing Palius with the damp cloth. I gave a nod, leaving her.
Looking down to Palius, Meesha cradled the girl’s cheek. "So young… what could have happened to you?" She smoothed a paste of healing herbs across the gashes on Palius’ face. "I have a child…” she went on in a soothing tone, “Aidehn. He’s just your age. Maybe when you wake, you two can play together." Meesha finished tending the wounds. "There, you should feel much better after your rest."
In the late afternoon, Laidea's company settled under the weeping willows, relaxing in the cool breeze with Meesha, sharing good food and conversation well into the evening. As night covered them, the Commander insisted the company take a short slumber, for they would depart when darkness was full. As they slept, Laidea sat with Meesha beside a fire barely flame enough to serve more than a glow. As the moon rose into the night sky, Laidea, much to her own surprise, found herself comfortable with this woman. She felt safe in sharing her thoughts with Meesha, and along with that feeling came an unexpected release in her mind. For once, she felt at ease to speak as a friend… a woman, rather than as a Commander.
“You care as a mother for them. Not aloud, but in your heart.” Meesha eyed Laidea, saying the words as if they were deep secrets.
Laidea stared into the flicker, uncomfortable to admit such emotion. “I do.”
“It must be hard knowing you could lose a handful of them-”
“Or all of them.”
“And your little one?”
“Palius?”
Meesha nodded.
The Commander took a deep breath. “Her suffering destroys me. I should never have allowed her to come.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong. With what you have told me, she had to come.”
“But her purpose might never be fulfilled now. Not with her lying in there-” Laidea stopped herself.
Meesha put a hand on Laidea’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault. Not Palius. Not this battle. None of it. It was foretold. You have said that yourself.”
“This prophecy…” Laidea began, “I have known it for sixteen cycles of my twenty six, but never realized how it would consume me. Seek me out. I must lead them. If we fail… if I lose Perseathea,” Laidea cradled her forehead in her palm, “our Nation will lose her.”
Meesha swallowed, her hand still warming Laidea’s shoulder. Moments passed in silence.
“I understand what you bare.” Meesha pulled her arm back, rubbing at her hands. “I know more of it than I have told you.”
Laidea looked up. “What?”
“My sister is an Amazon.”
Laidea’s posture stiffened. “Why did you not tell me?”
“It’s not that I would keep it from you, I never speak of it. Not here. Not in Saron. You have seen how they react to such things.”
“What tribe?”
“The Arcanian. Our mother died when we were children. Soon after, my father wished to come here to Saron, the village of his grandfather, but Elissea refused. She was in her blossoming cycles and very rebellious toward my father. She dreamt of becoming a warrior. My father refused to amuse ‘such fantasies’. He told her we would go to Saron as a family and live as nature had intended us. She would ‘grow into womanhood, go to the man with the greatest wealth, and birth grandsons.’”
“She refused?”
“She left. I didn’t hear from her for two cycles. I awoke late one night to a silhouette standing over my bed. It was Elissea, dressed as a warrior. She told me of how she had become one with the Arcanian Amazons. Then, she begged me to leave with her.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“My father was sick. I stayed to care for him until his death.”
“And now that he is gone?”
“My son, Aidehn… Saron is all he knows. But someday we will leave. When I have more to offer him.”
Laidea nodded, looking back to the flames. “Sometimes knowing can be a difficult thing.”
“It can be.” Meesha gave a knowing smile. “So is the time right for you to tell her?”
Laidea shrugged. "I don’t know. It has to be. But what I have to tell her will change her life and she has only just begun to accept Artamene and Balena's death. I don’t know if she is ready to know. But then, I’ve never been ready to tell her.” Laidea paused. “She has just become a warrior. She was but a child just days ago. And Saratiese….” Laidea directed Meesha’s gaze to the sleeping girl.
Meesha glanced to Saratiese. “What?”
Laidea held to her silence a moment more. “They had been childhood companions. Inseparable… until the deaths. Askca has struggled deeply over the past cycle. She blames Saratiese, but blames herself more.”
“Blame is hard to allot fairly at such a tender age.”
“That is not all. Askca also witnessed…” Laidea narrowed her eyes in on Meesha. “The soldiers who come through your village-”
“What about them?”
“What they do to your women… it was done to Saratiese. Five times over.” Meesha went silent under the woman’s stare. “That led to Askca’s murders.”
“Gods… they are both so young.”
“Battle is battle.” Laidea’s eyes shifted back to the fire. “It rips your heart out. Your soul questions it, but it is justifiable in one word.”
“What word?”
“Freedom.”
Meesha sank back, gripping the log they sat on as if to anchor herself, steadying herself under such heavy words. Laidea scooped a handful of pebbles, tossing them one by one into the fire. Thinking. Staring. When her words returned, they sounded weighted, somehow more burdened than before.
“But what Askca has done…. It was murder. Intimate. Passionate. Black hearted. And that changes you. It was justifiable, perhaps even right in the eyes of most, but it came from a part of her that is dark and deep. Now that part is loose inside of her. And this all comes at such a time. Our Queen has been captured. If we’ve lost her, the prophecy has most certainly begun.”
“That’s why you must tell her now, Laidea.”
Palming into her knees, Laidea lifted to stand. "The moon has risen full. We must go. Thank you, Meesha. You have been most kind."
The Commander sensed Meesha to be discontent with her rushed departure, but appreciated the woman for trying to disguise it with a smile. "You will tend Palius then?”
Meesha lifted to meet her. “Of course.”
“If we do not return, do what you must to hide her. She could be our last hope."
"You will return, Laidea." Meesha pulled her into an embrace, a gesture that surprised Laidea, but also brought her comfort.
A cool breeze rustled through the sleepy village, tussling leaves and coaxing me further into rest. I took in long, deep breaths, on the edge of my dreams. Until… warm, full lips touched my own. Startled, I went still. Surprised. But I soon relaxed, melting under the unforeseen kiss. My eyes were still closed from slumber, making the kiss all the more intriguing.
And it grew more generous, enchanting, warming my entire body as a mysterious hand caressed my cheek. Still half asleep, I fell wholly into the sensations. Butterflies tickling my stomach, and as if submerged in liquid warmth, my heart floating in my chest.
I lifted heavy eyelids, taking in the vision of my infatuation. A bright moon shone behind Saratiese, capturing he
r beauty, radiating it in a luminescent, silvery light. My heart skipped when I realized who I had surrendered to. A procession of confusion… upset tempered by curiosity, so perfectly intertwined they could narrowly be told apart. Again, her kiss led me further into her embrace. After long moments, she pulled away. Leaving me wanting. Trembling. I opened my eyes again, as if waking from another dream.
"I have followed you far,” Saratiese began in a poetic whisper, “for so long. And now we are here."
A long silence stretched out between us and an unexpected chill pricked my skin. Something had shifted. Something had changed. Confirming my instincts, a disturbing grin crept across Saratiese. The strange smirk forced an uncomfortable feeling into the pit of my stomach.
"I have found my way back into your heart, Askca…" Saratiese whispered, "and now, I'm going to cut it out."
A sharp tingle hit me like ice water. Sudden swords drew, soldiers dropping the blades to hover my face. Gragore broke into the circle, standing at Saratiese‘s side.
"Askca." I sprung at the sound of my name, breathing hard. Sweat trickling my brow. Laidea raised an eyebrow at my reaction. "We‘re leaving."
I looked about the camp till I found Saratiese. The sight of the girl sleeping only served to confuse me more.
"Are you alright?" Laidea questioned.
"Yeah….” I tried to clear my thoughts as Laidea left me, moving on to wake the others.
Chapter 14
I ambled on at Saratiese’s side, in silence and far behind the others. Palius weighed heavy on my mind, sobering me to just how dangerous this quest was becoming. Not even into Gragorian territory and our number was dwindling. And the blood… it surrounded me. Palius’ blood, the blood of battle, the blood on my hands that night in the temple, the bitter tang of it refusing to leave my nostrils.
We had walked a goodly distance under the cover of night, when I began to notice Saratiese fidgeting. Wringing her hands. Biting her lip. Running her fingers through her brunette locks. She wanted to talk. I could tell. That’s the last thing I wanted. Too much burdened my thoughts already, and that dream… that dream didn’t serve to clear my head either. I just wanted to think on the quest, on Queen Perseathea. Not the past. Please… anything but the talk.
“Askca.”
I kept my focus ahead, but I could still feel Saratiese’s eyes on me, begging, making me uneasy.
“Askca, please.” Saratiese began again.
My heart sank. "Don't do this, Sara." I stopped, pleading with my expression. "Please. I’m not ready. Leave it. I have enough things to worry me."
"But I don’t know how much time we have alone and I don’t know how much time we have-"
"Guard the rear." My indifference paused Saratiese, but only briefly. I started walking again.
"Askca,” the girl started after me, “I’m not trying to start another fight.”
“Good.”
“I need you to understand."
“Saratiese.” I warned, feeling that same stomach turning heat in my belly. I wanted to forget the past, never talk about it again. It was the only way. “Things have been well with us. Let them be well.”
"We might die out here. You need to know.”
“Don’t you understand?” I swung around to face her, blocking her path. “I don’t want to know.”
“The truth is rising in me.” Saratiese stammered. “I… I can’t cast it down anymore!”
"I thought we were passed this for… for the first time in a cycle.” I shook my head, straining at the ache tensing my forehead. “But you won’t let it."
"I know you’re hurt.” Saratiese took a deep breath. “I’m hurt too, but I don’t think you see that. I don’t want this between us. I don’t know if we are coming back, Askca.”
“It’s going to be between us, Sara. Forever. That’s the way of it. You can’t change that.”
“We're in this quest together, like it or not. We have to fight as one."
“I can’t do that if you keep bringing this up to me!” I felt that same sick feeling come over me that I had felt in my hut.
“How can you forgive me if I don’t?”
"You want me to forgive you? You are still so damned selfish!” My face flushed hot. “How can you even ask such a thing of me?"
"If you would just-"
"Don’t you get it? I don’t want to listen! I want to forget!” I put my hand to my forehead, rubbing hard at it. “Gods, why do you not understand? I can't look at you anymore, Sara. You’re not the same.”
“You don’t try to look at me!”
“I have tried, but every time you bring up that day I feel myself hating you.” I swallowed at the words. No matter how many times I had thought them, they sounded so much worse out loud. Pausing, I exchanged my anger for a softer toned sadness. "You are different. I am different. That day changed us both. It changed everything."
I held back tears as I stared at Saratiese. The girl looked back at me with hopeless, dim eyes. I could see it. I had lost her.
Saratiese swallowed back sobs, looking to the ground. She looked the same in this moment… as she looked that day. Clenching at my chest, I looked away. Cold pain stung inside my chest. Broken. Grieved. Lost. Memories shoved me back. I almost lost my breath. I fought to push the painful images out of my head, but they were too fresh, too real. I closed my eyes, enduring as my heart’s scab peeled back, bleeding again. I hated these memories with a wicked, dark passion. I hated Saratiese for reminding me. The feelings she gave me were blacker than cold blood. Panicked and unbearable. It was a pain like nothing else, making me crave death as a release from such hysteria.
I had worried before that these emotions would push me into madness. Maybe they already had. Madness didn’t seem so far away from where I stood now, a cycle later, not one day closer to healed. It was as if it had all happened yesterday. Except now I was harder. Or I begged to be. Hard and emotionless, like a stone devoid of any heart, with no blood to bleed, or pain to feel.
Beginning to shake, I saw my edge. Peered over it. Felt the anger boiling there. Felt the scorch off my own hot wrath. Burning me alive. And then, I looked to Saratiese.
“You destroyed me!”
Saratiese looked up, stunned.
“You killed them! And after what you did, you’re dead to me!”
“What…?” Saratiese asked, her voice a trembling, shocked whisper.
“I don’t understand….” I tensed. “What do you think I don’t know? You left my mother and Artamene. They are dead because of you! Ashes!"
Saratiese’s mouth dropped open. “I… I had to run.” She stammered. “Balena told-”
"You left my mother with a baby in her arms!”
“No-”
“You left her alone! Exposed! Vulnerable to those bastards!” I shouted, the sound of my gnashing teeth gritting in my ears. My own words didn’t seem like mine. They were too hostile. Too sharp and thrashing. Too far away from who I thought I was.
“I wanted to stay, Askca.”
“How could you leave her with a baby. You know the way
of murdering men and Amazons!” I choked on my sobs like an orphaned child. “You left her alone to defend herself and her child against armed men. Murderers.”
Saratiese shook. “Askca, please-”
“I know all I need to know of you, Saratiese.” I swallowed my sobs, calming my words.
“Askca.” Saratiese said, pleading. “I’m so sorry-”
“It should have been you,” the cold words crawled out of my mouth, shocking me. Grieving, my heart blackened, my eyes burning with tearful darkness till I felt dead with weeping. "Artamene was my only sister."
“I‘m sorry. I… I‘m so sorry.” Saratiese let her words drop and closed her eyes, pain frozen on her face.
I tried to put the bloody scene out of my mind, but the ache in Saratiese’s shaking voice wouldn’t let me.
“How could you run?” I questioned through tears, cold moments pass
ing. “I can never forgive you for what you have done, Saratiese."
Saratiese dropped her head, tears streaming her cheeks. She felt like she was suffocating. She couldn’t breathe. She had never seen Askca this vulnerable. Not even a cycle ago. That day, the young warrior had left as soon as she received word, retreating to some unknown refuge for weeks. Those days, no one knew where Askca was, just that she was in grief and needed time alone. She did not even return for the funeral fires. Saratiese had known then. Askca was unable to bear such a sight. Saratiese worried days for the girl, fearing she would never return to GarTaynia. But weeks later, she did. Changed.
Saratiese clenched her eyes shut. She wanted it all to go away for her and Askca. She searched herself, looking for strength, then pulled Askca into an embrace. Knowing she was the cause of such pain, she still could not keep herself from trying to comfort the girl. Askca sank under the embrace, desperate for any release from the suffering. Both felt utterly alone and empty, and as painful as it was for Saratiese to admit, she knew. It was done.
Chapter 15
Deep in the shadows, looming behind black trees and a drape of fog… it murmured. Black waters spurting like blood through the belly of the jungle. Blood River bubbled up from the pits of Hell to slash the heart of the land in two. A beast over man, the black waters swallowed up hundreds of men, salivating over flesh and bone until the shallows stained red with death. Blood River was a devil of nature and every Amazon had heard its’ nightmare tale.
The company came out of the trees beholding the watery grave, jaws dropping. It loomed like an ocean of darkness and fear, its’ sweet but murky scent assaulting them as they neared. The braves huddled together in the stiff breeze, looking passed Laidea to the cruel waters. I stood at the opposite end of the company from Saratiese, determined not to glance in her direction. No one wanted to go into this river. Not tonight. Not ever. Impatient lightning flashed across the night sky, lighting up Laidea’s face, glinting against her fiery locks.
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