Complicated Love_A Black Light Novel

by Livia Grant

  The scene that greeted him when he returned with the water only made him feel worse. Emma was sobbing. Chase was hugging her close, his own tears streaking down his face, and Jaxson felt impotent to fix it.

  He held out the water to Chase, unsure if Emma even wanted him near her. Stepping back, he gave them space, jealous Chase could comfort her where he clearly frightened her.

  As if he could read his thoughts, Chase looked over Emma’s head to lock his gaze with his Dom. Jax almost wept with relief when Chase silently mouthed I love you to him before reaching out his hand in a silent invitation.

  He was a man used to being in control––the one everyone depended on. But he was bone tired and feeling lost. He let Chase’s calming nature pull him back from the edge.

  Jax fell to his knees, crawling the few feet between him and the couch holding the two most important people in his life, relieved when they both wrapped arms around him, pulling him into their tangled embrace.

  The trio didn’t speak, didn’t even move. They simply clung to each other until he could feel the chinks that had wedged between them slowly being filled with love. He didn’t have a clue how long they stayed intimately linked before he finally worked up the courage to voice his fears.

  Pulling back so he could see her eyes, Jaxson broke their silence. “I know you haven’t been happy lately. Please, don’t tell me you want to leave us.”

  He was relieved to see a tiny smile play on her lips as she answered. “No, you aren’t going to get rid of me that easy.”

  Chase got in on the action. “So what is it? And don’t tell me this is all about Lola.”

  “It’s not all about her, no. It’s…” she paused.

  “Then what?” Jaxson cut in, impatient to get to the bottom of what had her upset. “Are you sick?” He prayed silently that she didn’t have some deadly disease.

  “Not exactly.”

  “Then…”

  Emma cut him off with two unbelievable words. “I’m pregnant.”

  His breath caught. Did he hear that right?

  “You’re…”

  Chase finished his started question with an excited “…pregnant? As in having a baby?”

  Jaxson’s brain was overloading—misfiring.

  “But how...?” She was on birth control. They hadn’t even discussed her going off.

  Chase wasn’t bothered by the details of how the miracle had happened. He was grinning through his tears as he pressed Emma with questions. “And you took a pregnancy test over at Khloe’s? Is that why she knew before we did?” Chase didn’t even stop to wait for her answer, adding on, “This totally makes sense now why she wouldn’t tell me your secret when I talked to her.”

  The thought of being a parent terrified Jaxson. He’d had the worst example of how to do it in his own father. It was easier to focus on the logistical details of how it had happened rather than how this little bombshell had just changed their lives forever.

  Chase was oblivious to the growing distress in Emma’s violet eyes. Jaxson pressed forward on instinct. “You didn’t take a pregnancy test today, did you, baby?”

  She hesitated, but her tears had stopped. In fact, Emma looked better… stronger… more like herself than she had in weeks. He had a premonition he was going to hate what came out of her mouth next.

  “No, Sir.”

  Chase was still too exuberant to realize Jaxson and Emma’s visual connection was telling a silent story.

  “How long have you known?” he pressed, and Chase finally stopped to pin Emma with an expectant look.

  “A while…”

  “How long?” Jax asked forcefully.

  Emma raised her chin, locking their gazes defiantly just before she destroyed him with two little words. “Valentine’s Day.”

  He flinched as if she’d slapped him. Eight weeks. She’d kept the holy grail of secrets from her men for almost two fucking months. His mind raced, finding it impossible to grapple with all the implications of Emma’s explosive news. Memories from the last two months flashed through his brain, all of them now tainted with the knowledge Emma had been lying to them the entire time.

  The room was suddenly too hot. He felt sick to his stomach. He needed air. He needed time to think.

  Jax pushed to his feet and rushed to the kitchen island to retrieve the keys he’d thrown down when they’d arrived. He didn’t dare open his mouth to even tell them where he was going for fear he’d puke on the kitchen tile.

  It didn’t matter anyway. He didn’t have the first fucking clue where he was going to go. He just knew he couldn’t stay there.

  Chapter Six ~ Emma

  Emma pushed down the anger she felt at herself. She had totally botched what was arguably supposed to be one of the biggest and best days of her life. She hadn’t expected the guys to be home before her, so she hadn’t been prepared to be confronted.

  Since she was a little girl playing with her baby dolls, she’d always known she wanted to be a mother. True, she’d put the idea to the back of her mind since beginning her relationship with the men she loved more than life itself. It had been too complicated to contemplate adding a baby to their mix.

  But if she were honest with herself, holding Sam and Jonah’s little peanut, Natasha, had changed things for her. Seeing Jaxson and Chase holding the infant had opened her eyes to the possibility of them being fathers and it had been hard to put it out of her mind since. Intellectually she knew her memories of holding Natasha had nothing to do with her getting pregnant just weeks later, but she worried she had sub-consciously set things in motion for it to happen anyway.

  Now, fear gripped her. Jaxson had left. What if he couldn’t forgive her? What if he was so against being a father he’d walk away, particularly if they found out the baby was actually Chase’s. Considering their almost daily sex romps, it was a fifty-fifty chance either of the men was the biological father.

  Lost in her own worry, she almost forgot Chase was still there. More guilt.

  She was still in his arms, sitting on his lap, but where he’d been comforting her before, he had gone stiff. As she looked at him, she found him staring off into the distance, his jaw rigid.

  She reached out to stroke his scruffy cheek to get his attention. When he turned back towards her, she wished he hadn’t. Jovial Chase rarely got angry, but it happened. She’d just never seen his anger directed at her before. She hated it.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “Why? What the hell made you wait so long to tell us?” Desperation permeated his voice.

  “I never meant to hurt you. I just needed to get used to the idea of being pregnant before I shared it.”

  “Eight weeks? It took you eight fucking weeks? Christ, the whole night of the Roulette event, while you were on the stage with me, you knew? Way back then?”

  “I’d just found out. I was freaking out. It was why I was in the bathroom so long before we went down.”

  “You should have told us.”

  “We were already running late. And I needed to get my head on straight first.”

  “Fine. After the event. The next day. Hell, the next fucking week. Any time would have been preferable. I deserved to know I’m going to be a father.”

  “We bought the club within a few days after that. The schedule has been insane ever since. I’ve tried. I really have, but it just never seemed to be the right time. And then I panicked. I mean, I don’t know for sure if you or Jaxson are going to be a father.”

  Anger changed to fury in Chase’s beautiful eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me? It doesn’t matter whose sperm won the goddamn race, Emma! Both Jax and I will love the baby like a father, no matter whose DNA she has.”

  She didn’t know what to say, so she uttered nothing.

  Chase didn’t suffer from the same affliction. “You shouldn’t have kept it a secret.”

  “Yeah, well, it isn’t my only secret.”

  She saw a spark of fear in his eyes before she quickly added, “I hate Ca
lifornia. I just want to go home to D.C. Everyone here seems so fake here, so judgmental. They’re all model thin with their perfect beach bodies. It’s only going to get worse, too, as I keep gaining weight.”

  “Don’t you dare let Jaxson hear you saying that. You’re already in so much trouble without adding putting your body down into the mix.”

  “I’m not putting myself down. I’m stating facts.” She was relieved to see a Chase smile light up his face again.

  “Are you kidding me? You are going to be the most gorgeous pregnant woman ever.” He finally touched her again, placing his palm over her tummy. When he looked back up at her, she saw tears in his eyes. “You really have a baby in there?”

  “Believe me,” she chuckled, “it’s taken me some time to get used to the idea, but yes. I talk to him or her all the time, telling them about their daddies.”

  “Do you know yet if it’s going to be a boy or a girl?”

  “Oh goodness, no. I haven’t been back to the doctor since I found out I was pregnant. It’s another reason why I knew it was getting time to tell you guys. I should probably be making another appointment soon. It’s just…”

  “What?”

  “I want to go to my doctor in D.C. I want to go home. I want things back to the way they were, just the three of us.” She dared to say it. “I wish we’d never bought the new clubs.”

  “It will get better once we get everyone hired and open.” He tried to comfort her.

  “Are you sure about that? Jaxson is so angry all the time. He’s different. I miss him.” She looked back into his eyes. “I’ve missed you too.”

  “Emma, I’ve been here the whole time. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Bullshit. I may see you and Jax every day, but nothing has been the same since we moved out here seven weeks ago. You are both distracted. You go off to work every day and don’t take me with you. Even when I go, I have to watch Ted hitting on you and Lola hitting on Jax. It’s not that I’m jealous. I know nothing will happen. It’s just…”

  “What, baby?”

  “I’m tired of being an after thought. We promised to always put each other first and when I needed you more than ever you guys left me on my own.”

  Chase winced at her harsh words. “You’re right, and I’m so sorry. We both knew you weren’t happy, but I think we both took you for granted, assuming we could make you happy again once we got the clubs open.”

  “Now I’ve fucked it up bad. What if Jaxson can’t forgive me? Can we call him and check on him?”

  Chase frowned. “His phone is broken.”

  “Broken? It was working this morning. It’s almost brand new. What’s wrong with it?”

  “iPhones don’t do well when they’re thrown against walls.”

  “Oh shit. So that’s my fault, too.”

  “Baby, none of this is your fault. I let you down. You should have been able to come to me to talk about all of this weeks ago. I hate you didn’t feel like you could.”

  “I wish I had. Maybe then Jaxson wouldn’t have deserted us.”

  “He’ll be back as soon as he calms down. He doesn’t do well when he feels out of control and today was a red-banner day of losing control for him.”

  Emma’s stomach gurgled so loud Chase grinned. He placed his hand back over her tummy before he added, “It’s getting late. You need to eat some dinner. You’re eating for two now.” She was happy to see his smile, thankful it was impossible for cheery Chase to stay angry for long.

  Emma was hungry, having thrown up the light lunch she’d had at Khloe’s. She’d managed to keep a small ice cream cone down while at the beach that afternoon, but she knew her baby needed more to eat.

  Chase pinned her with a knowing look. “It’s all making sense now. Why you haven’t been feeling the best. Why you’ve turned into a picky eater all of a sudden.”

  “Yeah. Well, the smell of some things sets me off, and I can’t seem to keep anything too greasy down. And holy hell, do my boobs hurt.”

  “I’m so sorry we didn’t notice all of these changes. I just thought you were taking longer to adjust to being on the West Coast. I’m such an idiot.”

  Chase spent the next hour pampering Emma—making her a healthy dinner from scratch, making sure she ate every bite, even when she complained she wasn’t hungry. It was a preview of the months to come when he would be watching her every move. She’d spent just a couple of miserable months without his attentiveness and she would never resent it again.

  It wasn’t until after they’d showered together and got into comfy loungewear for a quiet night at home the bare reality of Jaxson’s absence became unbearable for the couple. For Emma, any relief of finally having her secret out into the open was overshadowed by her Dom’s reaction and subsequent desertion.

  As if he could read her mind, Chase hugged her closer. “He’ll be home as soon as he’s feeling back under control.”

  “What if that never happens? Having a baby is going to change everything.”

  “He loves us way too much to let that happen. He’ll be back.”

  “But when? I hate that we can’t at least text him.”

  Chase leaned down close to talk to her flat tummy. “Your mommy worries too much, peanut. Your daddy Jax will be home soon.” He laid his palm against her tummy, expression revealing his awe of the miracle inside. “Now, you look tired. Let’s get you to bed.”

  “No way. I’m not going until Jaxson gets home.”

  “Emma…”

  “Please, I need to wait up so I can see him as soon as he gets back.”

  “Fine,” Chase shook his head in defeat, “you can lay out here on the couch with me, but you still need to get in a nap. You’ll be able to hear him as soon as he gets home.”

  Despite being exhausted, it took what seemed like forever for her to nod off. Each time she would get close to sleep, her brain would replay how angry Jaxson had been when he’d stormed out of the rental house. When she finally did get to sleep, she was plagued with nightmares where Jaxson kept screaming at her.

  Eventually the dreams jarred her awake. The room was dark with only one light over the kitchen island casting eerie shadows through the space. Emma was snuggled up next to Chase on the couch, where he’d finally succumbed to sleep as well. She picked up his cell phone that was lying on his chest, to see it was after two in the morning.

  Renewed panic squeezed at her heart when she realized Jaxson had been gone over eight hours now. What if he never came back?

  “I’m here, baby.” His low voice from the chair opposite the couch scared the bejesus out of her.

  Emma squinted, trying to get a glimpse of the man she loved with all her heart. All she could make out was the outline of his strong profile.

  “Thank God, you came home. I was… we were so worried.”

  “This isn’t home.” He sounded angry. She wished she could see his face.

  “It is for now. Where did you go?”

  “Nowhere… everywhere.” He wasn’t making sense.

  She wished she could get up to go to him without waking Chase. Then she decided maybe it was for the best that she couldn’t see the disappointment in Jax’s gorgeous eyes she loved so much.

  “I really am so sorry. I didn’t set out to…”

  “Stop. Don’t ever apologize again.”

  “But…”

  “Emma… never again. At least not for this.”

  “Okay.” She’d agree to anything if it would bring her Jaxson back to them. She was so relieved he had come back, yet the wedge that had been driven between them by her secret lie seemed more like a cavern now. She hated the tears that came, making the shadow of a man swim before her eyes. She loved the idea of having a baby growing inside her, but she sure as hell hated what the influx of hormones was doing to her mental state. Always on the verge of tears at the drop of a hat. She hated weepy women, and now she’d become one.

  The tears came harder when she saw Jaxson push
to his feet and stalk past his lovers without a hug or a kiss or even a touch. She heard his dress shoes against the hardwood floor in the hallway before he disappeared into their bedroom.

  Emma slowly worked to extricate herself from Chase’s embrace without waking him. As soon as she was on her feet, she chased after Jaxson, arriving in their room in time to see him packing a suitcase lying open on their bed.

  Her heart broke into tiny pieces at the realization he was leaving — packing his bag for God-only-knew-where.

  She had to fix this.

  Emma ran to him, pulling at his arm to stop him from placing the pile of clothes from a drawer into the open suitcase.

  “Please, don’t leave me. I know you’re angry and hurt. I made a mistake. I got scared. But I need you so much.”

  He yanked his arm free and placed the pile of clothes in the bag before turning towards her, grabbing her biceps with his hands and squeezing hard enough that it hurt. “I just told you not to apologize ever again.”

  “But… you can’t leave. I won’t let you.” She sounded stronger than she felt.

  “Baby, you can’t stop me.” He paused before adding. “Go wake up Chase.”

  Oh, God. He was going to talk Chase into leaving with him. The pounding in her ears grew louder until she felt faint. This was worse than him yelling at her in her dreams. She would die if they left her now.

  She only stopped from toppling over because he moved his hands to her face, holding her so tight she couldn’t look away if she wanted to.

  It was cruel he could think of leaving because her skin vibrated where he touched her. Their sexual electricity was alive and well, yet he was prepared to walk away from her. God, away from his child.

  “Emma. Stop. I’m not leaving.”

  “You aren’t?”

  “No, we’re leaving. Not me. Not Chase and me. All of us.”

  She tried to internalize his words. Tried to calm her heart rate. He finally added, “Look at the suitcase, baby. Whose clothes are in it?”

  She let her gaze move to the left where she could see the open bag. The entire contents of her underwear drawer was visible. She closed her eyes, taking a second to let the news sink in. He wasn’t leaving them.