by S M Mala
‘That’s not true,’ he says snapping the paper as he turns a page.
‘And using me as a diversion while you screw this other woman,’ I say now really throttling the steaks before stopping. ‘You make me feel like a goddess.’
He throws the paper to the side and stands up.
‘I’m going for a shower,’ he announces and walks up to me. ‘Fancy joining me?’
‘Don’t be stupid,’ I reply knowing I’m winding myself up.
‘Let’s have making up sex if only for the sake of the steaks,’ he says half smiling at me.
‘I’m cooking or can’t you see?’ I sternly reply and he smiles. ‘And sex is over between you and me so forget it.’
‘Fine,’ he snaps and walks out of the kitchen whistling. ‘I like you playing hard to get.’
‘I’m not playing!’
He dumped me and now he can go play with the new bird. And I have my heart to protect.
When he returns he looks absolutely gorgeous. He’s wearing this beautiful grey silk shirt and I swear he knows he’s looking good. He keeps admiring himself in the stainless steel appliances then glancing at me. My heart is beating fast.
I glance at myself.
I’m covered in grease splats and stains with my hair coming out of several angles due to my clip having lost it’s spring. The same thing has happened to my chest. I put on an old bra and my knockers are hanging down.
I look a bloody state!
‘They’ll be here soon. Are you okay?’ Hal asks frowning.
‘Sure,’ I say stressed out as hell.
My pasta for the ravioli went wrong and I had to make another batch. The steak seems okay but the sauce had to be thrown away and remade. I can’t concentrate and I blame the man standing in front of me.
‘All you have to do is stay here and wait until they are gone unless I have to call an ambulance should they start throwing up,’ he laughs.
‘I don’t think you’re very funny,’ I snap. ‘I’m sick of the running joke that I can’t cook.’
‘I was only playing. I love eating you, I mean your food,’ he says smiling cheekily and putting on his watch. ‘Help me.’
‘Why do you buy things you can’t put on,’ I say gruffly and quickly help him.
‘Don’t go home tonight,’ he says nuzzling into my scarecrow hairstyle. ‘Please Belle.’
‘You dumped me because Joan asked you too, didn’t you? Shows how much you cared,’ I say and buckle up his watch then walk back to the kitchen counter. ‘And now you have someone else!’
‘I shouldn’t have told you,’ he says walking up behind me. ‘Joan shouldn’t have barged in. Oh Christ, you’re driving me crazy.’ Hal tries to nibble my ear as I hunch my shoulders up to protect them.
‘You’re eating soon,’ I say pushing him away before picking up the heavy tray and heading for the fridge. ‘And you’ll get covered in grease if you come too close.’
‘I’d love to come with you, if that’s okay,’ Hal purrs grabbing my bottom.
‘Will you get your hands off me or so help me god I’ll tip this tray of meat over your head!’ I shout and he suddenly releases his grip.
‘I was only teasing,’ he innocently says as I glare at him.
‘You fancy me all of a sudden after months of ignoring me?’
He’s a bloody jerk sometimes. I push past him and open the fridge before slamming it shut.
‘It wasn’t all my doing?’ he sighs walking up behind me.
‘You’re an adult, you have a mind of your own,’ I say knowing that this is half the truth. ‘Anyway I’m not interested in you any more. You’ve lost your appeal since I realised I was being used.’
‘What?’ he replies and for the first time ever he looks genuinely put out by the comment. ‘You don’t want me?’
‘No I don’t,’ I say arching my back in hope my boobs will shift upwards in my defiant pose.
‘Are you sure?’ he says and I step back trying to give him a menacing look.
‘I want someone permanent and faithful,’ I say and somehow that makes me feel a little liberated for a second, until I see him shrug his shoulders and walk out of the kitchen shouting,
‘You could have got laid before dinner but you had to blow it!’
‘I didn’t offer you a blow job so don’t go telling Joan I did!’
The two waitresses arrive and no surprise they are Polish and gorgeous. I shake my head and catch my reflection for the hundredth time. I am deflated again and should have let him roger me over the breakfast bar if it wasn’t for my pride.
Everything seems to be going okay after the guests arrive. The plates are coming back clean except for one but I take it she’s an anorexic bulimic who has an allergy to food (or she hates my cooking which isn’t an option). I can hear Hal laughing and every half an hour he pops his head in the kitchen to check on me.
‘You’re brilliant,’ he says after eleven and looking flushed. ‘The guests really enjoyed your food. One of them says it’s their favourite meal.’
‘Really? Who?’
‘Just a friend,’ he dismisses then frowns. ‘Remember to keep out of the way, okay?’
‘Can I go home then?’ I ask propped up against the worktop with a bottle of wine and a packet of chocolate digestives. I’m tired and to be honest, I feel a little bit left out sitting in the servant’s quarter wondering if the master is going to try to give me one for good behaviour so I can deliver him a black eye.
‘Until they’ve gone,’ Hal replies swigging his glass of brandy.
‘What happens if they don’t go?’ I moan looking at the second hand slowly working its way around the large clock.
‘Then you’ll stay,’ he says challengingly. ‘Is that a problem?’
‘You’ve got the waitresses,’ I reply seeing the gorgeous girls smiling at him from the garden as they take their umpteenth fag break for the evening.
‘They’re going at 11. 30,’ he sniffs before smiling. ‘And they come back on a regular basis.’
I recognise that tone of voice and know he has slept with them, probably together. My stomach twists and I wonder if his old crow knows.
Thinking about Joan, she hasn’t rung me. As Hal turns to leave the kitchen I check my phone and there aren’t any messages. This is very strange.
I hop off the stool and check to see if any of the guests are about in the corridor before I creep up the stairs to the first floor and look out of Hal’s bedroom window.
I wonder?
Bloody hell I really should be a detective on telly as I see her car is parked down the road. She’s spying on Hal!
Or me?
Or both?
This is priceless! I ring her and wait for an answer.
‘Hello,’ she says sounding cheerful. ’It’s a little late.’
‘You don’t go to bed until midnight,’ I laugh. ‘You didn’t ring me so I was wondering if all was well with my daughter.’
‘She’s fine,’ Joan laughs. ‘Fast asleep in the bedroom.’
‘I take it she’s not in the passenger seat then?’ There’s a moment’s silence. ‘I can see you Joanie.’
‘What? What are you talking about?’ she snaps.
‘You’re in your car down the road and I’m in the bedroom looking at your car. Why don’t you come in?’ I laugh knowing she’s probably trying to think up a good answer. ‘Unless you weren’t invited?’
‘Are you going to tell him?’ she icily replies.
‘Not unless you don’t want me to. Do you want me to?’
‘Of course I bloody well don’t,’ she angrily says. ‘Have you dropped your knickers for him?’
‘I’m the cook for the evening,’ I remind her.
‘I thought you’d want cock for the evening!’
‘Getting jealous are you Joan?’
‘No one’s got food poisoning? Oh well, that’ll take a few hours,’ she laughs to herself. ‘Who are the guests?’
‘Couldn�
��t tell you as I’ve been in the kitchen all evening.’
‘He’s so ashamed of you,’ Joan laughs out loud. ‘Can’t you see that’s why he doesn’t want to see you anymore?’
‘I thought you didn’t want him to see me anymore?’
‘I didn’t have to dump you if he felt so strongly about it?’
‘I don’t care but how’s he going to feel when he knows you’re spying on him? Answer me that?’
‘I’m going,’ she says and starts the car. ‘And if you say anything I’ll say you’re lying.’
‘You do that but remember I have nothing to lose and you have everything.’ I watch her slowly drive off and receive the two finger salute from her as she passes the house.
Funny old Joan.
I walk back down the stairs and see the door is slightly ajar. I scurry down the corridor and back into the kitchen to finish off the bottle of wine while tidying up my dishevelled appearance and slapping some lip gloss on. A few moments later I hear something going on in the corridor, raised voices. I listen closely and it’s Hal.
‘No, you don’t want to go in there,’ he says seriously. ’It’s a mess.’
Then I hear the voice.
Shit it can’t be!
The next thing I know the kitchen doors are flung open and Josh is staring at me. Hal is standing behind him.
‘Oh,’ I say not knowing what to do as Josh turns to Hal then shakes his head in disgust when he looks at me.
‘Are you a permanent feature?’ Josh snaps, his eyes narrowing.
‘I’m working.’
‘Working? Is that what they call it?’ he says walking up to me and I can see he’s furious.
‘Come back to the room?’ Hal says and gently pulls Josh’s arm who in turn shrugs him off.
‘You’re still sleeping with her?’ he says to Hal. ‘You must be mad.’
‘How dare you!’ I’m in the mood to punch his block off instead of Hal’s.
‘Josh, calm down,’ Hal gently says and stands in between us. ‘Belle and I are friends. She occasionally cooks for me when I’m at a loose end.’
‘She does other things to your end doesn’t she?’ snaps Josh.
‘I think that’s a bit below the belt, literally,’ Hal replies and suddenly looks agitated. ‘It wasn’t me who went to her the day after they got married?’
‘What’s it got to do with you?’ Josh says turning on Hal and looking slightly put out.
‘And what has Belle got to do with you?’
‘You don’t know anything,’ Josh says squaring up to Hal.
‘Just go,’ I say to Josh as I can see he’s really angry with me.
‘I thought I saw you going up the stairs,’ Josh says and I see Hal glare at me for a second. ‘Then I thought there was no way we’d be under the same roof ever again.’
‘I didn’t know you were here,’ I say glancing at Hal. ‘I’d have never have come.’
‘I see,’ Josh says and looks at me stunned before walking out.
‘What have you done?’ I snap at Hal then jump off the stool to get my things.
‘I told you to keep out of the way. Don’t go anywhere!’ he says before sprinting after Josh.
In a matter of moments all the guests have gone and I’m left standing in the kitchen. Why am I so upset on seeing him in Hal’s home? He looked at me like I was shit.
I can’t help it I start to cry.
‘Great dinner party,’ Hal says sarcastically coming into the kitchen with his hands in the air. ‘I told you to keep out of the way but when do you ever listen to me?’
‘I tried,’ I reply turning my back to him and blowing my nose into the kitchen towel. ‘I heard something outside so I wanted to check.’
‘Why are you crying?’ he asks walking up to me with a confused expression on his face.
‘Why do you think?’ I gulp.
‘You’re still in love with him?’ Hal gently asks.
‘I don’t know,’ I mumble before I sob even louder into the towel. ‘How could you do this to me?’
‘I don’t believe this!’
‘He hates me,’ I say and as I try to breathe in I snort like a pig which makes Hal laugh before he gives me a cuddle. ‘I could have been with him if it wasn’t for bloody Joan but he hates me.’
‘But,’ Hal says pushing me away and I see he is grimacing due to the pained expression on my face. ‘You wouldn’t have spent time with me.’
‘You dumped me so who bloody well cares?’ I shout and sob simultaneously. ‘Why did you set me up?’
‘I didn’t,’ he smiles sympathetically. ‘Don’t cry.’
‘You never told me he was here?’ I say accusingly. ‘You’re a pig.’
‘No you’re the pig because you snort like one,’ he says trying to be funny.
‘Have you ever spoken to him about me?’ I gulp seeing if there’s anything going on behind his shifty green eyes.
‘Stop crying, I hate seeing you like this,’ Hal calmly says trying to stroke my hair as I forcefully push his away.
‘What do you care? It’s all a game to you isn’t it,’ I snap. ‘Answer my bloody question!’ I think I could kill Hal right now.
‘I’ve never spoken about you to him.’
‘Was Meg here?’ I ask knowing I’ll be able to see if he’s lying.
‘Yes,’ he frowns.
‘At least I didn’t get beaten to a pulp then!’ I say and continue to sob. ‘Look at me! I look a state!’ I say before going to the kitchen sink and turning on the taps.
‘What are you doing?’
‘The washing up,’ I say and pour half a bottle of washing liquid into the sink imagining I’m strangling both his and Josh’s necks.
‘I’ll do that,’ he shrugs and walks to me. ‘I have a dishwasher.’
‘I’ll do it!’ I snap. ‘You’re a shit, you really are!’
‘I didn’t expect you to get so upset!’ he shouts back and I can see his reflection in the window and he looks confused.
‘I told you he hates me, thinks I’m some slut for being with you.’ I turn to face him. ‘What sort of game are you playing?’
‘I’m not playing a game,’ he says shaking his head and frowning. ‘Come on, you don’t still want him?’
I stare hard at Hal shaking my head then turn around to scrub the non-stick surface off one of the pans.
‘Belle,’ he says walking up behind me and I know he’s very close. ‘Do you still want him?’
‘I’ve been in love with him for a very long time,’ I say honestly. ‘I thought he loved me.’ I’m weeping buckets now and my hands are immersed in dirty greasy water. I feel like shit. ‘He makes me feel so ashamed.’
‘You’ve got nothing to be ashamed about,’ Hal says and puts his arms around my shoulders.
‘Of course you do!’ I turn around quickly and push him away. ‘Everything is game to you. Dabbling with me to piss off Joan then screwing around behind her back. Calling me your fuck buddy! Making me know I meant nothing to you other than sex when you knew I cared. Dumping me in a public place when it was obvious you wanted to shag the waitress. What’s there to be proud about?’
‘That’s not fair,’ he says anxiously. ‘I don’t play with people’s feelings.’
‘What have you just done here then?’
‘I wasn’t thinking.’
‘No you were thinking but about yourself, for a change,’ I spit at him. ‘Never once have you thought about your low maintenance middle aged screw. Joan’s feelings you’d always consider but not mine. What the fuck did I ever see in you!’
I’m now getting angry and I know I’m screaming but it hurts as I’m sobbing too.
‘I know you’re upset,’ he calmly says and tries to step closer to me but I hold up the kitchen scourer.
‘If you get any nearer, your shirt’s going to get it.’ I wipe away my self pity and angry tears. ‘You must hate me deep down, after everything I’ve told you.’
‘Tha
t’s not true,’ Hal says sticking his hands in his pockets and looking down before making eye contact. ‘You know that’s not true.’
‘I’ll tell you what’s true, shall I?’ I say in a scream. ‘I’ve got nothing out of this.’ I start crying again because it’s true. I’m in a worse position than when I was before.
‘Please don’t cry,’ Hal gently says and steps closer to me as I wipe my face with my wet hands which has now drenched my face.
‘Call me a cab then I can leave and never see you again,’ I shout. ‘Why would you put me in a position where he’s going to hurt and humiliate me?’ I look at Hal and I can see he’s upset. Probably seeing the snot coming out of my nose is truly turning his stomach. ‘I’m sick of being rejected.’
‘I’m sorry,’ he says and steps closer grabbing me tightly as I try to force him off me.
‘Leave me alone!’ I push him away and get some kitchen towel to blow my nose and wipe my face. I’m exhausted as I get my jacket and bag. ‘Send my stuff later.’
‘You can’t go home,’ he says and gently grabs my arm. ‘Not like this. I’d never hurt you.’
‘You know that’s not true,’ I turn to look at him. ‘Did you feel great when you told me you lied about loving me a ‘little bit’? How you must have laughed when you told me the true reason you called me fuck buddy was because that’s all I am to you. No friendship, no respect, just fuck off Belle I’m done.’
‘I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that when you were here last time,’ he gently said. ‘I’ve regretted it ever since.’
‘Leave me alone Hal,’ I say. ‘You’ve brought me nothing but trouble.’
‘I’m so sorry Belle,’ he says pushing my hair away from my face as he leans down to make eye contact with me. ‘I’ll do anything to make you happy.’
‘You can’t Hal,’ I reply and start to cry, knowing this outburst isn’t only about Josh it’s about Hal too. ‘No one can.’
‘Stay here,’ he gently says but I don’t know what. ‘I can’t let you leave like this.’
‘I hate you,’ I say looking at him and he gulps and nods.
Hal gently pulls me upstairs and pushes me into the bathroom. I undress then shower, scrubbing off as much grease and dirt as I possibly can while still sobbing. I can’t stop.
