by Stark, Cindy
Streaks of sunlight poured through holes in the clouds like prisoners finding a secret way out of the dungeon. God rays as she and her brother had called them when they were younger. Shafts of light sent from above as a reminder that good things existed in the world, things beyond their darkened existence, paths that would someday lead them away from their house of pain.
“Goddammit.” She shut off her engine and pounded the palms of her hands against the steering wheel as a familiar wave of heartbreak rolled through her. Where on God’s green earth could her brother have gone, and why couldn’t he have held on for a little longer? Why was he the one to mentally break and not her?
She sniffed back unwanted tears and exited her car. Someday, when she least expected it, she’d find him again. She had to believe that.
With her packages stored in her large bag, she headed toward the back alley looking for Howard’s taupe overcoat. Most of the people she encountered seemed to recognize her. She smiled at a few, but many treated her like the intruder she was. These people were Howard’s family, she reminded herself. She was only an outsider, not looking to get in, but definitely wanting to get him out.
“Have you seen Howard?” she asked an older woman with a dull mixture of brown and gray hair.
“On the wall,” the woman replied.
“But it’s Saturday,” Eliana said as though that would explain everything.
The woman only shrugged.
Disquiet churned as Eliana hustled down the side street, back to Natio Parkway, and then turned again toward the park. In the distance, she spotted Howard’s hulking taupe form sitting on the cement wall, and she took comfort from the fact he was indeed upright. Her fears had been for nothing.
In fact, he had a friend visiting with him and that made her smile. She liked knowing that even though he didn’t have a permanent shelter over his head, these people, this little homeless community, looked out for each other, too.
As she drew closer, her perception changed. A man in the dark blue jacket with a hood over his head leaned in and gripped Howard’s shoulder in a rough manner, setting off her alarms.
“Hey!” She called out, but she was too far away for them to hear. Panic exploded through her, and she shot forward.
He gripped Howard’s throat, drawing another holler from her. Why the hell would anyone accost him? He had nothing to steal. He wasn’t a spiteful or mean person. Howard was one of the gentlest souls she knew.
The man harassing him leaned close and then stood up a second later. He glanced around as Howard slumped forward, and then he took off in the opposite direction.
“No,” she screamed as her feet pumped beneath her as fast as they could go, her heart racing wildly, her lungs trying to supply her with enough oxygen to sustain her.
She reached her friend, and the world stopped. Her breath lodged in her throat at the sight of his slumped form. “Howard!” She pushed his shoulders back and then released him with a jolt when she caught sight of the crimson slice across his neck. Blood ran from it in streams, covering his neck and chest.
“No!” she wailed. “No, no, no!”
Lifeless eyes stared back at her. Wisps of his thinning gray hair danced about in the quiet morning breeze as though they had no idea their time had come to an end. Just like that, he’d been taken from her, and the realization that she could never turn back time covered her like a sodden, dirty blanket that threatened to suffocate her.
She jerked her gaze toward the disappearing thug, knowing she couldn’t catch up to him, knowing she couldn’t leave Howard though he’d already left her.
“Bastard,” she whispered. “Somehow, some way, I’ll find you and make you pay.”
Tears rushed forth, and she rapidly blinked, trying to keep them at bay long enough to see to dial her cell phone. She stayed with Howard, holding his limp hand until the police arrived. With a mechanical voice, she gave them what little information she knew.
The EMTs arrived and immediately determined they couldn’t help him. As they moved Howard’s body to a gurney, more streaks of red cascaded down the cement wall to a pool below. The sight brought on another round of nausea accompanied by a vicious headache. The throng of onlookers who’d gathered whispered amongst themselves, and she wanted to scream at them to leave, to stop gawking at the lifeless body of her dear, dear friend.
“I don’t know how this all works,” she said with a shaky voice to one of the EMTs after he and his partner loaded Howard’s body into the ambulance.
Sympathy burned in the younger Asian man’s eyes. “How what works, ma’am?”
“What happens to his body? He’s homeless. From what he’s told me, he doesn’t have any family, but I’m not entirely sure that’s true. He’s been my friend for a while now, but I don’t even know his last name.” Her voice broke, and she knew she rambled.
She exhaled and tried again. “I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is I’d like to cover the costs of his burial, but I don’t know where to start.”
The EMT nodded in understanding. “It’s okay. I know this is a shock. If I were you, I’d start by contacting Providence Medical Center. That’s where we’ll deliver the body. Did you give your information to the cops? They’ll work on identifying him, and I don’t think they’d object to sharing that information with you.”
She wiped her tears. “Okay. That’s good. I do have a friend at the police department. I think he’d help me.” It was a start, a direction that left her hopeful.
“That’s good.”
The EMT’s female partner came up beside him, indicating they were ready to transport. He agreed and turned his focus back to Eliana. “We’re going to take him now, but I promise we’ll take good care of him. Talk to the cops. Check in with the hospital and let them know of your plans. If you have a specific mortuary in mind, you’ll want to let them know.”
She nodded, her words no longer slipping past the large lump in her throat.
Agonizing despair seized her as she stared at the crowd around her. They had no idea what Howard had meant to her. To them, he was another casualty of the city’s unfortunate crime. Things like this happened regularly in every big city.
To them, Howard was nothing but a homeless man who’d met his fate. No great loss to anyone.
Except her.
Chapter Five
Eliana glanced around the empty office, waiting for Detective Sam Holden to arrive. His desk was well ordered with the exception of a coffee ring not far from his cup. She’d been assured he was in the building and that she wouldn’t have long to wait. Honestly, she had no idea how much time had passed. Minutes seemed to tick at a different speed now, and it was as though life had erased everything on her whiteboard the moment Howard had died, forcing her to rethink and start again.
She pulled a tissue from the box on Sam’s desk and wiped her eyes once again. “Dammit,” she whispered. This was not okay. Nothing in her world was. Howard had been an anchor for her, and now he was gone, too. Taken from her like far too many things in life. If only he’d have come home with her.
She swallowed another painful lump of despair.
The door opened, and she lifted her gaze as Sam walked into the room. The deep blue of his polo set off his dark blond hair, highlighting intense brown eyes. At one point in the past, she’d wondered if the spark might have blossomed into something, but he’d fallen for Janie before they’d ever had a chance to see.
“Hey, Sam,” she asked, trying to hold it together. “How’s your mom doing?”
“She’s good.” He shut the door and turned to her. His smile turned to concern. “God, Eliana. Are you okay?”
She shook her head as a stifled sob escaped her.
He claimed the visitor’s chair next to hers and took her hand. “How can I help you?”
She sniffed and grabbed another tissue, taking a moment to compose herself. “One of my friends was murdered today.”
He drew serious brows together. “Here? In Portland?
”
She nodded. “By the waterfront.”
Recognition dawned on his face. “The homeless guy.”
“His name was Howard, and he was more than just a homeless guy.”
Sam’s features softened. “Yes, he was. Let me see what we have so far.”
He left her side and took his place behind the desk. After typing in a few things, he cleared his throat.
“I can tell you his name was Howard Tanner. Vietnam vet. Married once to a woman named Beatrice. They later divorced. No children. No siblings.”
“He was alone in the world?” Like her?
“Yes.”
No wonder they’d connected. They’d both been searching for a family. She swallowed, trying to keep her grief at bay. “Have you found any leads on who murdered him?”
“I’m not the detective assigned to the case.” He narrowed his eyes and focused on the screen.
“Shit,” he hissed and lifted his gaze to her. “You witnessed this?”
She nodded, her composure crumbling.
“Damn, Eliana. I’m so sorry.” He glanced back to the monitor. “The notes say they haven’t come across any other eyewitnesses, yet, but we still have men on the ground in the area.”
Her heart sunk. How in the hell could she make the murderer pay if no one stepped forward? She hadn’t seen him up close and couldn’t identify him. “Someone else must have seen something. There were tons of people at the market, and the man headed in that direction.”
Compassion filled his eyes. “These things take time. We’re very early into the investigation, and it’s possible people who have seen something relevant might not realize it yet. This story hasn’t hit the news, and there’s no way officers could have talked to everyone in the area.”
“But the longer we wait, the colder the trail will become.” She didn’t think she could wait for answers. She needed vengeance now while the pain of what had happened still burned hot in her blood.
“I understand, but, as you know, justice often takes time.”
“Fuck time,” she blurted, earning a pair of raised brows from him. “Sorry.”
He curved his lips in a slight grin that brought her the tiniest amount of relief. “It’s not like I haven’t heard you cuss before.”
“Thank you.” She blew out a breath full of anguish and frustration.
“Eliana, the perp didn’t appear out of nowhere, and he didn’t disappear into thin air, either. Someone knows something. Our guys will exhaust every means possible to discover what they can.”
“Even if it’s just for a homeless guy?” Her fears finally surfaced.
“Absolutely. I’ll make certain of it.” Warmth emanated from his lovely eyes, making her long for someone to call her own.
She stood and held out her hand. “Thank you, Sam. That means more to me than I can express.”
He folded his hand around hers for a few brief moments. “I’ll be in touch.”
Sam waited for Eliana to vacate his office before he picked up the handset on his phone and dialed Christian’s number.
“Good, you’re up,” he said when his buddy answered. “Things are getting messy here in happy valley.”
“What happened?” Christian’s voice sounded groggy even though it was after ten in the morning.
“There was a hit earlier on a homeless man. For all intents and purposes, it looks like a mugging, but one witness said he thought the victim had probably witnessed something he shouldn’t have that could incriminate the local drug lord. He thinks Hardy or someone connected to him killed the homeless guy as a way of shutting him up.”
“Fuck,” Christian responded. “What aren’t we seeing here? I know there’s a ton of shit going down in Contreras’s old territory, but there’s more. I can sense it. I plan to try again to reconnect with my brother tonight. Pray to God that produces something because we’re coming up with nothing but a bunch of dead ends.”
“Dead ends and dead people. We need to find the one who’ll squawk before Hardy’s people get to him. Also, this guy was a friend of a special friend of mine. I don’t want to see her or anyone else hurt like this again.”
“I hear ya, man. I’ll see what else I can do. I might poke a few tender spots that previously produced results and see what happens.”
“Sounds good. It couldn’t hurt for all of us to regroup and review strategies, too. I’ll call the others and see if they can meet up at the safe house. I hate to leave town when so much shit is going down.”
Sam ended his call and refocused on the computer in front of him. Christian was right. They’d reached the point where they stood on the brink. He swore what they needed was within their grasp, if only they weren’t groping in the dark.
* * *
Two weeks passed before Eliana was able to pick up Howard’s ashes from the mortuary. During that time, she’d checked daily with Sam, but he had no further information to tell her other than he and his fellow officers continued to work the case.
It also happened to take her that long to come up with a fitting memorial for Howard. But when she’d settled upon it, she knew it would be perfect.
She’d checked with the city to ensure they didn’t have a problem with her plan and then picked up several cans of graffiti remover at the hardware store. She waited until the news forecasted sunny weather and then donned an old pair of jeans and t-shirt.
Today, she walked through the park, her heart aching with grief knowing she’d never see Howard’s face light up again when he spotted her. But she could do this for him. One last act of kindness toward the only man who’d ever truly touched her heart.
Loaded with her supplies and sadness, she walked toward his section of the wall, wondering if she’d ever return to Howard’s spot without experiencing tremendous heartache.
With tears in her eyes, she stopped at the wall where Howard had spent so many of his days. She pulled the graffiti spray cleaner and a wire brush from her backpack, and sat down to clean.
In the distance, children laughed, and she couldn’t help but believe Howard would have liked that.
Several people walked by and commented on her project, but she only smiled. She should have told them about Howard, about what a wonderful person he had been, and how much he had meant to her. But she couldn’t put those thoughts and feelings into words at the moment.
When she finished cleaning the wall, she packed up her supplies and found a section of grass on the opposite side of the cement, not far from Howard’s spot. The crowds were light because many were at work or in school, and the spot where she sat was somewhat secluded. Most of the people in the vicinity were homeless and could care less what she did.
She slipped a trowel from her backpack and kept an eye out for onlookers as she quietly dug a small hole in the grass. She used her backpack as a shield while she made a space large enough for Howard’s ashes. The city of Portland had not approved this portion of her deeds for the day. But she hadn’t asked permission, either.
When the hole was big enough, she carefully replaced the dirt she’d removed with Howard’s remains, and then she set the small circle of turf back on top, pressing it into place. She’d take the dirt she’d displaced with her, and no one would be the wiser.
“Why did you have to leave me?” she whispered. “Why did you go? I needed you here.”
She dropped her head into her hands and closed her eyes, letting the gentle breeze of the day cool her as the warm sun rained down upon her.
“You must be Howard’s princess.”
She startled at the deep voice coming from behind her. She turned her head and looked upward. A skinny man with shoulder-length chestnut hair and a long scraggly beard stared down at her, and for a moment she wondered if she’d met Jesus.
“Who are you?” She had no idea how anyone could have known the pet name Howard had given her.
He stuck out a grimy hand for her to shake. “Victor.”
She rolled in an effort to get to her knee
s.
“Sit,” he said before she could stand. He dropped beside her on the freshly mowed grass, a solemn look on his face. Stains covered his overcoat that looked very similar to the one Howard had worn. Ragged jeans hid his skinny legs, and smudges of dirt darkened his cheeks. “You make the best chocolate chip cookies I ever tasted.”
She stared at Victor, not knowing whether to cry over her loss of Howard or laugh because Victor truly existed and now she could share memories of Howard with him. “Thank you. If I would have known you’d be here, I would have brought some for you.”
“No, that was you and Howard’s thing. I haven’t made myself worthy yet.”
She smiled. “Any friend of Howard’s is a friend of mine.”
The side of his mouth lifted in a small grin. “I’ve been watching you.” He studied her with piercing blue eyes, waiting for her reaction.
The thought unnerved her. “You have?” She’d been so careful.
He shrugged. “I’ve been sitting there by the garbage can for a while now. I saw you clean the wall… And I saw what you did afterward.”
She swallowed, not sure how to respond.
A smile appeared on his face. “I like knowing he’s sitting here with us. I think he’d be happy if we were friends.”
A measure of warmth coursed through her. “I think he would be, too.”
“I have something to tell you. But only you.” Victor toyed with a string hanging from the cuff of his coat. “I saw him that morning. The day he died. He was worried.”
A shiver of unease rolled over her. “About what?”
Victor stared at her as though he needed reassurance that he could trust her. “Howard had a secret.”
“What do you mean? What kind of secret?”
“A secret about the bad people who hang around here.”
