by Billy Taylor
“Your balls must be a bit squished.”
I laughed. “Yeah, they are. I’ve needed a pee for about two hours as well now. I’ve been trying to drink water carefully so my bladder doesn’t feel like it will explode.”
“Are you feeling better?” Ted asked Zac.
Her eyes moved over to the door and she said, “Yes, thanks. I’m very comfy.”
“You look it,” Ted replied. “Do you guys need anything? Are you hungry?”
“Would you bring us two bowls of tomato soup please, man? I prepared them earlier so they’re already in the fridge.”
“Two soups coming up,” he said before fading out of view. He reappeared five minutes later with a bowl of tomato soup and then returned to the kitchen to grab the other. He placed them both on my bedside draw so I could reach them. I thanked him and then he left and went into his bedroom.
“Right, let’s sit you up so you can eat your soup.”
“I’m too weak to move.” I knew this already and was already lifting her up, moving her head from my lap to my chest, so it would be easier to feed her soup. I moved my head slightly so it would be easier to see her. I let the soup cool for a few minutes before I picked up the bowl and rested it on her lap, but still holding it. I scooped up some soup and then brought it towards her.
“What are you doing?” she groaned.
And then I suddenly had this big moment of realisation, and I knew there was only one way I could respond to her question.
“I’m feeding my panda.”
She slowly moved her head to look at me, and she looked into my eyes as if I had said the most romantic thing of all time. She forced a smile and then for the next ten minutes I slowly fed her soup. And then once her bowl was finished, I had my cold bowl of soup. It didn’t bother me that it was cold. I was more bothered about Zac feeling better.
After I finished my soup Zac needed to pee, but she was too tired to move, so I had to carry her and put her on the toilet, then leave to let her pee and return a minute later to carry her back to bed. I placed her in bed and tucked her in, and then I went for a pee myself since I’d needed one for hours. And then I wandered into the kitchen to stretch my legs and wash our soup bowls.
I got into bed afterwards. Zac rested her head on my chest and fell asleep while I watched a Matthew McConaughey film she had told me to watch called Sahara. It was really good. I enjoyed it a lot more than I expected. I remember she mentioned it when Ted was talking to Autumn about that pirate gun in the museum. In Sahara they go searching for treasure, too.
April 21st
Zac pretty much returned to her normal self the next day. I think being asleep for nearly twenty-four hours must have helped.
She wasn’t in bed when I woke up, and I shot to my feet and poked my head around the bathroom door to see if she was being sick, but she wasn’t there. Then she appeared at the bedroom door with two smoothies in her hand.
We sat in bed and drank them, and I kissed her every few minutes because now I could. With her permission, of course.
We got up an hour later and went for a walk. Zac wanted some fresh air. I made sure Zac was all wrapped up in scarves and her beanie so she was as warm as possible. If she did have any bugs or flus, then going outside and being cold wasn’t going to help her get any better any soon.
She said she wasn’t feeling great when we returned to the apartment, and she asked if she could be taken to the doctor to find out if she did have some kind of illness. But she wouldn’t let me take her. She wanted Ted to take her. Why, I do not know. But all I cared about was her being well, so we waited for Ted to come home, and then he took her to see a doctor.
They were gone for a couple of hours, and I started to become worried. I didn’t know if she was ok or what the doctor had said or were saying. I tried calling them both, but it went to their voicemail. So I waited and waited until it was 8:30pm-ish, and they casually strolled through the front door.
“Where have you been?” I asked. “I’ve been so worried.”
“Relax, Will,” Zac said. “Everything is fine.”
“What did the doctor say?” I asked.
“He said I had a small bug, and he gave me some medicine, and he said I will be fine in a couple of days. That it will pass soon.”
“Is she telling the truth?” I asked Ted.
“Yes. The doctor said she’ll be fine in a couple of days.”
“Ok,” I said, kissing her and then hugging her afterwards.
“I’m going to make myself some soup. Do you want some?” she asked.
“Yes, please,” I said. I slumped back onto the sofa and took a deep breath and let myself relax. Zac walked over, wearing oven mittens, and placed my bowl of soup on the wooden table a few minutes later. We were having vegetable soup. I think vegetable soup is my favourite. I always add some pepper into the soup to make it a little more interesting. Zac adds some weird leaf stuff into hers. I think it might be rosemary or basil, I’m not quite sure.
I turned on the TV and watched it as I allowed my soup to cool. I also wanted to wait for Zac and Ted to join me so we could eat together. “What are you having to eat, Ted?” I asked.
“I’m having spaghetti letters on toast,” he replied.
“Nice food for grown-ups,” I joked.
“I know its baby food,” he said. “But I like it.”
Zac and Ted continued to fiddle around in the kitchen, and I was wondering what was taking them so long. “Are you two coming to sit down?” I asked.
“We’ll be two seconds. You go ahead and eat,” Zac replied. I sulked and shrugged my shoulders. I brought my feet around and leant forward to stir my soup. But as I stirred it, I felt something heavier than a vegetable chunk at the bottom. I thought it must have been a piece of carrot or something and during the process of the soup being made, this large chunk of carrot somehow managed to slip through.
I scooped it onto my spoon and brought it to the surface. And it wasn’t a carrot. It wasn’t even a vegetable. It appeared to be a baby’s dummy. I frowned down upon it and thought how on earth a baby’s dummy could have gotten into my soup. I was about to look over at Zac and tell her that I had discovered a dummy in my soup before Ted walked over and placed his plate of spaghetti letters on toast beside my soup. And on the toast the spaghetti had been spelt like this:
YOURE GOIN
TO B
A
DADDY
My frown increased at how coincidental this all was. And then I stopped being an idiot and realised what was going on. I changed my attention to Zac, who was leaning against Ted’s sofa with her arms crossed, looking at me from a side angle. I then looked at Ted. He was smiling at me all casual.
“I’m going to be a dad?” I asked.
“Yes,” Ted replied. “You two morons are going to be parents.”
I grinned and looked back down at the soupy dummy on the end of my spoon. The thing I was trying to think of was how, because Zac and I always used protection. And then I figured it out. Two little words. Just those two little words of Zac’s. “Make me.” They had now turned us into parents.
I returned my sight back to Zac. She was now biting the end of her thumbnail.
“We’re going to be parents,” I said to Zac.
“I know,” she replied with tears falling down her face. I looked back at the dummy on the end of my spoon, and then I started to cry.
I got to my feet, stepped over to Zac, and put my arms around her.
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” she said.
“Are you ok?” I asked. “How are you doing?”
“I’m a little scared,” she began. “I’ve got a human growing inside of me and I’m going have to give birth and I’m gonna be huge and I don’t know what to do about work and what are we gonna do when the baby gets here and I’ll need to pee all the time—”
“Hey, hey, hey,” I said. “Whatever you want or need to make you as comfortable and relaxe
d as possible, I will make sure that happens. I will do everything I can to make you and the baby as happy as possible.” She smiled and kissed me. “So is this why you have been throwing up? It’s been morning sickness?”
She nodded. “Yep.”
“Can we come in yet?” was then said from outside the apartment door.
I frowned and turned to it. “Who’s outside?” I whispered to Zac.
“Your mum and Rosie,” she answered.
“Why are they outside? Is this what took you so long to come home?”
“Maybe,” she replied mischievously.
“Or maybe it’s because she had to pee on six pregnancy tests, and do a million breathing exercises to calm down when she found out she was pregnant,” Ted said, walking over to the apartment door and opening it.
Rosie yelled, “I’m going to be an auntie!” as she entered. I opened my arms to embrace her, and she moved straight past me and hugged Zac.
“Hello, baby boy,” Mum said, putting her arms around me.
“Hello, Grandmother,” I replied.
“Oh my lord, I’m going to be a grandmother. I really am getting old.”
“No, you’re not,” I replied.
“Are you ok?” she asked.
“I’m going to panic a lot later when everyone is gone. But I’m so happy,” I said. “I can’t believe I’m going to be a dad.”
Eighteen Months Later
October 27th
Today my beautiful daughter, Evie, took her first unaccompanied steps. She only managed two before she stopped and slumped onto her bottom. Zac and I were so thrilled. Normally when we let go of her to see if she’ll walk, she just wobbles and then slumps onto her bum. Evie seemed pleased with herself though and let out a little giggle. She started walking towards me after Zac let go of her. I think she was more interested in the biscuit I was eating. She continued to crawl towards me, but by then the biscuit was gone, and then she didn’t seem so interested in me after that.
I never thought someone so small could make me so happy. She owns my heart, she really does. Well, she and Zac have equal shares. She’s exactly like Zac. She’s like Zac 2.0. We even bought her a little blue beanie so she and her mum could be matching.
Not long after she was born we used to joke about how she looked nothing like me, but Zac would say that she had my teeth, but then I’d say she doesn’t have any teeth. It sounds silly, but we thought we were hilarious at the time. Comedy geniuses. Maybe our poor parent jokes are already taking over.
I’m so proud of Zac. Just when I thought I couldn’t love her anymore. It was seeing her hold Evie for the first time, and I knew as long as I had those two in my life, I would never be unhappy again. Zac’s pregnancy was an interesting nine months, to say the least. It was basically a gradual development of Zac’s emotions amplifying as each day passed. The first twelve weeks were fairly normal. Zac was nervous and worried, but they were normal emotions for her to feel. We went to the doctor and found out that Zac had to start eating a lot more otherwise it would harm the baby, so we created a whole new food plan with the doctor. It meant she would have to have bigger and more frequent bowls of soup, and fish, that would be our dinner. Zac found it difficult to start with. She obviously didn’t want any harm to come to the baby in any way, but she wasn’t used to eating so much. But after a few weeks she was eating enough. And I remember that tight-lipped smile Zac gave me when she had her the target set for her. An indescribable rush of happiness and proudness and love ran through me. And I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have a future with her.
Eight weeks in we woke up one day and Zac’s pregnancy boobs had kicked in. I thought she must have sneaked out in the middle of the night and had a boob job done. It was fantastic.
And then about week fifteen we woke up and she had a small bump on her stomach. At first we were so happy and excited, and I was thinking that this is going to be such a happy and loving time for us both. And I thought this doesn’t seem so bad. It seemed to be going pretty well so far. We saw the ultrasound a month after that so about twenty weeks in, halfway through the pregnancy. And we found out we were having a baby girl. And I just looked at the monitor and saw her, sleeping I assume, I doubt she was watching television, in Zac’s tummy, and I couldn’t wait to meet her. Ted was going to have some serious competition when she arrived because we were going to be such good friends. Zac and I smiled at each other and we kissed. And I didn’t think anything could spoil these nine months for us.
But once we passed the twenty-week stage, that’s when it all went downhill. When I say downhill, I mean Zac turned into The Hulk. I don’t think I’ve ever been insulted as much in my entire life. It was a roller coaster of emotions. I would pick her up from work and we’d drive home. During the car drive home she would be fine and happy. And then once we got home she would become this evil, hungry, demanding monster. She just wanted chocolate and fish all the time. I know it’s an odd combination, but that was what she demanded. I read in one of my many, many, many pregnancy books that being pregnant can change your appetite. One minute I was cooking fish and running to the shops to stock up with chocolate. And then the next I was being bullied senselessly. And then having to cuddle my bully senselessly. And then go away because I was being annoying even though I hadn’t said a word. And then be called back as she wanted a foot massage. I gave her thousands of foot massages during her pregnancy.
But I can’t describe how proud I am of Zac. There are no words. Growing and carrying a baby inside of you for nine months. Nine months. I don’t think I could have done it for a day. I know I joke about her being angry and mean, but I loved every second of it. I was going to have a daughter with the amazingly angry girl I loved. And that’s the greatest gift I could receive. I didn’t plan on it happening so soon, but I’m glad it did.
One thing that annoyed Zac was that she could no longer lie on her front, and she could no longer climb onto me during the night and lie on her front on me. During the first few weeks she could, but once the bump appeared, we had to change our sleeping positions. My mum bought her one of those pregnancy pillows, the ones that are shaped like a question mark or a snake, I guess. To help her sleep at least one part of me had to be touching Zac. So I would play with her hair until she fell asleep, and then leave my hand on her shoulder. And if I rolled over or if it slipped off, she would instantly know and wake up. And she wouldn’t take hold of my hand and just place it back up there. She had to make me aware of it.
Shopping for baby things was the best part. Clothes mainly. Just seeing how small she was going to be. I found myself saying “aw” more than anything during those nine months.
We made picking a baby name a Sundiscussion Topic. Ted suggested that we call our first daughter Sofa Cushion Lightning Bolt. And although it was a very great and cool name, Zac and I immediately told him that we wouldn’t be calling our daughter that. I actually suggested what I thought was a sensible choice, and I said we should call her Zachary Williams the fourth. And Zac then told me to cough. Not actually cough, but something that is much ruder and more offensive, but also sounds very similar to cough. And then Zac said she’d had a conversation with Autumn once, that if she ever had kids she would call them Andrew if it were a boy, and Evie if it were girl. Because she liked those names. So we decided to call her Evie.
There was no way any of us were going to beat Zac to naming the baby anyway.
One thing I do miss so dearly is sleep. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep since probably that twenty-week stage. I think Evie could sense that I was enjoying being asleep so she would then start kicking Zac. And this woke her up and then she woke me up. It’s the same now. She cries almost every night. I never let Zac get up even though we agreed that we would alternate who got up to check up on her. I let Zac stay in bed, and then I’ll walk into Evie’s room and pick up my angelic daughter screaming like there is no tomorrow. Then we’d go for a walk to the kitchen; by then she has calmed down, and I would
see if she wants some of some Zac’s breast milk from the fridge. Then I’d rock her in my arms for a few minutes before she went to sleep and I’d place her back into her crib.
Zac spends every possible second she can with Evie. She obviously went on maternity leave from the cinema. She left about thirty weeks into her pregnancy, and then she had twelve weeks off. But when she went back to work, she just couldn’t leave her. She’d spend all day with her and then when it came to putting her to bed she couldn’t leave her. She had a chair beside her crib and she would read her bedtime stories, and she just wanted to sit there all night and watch her sleep. But then I would pick her up and carry to bed. Even though she had her own she still loved to be babied over.
So, I told Zac to do a week at work and see how she felt. And if she didn’t want to do it then I could understand and didn’t have a problem with her quitting. Evie would stay with either my mum or Rosie or Zac’s parents during the day.
Yes, Rosie decided to stay in England. She set up this Internet marketing business thing. She’s tried explaining it to me so many times, but it still doesn’t make much sense to me. But she works at her computer from her home. Yes, she has her own place now, too. Evie spent the first three days with her. And then she stayed with my mum for a day. And then Friday she stayed with Zac’s parents. Her dad and I smoothened things out, but then Zac told him that she was pregnant, and then he wanted to kick my ass again. But we’re ok now. I think ok sums it up perfectly. Mrs. Williams loves me, and she was incredibly happy at Zac’s pregnancy so one out of two isn’t so bad.
So the first week of work had passed and I thought she would be ok and she would come home and realise she could work again. But Ted and I pulled up outside and she got into the car and told us she had quit. I glanced over to Ted, who had started laughing because he bet she would, and I bet him she wouldn’t.
So Zac quit and became a full-time mum, which is what she wanted anyway so that didn’t bother me. I fully supported it, and my new job role meant we could afford to do that anyway. Ted and I were just about finishing the new flavours project at the time, too. And I hadn’t found out what royalties we were getting from the ice cream yet.
