“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I don’t miss them,” he scoffed. “But now the only person I trust is an old bald asshole.”
I smiled, applying the bandage to the cut on his cheek. “Shaun is a good guy.”
“He is. He’s all I got.”
My lips rolled together, looking down. “I understand that more than you know.”
“What?”
“Not trusting. Not having any friends because of it. Too afraid to let anyone in.”
“What about your friend at the bar?”
“Siena?” I dropped my arms down to my sides. “I’ve known her forever. I guess she’s really more like family, but she really doesn’t know me. Not anymore. Most people don’t feel comfortable in the darkness, don’t want to be around people who do.”
His brows creased together. I could tell he wanted to ask me something, but he just nodded in understanding, his gaze focused on mine.
I realized how compressed in each other’s personal space we were, his legs on either side of me, his face even with mine. Tension filled every crevice between us. This was different from when we were at the bar, but almost more intense. Intimate, even.
Black irises locked on mine, his shoulders rising as he took a deep breath, flexing his chest. I had developed a mild obsession with his shoulders and torso. I wanted to run my hands over them, feeling the power underneath the shirt. Who was I kidding? I wanted to run my hands over all of him. I rolled my hands in balls, biting my teeth together against the desire to do that very thing.
I hated the way he’d gotten under my skin and rocked my emotions. At one time I had been passionate and fearless, loved without apprehension. Sad how life rips that from you, crumbling your innocence into dust, then stomps on it one more time simply to make sure it got all of it.
I had surrounded myself with protective walls and kept from feeling or letting anyone in. It was better that way. Love only destroyed.
“I better go.” I shifted back, keeping my gaze on the ground. I don’t know why I followed him back here. When it came to Rhys, I seemed to act first, think later, showing me signs of the girl I used to be.
“No.” He grabbed my arm, pulling me back. “Stay.”
“I thought you wanted to be alone.”
“I thought I did too,” he replied. “And if I was, I’d probably be drinking myself into oblivion, and smashing everything in this room.” His claim held no shame, just facts. “Now that you’re here, I don’t feel angry anymore.”
I hesitated, not sure how to respond, realizing I didn’t want to leave either. And I hated that. The fact I wanted to stay had me leaning for the door.
“Stay,” he asked softly, his hand still grasping my arm, his voice gently pleading. “I promise I won’t make a move on you. We can watch a movie or something.”
A niggling sense of disappointment wormed through me, but I shoved it away. I didn’t want him to hit on me.
I didn’t.
I was silent for a moment, but my decision was made, rooting me more in place. Crap. Here’s to bad choices.
“Poker?” I curved an eyebrow, glancing up at him.
“Poker?” His eyes widened with surprise. “You want to play cards?”
“What? You don’t think I can beat the pants off you?”
“If we’re making it strip poker, I’m all in.” A naughty grin turned up the side of his mouth.
Yes! “No.” The word struggled to get out of my mouth. “But be prepared to get the crap kicked out of you again.” I winked, stepping away from him.
“Those are fightin’ words.” He shot up and grabbed me by the waist, my feet bouncing up in the air.
“Rhys!” I let out a small scream as he tossed me like a football on the bed, where I bounced several times.
“Get comfortable.” He nodded at the bed. “I need to put my leg up for a bit.” He got a deck of cards from his backpack and two beers from the fridge before he settled down, taking off his boots, and propping his knee up.
I took off my shoes and sat cross-legged, facing him.
“Are you sure you don’t want to make this strip poker? It’d be a lot more interesting.” He popped open a beer and handed it to me.
“The room’s chilly. You sure you want to be lying here naked? Don’t want you to have to defend your little buddy there again.” I nodded toward his trousers, taking a sip. I set the beer on the nightstand and shuffled the cards.
“Little?” He chuckled, rubbing his bruised jaw. “You are all talk, Jennings.”
“Let’s see, shall we?” I set the cards on the comforter between us.
“Bring it.”
Chapter Sixteen
Rhys
My lids batted against the light streaming into the room. I groaned, flipping my head in the other direction, getting a face full of long brown locks instead. My eyes fully opened, and I took a moment to remember who was in bed with me and what I had done last night. The ache over my eye and jaw brought an angry memory of my fight with Jesper. Not to mention why I really hit him. That reason had followed me home.
Hannah.
Relief I wasn’t expecting wheezed out of my lungs, calming me down. I loved she was still here, and not some random girl. Every detail of my night spent with Hannah came barreling back to me. We had played poker until I couldn’t take losing one more time. The girl was seriously a card shark. I needed to take her to Las Vegas next time I went.
I had switched on a movie, and she fell asleep, her head tucked in close to me. I watched her until my lids drifted closed. The peace and beauty she radiated was like a balm to me. I had never slept so soundly. Not one tortured dream. Not one ghost stirring up my past.
I nestled closer to her. She made a humming sound in her throat and curved her body into mine, sighing deeply. Damn. I was hard.
Still fully clothed, her ass rubbed against my jeans, and I squeezed my eyes together. Carrie was the only girl I had ever spooned with and just at the beginning of our relationship. Somewhere along the way that kind of intimacy disappeared. We typically screwed and fell asleep apart. The only difference between Carrie and my one-night stands was we talked and she usually stayed for breakfast.
Outside of Carrie, my rules had been: no cuddling, no breakfast, no calls after. Everything else merely caused problems, and Carrie was enough for me to handle. And honestly, I had never enjoyed cuddling with her. She wiggled and twitched and never stayed still.
This morning I was pretty sure if anyone came through the door, I would toss them out the window. Hannah’s body felt so good pressed into mine, but damn, it confused me. My dick was so rigid it hurt, but I was content to just be next to her.
I had never talked about the things I had shared with her last night. I felt comfortable talking to her, as if she understood pain most others didn’t. Nobody, not even Shaun, was ever able to break me out of my dark place once I started going down that road. But somehow Hannah had. She pushed through and poured light into the murk. She made me laugh and forget my buried hurt and anger. I felt lighter around her, as though some burden had been lifted off me. For one moment, the weight of my brother’s spirit had vanished. It was just me. And I was good enough.
I could sense she carried her own darkness, yet instead of running from me, being scared of it as a normal person would, she ran straight in as if it were an old friend.
Hannah stirred, and I tugged her tighter against me, feeling her breathe in and out. I looked down at her. Her lashes fluttered against her cheek.
Damn, she was gorgeous. My gaze roamed over every detail of her face, wanting nothing more than to kiss her awake, then slowly undress her and roll on top of her while my lips discovered every inch of her body. I thought about spreading her legs, my mouth tasting her until she was screaming and clawing at the headboard, then I would slide up her slick body and plunge inside her so deeply I would never find my way out. I wanted to take her slow, the burn seizing us both together. I wasn’t the slow type
normally. I was rough and tumble. Sometimes even a bit kinky. Not that I wouldn’t want that with her too, but I wanted to take my time, have her make sounds she had never made before.
Jesus, Rhys, stop. My dick throbbed its aching to another level.
Hannah’s head moved, and I could tell she was awake. Her body stiffened, evidently feeling what was pressed against her ass. Shit. No disguising it as it tapped at her back asking to be let in.
I could feel her chest go in and out as she swallowed, otherwise she didn’t move a muscle. The need and tension grew past talking or joking about it. One touch from her and I was done. My throat was so dry, but I didn’t dare move, afraid of my willpower shattering.
The movement was so slight, so minimal I almost believed I was imagining it. But then she arched a little more, and her ass rubbed into me again. Even this little bit of friction sent all my blood and logic downstairs. Her hips rolled again, but she wouldn’t look or touch me, as though she was denying this was happening.
I clenched my teeth, my hips moving against hers, radiating sensation through my entire body. This time, she pushed back into me firmly. A groan rumbled through my chest as I grabbed her hip and dug my fingers into her jeans, holding her to me, so the friction between our clothes charged with our motion.
I pushed my knee between her legs, dragging her roughly against me. Hannah gasped, her hand clutching the sheet in front of her.
Honestly, I couldn’t remember the last time I did this, making me feel sixteen again. But with her, it was so hot.
I wanted so badly to tear away her clothes, to actually be fucking her, but I just gripped her more snugly to me, my hips dragging long pulls against her ass. Her hand circled around my thigh, holding me against her, as if she wanted it harder. More.
She still faced away from me, our bodies moving more and more frantically. I could feel my release tingling at my spine, gripping my balls.
I hissed as her nails dug into me, her back curving even more, our breaths heavy. “Oh my god.” I heard her mutter, her grip crushed my leg as her body jerked. My mouth parted, but nothing came out as my release spilled from me in waves, going on and on, pleasure ripping through my body. I came harder simply touching Hannah than while having actual sex with other women.
It took me a while to fully come back down to reality. I huffed out a breath and an amused chuckle with it. Wow, I hadn’t expected doing something so juvenile would feel this good or be so sexy.
Except these jeans were going straight into the burn pile.
“Hannah?” I touched her elbow. The moment my skin touched hers, she clambered out of the bed, her jaw set, scanning the room. “What’s wrong? Where are you going?” I sat up.
She grabbed her boots off the floor, keeping her back to me, then shoved her feet into them. Every movement was brusque and cold.
“Han…” I leaned over the bed, trying to grab her hand.
She darted away from my reach, striding for the door.
“Wait. Hannah.” I shoved off the bed, but she was out the door and gone before I could even take two steps.
I fell against the door, running a hand through my hair. “Shit.” I hit my head against the wood. Somehow I’d messed this up. Whatever was going on between us, I completely screwed it up. And I had no clue how.
Chapter Seventeen
Hannah
I wrapped my arms around me, my tank doing nothing to beat back the chill of the morning. I shivered on the outside, but a raging fire burned from within. Fury caused me to clomp through the snow, dead set for Siena’s apartment.
No thoughts went through my head, merely emotions. Anger. Embarrassment. Guilt. They bashed and whirled around like bumper cars.
My boots clomped up the steps to Siena’s place above the ice cream parlor, the smell of the baking waffle cones making my stomach growl. I reached the door, realizing I had left both my house keys and my cell in my jacket at the bar.
“Siena.” I pounded on the door. It took a few more tries, my irritation multiplying, thoughts starting to slip into my conscience. I covered my mouth with my shaking hand, trying to keep the tears stuck in my throat.
“Brennley?” Siena swung the door open, dressed in a T-shirt, her hair in tangles, she rubbed at her eyes. “What the hell? It’s so early.”
“I forgot my keys at the bar last night.” I shoved past her, pointed straight for the shower. I felt dirty. Disgusted.
“Riiiight.” She shut the door. “You disappeared right after Colorado was kicked out.”
I ignored her insinuation, heading for the bathroom when the door swung open, halting my steps.
“Oh, good morning.” The anchor from the local sports channel stepped out, a towel wrapped around his waist. “You’re the roommate, right? Siena kept talking about you last night.”
I stood frozen, an invisible cord strangling my voice.
All it would take is one slip. This was one of the reasons why I had stayed away from here. My past felt like it was pushing through the dirt of its grave, thrusting up to the surface.
“Hannah, right?” He ran his fingers through his short wet brown hair.
I jerked my head in a yes, my jaw aching as I clenched it.
“Shower’s all yours.” He proceeded toward Siena’s room. I went straight in and closed the door. Resting against it, I let out a weighty exhale. The local TV guy, Adrian Torres, being here did bother me, but what happened with Rhys completely overtook any other thoughts.
Anger both at myself and Rhys nipped viciously at my stomach. It may be unfair to blame him, but I couldn’t stop it. He was a black hole. One I couldn’t prevent myself from falling into.
This morning I had initiated it. I was the one who wouldn’t stop.
The water cascaded down, and the scalding water steamed up the bathroom as I undressed, getting out my clothes as fast as I could. My embarrassingly damp underwear went straight into the trash, tossing the proof of what he did to me.
After stepping in the shower, I scrubbed at my flesh. But no matter how much I cleaned, I couldn’t reach the ugliness inside and the fact I was not a good person. None of my past compared to what I was doing now.
My palms went to the tile as I leaned forward, a sob buckling me over. Along with the rage and disgust, I longed for more. His hand never ventured off my hip, but it was as if his fingers were digging into my jeans and hitting every nerve in my body. In that moment, I wouldn’t have stopped him if he started taking off my clothes. Hell, I would have probably ripped them off for him. But he didn’t; he didn’t push me... and this had made me greedy for more of him, to feel him inside me, which had only made me more appalled with myself.
My body and mind were at war. What kind of person was I?
Silently, I let the shower disguise my tears as I slid down the wall. I wrapped my arms around my legs and sobbed.
I hardly cried anymore, keeping things close to the chest. But there were rare times when my heart would break through, and privately I would let go. The moment it was over, I would put the shield back up, returning to being numb and acting as though it never happened.
Today the shield felt thin and wobbly, as if I hadn’t take a strong enough dosage of anesthesia. A strain of determination motivated me out of the shower to dry off and get dressed.
“Siena?” I walked back into the kitchen, draping my wet hair over one shoulder. The house was silent, telling me her visitor had left. “Can I borrow your phone?”
“Sure.” She got up from the table, a coffee and half-eaten croissant sitting in front of her. She got her cell off the counter and unplugged it. “Are you okay? You seemed really upset earlier.”
“I made a mistake. But I’m going to fix it.” I took her phone from her fingers. “Thanks.”
She stared at me as though expecting me to go on, but I swiveled away and walked into the living room for privacy, my finger punching a name on her cell phone list.
“Good morning, sweetheart. You’re up early,” a vo
ice boomed into the phone, chipper and robust.
“Oscar, it’s actually me. Hannah.”
“Hannah?” He paused briefly. “Oh Bren! Hey, sweetie. What can I do for you?”
“I know you wanted me exclusively on Mr. Axton’s room, but I’m sorry, I don’t think I am the best one for the job. Caleb would probably be better.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. But I think you’re wrong. I trust you to give the best service.”
Oh, if you only knew.
“Oscar, I still want to help out wherever you need me, but I just can’t be on his room anymore. It’s personal. Please understand.”
There was a long pause, his disappointment radiating over the waves. Another chunk of guilt settled on my shoulders.
“Again, I’m sorry you feel that way, but I will respect what you want. You are like a daughter to me, Bren. Caleb can take his room from now on.”
“Thank you.” Relief filled my chest.
“Okay, well, tell Siena I said hi. I’ll see you both later?”
“Yeah.” I stared out onto the snowy terrain. “We’re both on tonight.”
We said goodbye, and the moment I hit the end button, a tang of regret slithered up to my tongue, tasting bitter. It was done, and it was for the best.
My shoulders hunched high around my ears all night. My head kept snapping up, my stomach dropping every time I saw a tall, dark-haired guy out of the corner of my eye. Now that he was walking around and back to training, the prospects of seeing him doubled. The TV in the bar had shown him on the hill with his coach earlier. The press was at least more focused on the women’s snowboarding competition, where Carrie was in the lead, of course.
She was an amazing snowboarder; I had to give her that. And there were times when she was being interviewed she actually seemed really cool. Nice even. Perhaps it was Rhys who brought out the other side of her.
The dinner rush kept me busy. It took a lot longer to get to and from the cabins through the snow. But it was nice to step from the kitchen into the cool night air and see the sparkling stars so close to the earth. I felt as if I could reach up and touch them.
Buried Alive Page 11
