by KyAnn Waters
Asher snapped his gaze to Nolan and furrowed his brows.
“Asher, you were standing in the middle of the airport. I saw through the windows. I also saw you grab his ass as he climbed into the truck. What the fuck happened in Mexico because it’s clear to me something happened. Are you fucking him? Because if you are, it’s also clear to me he isn’t gay if he still has a girlfriend.”
He had acted like a jealous lover. Because he was. He gave Nolan a pensive stare. Something else Nolan said, worked into his thoughts. “You’re not surprised I’m gay?”
Nolan didn’t laugh. He glanced to Asher. “I’d always suspected. You’re my baby brother. You could have told me.”
Asher thought back on growing up. Besides Nolan, he had an older brother in the military. Cason had enlisted the day he graduated high school, rarely came home, but phoned about once a month. Last Asher had heard, Cason was in Germany. They’d been normal kids that rode bikes, skateboarded and played video games. “How did you know?”
Nolan stopped at a red light and pivoted on the seat. “Because you’re just like me.”
Asher paused a moment, then asked. “You’re gay?”
Nolan laughed. “Yes, and take my advice. Leave the straight boys alone. They aren’t worth it.”
“You’re one to talk about confessions. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “I guess for the same reason. Whom I date is my business. I’m not seeing anyone seriously.” He turned and glared at Asher. “But I don’t chase straight men.”
“Joel isn’t straight.”
“He isn’t gay if he’s with her right now. Whatever happened this weekend, let it go.”
Asher stared out the window and blinked tears from his eyes. “I don’t think I can.” He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t live with Joel going between him and Shelly either.
Nolan stopped in front of Asher’s apartment. “Do you want company?”
“No.” He needed to be alone to figure out what he’d say to Joel when he called…if he called. Or if Asher should be the one to say goodbye first.
* * *
Nausea surged through Joel. As Nolan drove away, he’d wanted to chase after Asher, but he couldn’t, not until he finished things with Shelly. He grabbed his bag and approached her. “You left your key on the counter.”
Shelly smiled, titled her head and flirted. “I had a spare.”
“I meant to have the locks changed.” He stopped at the porch steps and looked into her face. Why now he could see the manipulation in her eyes, the coy feigned smile trying to charm him into compliance? She hadn’t changed. She was good at getting her way. Joel didn’t want anything to do with it. Not that he wanted her to be unhappy, but after being with Asher, he recognized he never would have been able to make her happy. He was already in love.
A flutter of warmth took hold of his gut and his heartbeat spiked. He was in love with Asher. A wide grin split his lips.
“I’m happy to see you, too.” Shelly broke into his thoughts as she stepped closer. “Do you have a kiss for me?”
“I’d rather give you a restraining order.”
Her brows furrowed and her lips pouted.
“What?” he asked, brushing past her. “You stole my furniture.” He stepped into the living room.
“But I brought it back.”
She had. The house was clean. Everything was back where it once was—including her stuff.
Joel dropped his bag on the floor. “We need to talk.”
“I know.” She closed the door and sauntered through the living room, went to the kitchen and grabbed him a beer. “I’m sorry, Joel. I tried to call you, and when I couldn’t get a hold of you, I called the office. They said you went to Mexico. Did you go with Asher?”
“Yes. It was a weekend trip.”
She flopped onto the couch. “The guys in your office thought you were with me.” She plucked at the edge of her cutoffs. “Are you seeing someone already?”
He sat on the chair across from her and rested his elbows on his knees. He took a deep breath. “Yes.” The one word sent a shiver down his spine and brought Asher—his smile, his laugh, his body—into his mind. His cock stretched. Yes, he was seeing someone, and he wanted to see a lot more of Asher.
“Are you listening to me?”
He lifted his gaze to Shelly.
“Were you cheating on me?” She stood and stalked across the room.
“No.” Hindsight always made for a clearer picture. No, he’d never cheated on Shelly, but he’d never been a good boyfriend. Asher had always been too important. “Not exactly.”
She braced her hands on her hips. “What in the hell does that mean? You are either fucking someone or you’re not. There is no not exactly.”
“Then I never cheated on you.” He felt his temper start to rise. She’d been the one to lie, deceive and calculate, cleaning him out while he was at work. With her sugary words, she’d manipulated. None of that mattered. All that mattered was Asher—and he’d let him drive away with Nolan. “You left and what I do now is none of your business.”
“I want to come home.” She crossed her arms under her breasts and popped a hip. “I am home. This is my place, too.”
Joel shook his head. “You don’t want to come home any more than I want you here. You were right. I’m a selfish, anal, prick and we haven’t had more than perfunctory sex in a long time. We don’t have fun. We’re certainly not in love.”
“That isn’t what makes a good relationship anyway. I give you what you need and you give me what I need.”
Joel crossed to her and curled his palm around her elbow. He let his fingers trace her arm until he held a fingertip. Then he gave it a light shake. “That may be what makes a relationship, but I don’t give you what you need.” Letting go of her hand, he gave her a half smile, hoping she would accept the truth. “And Shel, you don’t give me what I need.”
“I hear what you aren’t saying,” she said with a sarcastic edge. “You think you’ve met someone who’ll treat you better than I do.”
“It’s not better or worse—”
“You’re full of shit. It’s been three days, Joel. I know you too well. It hasn’t been long enough for you to work up the courage to ask a girl out.”
He chuckled. “You’re right and I didn’t ask a girl out.”
“Then you just fucked some random woman in Mexico. Or should I say women? You were with Asher. He’ll fuck anything. Did you two share?”
“Would you care?”
“Yes! Because I should have been with you. I know you planned that trip for us.” She took a breath and her shoulders visibly relaxed. “But it doesn’t matter. I understand that I pushed you away. I made a mistake.”
“We’ve been pushing each other away for months.”
Her mouth softened. “We just have to forgive each other and fix us.” She approached him. “Whatever happened, we can put behind us.” She hesitantly wrapped her arms around him.
Joel pried her arms away. “I already have put us behind me. This weekend forced me to accept things about me I’ve never been willing to acknowledge. Besides not being honest with myself, my mistake was not being honest with you. For that, I am sorry. You were right.”
“About?”
“Asher.” Just the name on his lips felt good, made telling Shelly the truth easy. Loving Asher was easy. He glanced to the clock. Joel never should’ve let Asher drive away. But he didn’t want to hurt Shelly. He just needed her to know the truth, that they were over. Joel remembered the words he’d told Asher. I just want to find someone I enjoy being with, and that can turn me on. Mental and physical chemistry. He had that with Asher.
Shelly’s smile hardened again. “I don’t want to talk about Asher. His name always comes up. Then we fight. I don’t understand why he’s always hanging around you. He needs to get a life and stay out of ours.”
Thinking about life without Asher was life a knife to the chest. He had to be going
crazy knowing Joel was with Shelly, wondering how it was going. It was fine. He was fine and he was tired of the conversation. “He’s my best friend.”
“And I’m your girlfriend.”
Joel shook his head. Words hung on the tip of his tongue then tumbled from his mouth. “I’m the problem with our relationship.” He strode to the window, keeping his back to Shelly. His pulse raced and a bit of fear mingled with the reality of who he was. Every nerve in his body seemed to be electrically charged. “Shel,” Tears built behind his eyes. “I’m all screwed up inside.” He’d denied what was always there. Only because Asher had been committed enough—brave enough—to be fearless and passionate did Joel finally accept the truth. He wanted to be with Asher.
“Joel?” Shelly’s arms twined around his waist.
He slid her arms down. Touching her, letting her touch him, felt like a betrayal to Asher. He turned and faced her. “Shel, I’m gay.”
She jerked back a step. “What?” Her eyes narrowed, and her lips pursed. “Come on.”
“Look at my history.” He had. Sex was sex, but deeper emotional connections had always been hard for him. He didn’t commit to women the way he wanted to commit to Asher. Knowing he was emotionally, physically, and sexually attracted to Asher was almost a relief. Throughout his adult life, he’d had the nagging worry that maybe he wasn’t normal. He just hadn’t allowed himself to explore his desires.
Shelly’s mouth twisted into a sneer, the corner turning up in disgust. “I don’t know what to say to you. I guess I don’t really know you. Instead of chasing women in Mexico, did you find a hot cabana boy to fuck? How did Asher feel about you chasing dick? Or didn’t you tell him either? Better to keep secrets from those you supposedly care about.” She stomped across the room and slipped on her sandals. “I don’t think you are capable of caring about anyone else.”
“I care about you,” he said quietly. “But I’m in love with Asher.”
She paused, then turned slowly. “Asher?”
“Don’t give me that look. Nothing has ever gone on while you and I were together.” He couldn’t fight the spike in his pulse or the warmth in his chest. “My relationship with Asher changed over the weekend in Mexico. I didn’t set out to hurt you, but I can’t…I won’t go back. I want to be with him.”
She tossed her hair and grabbed her purse. “Fuck off.” She stomped to the door and yanked it open.
“Leave my keys.”
With quick movements, she reached into the side pocket of her purse, retrieved her keys and flung them across the room. Without another word, she slammed the door.
Chapter Seven
Joel stood in the quiet of the empty house. His gut was tight and his emotions drained. However, now that she was gone, Joel felt as if he could finally be himself. Seeing Shelly again made him realize he’d used her as much as she’d used him. She’d been his shield. Before Shelly, there had been others. But he couldn’t remember a time since he’d met Asher that he hadn’t preferred being with his best friend to anyone else.
Asher. Damn. He checked the clock as he slipped on his blue tooth. Enough waiting. He grabbed his car keys, headed out of the house, and dialed Asher. The phone rang as he climbed behind the wheel of his Lexus. Asher’s cell went to voicemail.
In a rush to get to Asher, Joel zipped through town. The closer he drove to Asher’s apartment, the more his heart pounded. As he redialed, he swerved out and back into his lane. Then he laughed. Again the call went to voicemail. Joel slipped off the blue tooth and tossed it into the console. His fingers tapped the steering wheel and he seemed to hit every damn red light.
Checking the clock, he mentally groaned. He’d spent too long skirting the issue with Shelly. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but instead he’d hurt the one he loved.
Asher had to be pissed. If the situation were reversed, Joel would be. A smile found his lips and his belly did a little tumble. He could think of a million ways to make it up to Asher—starting tonight.
A few minutes later, he pulled into Asher’s parking slot. Nolan wasn’t here. Thank god. Joel didn’t want to waste a moment before he ravished Asher. He jumped from the car, rushed up to the door and knocked. Good hell, he was nervous, excited—hard as hell. He pivoted around. Asher’s bike was here. Joel knocked again, harder this time. He waited two seconds then hit redial on his phone. From within the door, he heard Asher’s ring tone. Justin Timberlake’s Sexy Back repeated. Joel chuckled.
Then Asher answered. Finally. “Hey.” His voice was an aural caress, seeping deep into Joel.
“Hey, you too. Open the door. Don’t you hear me knocking?” He knocked again and laughed.
The line was silent.
“Are you going to open the door?”
“Yeah.” The lock clicked and the door opened. Asher turned away and tossed his phone onto the hide-a-bed sofa. With slightly damp hair and a pair of shorts hanging low on his hips, he’d obviously recently taken a shower. He’d also seemed to have started celebrating without Joel. A half-empty beer sat next to a shot glass and a bottle of Jack on the coffee table.
Joel shut the door. Asher was more than hurt. He was angry. Joel had screwed up. He never should have stayed to talk to Shelly. He should’ve come here with Asher…or asked Asher to stay with him.
“I’m sorry.”
Asher chuckled. “Now you sound like me.” He sat on the couch and poured another shot. He slammed it back.
“Are you going to pour one for me?”
Asher lifted his eyes.
“We’re celebrating, aren’t we?” Joel stalked across the room and stopped in front of him. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Asher poured the liquor. “I wondered if you were coming.”
Joel’s lips twitched. “Not without you.”
Asher rolled his eyes. “I’m not in the mood for innuendo or teasing. I guess you can’t tell I’m pissed.”
“I know you are. You should be. I’m taking it all in, our first fight, if you want to call it that. I’ll deal with it—with you, because I doubt this will be the last time I piss you off.” He snorted. “I can pretty much promise you, there will be a next time.”
“A next time?” Asher lunged up. “You’re going to keep seeing her. I promise there won’t be a next time, not with me. I love you, but I’m not going to stay in the closet while you fuck your girlfriend.”
Understanding what Asher said took a fraction longer than the time it took for Asher to speak the words.
Then Joel reacted. He grabbed Asher, clutched a fistful of hair and claimed his mouth. With demanding pressure, he parted Asher’s lips. Tongue lashed against tongue. The kiss was hot, wet and aggressive and then it was over.
Asher wrenched his mouth away. “Did you kiss her?”
Joel cocked his head. “Did you see her? I stripped her out of those shorts, bent her over the couch and fucked her up the ass. Now that I know how good it can be, I didn’t give her a choice. If she wanted me back, she was going to have to take it like a man.”
“Fuck off.” Asher shoved hard against Joel’s chest and spun around.
Joel laughed and banded his arms around Asher. They tumbled onto the couch. “What do you think I did?”
“I’m half drunk. Try to imagine where my head was at.”
“If it had me doing anything with Shelly, I’d rather not. Asher, I told her about us.” His voice softened as he tugged Asher closer, holding him a little tighter. His cock thickened, grinding into the sweet cleft of Asher’s ass. “After I threatened her with a restraining order.”
Asher relaxed, tension leaving his body and he melted into Joel. “I’m sure she took that well.”
“I don’t think she believed me about the restraining order.”
“And us?”
“I didn’t leave any doubts. Probably not tonight but I think eventually she’ll forgive me. She and I both know I’ve been lying to her for a long time. I’ve been lying to myself longer. But that’s my issue to dea
l with. I like life to come easy to me. As long as I don’t have to be wild or daring…or honest, I could have you, but as a friend.”
Joel trailed his hand over Asher’s abdominals, feeling them tremble beneath his fingertips. He slipped his palm into the waistband of Asher’s shorts. Damn, the man was sexy with no underwear between Joel’s palm and Asher’s hard, velvety flesh. “I feel like I have a Facebook ‘It’s complicated’ status. My feelings for you, the way I feel when I’m with you…it’s complicated.” As he traced the length of Asher’s erection, he brushed his lips against Asher’s neck.
Asher shifted, rocking his cock into Joel’s palm. Joel closed his eyes. Asher’s scent surrounded him. Breaths blended and became heavy echoes in the quiet room. With a soft touch, Joel gripped Asher’s cock at the base and slid the taut skin over the steely length. At the slit, he gathered the slippery cream on his finger then slid back down to the base. Springy hair tickled his palm, but the confines of the shorts wouldn’t allow much maneuvering.
“Don’t stay angry.”
“I’m not,” Asher said breathlessly. “Unless this is the way you want to kiss and make up. Then I’m still fucking pissed as hell.” He tried to turn over. “I think you should…”
“Let me guess. Suck your dick?”
Asher split the fly of his jeans open. His cock unfurled from a nest of dark hair. Veins threaded the length and the head glistened with cream. Joel’s mouth watered. He slid to his knees on the floor. Asher lifted his hips, pushed his shorts down his legs, then kicked them to the floor. Sitting back on the couch, he spread his thighs. Joel pushed the coffee table back then positioned between Asher’s knees. Joel stared into Asher’s eyes as he ran his palms over the hard muscles of Asher’s flanks. His thumbs traced the soft crease where Asher’s hip met his thigh.
“I’m sorry I failed the first chance I had to show you that I want to be here…with you. It won’t happen again.” Leaning forward, Joel closed his lips around the head.
“Ah, fuck, you’re forgiven.”
The flavor of Asher’s essence had Joel’s cock throbbing in his jeans. He reached between his legs and repositioned his dick. Rushing blood engorged the shaft. He moaned and sucked harder on Asher’s cockhead, curling his tongue around the ridge.