by Jill Sanders
She shook her head and looked down at her beer. “I don’t know why I freaked out today, other than knowing that it had something to do with Rocko’s hands.”
“Was your attacker black?” Blaine asked.
“No.” She shook her head. “He was white. Very tan, but white.” Her eyes met his. “It wasn’t that Rocko’s hands were dark, but that they were big.” She held up her hands in front of them. They were small. Smaller than Emily’s. Her well-manicured fingernails were painted a pale pink, matching her dyed hair.
Blaine reached out and took her hands in his. “Does this bother you?” He held onto them, much like Rocko had done.
She looked down at their joined hands. Blaine’s were bigger than hers, but not as big as Rocko’s. She felt nothing but a wave of friendship and a slight tingle of lust.
“No.” She sighed. “I wonder why?”
“I saw Rocko today. The man easily has five inches on my height. He appears to be a body builder.” She could tell he was thinking about it.
She thought about it herself, then glanced down the hallway at the doorway where Rocko lived.
“Yeah, that’s one of the reasons I liked looking at him.” She sighed. “Now, it’s ruined for me.”
Blaine’s laughter caused her to glance over at him.
“What?” she asked. She realized they were still holding hands.
“It’s just… after all you just told me, you still can’t stop thinking about sex.” He shook his head.
“Why not?” She shrugged and turned slightly towards him. “I’m alive, aren’t I? It’s not as if the scum raped me.” She blinked a few times. How many times over the past two years had she wondered what would have happened if the tire iron hadn’t been in the trunk, or if she’d drunk the entire drink. She shivered at those thoughts and wished for more beer or something stronger. With her free hand, she downed the last swallow of her beer.
“Jamie.” Blaine turned towards her. “Are you trying to make me jealous?”
“Why would you be jealous?” she asked honestly. He’d never made a move on her over the past two years. Sure, they’d made out a few times. Hell, she counted him as the best kisser she’d ever enjoyed. But he’d never made the move on her. Until recently, she hadn’t even gotten him naked. “You said yourself that nothing happened between us.” She tried to play it casual.
“I didn’t say nothing, exactly,” he reminded her, and she realized he was just a breath away. She felt her body heat at the way he was looking at her.
“What then?” It came out as a whisper.
His eyes moved to her lips, then back to her eyes.
“I want to kiss you,” he said softly.
“Blaine.” She closed her eyes and felt her entire body flutter. If he kissed her now, she didn’t know if she could ever recover from it. “I… need to brush my teeth.”
Blaine laughed and nodded. “Soon, then.” He stood up and pulled her into his arms. “Thank you,” he said into her hair.
“For?” She wrapped her arms around his narrow waist, enjoying the feeling of his hard chest against her cheek. His strong arms held her tightly, and she relaxed into his warmth. He was almost a full foot taller than her, and she had to crane her neck to look at him without heels on.
“Confiding in me.” He cupped her face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “Now that you have, can you cut back on the wild times?”
Her eyes narrowed as she thought about needing something to cut the memories. “No promises.” She knew that when they surfaced again and Blaine wasn’t around, she’d need something to dull the pain and the memories.
“Then, for now, at least promise me that you won’t be alone.” They glanced at the door as Rafe came out, looking tired. Jamie took a step away from Blaine as Rafe’s eyebrows shot up when he noticed them holding each other.
“Ready to go?” Rafe asked.
“Yup, give us a minute.” Blaine pulled his keys out of his pocket and tossed them at his friend.
“I’ll be in the car.” Rafe waved to Jamie. “Night.”
“Night,” Jamie replied. She watched Rafe jog down the stairs, then turned back to Blaine.
“You won’t tell him, will you?” Fear spiked through her quickly.
“It’s not my secret to tell.” He reached up and touched her cheek. “Are we still on for Tuesday?”
She nodded quickly. “You have your secrets to spill.” She tried to smile, but the memories were starting to overcome her.
“Don’t.” He took her in his arms again. “I can see the fear and memories there now, behind your eyes.” He held onto her for a moment. “Don’t think about it anymore tonight.”
“How can I not?” She closed her eyes and saw the blood behind her closed lids.
He nudged her chin up again until his lips met hers in a tender kiss. He pulled her closer, holding her as his mouth traveled over her face, her lips, her neck.
“Think of this, of me, for the rest of the night.” His voice was low next to her ear as his mouth traveled over the spot just below, causing goose bumps to rise all over her body. She must have moaned in reply. “Yes, that’s it, only this matters now.” His lips covered hers again and her mind cleared of anything else.
She’d never been kissed like this before. Even the times before when she’d made out with him, it hadn’t been like this. Tenderness.
Her knees shook when he took a step back and dropped his arms from her body.
“Night,” he said softly. “I’ll see you Tuesday.”
She nodded, not trusting her voice, and watched him jog down the stairs and get into his car.
When his taillights disappeared, she gathered the beer bottles and carried them inside.
“Are they gone?” Emily asked from the sofa.
“Yup.” She tried to act casual, but her body was burning. She wanted to disappear into her rooms and enjoy what Blaine had started.
“Rafe told me he quit his job at the club,” Emily blurted out.
“What?” Jamie paused and looked at her friend. Emily’s cheeks were pink, and her hair was messed up like someone had run their hands through it.
“He said that he did it so that he could have more time to spend with me.” She tucked her legs under herself and smiled up at Jamie.
“Okay.”
Emily rolled her eyes. “It’s a good thing. I think.” Emily bit her bottom lip.
Jamie chuckled. “He loves you.”
“What?” Emily frowned.
“I’m sure he had the job for a reason. If he’s willing to suffer financially, it must be love.”
Emily shook her head. “I don’t think…”
“Let’s get this straight,” Jamie interrupted her friend. “A man you’ve been madly in love with for years has just told you he’s quit stripping so he can spend more time with you.” Jamie chuckled as she walked past her friend. “You’ll piece it all together and figure it out soon enough. Don’t worry, you’re pretty smart.” She stopped and glanced over her shoulder. “Not as smart as I am, but then… who is.” She smiled. “I’m heading to bed. Night.”
“How are you feeling?” Emily called after her.
“Better.” Jamie sighed as she stepped into her room. Much better, she thought as she leaned against the wall.
All thoughts of the horrors she’d suffered through two years ago had disappeared, replaced by the desire to be touched, kissed by Blaine. She could still feel his hands on her, his lips on her.
Her hands moved up and down her body, wishing, dreaming, as she walked to her bathroom and stripped, then climbed into the shower. When the water turned warm, her body heated, and her hands moved over herself as she closed her eyes and remembered Blaine’s blue eyes and how it felt to see him desire her.
By the time she crawled into bed, her head was numb and her body very relaxed. She fell fast asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. Her normal nightmare didn’t return that night. When she opened her eyes, she had to blink se
veral times since she was confused at the brightness of her room.
Normally, she woke several times during the night, usually filling the time by reading or doing work on her computer. But last night, she’d managed to sleep all the way through the night.
Stretching her arms over her head, she smiled up at the ceiling. If just thinking about being with Blaine had her sleeping the night through, what would actually being with him do to her system?
She glided through her day as if walking on air. When she met Emily for lunch at their usual table in the cafeteria, her friend looked stressed.
“What?” Jamie asked as she sat down with her turkey salad. “What’s happened?”
“They asked me to make a presentation on the benefits of interning at the hospital before graduation in front of all of the first year RN students.”
“That’s…” The look on Emily’s face said it all. “Scary?” she finished as she opened her salad.
Emily laid her head down in her hands. “I can’t do it.” She glanced up. “You’re so much better at speaking than I am. Besides, your grades are better than mine. You should do it.”
“I’m not even in the nursing program anymore. Remember me passing out at the sight of blood?” Jamie added with a chuckle. Then she held in a shiver remembering the only time she hadn’t. “They asked you because you’re a model student and you’re great at your job at UMH. You’re the smartest person for it,” she said between bites. “I’m none of those things.” Something deep in her gut twisted. She’d never meant to change her path in life. Being a good girl had never been in her blood, but neither had being what she was now. A murderer.
“I’m not sure I can do it.” Emily shook her head. Jamie got the sudden urge to comfort her friend, which happily overtook the urge to panic.
“You can, and you will. You’ll be amazing at speaking. I’m sure you’ll come up with the best speech ever.” She reached her hand across the table and took her hand. “Emily, you’re everything the college wants young graduates to become.” Everything Jamie herself wasn’t.
“I’m nothing.” Emily shook her head. “Just… nothing.”
“You’re not nothing.” Jamie shook her head. That her friend, the only person Jamie had looked up to in the past few years, believed that about herself made her heart ache. She should have encouraged her friend more over the years. Instead, she’d been too wrapped up in her own horrors.
For the past two years, she’d been wallowing and drowning in her own terrible memories. She’d never once stopped to think about anyone other than herself.
Instantly, she wished for a drink and pushed her salad away from her in disgust. The Coke she had bought did little to soothe the thirst.
Bile rose in her throat, and she pushed that aside as well. She needed something stronger and she would need it soon.
Chapter Six
Blaine spent the entire next day researching. He’d looked everywhere for information about a man disappearing two years ago on spring break in the Miami area. He’d come up with a few, but none seemed similar to the man that had taken Jamie.
He wondered how a man could go missing without anyone reporting it. Maybe the man had been a runaway. Or had no family. Maybe he was from out of town? He wasn’t going to stop looking until he found something.
He skipped out of work early that day and spent the day at the library, searching until his eyes burned. He found out more information on the laws, just in case.
What would happen with Jamie if someone found out, or if she confessed?
Florida had a stand-your-ground law, which would have instantly protected Jamie for defending herself. And if they had tested her blood, they would have found GHB in her system. The date-rape drug could have easily been confirmed.
But the incident was two years in the past and Jamie had remained silent all this time. Not reporting a crime, in and of itself, was a crime in some states. Not to mention that now he could be charged as an accessory after the fact.
He couldn’t imagine himself waltzing down to the police station and turning over what Jamie had told him last night. Especially when he wasn’t even sure what she’d described had truly happened. Maybe she only believed the guy was dead. He could have escaped somehow. Something in his gut told him that wasn’t a realistic possibility.
He’d spent some time researching Molly, Jamie’s drug of choice. He’d read that it was virtually impossible to get clean MDMA, which scared him, especially after he’d read the list of side effects.
With anxiety and aggression being some of the biggest side effects, not to mention the very long list of potential health effects, he had no doubt that she could have imagined the entire thing. That was, if she was using before the incident.
Of course, turning Jamie over to the police didn’t ensure that she’d get help for her problem in that arena. Nor did sitting by and doing nothing.
He had planned for tomorrow to be something special. Now he was wondering what he could do to help Jamie.
He’d taken an entire semester on treating substance abuse. Still, he felt like he didn’t know enough. He knew a direct approach wasn’t always the best, especially when dealing with someone like Jamie.
When Tuesday finally rolled around, he felt he was more prepared for his time with Jamie. He’d packed everything they would need.
As he drove up to her apartment that morning, his palms began to sweat. Cranking up the air in his car, he pulled into the parking lot and saw her standing at the base of the stairs, talking to Rocko, the man who’d brought her into the ER.
He tried not to let his jealousy show when he parked in front of the couple. Jamie had an arm on Rocko’s muscular shoulder and was leaning against him as if she was a little drunk.
Blaine’s eyes narrowed as he assessed the situation. Rocko, for his part, was comfortable flirting with Jamie, but Blaine could tell the guy knew that she was off-limits. Passing out and being accused of being pregnant had crossed her off the man’s list. Or maybe it had been the subtle hints Blaine had given the guy in the hospital.
Blaine relaxed slightly as he got out of the car. When he shut the car door, Jamie glanced over. Her smile doubled as he walked towards them, and Blaine noticed that her hand didn’t drop from Rocko’s arm.
“Hey, ready to go?” he asked when he stopped next to them. His eyes ran up and down Jamie. She’d done as he asked and had worn shorts, a tank top, and tennis shoes.
There was a backpack sitting on the ground next to her. He’d texted her yesterday about bringing a swimsuit and a change of clothes, including a dress and girl shoes. She’d sent him a picture of her freshly painted toes. He’d never really been a foot man but seeing those pink toes had turned him on so much, he’d asked her what other body parts she was willing to send him a photo of.
He’d gotten a photo of her ear, which had made him laugh.
“Yup, I was just thanking Rocko again.” She dropped her arm and bent to pick up her bag. Blaine beat her to it. Picking it up and easily tossing the bag over his shoulder, he held out his hand for Rocko.
“I didn’t have time to thank you. For helping Jamie out,” he said as Rocko took his hand and Blaine focused on the size of the man’s hand. They were big hands. Bigger than his, easily. Blaine took stock of everything else he could. The man was well over six five, his chest and arms like boulders, but Jamie hadn’t seemed afraid of the rest of him, just his hands.
Dropping his own hand, he swung his arm around Jamie and pulled her close to his side in a subtle move that he knew was bro code for she’s mine.
“Jamie mentioned that you two were friends,” Rocko said.
“Rocko works as a bouncer at LIV.” Jamie almost purred it. “I thought he looked familiar.”
A look passed between the pair and suddenly, Blaine wondered what joke he’d missed.
“Have a good time.” Rocko started to walk away.
“See you around,” Jamie added, then turned towards him. “Ready?” she
asked like nothing was amiss.
“What was that about?” he asked after helping her into the car.
“What?” She settled beside him.
“That look, like you two had a joke you didn’t want to tell me about.”
“It’s nothing.” She shook her head and tried to look out the window.
“Jamie.” He took her hand in his. “I was hoping that after… our conversation last time that we could put all secrets behind us.”
She was silent for a while, then nodded. “It’s just, neither one of us realized that we’d met before. Multiple times. Until he told me where he worked, then I remembered. He’s one of the reasons I always get into LIV.” She chuckled. “He likes the way I look, and I always flirt.” She shrugged.
“So, that’s it?” He shook his head. “You two never…”
“Hooked up?” she finished for him. “No.” She looked out the window again. “He was always on the outside of the club when I wanted inside.”
He tried to hide the fact that he felt instantly better hearing that bit of news.
“You haven’t said where we’re off to.” She turned to him.
He smiled. “It’s a surprise.”
“Yes, so you say.” He could tell she was watching him, but the traffic had backed up and he didn’t dare take his eyes from the road.
“Does this surprise have a long drive ahead of us?” she asked.
“Not so long. Unless this traffic stops and keeps us tied up.” He frowned as the light turned red.
“What does it involve?” She was edging for a clue, and he wasn’t willing to give her one, yet.
He glanced over at her and wiggled his eyebrows.
“I thought you said you wanted to put secrets behind us?” She pouted slightly.
He laughed. “Some secrets are okay.”
“Speaking of secrets…” she said after a moment. “Are you going to tell me yours? The other night… you mentioned your father.”
He swallowed the knot in his throat. “Yeah, but I’ll wait until… we get to where we’re going.”
