by Amo Jones
“I love you, girl. I’m so sorry.” She stands and begins walking through the door.
“Kalie!” I demand and she stops, whipping her head around to face me.
“What is it, Ade?”
I stand there, motionless. My mind is running one hundred miles an hour, there’s so much I want to say to her. I want to drop to my fucking knees like a little bitch and beg her to stay with me, to promise her I would lay her world out at her feet and pamper her in whatever the fuck she wants until we both shall live. But I can’t. I can’t fucking ask this girl to stay with me when she’s right. This is all my fault. She deserves more, she deserves someone that’s not part of this life and I can’t give that to her. I will never be able to give that to her because I don’t just live with these demons daily, the fuckers dance with the devil in my sleep.
“Any last words to the fat fuck?” I ask, taking my hoodie off and passing it to her to put it on.
I’m looking up at her and trying to memorize her every feature in my head. I love her so fucking much, and that’s why I need to let her go. I will never love anyone again. There was no one before her and there sure as fuck will be no one after her. I will always have a place in me for Kalie. That place will always be untouchable, and may God save the soul of whoever tries to touch that place again. She pulls my hoodie over her head.
“Kill him slowly,” she mutters before walking out of the room, this boat, and my life.
My jaw feels like it’s going to crack from the pressure I’m putting on it, and when I look up to Chad and Alaina, I see pity in their eyes.
“Don’t fucking look at me like that!”
Zane bursts through the door and takes one look at Alaina, swallowing hard with his eyes set in stone. “Baby?” he whispers out with raw emotion. Alaina bursts into tears, flying herself into Zane’s arms. I look down at the fat shit sitting on the ground and I grip around his arms. Zane places Alaina down and walks over to me.
“This man touch you too, Lain?” he asks, not taking his eyes off the man on the floor.
She nods her head. “Yes, but mainly the young one.”
Harvey walks in, dragging a skinny young guy behind him. “This him?” he asks Alaina.
She nods. “Yes, he also touched Kalie, Ade. He did horrible things to her.”
I narrow my eyes at Alaina before walking up to the skinny young guy.
“Oh, yeah? Like what sort of stuff?” I ask while not taking my eyes off him.
“He…I heard her scream one time. She tried to stop him and another man from coming back into our room. I heard her yell ‘no, leave her alone’ then I heard her scream out in pain while they were laughing. When they came into the room, they said that he fingered her up a wall while choking her. She almost died, Ade. They said she passed out and they had to perform CPR on her to bring her back.”
Alaina barely finished her sentenced before I grasped onto this guy’s neck and threw him onto the floor with the fat blob. I look to Zane. “How much time do we have?”
He shakes his head. “Not sure. I’ve locked Kazimir in the room next to us. We can deal with him last.”
“We can’t. These two, yes. However, I promised Sandra that she could have Kazimir. I didn’t say he would come in one piece, though.” I smile at Zane before my smile drops.
“How did Kalie get out?”
He looks to me uneasily. “Yeah, you’re not going to like this. But he’s a good dude Ade, he wouldn’t try anything on her.”
“Spit it out, brother.”
“Trevor is taking her straight home. She doesn’t even want to stop and pick up her stuff from the hotel,” he says sadly.
“I’ll get it. I’ll get her stuff.”
Alaina walks up to me and places a hand over my heart. “Honey, let me do it, okay? You’re going to need to give her some time. Maybe a lot more than you’re comfortable with. But that girl…she loves you too, Ade. I saw it in her eyes. Just let her mourn.”
I swallow roughly. “Okay.” Before looking back to the two tasks at hand.
“You!” I point, bringing the skinny one to his feet. I push him up against the wall.
“Wait here,” I say as I begin to walk out of the room. Swinging open the door to the next room, which currently houses my father I say, “Give me your cigar cutter.” He fishes into his pocket and hands it to me, and just as I’m walking out the door he stands from his seat.
“Son. I loved your mother, and you. I showed it differently to how most fathers do, but this is all I know.”
I turn around to face him. “Maybe that’s why I could never love because I saw from such a young age how dirty it was. That was until Kalie, then you took her from me. So trust me when I say you will pay for that,” I berate slamming the door after I walk out.
As I’m walking back in, I get a text from Drago.
Drago: I know you’re all in there. I can see you. Hello, big brother. Abby is giving you twenty minutes before she needs to intervene. Make it fast.
I look up to the camera in the corner of the hallway and smirk at it, then reply.
Me: A lot can happen in twenty minutes. Kazimir goes to Sandra.
Drago: Oh dear God. Abby said, please don’t make a mess. And she knows they’re working together.
Me: Don’t count on it.
I shove my phone back into my pocket before opening the door again, to where everyone is currently standing.
“We have twenty minutes. So we need to make this fast.”
I point over to Alaina. “You wanna see this, Lain?”
She nods her head, pulling her arms across her torso. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
I continue making my way over to the skinny guy, yanking him back to his feet. Pulling the cigar clippers out of my pocket, I put them on his first finger and push down until I feel his finger drop, and hit the top of my boot. I maintain eye contact with him as I continue to go through each finger one at a time, smiling at each scream that comes loudly from his mouth. Once I’ve finished, he screams in agony while sliding down the wall, holding onto his fingerless hands.
I laugh. “That’s not even the worst of it.”
I take a cigarette out of my pocket and light it up in my mouth, exhaling a cloud of smoke and drop to him on the ground.
“Pull your pants down,” I say smirking at him.
He looks at me with narrowed eyes and I laugh. “Oh, come on now. I don’t roll like that. You got nothing to be afraid of. Well, where cocks are touching assholes are concerned.” I smile and look up at the ceiling. “Oh shit! I just got an idea.” I pull on his trousers so hard they fly off in one hard, swift move, and then make my way to his underwear. I put my cigarette into my mouth so I can use both hands, but when I see what underwear he’s wearing I choke out in laughter.
“Oh bruh, didn’t Mommy ever tell you that these don’t get you laid? No wonder you force your shit on innocent girls.”
I pull off his tight undies. What kind of man under the age of seventy would wear undies this fucking disgusting? I can feel Zane’s anxiousness behind me, so I figure I should hurry this along so he can get his turn, too.
“I just need to do one thing real quick, and then I’ll pass you onto my brother Zane. You know, time limit and all that,” I say, reaching into my pocket and pulling out my knife. I slide the sharp side of the blade up his inner thigh, starting from his knee all the way up to his balls. Once I reach his balls, I lean into his ear, “Did I mention that I know how to completely dissect the human body? The genitals included,” I tell him as I slice his sack open in one swift move causing his balls to fall out of the skin with nothing else joining them to his body, but the veins and tubes. He screams a blood-curdling scream before passing out.
Zane looks to me as I stand up. “Always gotta take the fun out of everything, aye?”
I shrug. “What can I say…I got a little carried away.”
I turn my attention to the fat blob that’s hyperventilating on the floor, his big gray bear
d running across his thick chest. “You’re next flubber, get your ass up.” I can see out of the corner of my eye as Alaina walks over to the skinny guy. She takes Zane’s knife and cuts his dick clean off in one quick move. I look to Lain and see no regrets about her decision, she carried the task out with not a blink of an eye. Pain changes people, I understand that. And that’s why I’m shit scared of what’s going on with Kalie. I want to be there with her, fight her demons for her, so she doesn’t need to. I will always put my girl on a pedestal, and I may give her time—but not much. How I need to deal with her loss during that time is undecided.
“We need to move fast. We have five minutes left,” Ollie says from behind me.
I shrug, pull my knife out and slice him from ear to ear, watching as the skin on his neck splits open showing the white fatty tissue under the skin before blood starts to spurt out everywhere. I watch as he grips onto his neck, choking on his own blood. Once I know he’s dead, I turn around to Alaina and Zane and see a horrific scene in front of me.
“Holy shit,” I say with a laugh.
“Lain, you’re a bit of an unbalanced bitch, aren’t you. I’m impressed, firecracker.”
The girl is fucking bad. When she was taken a few years ago from a man that was chasing her father, she stunned us all by shooting the enemy perfectly between their eyes. She’s done that three times, to three different men. To some, that may sound unbelievable, but if you knew the story of her father you’d know that the apple just didn’t fall far from the tree.
“We gotta bounce brother. Abby is going to lose her shit when she sees this mess.”
I laugh as we make our way out. Abby is the Chief of Police. She’s the youngest Chief that there’s ever been, apparently. It’s a good thing her connection to us is completely off the record. She’s come in handy in more ways than I can count. We make our way outside, walking back around to our bikes. Before I start her up, I send a text to Sandra, giving her the location of Kazimir. I’m sure she already knows where it is, though, being with Abby. I’m not finished with him yet, but I know Sandra will let me have my way with him.
Once I slide into the truck, I look over at Trevor.
“Thanks for taking me home,” I say, pulling on the bottom of Ade’s hoodie.
Hearing him tell me he loved me moved me, but at the moment I’m too angry to go there, and I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive him. Yes, it’s not entirely his fault, it was only his connections, but I didn’t really know the extent of what happens in this world. Maybe I should have watched more television shows. I look out the window, watching all the trees pass me by and thinking over the past week. I need to get a new phone. I don’t even know if anyone knows what had happened. Probably not, it’s probably all buried. Otherwise, there’d be media and the police surrounding us. I continue to glance out the window until, eventually my exhaustion takes over and sleep sets in.
Opening my eyes to Trevor’s voice. “Kal? Wake up babe, we’re here.”
Rubbing my eyes, I huff out. “Okay, thanks again, Trevor.”
“I need to walk you up, Kal. I have orders.”
Nodding my head because I don’t want to cause him any trouble. “That’s fine, come on.”
Pushing open the door, I step out into the late afternoon sun. I glance around our apartment car park and notice people staring. Shrugging, I close the door. I don’t really care what people are thinking right now. I lost my dignity this week, along with many other things.
I round the truck and take Trevor’s arm in mine. He looks over to me, worried. He really is cute.
“Kal, do you want me to wait for you to take a shower then take you to go and see a doc?”
I shake my head. “I’ll see her tomorrow. I just want to sleep.”
He looks around nervously. “Ade, he wants me—”
“Don’t fucking say his name, Trevor. Please. I don’t care what Ade wants, okay?”
He swallows and nods his head. “I understand, baby, come on.”
When we reach my door, I remember I didn’t stop at the hotel and collect my things.
“Fuck,” I swear out quietly.
“What’s wrong?” Trevor asks me nervously.
“It’s nothing. I just forgot that my keys and everything is back at the hotel.”
I knock on the door and, both wish and don’t wish, that Carter is there. He swings the door open, smiling until he sees me then his smile drops.
“What the fuck happened, Kalie!” He pulls me into his arms and sizes up Trevor.
“Carter…Trevor. Be nice, Carter. He’s just dropping me off.”
I turn to Trevor and pull him in for a hug. “Thank you, Trevor, really.”
“No problem, Kalie.” He smiles a small smile at me before he turns and walks away.
I walk in and shut the door, turning my body to a worried Carter. “Please give me time, Carter. I can’t do this with you right now.”
“No! Fuck that, Kalie. What the fuck happened?”
I roll my eyes because I really didn’t expect him to take my answer as a legitimate response.
“A lot of stuff happened, Carter. I’m just not ready, okay? Please don’t. I’m going to take a very long bath and sleep for a few days, and then I’m going to see a doc.”
I walk out of the living room and make my way to my bedroom. I look around and something inside me aches. The last time I was in here was with Ade. They were happy times, times when I was only his. I think a part of me feels like I’ve disappointed him in a way. He loved it so much when he found out I’d only ever been with him after all these years, and even though the men who touched me didn’t go all the way, I still feel disgusting. I feel as though he will never be able to see me as his innocent girl anymore. I feel dirty on the inside as much as I do on the outside.
Removing his hoodie that has the Sinful Souls emblem on the front of it, I fold it up and place it neatly on my bed. I tap it a couple of times before getting a towel out of my wardrobe, wrapping it around me and making my way to the bathroom.
The tub begins to fill as I turn the taps, then I pour every single bath salt I can see into it. Bubble baths, soaps, they’re all are poured into the bath. Tears begin rolling down my cheeks again as I begin to get angry about what’s happened. I’m a mess. There’s no doubt about that. I sincerely hope there’s some way that I can learn to live with what’s happened.
I feel like an idiot in a way. Poor Alaina, she was treated much, much, worse than I was. Yet, somehow she handled it perfectly. And it’s at that moment that I realize what Phoebe was talking about. She would always say how I was not cut out for their lifestyle. Vicky and her both said it. I understand that now—because I’m not. There’s no way that I would ever be okay with living in a crazy world like that.
Once I am satisfied with the amount of soap in the bath, I take off my underwear and throw them into the corner. I place one foot into the scorching hot water before putting in my second foot. It’s so hot that my skin tingles from the sensation of the heat. I suck in a breath, and quickly sink into the bath, biting down on my lip to stop me from crying out. The pain feels good. It takes away the pain that I feel ripping into the deepest depths of my soul, even if it is just temporary.
After a few minutes, the pain disintegrates and the warmth overwhelms me. I lie back in the bath, turn on my sound dock and push play on Evanescence ‘Going Under.’ I slide my head under the water and stay there for as long as I can until I’ve run out of breath. Floating on my back to the surface, I run my hands over my face to remove my hair from my eyes. While I just lie there staring at the ceiling allowing the lyrics of the song to float through my ears and dig into my now contaminated soul.
Hours pass, and when I begin to get goose bumps over my skin from the temperature of the water dropping, I pull the plug out and stand as I get out of the bath. Picking up my towel, I wrap it around myself and open the bathroom cabinet. There’s no doubt in my mind that I need something to help me sleep to
night. I see one of Carter’s Xanax tablet bottles sitting there from his accident. They’re begging me to pick them up—so I do. I pop the container lid open and drop two in one go then close the cupboard.
Turning to leave the bathroom, I stand on my old underwear that’s on the floor. I look down at them briefly before bending down to pick them up. I instantly feel sick. I swing the bathroom door open, run past Carter and dash into my room, slamming my door shut behind me. I move quickly to my desk, open my drawer and pull out some scissors and begin cutting them up into tiny little pieces before dumping them into a plastic bag and throwing it into my trash can. Once I’m done, I look down to my shaking hands. Fat tears drop from my eyes again and I swipe them away angrily.
It’s here and now that I decide that I will let this hurt for one night. I will cry for one night only. Cry for the girl I lost. However, after that, I will not let them have it. I’ll see someone to help me work through my issues, but I will not let it bring me down. Throwing my towel off, I pick up Ade’s hoodie again and shove it on then get under my bed covers.
I don’t know why I did that.
I hate Ade at the moment.
The sound of his name sets me on fire, but the ignitor to that fire comes from a place that loves him so fiercely that it could burn down villages.
And that’s where I’m fucked.
I open my eyes to the late afternoon sun. When I glance at my alarm clock, I see it reads five p.m. I moan and roll over, staring at the wall for a few seconds before swinging my legs over the edge and sliding into my slippers. I hope Carter is at work, or out. I really can’t deal with his inquisition right now. I walk out my door, closing it softly behind me and slowly make my way into the living room. When I walk in there, Vicky, Phoebe, and Alaina greet me.
