by Ryan, Kaylee
“You going to leave me hanging?” her slightly slurred voice greets me.
I look down at her. Her hair is crazy wild, almost like it is after I’ve made love to her. Reaching out, I smooth it back out of her face. “Never,” I say, and her hazel eyes, although a little glassy, soften at my confession.
“Dance with me, Adams.” She laces her fingers through mine and pulls me to the middle of the dining room floor, joining our friends.
I make a big deal about it, like she’s forcing me to go. We both know better. I’d follow her anywhere. Her knowing grin when I tug her impossibly close tells me exactly that.
I don’t know how much time passes. Could be minutes, could be hours. All I know is that her tight little body is pressed against mine, my hands are resting on the curve of her ass, and her head is on my chest, over my heart.
“We’re going to call it a night,” Tyler says. Glancing over, I catch Reagan covering a yawn.
“The boys were up at six this morning,” she says in explanation.
“My house is your house,” I tell them.
“Us too,” Ridge says, and Kendall looks about as tired as Reagan.
“Can that be me three?” Amelia asks, raising her hand. “I feel old.” She laughs.
“Right? Run after twin boys who are getting into everything,” Reagan tells her.
“Mom life.” Kendall holds her hand out for Dawn and they high-five.
“Everyone’s staying, right?” I ask.
“Which one of you is letting me share your mattress?” Amelia asks.
“Take your pick,” Kent says.
“Whose is closer?” she asks.
“Mine. First door on the left,” Seth tells her.
“Thanks.” She stands on tiptoes and kisses his cheek.
“She kicks,” Kent taunts Seth.
“Hey.” Amelia places her hand on her hip. “That tent was the size of a toddler bed and the seven of us were sleeping in it.”
“Oh my God, it was so damn tiny,” Kendall chimes in.
“We were kids,” Seth counters.
“Y’all were what, twelve and thirteen? You were huge even then,” Amelia says. Then she points to me. “You were like six-foot tall.”
“Not quite.” I chuckle.
“Whatever, I don’t kick.” She sticks her tongue out at us and heads down the hall, a little unsteady on her feet.
“What about you, baby? You ready for bed?”
She peers up at me. “Yes. That bed is calling my name.”
“Make yourselves at home,” I tell our friends, and with my hand on the small of her back, I lead Dawn to the opposite side of the house to my room. She grabs one of my T-shirts to sleep in and disappears behind the bathroom door. I empty out my pockets on the nightstand, and lie back on the bed.
“Tired?” Her soft voice greets me.
Peeling open my eyes, I see her standing by the bed. Her hair is pulled up in a knot on top of her head, and her face is scrubbed free of makeup. “You’re beautiful.”
A blush coats her cheeks. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m buzzed,” I counter.
“You ready for bed?” she asks, shaking her head.
“Yeah, I gotta piss.” I hold out my hand and she takes it, helping me off the bed. I place a kiss on her temple and head to the bathroom to take care of business. I strip out of my clothes and toss them in the hamper, staying in just my boxer briefs. If we didn’t have guests, I’d go for bare. My cock hardens at the thought of her skin against mine and nothing between us. Fuck, being the host sucks sometimes. However, I’m glad to know everyone is here safe and sound. Turning off the light, I walk out of the bathroom.
Dawn is standing with her back to me, but her shoulders are shaking. I’ve seen the sight of that more times than I care to admit over the past couple of months. My feet carry me to her. Gently, I rest a hand on her shoulder. “Dawn.”
Wet eyes peer up at me. “I was plugging in your phone,” she says, holding it up.
“Okay?” I say cautiously. I don’t know what about her plugging in my phone would upset her. There is no one but her in my life.
“The screen lit up,” she explains.
Fuck, did some chick text me? Surely not. It’s been just her for far longer than we’ve been admitting there was something between us.
“I wasn’t looking. I mean, I wasn’t snooping.” She hands me my phone.
“Dawn.” I cup her face with one hand while the other holds my phone, afraid to look. Softly, I wipe under her eyes with my thumb.
“I’m sorry,” she says, her voice breaking.
Pressing the home screen button on my phone, I see a text message from my mom.
Mom: Happy New Year from Dad and me. We love you.
Fuck. At this point, I’m wishing it would have been some random drunk text from a girl from my past. Tossing my phone on the bed, I wrap my arms around her. I don’t know what else to do or what to say in this moment. She misses them, of course she does. Sure, it will get easier with time, but she doesn’t want or need to hear that. I debate on going to get Kendall but quickly dismiss the idea. I want to be the one she leans on.
“I can’t keep falling apart like this,” she cries into my chest.
“Yes, you can.”
“No.” Her voice is stern. “I have to live. I can’t walk around crying all the damn time.”
“Look at me.” I place my finger under her chin and lift so her eyes connect with mine. “You’re grieving. You lost both of your parents in a tragic accident. There is no time limit on your healing.”
“W-What if I never heal?” she whimpers, her voice soft.
“You will.” I say the words with conviction. I’ll do everything in my power to make sure it happens. She just needs time.
“You don’t know that.”
“I know that you’re strong and that you’re a fighter. I know that your heart is broken, and it needs time to accept the loss.”
“I don’t want to accept it.”
“I know, baby, but you have to. If I could bring them back to you, I would.” I mean every word. I would give anything within my power to not see her hurting like this.
“I miss them so much.” Her voice is faint, but I still hear her.
“Climb in bed,” I say, stepping back. She does as I ask. I quickly turn off the light and slide in next to her. “Come here,” I say into the darkness. She wastes no time curling up next to me and burying her face in my chest. “I’ve got you.” I feel her body shake as her sadness breaks loose from her chest. “I’m right here,” I promise. This is not how I saw this night ending, but she’s in my arms all the same. That’s all that matters. She needs this. She needs to let herself mourn her family, because she lost her sister that night as well. I can’t ever imagine a scenario where she would willingly let her sister back into her life after what she did.
“I’m sorry.” Her soft cries are muffled against my chest. She wipes at her tears, and I rub my hand down her back.
“Never be sorry for missing them. Never be sorry for feeling your loss, your pain. Never be afraid to fall apart with me.”
“You’re going to get sick of this,” she says.
“Never. I’m going to be here, no matter what.”
“I’m tired of falling apart.”
“Don’t be. No matter how far you fall, I’m going to be right here to help you pick up the pieces.” My confession only makes her cry harder. I tighten my hold on her and let her cry. That’s all I can do. Be here. Hold her. Love her. One day, I’ll tell her. But right now, when she’s grieving, when I’m trying to comfort her, it’s not the time to tell her. She’ll always wonder if I truly meant the words, or if they were simply to make her feel better. To make her feel less alone.
I mean them.
Which is why I’m going to wait.
I lie awake for hours and hold her, my buzz long since gone. She’s no longer crying, and sleeps peacefully against my chest, but I can’
t seem to do the same. I’ve never felt for someone the way I do her. I’ve never cared enough for a woman to feel her pain deep in the pit of my soul. It breaks me to see her like she was earlier tonight, but at the same time, I know she needs to be able to release her sadness and her anger, and every other emotion she’s going to walk through as she heals. She mumbles something I can’t understand, and I wrap my arm a little tighter, holding her just a little closer. She sighs as if that’s all it takes to make things right in her world, and my chest expands.
Love.
I’ll do everything in my power to love her through this.
Chapter Eleven
Dawn
“How is it possible that the twins are already a year old?” I ask Kendall. We’re in Tyler and Reagan’s kitchen helping her set up all the food for Ben and Beck’s first birthday party.
“Right? I swear the older I get, the faster time flies.”
“The last year has been a blur.”
Kendall stops what she’s doing and looks up at me. “I know it’s been a hard year for everyone. How are you holding up?”
I shrug. “Good days and bad days.”
“I’m here for you, you know that, right? I’ve been trying not to push you, but I’m here.”
I know that she is and I love her for it. “Thank you. I’ve been doing okay. It’s been several weeks since my last breakdown.” Not since New Year’s Eve. Each day is a struggle, but I’m pushing through. Taking each day as it comes.
“I’m so sorry. That took forever,” Reagan says, coming into the kitchen carrying three boxes.
“Let me help you.” I grab the two smaller ones from the top.
“Thanks. The bakery line was a mile long and then traffic is crazy with the snow.” She sets the large box down on the counter. “These are cupcakes for us and the kids. I thought that would be easier. Those—” She points to the two smaller boxes that I just took from her. “Those are for the boys to dive into,” she says, smiling wide. “I can’t believe my babies are turning one.” She wipes a tear from her eye.
“We were just talking about that,” I tell her.
“I don’t know if I’m emotional because they’re growing up so fast or because they’re both here alive and healthy,” she confesses.
“I’d say a little bit of both,” Kendall says. “Last year was a tough one, for all of us.”
“We never would have made it through it without all of you,” Reagan tells us.
“We’re family.” Kendall shrugs.
“And I feel the same way,” I confess. “I’m… alone now, but you all, your husbands, kids, and the guys, you all make me feel less alone.”
“That’s because you’re not alone,” Reagan says, like it’s the gospel. “We’re your family. It takes more than blood to form that bond. You’re in tight.” She crosses her fingers in a display of how tight we are.
“Who’s tight?” Kent asks, laughing.
“Do you ever think with the head on your shoulders?” Kendall teases.
“Umm… is this a trick question?” he asks.
“Hey, you need any help?” Mark appears beside me.
“No, I think we have it. I thought you were all helping Ridge and Tyler with the kids?”
“Knox is entertaining all three of them. We’re just kind of standing by and watching.”
“That kid.” Kent shakes his head. “He’s a character.”
“He’s just like his daddy,” Kendall says fondly.
“Nah, I can’t ever remember Ridge being that entertaining,” Kent jokes, causing us all to laugh.
“I think we’re good,” I tell Reagan as I place the stack of paper plates on the counter.
“Come and get it!” she calls out. Ridge shuffles in with Knox hanging off one leg, and with Everly on his hip. Tyler and Seth are right behind him, each carrying one of the twins. “Dive in,” she tells them.
Kendall makes a plate for Knox and Everly, and Reagan does the same for Beck and Ben. We set the kids up in their high chairs, well, everyone besides Knox who’s in a booster seat that usually ends up on the floor. He likes to sit in the “big boy” chair. The guys pile in and fill their plates before sitting at the table with the kids.
“Now, girl time.” Reagan grins. The three of us make our plates and settle in the living room.
“So, who’s having the next ankle-biter?” Kent asks.
The girls and I stop talking so that we can listen to their conversation. The kids are babbling to themselves. “I’m in,” Ridge says without an ounce of hesitation.
“Obviously, I have superior swimmers,” Tyler boasts.
“He’s got you there,” Seth chimes in.
“They’re ridiculous,” Kendall whisper laughs.
“Damn right.” This from Tyler.
“Meh, I could do better,” Kent quips.
“Dear Lord, let’s hope not. Twins are exhausting. I can’t imagine triplets,” Reagan says, and it’s as if you can hear the exhaustion in her voice, but that takes nothing from the smile on her face. She’s tired, but she wouldn’t change it for anything. Of that, I’m certain.
“Sounds like you’re up,” I tease Kendall.
She grins. “I don’t know if we’re ready just yet, but practicing….” Her voice trails off as a light blush coats her cheeks.
“What about you?” Reagan asks.
“Me?” I’m still learning to live with the fact that I have no family, none that I care to speak of anyway.
“Yes, you. You been practicing?” Kendall dishes it right back.
“Oh, we practice,” I confirm, and we all bust out in laughter.
“What did we miss?” Seth calls out.
“Oh, nothing,” I say through spurts of laughter.
“No wonder y’all didn’t answer the door,” Amelia says, entering the room. “What did I miss?”
“Oh, nothing. Just talking about practicing making babies.” Reagan tries to sound innocent but fails as laughter sputters in her chest.
“Is it in the water? You have any bottled? I do not need that in my life right now.” Amelia shudders.
“What?” Kendall asks. “You love kids.”
“Yeah, I do, and I want them… someday. I just need to find a man who wants to stick around long enough to not only make them but raise them.”
Something happened with the last guy she dated, but she’s been pretty tight-lipped about it. She’ll talk about it when she’s ready, and the three of us will be here when she is.
“Anyway, sorry I’m late. I was helping Mom clean out her closet and lost track of time.”
“You didn’t miss anything. Go grab a plate,” Reagan tells her.
Amelia stands and makes her rounds hugging all the kids and jabbing at the guys. She joins us a few minutes later with a plate of food. “Those cakes are too cute.”
“Thanks. They’re into construction. Ty’s influence.” Reagan laughs. “So I figured might as well indulge them.”
Each of the boys’ individual cakes are yellow with black stripes. The top says Caution: Beck is One and Caution: Ben is One. They are really cute, and I can’t wait to see them dive into them.
“Babe,” Tyler calls out. “Are we ready for cake?”
“He’s worse than the kids.” Reagan chuckles. “In a minute,” she calls back.
The four of us chat for a few more minutes while Amelia finishes her food. We make quick work of cleaning up the kitchen and setting the cupcakes with little individual containers of ice cream out on the counter. Reagan and I each hold one of the small cakes, and Kendall lights the candle.
“Here we come,” Amelia says loudly, and we all start to sing “Happy Birthday.”
The kids are clapping and smiling, and when Ben and Beck dive into their birthday cakes, it’s just as cute as I imagined it to be. They both have cake all over their face and hands. Ridge unwraps two cupcakes. One is placed in front of Knox on a plate, and the other on the high chair in front of Everly. All four kid
s are covered in cake and icing while the adults take pictures and watch with amusement.
It’s a great day with lots of memories created. Thoughts also plague my mind that my parents will never be able to witness this with my children. My chest tightens, but I don’t break down. I’m getting better at that—not breaking down at every thought or memory. I’m taking it one day at a time.
“Just think,” Tyler says with a laugh, “we get to do this again next weekend with the grandparents.”
Reagan smiles fondly at him, and then their twins. We started doing our own family thing once Knox was born and Ridge and Kendall got together. As our clan grows, so do our gatherings. I try not to think about what will happen if Mark and I ever split. How awkward it would be for us, and then there’s the fact that I’m the new girl. Mark and the guys, Reagan, and even Amelia and Kendall all have history. I’m Kendall’s friend, who they’ve only known for a couple of years. I’d be the odd man out. I’d lose the only family— I shake out of my thoughts. I’m not willing to go there today. I refuse to make this day about me.
“Let’s get these kiddos cleaned up and move on to presents.” Reagan laughs as Ben shoves more cake into his mouth. There are tears in her eyes, and as I survey the room, everyone is watching him and thinking the same thing. There was a time we weren’t sure we would ever get the chance to see him celebrate this day. The fact that he’s here and healthy, it’s a blessing.
We gather in the living room. Ridge and Kendall take the loveseat, with Everly cuddled between them. Knox, already a ladies’ man, is on Amelia’s lap talking her head off and lapping up all her attention. Tyler and Reagan are on the floor with Beck and Ben, their gifts piled between them. Seth, Kent, and Mark are on the couch, which leaves me. I’m getting ready to settle on the floor next to Mark, but he pulls me into his lap.
“This is where you belong,” he whispers in my ear.
“D, you can sit here,” Seth says, patting his lap. I look over at him and he’s wearing a shit-eating grin.
“Fuck off,” Mark mumbles.
“Marcus.” Kent places his hand to his chest as if Mark has just offended him. “There are children present.”
