by Ryan, Kaylee
It’s as if he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. Every time he includes himself, he makes my heart flutter in my chest. I love this man more than I ever knew was possible. “I love you,” I tell him, because he needs to know.
“I love you too. We changing or no?” he asks again.
“Definitely. I want to get out of these clothes.” I’m wearing the same black dress I wore the day that I said goodbye to my parents. I never thought I’d be wearing it again this soon, at least not to another funeral.
“What are you doing?” Mark asks, motioning to the phone in my hands, before putting his eyes back on the road.
“Making a list.”
“Care to elaborate?” He chuckles.
“There is so much that I need. I’m not ready for a baby. Daisy is growing and getting stronger every day. I need clothes, and bottles, and blankets, and a bed and see…” I turn my phone, showing him the list. “It goes on and on. Most people have nine months to prepare and a baby shower. I have an infant niece and a couple of weeks at best.”
“I picked up a few things.”
I turn in my seat as much as the seat belt will allow to look at him. “What do you mean you picked up a few things?”
“I knew you would need a bed, and bottles, and stuff. I wanted you to have what you needed to bring her home. Oh, and my parents, they bought a car seat that has a stroller with it. Mom assures me it’s got the highest safety ratings.”
He says it so casually, as if he didn’t just incinerate my heart. “I— Really?” I ask.
“Yes, really.” He glances over at me and smiles. “You have a lot going on, and I wanted to be ready when she comes home. When we get to the house, I’ll run through your list and mark off what we already have.”
“I….” I’m at a loss for words. He’s so loving and caring and thoughtful. He pulls into the driveway of my childhood home and we climb out of the truck, making our way inside. As soon as the door is closed, I turn and wrap my arms around his waist.
“What’s this?” he asks. “Not that I’m complaining,” he amends, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“This.” I pull back just enough to look up at him. “This is thank you. This is I love you. This is I’m sorry for pushing you away.” I bury my face in his chest and just hold on tight.
“Love you too, Pixie.”
“I don’t know what I would do without you. I can’t believe you bought stuff for Daisy.” Standing on my tiptoes, I place a kiss on his chin.
“And you,” he says, tucking my hair behind my ear. “You don’t have to do this on your own.”
“I know. I just didn’t want you to feel like you were expected to stay with us.”
He chuckles. “Baby, do I look like a man who does something he doesn’t want to do?”
“Good point.” I smile. “Truly, Mark, thank you for everything. This last year, I couldn’t have made it through it without you.”
“Go get changed,” he says, tapping my ass. “We have a little girl to go see.” He pecks me on the lips and I pull away. “Hey, let me see that list,” he says as I start to walk away.
I toss him my phone. “You know the code. It’s in the notes app,” I say over my shoulder.
Ten minutes later, he walks into my childhood bedroom—where we’ve been staying—and tosses my phone on the bed before stripping out of his clothes. “Amelia called to check in. Everything is good. Daisy is sleeping. Everyone is still here, and she’s going to meet us as well. We’re going to grab something to eat before heading back to the hospital.”
“That actually sounds great. Thank you.” I pull my tank top over my head, slide my feet into some flip-flops, and sit on the bed. Grabbing my phone, I open the notes app and see almost every item checked off.
“Um… Mark, this is more than just a few things.” I hold up my phone, showing him the list even though he’s already seen it.
“Maybe.” He shrugs. “I didn’t want you to stress over having what you needed.”
“I’ll pay you back,” I tell him.
“Now, you’re just talking crazy.” Leaning down, he kisses me. “Let’s go, Pixie, before we’re late.”
“Mark,” I say, trying to get his attention.
“Chop-chop, woman,” he calls over his shoulder.
Collecting my phone, I follow after him. He may think I’m not paying him back, but he’s wrong. It might not be right away, but I’ll make sure I do.
* * *
“What are we doing here?” I ask Mark as he pulls into the church parking lot.
“Well, I know the service today was small,” he starts.
“By small you mean the only people who showed up was us and our friends?” Destiny has burned so many bridges the attendance was low. Sure, I’m exaggerating and a few of her friends from high school attended, but the number was low, and if not for our core group of friends, it would have been much smaller.
“Anyway,” Mark says, moving on, “we know she didn’t have a lot of people in her life, and before you comment, we also know that was her doing. However, she’s still your sister, and getting together after the services is a thing,” he says.
“A thing?” I ask, trying to turn the conversation light. I’ve cried enough tears in this lifetime.
“Yes, a thing.” He rolls his eyes. “So we asked the minister if we could use the community room, and the girls put a little something together.” He pulls the keys from the ignition. “Now let’s get moving.” He pushes open his truck door. I follow suit and meet him at the front of the hood. He reaches for my hand and that’s how we enter the church. It’s been years since I’ve been here. Destiny and I would come with our grandma before she passed away. I tug on his hand to stop him. “I feel bad. This isn’t my church.”
“Don’t worry about that. Come on.” He pulls gently on my hand and we step through the side door of the church that leads to the community room. I stop and take a look around. Our friends are here, their kids. Kendall’s parents, who have become so much my own since we’ve been friends. Mark’s parents are here as well.
Kendall pushes through the crowd and pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she says, and my eyes mist with tears. Reagan is next, then Amelia. Followed by Kendall’s mom, Sonia, and Reagan’s mom, Heidi, as well as Mark’s mom, Theresa By the time the men take their turn, I’m a crying, sobbing mess. The last hug is from Mark. His is the strongest and the longest.
“We’re here for you,” he whispers, just for me.
I nod and wipe my eyes with the tissue that appeared a few hugs ago. I don’t know who gave it to me, but I’m thankful. “I don’t know what to say,” I admit.
“There’s nothing to say,” Heidi says. “You’re family.”
“Come make a plate.” Heidi links her arm with mine and guides me to where a spread of deli sandwiches, fruit, and vegetable trays are waiting.
“Thank you for this, for today. I know you didn’t get to meet her, but she was… this vibrant little girl. We used to play dress-up and make mud pies,” I say with a smile, thinking back to when we were younger. “Dest always had a mind of her own and marched to the beat of her own drum. We just didn’t know that would lead her down the wrong path.” I wipe under my eyes to keep the tears from falling. “We tried so many times to help her. My parents—” I swallow hard. “My parents did everything they could. They died trying to help her.” Mark leans over and puts his arm around my shoulders.
“I went through this… phase I guess you could call it where I felt sorry for myself that I have no living relatives. Well, except for a tiny baby girl. I know now that I was wrong. Family is not just blood. It’s heart. Everyone in this room has a piece of my heart. I can’t tell you what it means to me to know I have you in my corner. I love you all. Thank you for being here.” I grab a napkin and wipe the tears that I couldn’t stop from falling.
Mark leans in and kisses my temple. “I love you,” he whispers, before going back to his plat
e of food.
My pain glossed over the fact that I do have a family. We may not share the same bloodline but their hearts are connected to mine. Family is what you make it, and sitting here, I know I’ve made a good one. Surround yourself with good people, people who share your heart, your fears, and your goals. Open up to them, let them see you for who you really are, and they will forever be your family.
Before today, I was scared of raising Daisy on my own. But looking around this room, I know I don’t have to be afraid. I have a huge support system, and I’ve finally accepted that. Daisy and I are lucky to have them in our lives, and not a day will go by that I’ll ever take that for granted. I look over at Mark, and he’s laughing at something Kent just said. I’ll never push them away again.
These are my people and I need them more than ever.
Chapter Twenty
Mark
I stayed in Mason a few more days after the funeral. Daisy is doing well, growing and getting stronger every day. Now that she’s out of the woods, Dawn started staying at her parents’ place. I think it’s been good for her to be surrounded by them in their place. Fortunately, she’d left most of the furniture to stage the house as the realtor thought that would be best. There are only a few pieces that she kept and took back to her place. The photos and other personal items she wanted to keep have been packed up and moved to her place as well. Still, it’s the home where she grew up filled with memories. I know it’s hard for her, but my pixie is holding strong.
“How’re the girls?” Seth asks.
It’s early Monday morning and I’m back on the job. I got home late last night. “They’re doing good. Daisy is growing and gaining weight. She should be able to come home soon.”
“Glad to hear it,” Kent says, joining the conversation.
“You ready for this?” Tyler asks.
“Ready for what?”
“A baby around all the time.”
“What the fuck, man? Why would you ask me that?”
He holds his hands up in defense. “I’m not trying to be a dick, Mark. I’m just saying she’s going to be a single mom. She’s not just that little girl’s aunt. She will be her mother. That’s a lot to take on.”
“What? You think I’m just going to walk away from her? From both of them?”
“Not at all. I know you love her. I also know you love that baby. I’m just saying, be sure before all three of you are too far in. It’s three hearts you’ll be breaking.”
“I don’t plan on breaking any hearts,” I say through gritted teeth. I know he means well, but I’m too raw from Dawn pushing me away. In the back of my mind, I’m worried she’ll do it again. And honestly, Tyler knows better.
“We’re on your side,” Ridge defends. “We just thought you might want to talk about it. Ty and I, we’ve got kids, man. We know the work it takes.”
“You think I don’t know that? Fuck, what is this? You think I’m not good enough to be in their lives?”
“It’s the opposite. They’re damn lucky to have you. We’re on your side, Mark. We’re just putting it all out there,” Tyler says.
“Well, let me put it out there for you. I love her. I love that little girl who has wrapped her tiny fist around my heart. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good,” Kent says. “Now that everyone is on the same page, can we talk about how Seth’s been quiet lately. Too damn quiet,” he adds, giving our friend an inquiring look.
“Fuck, why you gotta turn the tables on me?” Seth complains.
“Serves you right,” I mumble.
“What’s up with that?” Tyler asks. “You have been quiet lately.”
“Care to elaborate?” Ridge asks.
“Nope.”
“Come on, man. You all dig into my life like it’s your fucking job,” I tell him.
“It is,” Seth replies.
“And mine, when I was dating Kendall,” Ridge adds.
“I feel left out. Y’all didn’t meddle with Reags and me,” Tyler says.
“That’s because you two were inevitable,” I tell him.
“Come on, man. You’ve gotta give us something,” Kent says, almost pleading.
“Fine. I might be interested in someone. She has a past, lots of baggage, and I don’t even know if she’s interested.”
“Where did you meet her?” Tyler asks.
“When did you meet her?” Ridge adds.
“That’s all you’re getting. And… I’ve only met her once, but she’s the kind of woman who makes you think about life. About where you’ve been and where you’re going.”
“You got all of that from one meeting?” Tyler asks.
“Pretty much. Can’t stop thinking about her.”
“Damn,” Kent mutters. “That’s some deep shit, Seth. Who knew you had it in you,” he says, losing control of his laughter.
“This.” Seth points at Kent. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Come on.” Tyler nudges him in the shoulder. “You know we’re just fucking with you.”
“You’ve got it easy,” Ridge announces. “Y’all were relentless when I first started dating Kendall. None of you have gotten it as bad as you gave it to me.”
Seth winces. “I’ll give you that one. You were the first to fall, brother. We learned from you and Kendall.”
“Yeah, what not to do,” Kent agrees.
“Then why in the hell are you harassing me?” I ask, annoyed all over again.
“And me,” Tyler counters.
“Do you have short-term memory loss? Do you not remember you started all of this? Asking if I’m ready to be with a single mother. You did that shit.” I point at him.
He nods. “I wasn’t giving you shit, more like something to think about. It’s a lot of responsibility. If Dawn’s your girl, then that baby girl is yours too, by default. It’s important to make sure you’ve thought it through.”
“You let me worry about me. And for the record, of course I’ve thought it through. I know what it means, and I’m all in.” I look over at Ridge and Tyler. “She’s my Kendall, my Reagan.” They immediately nod their understanding.
“Why didn’t you just start with that?” Kent says, grinning mischievously.
“Fuck off,” I say, laughing too.
“So, poker night?” Seth asks.
“Can’t. I’m leaving here Friday and spending the weekend with Dawn, then driving back late Sunday night.”
He nods. “Okay, well, we’re planning a night when she comes home.”
“Sounds good, man. We can have it at my place.”
“I’m holding you to that.” Seth points at me.
“I’m not backing out.” I’m also not telling him it’s because I know without a doubt that I’m not going to be ready to leave them more than I have to once I get them home.
“Get to work,” Ridge says, with absolutely no heat in his voice.
I’ve missed these guys, the banter, giving each other shit. I’ve always known they had my back, but even more so now, with all of their support of Dawn. I’m lucky to have them in my life. Family is what you make it and I couldn’t be prouder to call these four misfits my brothers.
* * *
I’m not even out of the parking lot before I’m dialing her number.
“Hello,” she answers.
“I miss you.”
She laughs. “It’s not even been twenty-four hours.”
She’s right. I left there at ten last night to make the long trek home. I didn’t want to leave them. However, with Daisy being out of the woods, and her being settled at her parents’ place, it’s the right thing to do. Ridge, although, he said it was okay, depends on me as a part of his small crew. “Too long,” I mumble into the phone.
“Long day?” she asks.
“Yeah.” I yawn. “We worked late. We’re trying to wrap up this job. They’re calling for rain toward the end of the week, so we’re getting in what we can now.”
“Makes sense,”
she agrees.
“Is it wrong I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a rainy day on Friday?”
“I don’t know. I am a little biased. That gets you here sooner.”
“Woman, it’s like you read my mind.” I chuckle.
“So, what’s on the agenda for tonight?” she asks.
“I’m headed to Mom and Dad’s for dinner, then home to crash. You?”
“Amelia surprised me with a visit. Something about a friend of hers had something done. When she’s ready, we’re going to go grab dinner.”
“Good. I hate the thought of you spending all week alone. How’s Daisy?”
“Great. Vitals are strong, she’s eating well, breathing on her own. Her tics are pretty much gone. We’re still doing skin-to-skin. The staff says that’s helping her, the connection or whatever. It makes me feel useful, if that makes any sense. She’s this tiny little thing, and I just want to make it better for her.”
“Spoken like a momma bear,” I reply softly.
She sucks in a breath. “I-I guess I haven’t really considered that.”
“Baby, you’re the only mom she’s ever going to know. You’re going to adopt her. I know we just laid her to rest, but you’re the best thing to happen to that baby girl. You’re going to give her a life full of love and laughter.”
“I’ve cried enough,” she says quietly.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. The opposite actually. I want you to know I’m there for you, for both of you. I know what it means to be involved with a single mom, which is what you now are.” My earlier conversation with the guys filters through my mind. I assume she knows this, but it’s better to get it out there. Leave nothing to interpretation. “I know that you’re a package deal, and I want the whole package.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, baby.”
“Amelia’s here,” she says, clearing her throat.
“You girls have fun. Give Daisy a kiss from me.”
“Will do. Get some rest.”
“Not likely until I’m with you, but I’ll try.”
