by Erin Trejo
“It wasn’t like that, Draven. If I didn’t help them, they would have killed me,” She pleads. Part of me wants to believe her and hold her but the other part wants to rip her heart out as we stand here.
“She’s right. We would have killed her.” A man’s voice pulls my attention. Lia turns to look to where the voice is coming from the same time I do.
“You the motherfucker puttin’ her up to that shit?” I ask with a growl. I walk up next to Lia and stare at the bastard.
“One of them. Her brother had a hand in it too.” I glance at Lia. Her mouth hangs open in confusion.
“He’s dead,” She says softly.
“No. He didn’t die in that accident. He had plans of his own. Except that whore of a mother of yours. God, she was disgusting. She would fuck anything with a dick. Turns out, your dear old dad wasn’t his dad either. It’s a shame really.” Lia shakes her head clearly confused but it’s all starting to make sense to me.
“You worthless fuck. You tell her brother, when I find him, I will kill him.” I reach for my gun when the pig pulls his.
“Don’t do it. I’ll kill her on the spot and no one will have shit,” He says gritting his teeth, his gun aimed at Lia. I bring my hand back around front of me.
“You were the detective,” Lia says under her breath.
“You caught on! Good girl,” He says as if praising her.
“You son of a bitch!”
“Oh, come on now Lia. I looked into the incident, didn’t I?”
“Where’s my brother?” She snaps.
“Where he is most useful.” I see his finger on the trigger. I step in front of Lia, placing my body in the path. When he pulls the trigger, the world flashes in front of my eyes. I tumble back, taking Lia to the ground with me.
“Draven!” She screams as she pulls herself from under me. She kneels next to me, pressing her hand to my chest.
“Where is he?” I ask, my breathing become labored. She’s silent for only a minute.
“Gone.”
“You need to get my phone. Get to the clubhouse,” I tell her. Lia shakes her head rapidly, tears sliding down her cheeks.
“I mean it. They will protect you.”
“No! they will kill me,” She cries.
“No, you’re mine, Lia. They won’t touch what’s mine. Just do it.” My eyes cloud over. The world slowly stops spinning. I heard Lia call 9-1-1. That’s the last motherfuckers I want near me but I can feel myself going downhill. I’m losing too much blood. I know that but her eyes are ripping me apart.
“They’re coming, Draven. Just hold on, okay? I’m so sorry,” She cries as she holds pressure to my chest.
Chapter 29
I wake up feeling like shit. I look over and see Crow sitting with a magazine in his hands. I chuckle a little when I see it.
“What the fuck are you laughin’ at?” He asks with a grin.
“Is that Modern Ladies magazine? Gonna redecorate motherfucker?” I ask. I take a few deep breaths that hurt like hell.
“We have a slight situation,” Crow says and I can tell by the tone in his voice this isn’t going to be good. The door opens and a nurse walks in with a syringe in her hand, fear in her eyes.
“What the fuck, Crow?” I ask looking between the two of them. He stands from the chair he’s been in.
“Here’s the thing. Lia needs to think your dead. We have a plan here.” I don’t like the sound of this already.
“And what the fuck does Nurse Nancy have to do with that?” I ask. She doesn’t look my way and I’m glad.
“Well, you’re not dead. She’s gonna make you dead. Lia’s here. She wants to see you. She told us everything but the cop thinks you’re dead. I talked to James.” He talked to my brother, James? What the fuck! I shake my head. This isn’t happening.
“Fuck that, Crow. Just tell her I’m dead, man.”
“She’s insistent. She wants to see you. So, here’s the thing. We told her you’re bad. Like real bad. So, nursey here is gonna stick that shit there in your IV and only release it into your bloodstream after she’s been in here a few minutes,” Crow says with a smile.
“Then what?”
“Then you’ll be dead,” Crow says as if it was nothing. Sick fucker.
“What the fuck! How the fuck is that gonna work? I ain’t dyin’, motherfucker. Fuck you, Crow. She comes near me and I will snap her neck!” I point at the nurse. Her eyes fill with a new fear. Fear of her own death. Crow chuckles before he reaches for the cart on the other side of the room.
“She’s gonna bring your ass back to life with this shit.” He says pointing at another syringe on the crash cart next to the bed. I look from him to the nurse.
“That shit gonna work?” I ask her nodding toward the cart.
“Yes,” She says quickly.
“Fuck! Why does she need to think I’m dead?” I ask Crow.
“We know her brother is involved. We don’t know who the fuck he is. We need that information. She don’t know and if the cops know you’re alive they know she will talk. She will tell you all she knows.”
“And why can’t we just tell her I’m dead?”
“Told you, brother. She’s stubborn. She wants to see your dead ass,” Crow laughs again.
“Fuck! This better work! If I’m dead forever, I will come back and fuck you up, Crow,” I growl as he laughs.
“Let’s do this shit.” Crow nods and heads toward the door. The nurse sticks the syringe into the IV and releases the fluid.
“Is it gonna hurt?” I ask her.
“No. When she’s in here, you will need to lay still. I will check your monitors and things before I flip this little switch.” I watch as she shows me.
“Is it quick? What the fuck… are they payin’ you good for this shit?” She smiles a sad smile and nods. At least she’s making good money for killing my ass.
“Ready?” She asks as soon as she hears the knock on the door. I close my eyes and nod once. I hear the door close and someone walking toward the bed.
“Shit. Draven. I never wanted you to get hurt. I’m so sorry. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t know how to fix this but I will. I will make it right.” She talks as I feel something slowly take over me. Her voice begins to fade.
“Draven! I’m telling on you!” James says as he runs toward the house crying.
“No! please don’t tell. Daddy will be home soon.” At the mention of the man himself, James stops running.
“I’m sorry. James. I love you.”
“I love you too, Draven. You’re the best big brother.” Visions drift through my mind like a movie. James and me. The guys at the club.
The shootout. I remember that night like it was yesterday. We were in the middle of a run when some assholes snuck up behind us. Shots were raining down on us. Crow was shot in the hip. Smokey barely missed a head shot. We laugh like a bunch of crazy fucks after we killed them all.
“Not you motherfucker. Who the hell is that?” I ask nodding toward the girl that walks around attached to Ratt’s hip.
“Some bitch Ratt picked up. Not sure who she is but Hawk don’t like her ass.” He says with a chuckle.
Lia. It’s my Lia. She doesn’t belong to him. She belongs to me. Why can I see her now? Why can I hear that whole talk over again in my head?
Her face floats through my mind, her words ringing in my ears. The words she said to her sister.
“I can’t do this, Mona. I fucking can’t. I don’t care what happens to me anymore.” She has to care. She has to care because I fucking care.
I need you, Lia. I want you.
Chapter 30
“How the fuck long was I dead?” I snap as I look at Crow laughing his ass off in the corner. I probably look like a fucking lunatic right now. I feel like one.
“Less than a minute,” He says with that fucking grin still on his face. If I didn’t feel like hell, I would get up and stomp the shit out of him.
“You
sure you did that shit right? It ain’t gonna fuck with me later?” I ask the nurse as she looks over my monitors.
“You’ll be fine,” She says softly. Shit. That was the strangest minute of my whole goddamn life.it felt like forever.
“Was it weird?” Crow asks inching forward. The look in his eyes shakes me. Why the hell does he need to know?
“Damn right it was weird. It was like a fuckin’ movie played over in my head. My whole goddamn life was there,” I tell him, running my hand over my face.
“Everything? Like when you were younger?” Look at that. I’ve managed to intrigue the motherfucker.
“Fuck off, Crow! Why the fuck did I have to die anyway? You got somethin’ good for me?” I ask, pushing myself up a little more. Crow eyes me with that grin before sitting in the chair next to the bed.
“Few things. Lia was hauled the fuck outta here when you died. Hawk is pissed. He took her back to the clubhouse for now.” My eyes jerk to his, my heart picking up.
“Don’t let them hurt her!” I roar. Crow shakes his head, sliding down in his chair, resting his head against the back and says, “He ain’t gonna hurt her. We need to find some shit out about her brother though.” I shake my head not truly understanding all of this.
“Her brother was dead,” I say more to myself.
“Yeah, that’s what they said but it was a lie. Someone falsified the report. Turns out little brother was never in the car,” Crow says like it isn’t a big deal but it is. I reach over and yank the IV from my arm and toss it to the floor before sitting up. My head spins forcing me to lay back down a little longer.
“Nice try, motherfucker. You can’t get up yet so just stop. I told you, they aren’t going to hurt her,” Crow chuckles as he plays with his phone.
“I wanna see her,” I say. Crow’s eyes shoot to mine. He shakes his head and flashes me his gun, “Get up and I’ll make sure you stay down. We got this part handled, Draven.” I close my eyes as the world spins. Bile raises up my throat from all the movement.
“What is the fuckin’ plan, Crow?” I ask, laying back against the pillow like a bitch.
“The plan is, the cop thinks you’re dead. He will go after Lia again and we will take his ass out once Ruger gets him in the dungeon and gets the information on the brother,” He says as if it’s that easy to do. It’s not!
“I want the cop,” I tell him with my eyes closed. I can almost see the goddamn smirk on his face.
“I’ll let Hawk know.”
“No. Fuck that, Crow! You need to keep Lia hidden, hide her. I want that motherfucker in the dungeon!”
“Hawk wants to move her out of state,” Crow says, his voice lowering.
“As much as I want to argue that, I agree. She’s better off.” Crow’s eyes shoot to mine and hold there.
“Is she?” He asks.
“Yeah, she is. She deserves a life. Get Monica out of there too. Give them whatever they need to make a new life. They’ve been fucked over long enough.” Crow nods his head slowly, his eyes never leaving mine. It makes sense. They need to start over. They need to find themselves again when they’re not in danger. They’ve been forced to live in our world for far too long.
“You think she’ll go easily?” Crow asks in a now serious tone.
“She thinks I’m dead, Crow. There’s no reason for her to stay.” As much as that hurt to say, it needed to be said. Lia thinks I’m dead. And for all intents and purposes, I will be.
“You goin’ after her later?” He asks. I shake my head and say, “Nope. I’m dead, brother. She deserves more.”
Yeah, I’m dead to Lia now.
Chapter 31
“If you stick your hand over here again, I will fuckin’ cut it off,” I warn Smokey. He’s been checking my pulse like a girl. It’s annoying as fuck. I’ve been home for days. Lia was sent away just like we planned. Ruger is on his way back with the goddamn pig that shot me. Life is getting back to normal or at least as much as it can.
“Doc told me to check that shit. Make sure there are no adverse effects on you,” Smokey says with a shrug and reaches for my wrist again. I grab it this time, squeezing with all my strength until I can nearly feel the bones breaking.
“I warned you, Smokey. I ain’t dyin’ this week, brother. If you ever want to hold your daughter with this arm again, you will stop,” I warn him for that last time. I watch the look in his eyes. He would never admit it but I’m hurting his ass right now. I’m close to snapping his wrist into a bunch of tiny pieces.
“Fine, asshole. Die if you want to. I don’t give a shit.” He pulls his arm from my grasp as Crow laughs.
“You still fuckin’ with him, Smokey?” I glance over my shoulder and see Hawk walking toward us.
“He would miss me too much if I was dead.” I wink at him causing him to laugh. Hawk grabs some beers and sits down next to us, shoving a few into the middle of the table.
“You sure you’re up for the dungeon this soon?” Hawk asks nodding toward my chest. That shit hurts but like the Doc said, I’m okay. I don’t need them to baby me anymore. It wasn’t my first bullet although it was my first death.
“I’m good to go, Prez. I want that bastard. Ruger can hang out with me if I get too tired.” Hawk nods knowing damn good and well that I’m not going to let Ruger do shit. This kill is mine. It’s all mine. He’s the reason I ended up in that hospital. He’s the reason that Lia had leave. He’s the reason I keep breathing. I will kill this son of a bitch after I get all the information I can out of him.
“You think he’ll talk?” Smokey asks. I nod.
“Why wouldn’t he? I ain’t cuttin’ his tongue out first.” We all laugh. They know I’ll do it.
“We need to know who the brother is. I got a bad feelin’ that it’s someone we know. Someone inside. How else would they have gotten the information to take us down? We know Lia and Monica didn’t talk. Monica was savin’ money to get the girls outta here,” Hawk says.
I look down at the bottle in my hand. I tear at the label not wanting to think about her leaving. I want her here. I want her in my fucking arms but I know that sending her away was the right thing to do. She doesn’t deserve to live in our life of hell when there’s a whole world out there waiting for her. I don’t know when things changed inside of me. I don’t know when I let her in but she’s in there. She’s in my chest, in my head. I don’t know how I’m going to get her out.
“I’m with you but we ran through everyone. I don’t know who the fuck else there might be,” I say before taking a long pull from the bottle. I set my beer on the table and shove myself out of the chair.
“Call me when Ruger gets back,” I say over my shoulder as I walk toward the door. I shove through and head outside into the warm air. I blink rapidly as the sun beats down on me. If I was being honest with myself, I miss her. I miss Lia.
I walk to the house and climb the stairs. As soon as I step inside I’m assaulted with the scent of her. Even after days, I can feel her. I opted not to come home when I got out of the hospital. I stayed in the clubhouse. I didn’t want the reminder that she wasn’t here. I didn’t want to accept the fact that she’s gone.
“Fuck,” I grumble under my breath. She’s everywhere. She’s in my head, my heart, her scent lingers. I’m fucked. I head down the hall, pulling my cut off and dropping it to the floor. My shirts off next as I step into the bathroom. I reach in and turn the shower on before taking off the rest of my clothes. Stepping in, I let the water wash away all the anger, rage and pain that I fell.
It will never wash away, Lia. The memories. They are all there.
“I didn’t want to let you go. I didn’t have a choice though. One day you will realize that I did it for you. I did all of this shit for you. You are better than me, Lia. You deserve to have it all. More than I could give you.” I say as if she can hear me.
Chapter 32
“Officer!” I mock salute the bastard that’s tied to the chair in the dungeon. My body is tight w
ith tension. I’m ready to handle this fuck.
“What the fuck? You’re dead,” He says looking at me like I’m a figment of his imagination. I like that.
“Seein’ ghosts, Officer?” I ask walking around his chair, twirling a knife between my fingers. I want him to be on edge.
“I fucking killed you!” He roars.
“Did you really? Seems I’m right here.”
“She saw you die.” He grits his teeth.
“She saw what we wanted her to see. Yeah, you’re right though. I did die. That Narcan is a motherfucker of a drug, you know? It does some strange shit.”
“You bastard! They will kill her,” He laughs. I back hand him across the face before walking to stand in front of him.
“Who? Her brother? I doubt that. He doesn’t know where she is. Besides, we already know there wasn’t really a cop in here,” I chuckle as I watch the blood trickle from his lip.
“He’s your brother. Why wouldn’t he know?” The motherfucker just let it slip. I was prepared to beat the hell out of him. I was ready to cut him piece by piece to get what I want and here he is spilling it. Now I just need a fucking name. One name and I’m ready to explode.
“Funny thing about that. He doesn’t know shit. We kept him out of the loop. He doesn’t even know I’m alive. How’s that for comedy of the year?” I laugh. His eyes follow mine. I lean down and read the little badge on his shirt. “Burgess what kind of name is that anyway?” I mumble. I reach for his hand, grabbing ahold of his pinky. I pull it out away from the rest of them while he screams.
“What the fuck do you want from me?” He squeals like a girl. Ruger chuckles in the corner as he watches me.
