by C. A. Harms
Now here I sit inside the police station with not one but four detectives standing in front of me and I’m offering them the chance to bring down the biggest crime lord in their city. The things my father is responsible for, the hatred and destruction he’s inflicted on many, have rocked this city. But I feel no remorse for laying out this plan before them. I feel nothing for my father or my brother. Nothing for the woman who stands behind a man like Zeke Gunther. They are all dead to me.
“You only have one family, son,” the older man who entered only moments ago says as he steps up to the side of the table. I lift my gaze and meet his, hoping he can see that I am completely void of any type of emotion toward those I want to destroy.
“They aren’t my family. They took the family I could have had and destroyed it.” I fist my hands on the table as I picture Blair’s smile in my mind. “Now I want them to pay for what they cost me. Either you help me make that happen, or I’ll do it alone. One way or another they will fall.”
“Okay, Cyrus, looks like we got some work to do.” The two men across from me stand, and I follow suit.
“There’s only one thing I need from you all.” I see those I knew it looks on all their faces as they wait for me to continue. “Don’t ever refer to me as Cyrus, it’s Jake. No Cyrus, no Gunther, just Jake, got it?”
Smiles slowly creep across each of their mouths and I know when they get it. They understand my need for revenge and justice.
I’m not the same as my family; I’m not cut out for this type of life.
“Did you take care of the problem?” My father asks Gabe as he enters the warehouse, wiping his hands on a cloth he’d pulled from his back pocket. Red smears from his fingers are left on the light-colored material and it makes my stomach ache with sympathy for whomever the blood belonged to. Most likely a desperate soul who got wrapped up in the ugly part of my father's world and couldn’t find a way out.
“Problem has been rectified.” Gabe smiles in that sadistic way of his and it takes all I have not to jump up and pound his face until I ensured he’d never smile again. But I can’t cross that line; I have to remain calm. Collecting all the information I can about the operations behind the Gunther name is the only thing that will bring this all to an end.
It is the key to my freedom.
“Good.” My father’s response is followed by a click as he lights his cigar.
There are always those trigger points in life, times you are reminded of what you otherwise may have forgotten. A familiar place, the taste of something you’ve had before; you just know it, yet can’t remember exactly when or even where. Or in my case the recognizable scent of a Cohiba Cuban cigar. But the scent alone never brought good memories of my childhood, only the nightmares that were inflicted whenever we were out of line. My father had no problem putting them out on Gabe or me whenever he felt we needed to be reminded of our place in his world. I had many scars across my back to prove this.
“Eddie is disposing of the evidence now.” I try my best not to react to the fact that my brother is talking so casually about the death of another human. At his hands, no less, and the saddest part of all is that I know there were many more before him.
“We located Nate.” I turn in the chair to look back at my father. “He’s been shacked up with some strung out princess in Bolingbrook. They’ve been using up the product he so eagerly ran off with and living off the poor girl's grandparents.”
He says this like he actually has a conscience and feels for the elderly couple.
“We’ve been scoping out the place, waiting for the perfect time to move in.”
“What do you plan to do with him?” I ask as I lean over and rest my elbows on my knees. “It’s not like you’re gonna get the money or drugs out of him.”
My father stares at me, lifting his cigar once more and puffing on the end before lowering it. I never thought it possible for any person to hate their parent as much as I hated Zeke, but I can assure you it is. What kind of person imagines killing their own dad a hundred different ways? Because that shit rolls around in my mind daily, hourly even, each method becoming more violent and vengeful than the last.
“I think this will be the perfect time for you to see just how we handle those who cross us, Cyrus.” I try to hide the cringe I feel when he says my first name. It is a name chosen by him, and when this is all said and done, I will never be referred to as Cyrus again. “Since you have somewhat of a personal connection to this situation, I’d say it’s only right you handle the man that once bedded the girl you seem so fond of.”
My hatred for my father was overpowering.
“How is our sweet Blair doing these days?” Gabe rings in from my side and without even taking the time to look at him I know he wears a smirk on his lips. He always did, that cocky arrogance my father had bestowed on him after years of convincing him he was invincible. The dumb ass isn’t smart enough to figure out Zeke will tell him anything if he continues to be his bitch. “I swung by her place a couple of days ago, but she didn’t answer her door.”
I turn my head just slightly, enough to meet his stare and instead of attacking him, which is what I truly want to do, I gave him a matching stare. The corner of my lip lifting, giving the impression that his words don’t affect me in the slightest.
“Tomorrow evening, you and Gabe are gonna take a little drive,” my father continues, ignoring the way my brother and I simply stare at one another waiting for the other to break or react. “Eddie and Squeak will follow. I want you all to scope out the area, then I want you to bring that sorry ass back to me. I don’t care who gets in your way, do whatever it takes.”
Chapter Seventeen
Blair
After Sadie shared the secrets she’d been guarding, Whitney and I decided to leave sooner. It no longer mattered to her that she would be violating her lease. We knew that staying in Chicago would only continue to weigh heavy on both of us. Sadie may have violated the friendship between her and me, but in doing so she’d violated Whitney too.
I know we both felt devastated.
We’ve been back in Iowa for a little over a week and in that short time, I’ve been able to find that strength inside of me that I once held. That strength finally gave me the courage to push Jake and even any lingering thoughts of Nate out of my life for good. That same strength helped me push through the weeks that followed until I found level ground once again. That was until Jake shook the surface beneath my feet and screwed it all up once again.
I’d love to say that when I left Chicago I was also able to leave everything that had to do with that man behind, but I can’t. I wish I could say that the miles between us now made forgetting him easier, but I can’t say that either. Jake didn’t just crush my soul by violating my trust. He didn’t just use me to get answers for his warped father. He left a life-altering mark on my life, a mark that I would now hold forever.
Every morning, I’m reminded of our short time together. There is no longer the possibility of forgetting he even existed. That fantasy, that wish, is long gone.
Swoosh, swoosh. I close my eyes tightly when the sound fills the room. Whitney stands at my side, holding my hand tightly in hers as I lie back, both my feet firmly planted in the stirrups before me.
“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” I take in a deep, shuddering breath when the technician confirms what the three tests I’d taken just yesterday had read. “You are only about five to six weeks along, but the heartbeat is strong.”
I open my eyes and turn my head toward Whitney, a tear running over my cheek in the process as it drips to the surface beneath me. She forces a smile, but I know her well enough to understand what she’s thinking. It’s the same thing I fear.
Fear of the Gunther family finding that I’m now carrying one of their heirs. The terror that one day my child would be trapped in a life of hell.
“With the information you’ve provided about your last period, and the measurements I’ve taken, I’d say that puts t
he conception date somewhere between April seventeenth to April nineteenth.”
Again I close my eyes tightly, knowing she is dead on. That was the time that Jake and I were locked away in my apartment together. The days right before it all went straight to hell.
“Congratulations, how exciting.” Is it? I think as I look toward the tech just as she holds out a curling strip of paper. When I take it from her I twist it around so I can look at the images, and my heart feels as though it seizes in my chest. I feel ashamed that only moments ago I’d actually wished this was all nothing more than a dream, or a nightmare even. The hazy black and white photo softens the regret I feel. My baby, though at this point it barely resembles an infant, more of a blob really, is all I can see at that moment. Mine. I vow right then and there to protect him or her from the life of their father. No way will I ever allow them to be a part of that dark world I left behind in Chicago.
“Thanks,” I whisper as I stare at the image, unable to peel my eyes away from it. My heart beats rapidly as my chest grows tight. The pain I feel from reality is overwhelming. But I can’t regret this, I won’t allow it. I’ve known what it feels like to be tossed aside, I’ve lived that life. One where my parents didn’t care for me the way a parent should. I won’t repeat history, but instead, I will learn from it and vow never to let my child feel as though they aren’t wanted.
“A new start,” I whisper to no one in particular, but more of a statement to myself. When Whitney squeezes my hand in hers and repeats the words in her own whisper, I know she gets it. This baby, though he or she is unplanned, is a sign of a new beginning for me. One I’ll treasure and love unconditionally. From this day forward, I will do everything I can to give my child a life full of so much love they never once feel the absence of their father.
“Do you wanna talk about it yet?” Will, Whitney’s oldest brother sits down on the couch beside me and stares at me with his arms crossed over his chest. “Because I know the story about not knowing who the father is was nothing more than a lie. That isn’t who you are, Blair.”
“How do you know?” I challenge him with an arch of my brow and though he tries to remain serious and in control, he falters. A grin tugs at the corner of his mouth and he averts his stare for a few seconds before looking back up at me. We both grin wide and he bumps his shoulder with my own.
Will is like the big brother I never had. He is even more protective than Whitney. He’s always been the guy to scare off any boy who tried to date us, terrify those who slid under his radar, and ensured they understood he was watching. I love the guy and know that no matter what, he’d serve as a male role model for my child without me even asking. So will Warner, who is the middle child in the Flannigan family. Both guys are happily married, and Will has a child of his own. Will is an investment banker and Warner is on the police force for Polk County.
They are both stand-up guys, great family men, and I feel lucky that they consider me family.
“It was a mistake—the guy, not the child. I will never consider my baby an accident, more of a blessing really.” He doesn’t have to ask questions as to what my words mean; he knows the details of my life too. “Let’s just say that the guy doesn’t come from the greatest family and the idea of my son or daughter being brought up in that atmosphere is something I can’t allow.”
“Does he know about the baby?” I shake my head. “Are you gonna tell him?”
I let his question roll around in my mind, and I know that part of my decision may seem selfish to some. But I can’t take a chance, I have to keep my child and myself safe.
“I just want to live by the story I gave you. The one where I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning pregnant. You know, kind of like a kiss from an angel or something, that’s what I’m sticking to.”
He stares at me, scanning over my face for a few seconds as if waiting for me to show any signs of sadness. But I told myself I’m done with that time. I’m home now, safe with those who love me. I left behind the darkness and hate the moment we saw the Welcome to Ankeny, Iowa sign. It’s over, it has to be.
“Is this guy dangerous?” If he asked me that a month ago I would have said only to my libido, but now I’m not so sure. “Should any of us be worried?”
“No, nothing like that.” The last thing I want is for Warner to go snooping around into the life of the Gunthers. It may trigger a panic alert and I don’t want any of those people to get wind of where it is I’ve disappeared to. “His family is just controlling and judgmental, and I found that he wasn’t the sweet guy I thought he was. Turns out he’s a real ladies’ man and I wouldn’t doubt that I’m not the only woman running around with a Jake bun in the oven.”
He narrows his eyes.
“Really, I’m fine.” I feel my hands grow clammy. “I’m where I should be, surrounded by a great support system. This baby is gonna have so much love and that to me is almost perfect.” I want this subject to be forgotten, but I have a feeling they will all be watching me closely for months to come.
“When are you and Whitney supposed to get the keys to your new place?” I am thankful he got the hint and feel relieved that the subject of my child’s father is now past.
“Saturday morning.” I feel happy once again over our next move—a three-bedroom, two bath townhouse, move-in ready. It helps to have a connection with a kick-ass Realtor® in the area. Whitney’s mom has worked the real estate field since she was nineteen and with her help, we landed the perfect place not far from the Flannigan’s homestead, with the best price. Things are looking up for us, and I know that her family won’t allow us to fall. They are great that way, loving, and supportive no matter what the circumstances may be.
“Marcy’s parents are downsizing and she managed to reserve a truckload of stuff for the two of you before they donated it or sold it to someone else.” My heart feels as though it grows in my chest. This is what I’m talking about, that love and support. “She snatched up a living room set, kitchen table, and chairs. I know she said there was some kitchen ware too, but I can’t vouch for what exactly that means.”
Before I can stop myself, I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him in for a hug.
“Your wife is amazing, but then again I’d expect nothing less because you're pretty great too.” He hugs me in return, giving me a sense of security I am in desperate need of but will never ask for. “Don’t let that go to your head though.”
“I won’t,” he replies with a chuckle. “I already know it to be true, so it’s not like you announcing it is a surprise.”
I roll my eyes but still hold him close. I guess I just need a little comfort. I am scared, terrified even, of the future. I’m going to be a mom, the life of an innocent child will be soon placed in my hands, and my biggest fear is that in some way I’ll damage them. I have absolutely no idea how to be a mother, how to guide someone to make the right choices…because I’ve spent my life making all the wrong ones.
Chapter Eighteen
Jake
Things are stressed, tempers are flaring and I’m hanging on the edge of sanity. The more time I spend in the presence of my brother, my father, and their men, the darker I feel my soul growing.
Nate has once again disappeared, like he fell off the face of the earth. No one around me understands how that can happen without some type of a trace, but I know. He’d been taken from the home he shared with the strung-out girl and her grandparents and placed in protective custody. They all had no idea that the moment they became a part of his life their safety had been compromised too.
Acting surprised, pissed even that the house was empty when we showed up to retrieve my father’s prize was difficult at first. But I’ll admit it, my acting skills have really come a long way. I’m getting used to pretending to be as evil as them, learning to play dirty and not care. It’s almost natural now. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that my chances for happiness are gone. Blair is gone, Whitney is gone, and Sadie is so lost that she’s w
asting away to nothing and refuses to give me even the slightest hint as to where they may be.
I sleep at the warehouse, but only so I can gather as much dirt against all of them as I can. Being trapped so close to them comes with a price. Whores, drugs, and more always surround me. Screams in the night of both pleasure and pain are the things that fill my head. I can sense the man I want to be slipping fast, the good inside me growing black with each passing day.
I lie in the darkness, staring up at the ceiling above, picturing Blair in my mind. She is the only piece of good I can hold onto. Though with each passing day it grows harder, her smile is my escape. The way she looked up at me through those long lashes of hers, trying to hide the flush of embarrassment she’d get often, her sweetness and that quiet nature she held haunt me, but in a good way. Somehow in my mind, I’ve convinced myself that maybe one day I’ll see her again and get another chance. But in reality, I know I’ve lost her; she’ll never look at me again and see the man I want to be for her. I will only remind her of sorrow and of that night when Gabe went to her.
The softness of a hand running over my thigh causes my eyes to flutter shut. I know it isn’t Blair, I’m not that far gone yet, but pretending seems to help. I remain still, allowing the girl to take me in her hand and slowly glide her fist up and down. I fight to get hard, forcing myself to believe this is my beautiful girl, the one I crave. I imagine we’re back in her apartment; though I know her touch and this isn’t even close, I force myself to believe.
Reaching out I grab the back of the girl’s head and guide her to my cock. A soft moan escapes her just before she takes me in her mouth. I need to keep her from talking; if she does, any hope of my release will be gone.
