by C. A. Harms
I reach out and take Isabelle in my arms.
“She has the next best thing in Will and Warren. They are the greatest uncles a girl could ask for.” I don’t look at Betty because I don’t want her to see the tears that our conversation has brought to my eyes.
I really need to change banks, but unfortunately I think it would end up being the same thing, just a different person. It would seem everyone knows everything about all the things that aren’t their business.
“Here you go, sweetheart,” Betty counts out the sixty dollars I’ve requested and then places the receipt for my deposit next to it. “If you ever need a little time to yourself the offer to babysit this sweet angel always stands.”
“Thanks.” I quickly tuck my things into my purse. “But all the time I can get with her I take, because I miss her entirely too much when I’m gone.” I chance a glance at Betty and find her smiling back at me. “You have a good day, Betty.”
“You too, hon.”
I step outside and take in a calming breath. Everything here is great, peaceful and safe. Everything but the fact that everyone seems to think I ran off to the city, got knocked up, and came back home to raise my daughter alone. It isn’t as if those facts aren’t entirely true, but I hate that my life is a topic those around me discuss. I also can’t stand the idea that one day Isabelle may be forced to hear the same things I filter now.
I move my little girl from my side around to my front as I hug her close. “I’ll love you enough that you won’t even have the chance to miss him.” I know that even though I wish for that to be true there will be a day when she’ll need her daddy.
With a deep breath in and a slow release I safely tuck her back into her car seat and drive off toward my next stop. One person after another, I ignore the pitied looks of the elder population around town. I look past those who are younger and assume the worst, and choose to ignore the whispers I occasionally hear around me.
Instead I smile at Iz, tickle her tummy, and kiss her cheeks each time we stop and get out of the car. I remember what I left behind in the city and cherish the fact that here, she is safe.
When I arrive at the grocery store I gather her and walk toward the entrance holding her close to my front. Collecting a cart, I place her in the seat and triple check its straps are secure around her. Even then, after knowing that the buckle locked in place, I still keep my hand on each side of her as I start inside.
I remain focused on her, playing the occasional game of “peek a boo” when she starts to get antsy. I don’t even flinch when she hollers out, because her screeches are a welcome distraction.
I am so focused on her that I don’t even notice we’re no longer alone…until I hear his voice.
“Is she mine?”
I freeze, with my hand on the jug of milk still sitting just inside the cooler.
“And before you decide to lie, let me assure you that just by looking at her I already know the answer to that question.”
The urge to run hits me, as I look from side to side without actually looking behind me.
“Were you ever gonna tell me that I have a daughter?”
Tears cloud my vision as I stare ahead at Isabelle, who’s now focused on the man who I know stands only a few inches behind me. She doesn’t cry, only sucks on her pacifier, making those cute little noises she’s done so many times before. Yet I still can’t bring myself to turn around. I don’t know what to say or how to react. I never thought I’d be faced with this situation.
“I wanna be angry right now over the fact that I had no idea I was a father, only I can’t be. She’s beautiful.”
I close my eyes tightly, willing the tears to just go away. Only one escapes as it slowly rolls over my cheek.
“What’s her name?”
I open my eyes just as he reaches over my shoulder and touches her leg with the tips of his fingers. A gentle touch, as if to ensure she is real and that his eyes aren’t playing tricks on him.
“Isabelle,” I whisper her name, my throat feeling scratchy from the emotions racing through me. “What are you doing here?”
I take the chance to look back over my shoulder and immediately regret it. Jake’s penetrating stare, the same one I’d seen so many times when I closed my eyes at night, bore into me. I feel like the air has been knocked right out of me.
He looks the same, only stronger, if that makes sense. Not only physically, but there is a determination in his eyes, a powerful stance as he stares back at me with purpose.
“I came for you.”
Chapter Four
Jake
My hands are shaking, my legs trembling, but I remain as still as I possibly can. Staring into the eyes of the only woman I’ve dreamed of every night for the last year as adrenaline courses through me. My desire for her, my need, never faded, and her absence didn’t make her image in my mind weaken. She’s there, she is always there, so deep and penetrating.
“I’m not the same man you left on the side of the road a year ago.”
Blair begins shaking her head as she looks toward the little angel I now know as our daughter. Fuck, I’m a father. I’m still reeling from that alone. She’s as beautiful as her mother, so sweet and—wow.
“You need to leave.”
I pull my focus away from Isabelle and I see a fear in Blair I hadn’t noticed a few seconds ago.
“Please, just leave us alone.”
“I can’t do that.” Once the words leave my lips, Blair’s eyes fill with unshed tears that make my chest ache so unbelievably bad. “I know you’re with someone.” I try not to snarl at the idea of another man touching her. “I saw you leaving with him last night.” Her forehead wrinkles in confusion. “You may have moved on, may have found someone else, but I haven’t. I can’t.”
She glances toward the floor and I reach out to place my finger beneath her chin. She flinches from my touch, and I think being stabbed in the heart would have hurt less than the fact she fears me.
“I would never hurt you.”
Her shoulders shake as she uses her hand to push away my arm. “I need you to leave. I need you to turn around and walk away. Please, if you care like you say you do, forget about us.”
“You can’t keep her away from me, Blair.” She can’t possibly expect me to forget that I have a daughter. I set out this morning in search of Blair. I’d lain awake all night picturing her in my mind. When the sun came up I knew I had to go to her. I wanted her to know I was here and even if she had moved on I had to tell her I was sorry, that I’d never once stopped thinking of her. I want her to know that I love her, and I think I always have, since our first night together. Maybe even before that.
I never expected to see her walking out of her house carrying a baby in her arms. After that I drove around, following her to each stop she made, trying to believe what I saw.
“I’m her father, Blair, I deserve to know her. I deserve to be a part of her life even if I can’t be a part of yours. I can’t just pretend she doesn’t exist.”
“I’m not protecting her from you.” She finally looks up at me, her voice rising a little higher. “It’s your family, the life you live that I want to keep her safe from. They can’t know about her, or where we are. I won’t let any of you hurt her.”
“I’d never let that happen.”
She laughs sarcastically, and I understand where that reaction stems from. I’d once made her feel safe, and then my family stepped in and changed all of that.
“I told you that part of my life is over. I’m not that same guy.”
“Well, you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t believe you.”
I watch as she turns toward our daughter and reaches out to loosen the buckle that holds her securely in place. When she lifts Isabelle up from the shopping cart and places her against her chest, I fight the urge to reach out. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want to hold my daughter at that very moment. She’s part of me, a part of Blair, and whether her mother wants to admi
t it or not she was created by two people who at one point in time cared deeply for each other.
Before I have even a second to register what’s happening, Blair pushes past me, leaving the cart filled with groceries behind. I’m torn between chasing after her or ensuring there isn’t anything in the basket that my daughter may need.
Then it hits me what’s taking place and suddenly I’m moving after her, jogging to catch up.
“Blair, wait.” She doesn’t even pause. Those around us watch in confusion as I follow after her. Someone she passes just before stepping outside asks her if she is okay and she assures them she is. Of course the lady glares at me as I move by her as if I’m the devil himself. But I don’t have time to care; all I care about is the two who are hurrying away from me. Thankfully Blair has to take the time to fasten Isabelle in her seat before she can take off, which gives me the chance I need to catch up to her.
I stand to her side, waiting to ensure she has our daughter safely fastened in before I distract her. What I don’t expect when I reach out for her is that she’d turn on me.
Here we stand in the center of the parking lot, people gathering around us as she shoves against my chest angrily. Tears stream down her face, her nostrils flaring. “Leave us alone,” she screams as she pummels my chest and I do nothing to stop her. “We’re safe here, she’s safe. Isabelle will never be a part of your family, a part of the disgusting life you lead. She’s mine and I won’t let you hurt her.”
I grab her wrists, holding them between us and I lower myself just enough to look into her eyes. “I would never hurt her or you.” Her shoulders shake with the sobs she tries to hold back. Blair’s eyes are red and swollen, her cheeks glistening with the tears that have already fallen.
“I’m sorry for what my family did to you, for the part I played in it all. But damn it, Blair, you have to know that I never meant for Gabe to hurt you. Had I not been sitting in my father’s office with two guns aimed at my head I would have come for you sooner. The waiting, not knowing what was happening to you, that was the worst fucking thing I’d ever felt in my life. But what good would I have been to you dead?”
Seeing her lower lip tremble makes me feel so weak, like I’m being torn apart from the inside out. A new round of anger toward my brother and my father for ordering him to find Blair in the first place hits me hard, making my hands shake with fury.
No longer caring that she is fighting me, I grip her tighter and pull her in to my chest. “They’re all behind bars, serving time for all the hell they caused. I made sure of it, made sure they paid for not only what they did to you, but to everyone who ever crossed them.”
Blair tugs against me but I hold her even tighter, needing to keep her close.
“It almost killed me knowing that I couldn’t get to you. The idea of what he was doing to you or what he could be doing, I wanted to kill him.” I pause as she slowly relaxes against me. “And I almost did.”
She takes in a deep shuddering breath and then I allow myself to relax, but just a little.
“That day you left with Whitney, the last time I saw you, I turned my family in to the police. I begged for help before I killed them all myself. I wanted revenge on my father and my brother. I wanted them to suffer,” I whisper against her ear as I look in on our daughter who sits quietly in her car seat staring at us. Even in our current situation I can’t contain the smile that covers my lips. I’m a father.
“I meant what I said, Blair.” I close my eyes but only for a second before looking back at our little girl. “I’m not the same man, there’s no going back there. That part of my world is over and as far as I’m concerned the only two that matter from this day forward are you and Isabelle.”
“You’re a dad?” Sadie asks in amazement as she sits down on the hotel bed at my side. She looks almost as shocked as I feel. “And Blair is a mom.”
“Yeah.” A smile tugs at my lips as I picture the dark-haired beauty in my mind. “And she’s perfect.” Actually, perfect doesn’t even do her justice. “There’s no denying she’s mine, she looks just like me. Same color hair, same eyes. Hell, even her nose is an exact replica of my own, only much smaller.”
“Wow.”
“Wow’s one way of putting it.” I chuckle as I look up to see Sadie staring off at nothing in particular as she weighs the new information I’ve thrown at her. “At first I was pissed, because there I sat in my car, watching Blair place a little baby in a car seat inside her car. The idea of her having a child with someone else, the guy we saw her with even, it just infuriated me. I knew I didn’t have the right to be mad, but damn it, I didn’t want to admit that what I’d come here for was already gone. I felt defeated, cheated even more out of the life I wanted.” First my family took away my shot at happiness, and now some stranger was loving the woman I wanted and the child they’d created together.
“But the more I followed her, each time I got another glimpse of the little girl, it was like my feet were swept out from beneath me. Then I followed her inside the store and got a closer look and that’s when I just knew. I knew she was mine. Even through the anger I felt that Blair hid it from me, I couldn’t fight the happiness.” Again I smile. “I’m someone’s dad.” I shake my head and chuckle. “She’s my new beginning, Sadie. Isabelle’s my fresh start.”
“And what about Blair?”
I run my hand through my hair as I tug on the tips at the base of my neck. “In a perfect world, she’d be able to look past the things that happened and she’d forgive me. We’d heal from the things we’ve faced and find a way to raise our daughter together. I just don’t know if that’s our reality.” Then there’s the guy she was with that she still hasn’t spoke of or denied having a connection with when I brought it up.
“What I do know is that there isn’t anything that’s gonna stop me from being a part of my daughter’s life. We’re staying, Sadie, whether she wants us here or not. I won’t walk away and miss another minute of Isabelle’s life. I’ve already missed too much.”
“Maybe I should just go—”
“You’re staying.” I reach out and squeeze her hand with my own. “I’ve already called Farris and told him where I’ll be. With any luck I’ll either be employed by Polk County or the town of Ankeny. Either way is fine with me, because wherever my little girl is, is where I’ll be. And I meant it when I said that I’m here for you, always. There’s no going back to that life, for you or for me. We’re home.”
Chapter Five
Blair
“What the hell do you mean Jake is here?” Whitney is fuming with anger, and I can practically see flames shooting off her.
“I mean he’s here, in Ankeny.”
She paces the floor in front of the couch, her hands flailing around as she opens her mouth only to shut it again quickly. Her cheeks are flushed, a sure sign her blood pressure is on the rise and I try not to laugh. Because honestly, nothing about this is funny, but oh my hell she looks ridiculous.
I’ve already given her a rundown of my interaction with Jake, both inside and outside the store. Apparently one of Marcy’s friends had a front row seat to the entire show and by the time I got back to my place, Will and Warren were both already waiting in the driveway for me. Shortly after that Whitney squealed to a stop along the curb and practically climbed out of the car before it was even in park.
Now here they all sit, watching and waiting for me to react. Both of the guys look less than pleased, on guard even. The big brother act is written all over their faces.
“So which one of you is gonna tell us who the hell this guy really is?”
“He’s Isabelle’s father.” Whitney throws her hands up in the air spinning around to face her brother. “He’s a liar and his family is insane. I’m talking the worst possible kind of people and the last thing we need is for any of them to be a part of Izzy’s life.”
“He said they’re in prison.” Whitney again spins completely around to face me once more. Now all three of them st
are at me silently. “He told me that on that last day we saw him outside my old apartment, things changed. That day we moved all my things.” Whitney nods indicating she remembers. “He said that he left and went straight to the police. He asked them to help him ensure they all paid for everything they’d done.”
“And you believe him?” Whitney is frantic, but she has gone through all this right along my side and knows the extent of everything. She held me on the nights I cried myself to sleep, and she heard word for word on more than one occasion a recap of what Gabe had done and said to me that night outside the bar.
“I don’t know.” She seems disappointed in the idea that I just might. “But I guess it’s a good thing I have someone that can dig into that for me. Someone that can find out if he’s telling the truth.” I look at Warren and he narrows his eyes at me. “Before you automatically assume he’s here to hurt me, can you please do this one thing?”
“I don’t like anything about this, Blair.” Warren is and always has been the quieter of the two brothers. But when he is unhappy about something, he makes sure you know. Sometimes his silence leaves me unsettled because I know in his mind he’s planning shit out. “So what if he had a hand in placing his family behind bars? So what if he’s here now, telling you all the things he thinks you need to hear? He still fucking hurt you. He still allowed those animals to hurt you in some way even though you won’t tell us exactly how. Nothing about this is sitting well with me. I want him gone.”
“Me too,” Will chimes in before I have the chance to agree or disagree. “And I don’t want you and Izzy here alone. I think you need to pack some things and come home with me or stay at Mom and Dad’s until Warren can check this all out.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“No,” Warren stands in a hurry, “we’re being cautious.”
“And I’m an adult and can make my own choices.” Both of the guys narrow their eyes as if they think they can intimidate me into agreeing to their demands. “We’re fine.”
