by C. A. Harms
“How about you get up and let me take your spot? Then you can curl up in my lap.” Again that smile pulls at her lips, and I wonder for a second if maybe I pushed when I shouldn’t have. Then she slowly stands, my hands falling away at her movements.
When she places one hand on each of my shoulders and looks down at me, I feel my heart race. “I’m trying to remember the man you were, the guy from my apartment who made me feel safe.”
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath.
“Maybe you can help me.”
I nod because there isn’t one thing I want more.
“I can’t make any promises, Jake, but I’m willing to try.”
She weakens me, and I feel it in my chest.
I open my eyes and find her watching me with softness in hers, a look I recognize from our times together. It’s the way she would look at me just before I’d kiss her.
“We’ll take things one day at a time. As long as I have you and Isabelle, I don’t care how long it takes. I want both of you, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”
Blair surprises me as she slouches just enough to press a soft kiss to my lips. One that ends much too fast, but says a million unspoken words.
Chapter Thirteen
Blair
“Good morning, yumminess.”
I peek through the hair that has fallen free from my ponytail to find Marcy and Whitney standing in the doorway of Isabelle’s hospital room.
“Hang on, don’t move.” Marcy starts to dig through her bag. “I need to capture this. One, because it is the sweetest thing ever and two, because I wanna know why Will never holds me like that.”
I feel Jake shift beneath me and look to my left to find him smiling even though his eyes are still closed.
“I probably shouldn’t say it’s because I love you more, should I?”
I nudge him in the stomach with my elbow and he lets out an umph sound followed by a deep chuckle. I won’t mention the fact that the way he is shifting beneath me is doing nothing to hide his morning excitement. It is currently poking me in the hip, making it really hard to focus on the two ladies in front of us who are still watching us close.
“I’d ask how last night went, but from the looks of it I’d say it went well.” Whitney chimes in, arching her brow and doing nothing to hide the amusement from her face.
“She slept really well once the medicine kicked in.”
“Not what I was talking about,” Whitney mumbles while walking past us to the crib. “But that is good to know, too.”
I don’t want to move; being snuggled against Jake feels nice. More than nice, actually. Though I slept with very little room to move or stretch out, I’d slept better than I had in a long time. His warmth is comforting and had we not just gotten company, I think I would have stayed just where I am. But it is time to get up.
I am trying to take Whitney’s advice and forgive the past. I want to believe more than anything that Jake and I have something even if it is surrounded by lies. I owe it to myself and to our daughter to give our little family a true shot.
Isabelle looks up at all of us as we look at her through the side of the crib. I laugh, remembering the comment Jake made about his daughter being caged like some wild animal. When I look to my left to see him smiling back at me, I know he’s thinking the same thing.
When Izzy starts kicking her legs and her lower lip puckers out, I feel an overwhelming urge to snatch her up and comfort her. Only I don’t get that chance. It’s Daddy to the rescue. He moves faster than I think any of us expect as he grips the edge of the railing, lowers it, and within seconds my little butterball is curled up in her daddy’s arms.
My heart is so full. Tears spring to my eyes and I place my palm to my chest, trying to contain the ache that now lies there.
“It’s okay, baby,” he consoles her, “shh.” Jake sways from side to side, patting her lower back softly just as I had directed him to once before.
“Wow,” Marcy sighs, and Whitney just stares at Jake like she’s seeing a unicorn in real life or something. Her look is one of shock and amazement.
When Isabelle lays her head on his shoulder and with her little hand fists his shirt, he kisses her head and a single tear falls over my cheek. This right there, this exchange has got to be most precious one I have ever seen before. Perfection, absolutely without a doubt in my mind, something that will be etched in my memory for the rest of my life.
Jake looks up at me through his lashes that are too gorgeous for any man to be blessed with and grins. Like he read my mind, he winks then closes his eyes, taking in every millisecond our daughter remains in his arms.
“It’s small,” Jake says as he runs his hand through his hair and turns in a complete circle in the middle of what is supposed to be a living room.
“No,” I correct him as I shift Isabelle on my hip, getting a more secure grasp of her wiggling body. “It’s super tiny.” Ten steps and I am across his living room, standing in his kitchen. “Can you even fit a couch in there?” I point toward the space where I’d just stood and see his eyebrows crinkle. A few seconds pass before he nods, moves his lips as if counting and then locks his eyes with mine.
“Nope,” he chuckles. “A chair, maybe, but definitely not a couch. I want to be close to you and Isabelle, though, and this is all I can find.”
I think it is sweet that he is willing to live in a tiny space just to be near us. But this is just ridiculous.
“What about Sadie?” She’s a topic neither of us have really discussed since the morning at Spencer’s but I have to ask.”
“Farris got a place across town and she’s moving in with him.” Again he looks around the small apartment letting the topic fade quickly. “I did measure the bedroom and I’ll be able to have a full size bed in there, so that’s a plus.” I have to laugh at him because he was really doing his very best to find the good in this dreadful situation.
“Can you fit a crib in there?”
He pauses, looking toward the bedroom before back to me once more. His hand goes up toward his hair once more, and this time he actually scratches his head like he is deep in thought.
“Is it weird to put a crib in the hallway?”
“You are not taking this place.” I shake my head, spinning around to walk toward the front door.
“Wait? What?” Before I can open it, he is blocking me as he leans against the front door with his back. “Why?”
“Because it’s no bigger than my closet and Whitney’s combined. It’s ridiculous.”
“You’re kind of cute when you get all worked up.” Isabelle squeals, but Jake still stares at me. “And besides, if things go the way I hope they will, one day the three of us will be looking for a bigger, more permanent place.”
When he cups the back of my neck with his palm and brings his face even closer I feel my heart rate spike.
Of course, Izzy has to be a part of it all too and picks that moment to tap at the side of Jake’s face and tug happily on my hair.
“I think she likes that idea.” He chooses to ignore her overly excited reaction and gently brushes his lips over mine. “Besides, having a smaller place means that the three of us have no other choice but to remain as close as we possibly can whenever we’re here.”
Smooth.
I smile against his lips and he decides at that moment to kiss me. I’ve never had a problem getting lost in Jake whenever he’s being all suave and sweet. When he kisses me, it’s kind of like my head feels as though it can’t comprehend a single thing but the way his lips feel against my own.
“I already signed the six-month lease anyway, so I’m stuck.” Of course he did, bringing us here had nothing to do with getting my opinion. “I say we order takeout and crash on an air mattress with our girl.” Oh, the simple things.
“What makes you think I want to spend the night?”
“A guy can hope.” This right here, this relaxed, playful tone, it’s what I loved most about the tim
e we shared before. Jake gave me the best sense of security and being here with him reminds me that the guy I knew in the city is still the man with me now. The difference is we don’t have that dark cloud called his family hanging over our heads any longer. This time we are free.
“You gotta a pump for that air mattress?”
“I love when you talk dirty to me.” I push against his chest and he grips my hips. Izzy yanks my hair a little harder, and I do my best to untangle her fingers from the matted mess she’s created.
“I do think that we should get the Pack ’n Play from my house for Izzy, though.” I don’t look at him because I’m fearful I’ll lose my courage. “She’s a wiggler when she sleeps.”
“Is that the only reason?” My eyes flutter as he kisses over my cheek and moves toward my ear. “Or is it something else?”
“It is strictly for our safety.” I sigh when his lips close over my earlobe and gently suck. “I wouldn’t want her to keep you up all night kicking and—” The words fade away.
“I would much rather you keep me up all night.”
Yes, mmhmm, that sounds good to me too.
Chapter Fourteen
Jake
I crawl over her body, careful not to move too fast. Air mattresses fucking suck when you are trying to be gentle. The fact that with every movement Blair is shifting from side to side would have made me laugh had she been wearing anything more than a tight tank top and barely-there panties.
My head is fucking spinning.
I look up toward the Pack ’n Play where Isabelle is sleeping soundly just as I lower myself over Blair.
“She’ll sleep through just about anything.”
Good because the last thing I want is for anything to interrupt what is about to take place.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper in the darkness, kissing along her jaw. Her neck arches back, opening herself to me, and her body presses upward into mine. “Missed touching you and holding you.” My hands tremble with the strong need to break through this reserve I’m desperately trying to hang onto. I feel like at any minute the crazy needy fucker inside me is going to break free and this time between us is going to be over too fast.
“Missed you too.”
I pause, looking down at her as her eyes meet mine. Her legs part, fitting perfectly to the outside of my hips as I settle in to the space between. When she hooks her legs together behind my lower back I can’t stop myself from shifting forward. I am so hard it hurts, but that has always been the issue with Blair. My body always reacts to her, whether she is as she is now, or fully clothed. There is this deep pull I feel toward her, this connection I can’t fight.
She toys with the hair at the back of my neck with her fingers and uses her grasp to pull me closer.
“Kiss me,” she demands, and I give her what she wants. A slow kiss at first, but she quickly takes more, gliding her tongue over my lower lip. Together we rock our hips while we express with our mouth the same motion, like a prequel of what’s to come.
Her nipples bead beneath the thin material of her shirt and as she rocks against me they continue to tease. I want to taste them, toy with them, sliding my tongue over the hard pebble. Taking my time, I skim over her side with the tips of my finger as I continue to kiss her. Slipping beneath the hem of her shirt, I slowly start to lift until the palm of my hand is laying flat over her. Her elated breaths give me the confirmation I need to continue. She wants this as desperately as I do.
There are still times when this feels like a dream, her and me, here together. I’d reached the point where I thought I’d never get the chance to touch her again, but now here we are. I feel like the luckiest man alive.
Careful to remain calmer than I feel inside, I start sliding my hand upward until I cup her breast. I use my thumb to toy with the hardened peak. She gasps into our kiss when I pinch softly and tweak gently.
“Yes,” she whispers into our kiss before diving in once more, harder this time and more desperate. “Don’t stop.” I had to smile because I was just thinking the same thing in my mind. There was no way I could stop.
Kissing down the side of her neck and along her now exposed chest, I find her nipple and bite delicately. She doesn’t wait before she too begins to explore. She dives her hand beneath the band of my boxers, takes me into her hand, and fists me firmly. Careful to go slow, she begins to slide up and down over me and a moan falls from my lips which seems to please her.
“Slow,” I tell her, and immediately she begins to shake her head. The movements of her fist grower faster and tighter. Jesus, she is trying to torture me.
I notice with her other hand she is tugging at the side of her panties and I lift my hips just enough to look down between us.
“I need more.” She is hurrying to get them out of the way and I’m hypnotized by her movements and desperation for me.
Suddenly, there she lies beneath me, bare and waiting, still gripping my cock tight.
Reaching above her head I grab the condom I placed there and hold it to my mouth. Carefully I tear open the package and with skill I didn’t know I still possessed I sheath myself. My boxers remain halfway down my thighs and had I been attempting to be suave I would have moved them. Only at this point there is a desperation between us that neither of us had any hope of containing. We need the connection, it is a have to have, a must.
Feeling her against me so warm and ready drives me wild. With each shift of her hips she manages to glide over my shaft and my legs shake as adrenaline courses through me.
“I need you.” Blair looks up at me and places her hands against my chest. “Make everything else disappear.”
I understand what she means; there are so many things that still flow between us and this is our time to erase them. Our chance to reconnect and remember who we are.
Us.
I pull my hips back, lining myself up and gently shift forward as I enter her slowly. Together we moan, feeling the way her body hugs me so tight.
Our movements quicken with each stroke, her head thrown back, her tits thrust upward against my own chest. The sweet satisfied look on her face is enough to make me lose my mind.
Her hips quickly shift beneath me as if she is chasing something, in desperate need of it. She grips my shoulders with her hands, her nails biting into my flesh, and still all I can see is her. I’m so lost in her.
“Perfect.”
I notice instantly the way she closes her eyes tightly and turns her head from me. There is still a resistance between us that I hate, but understand. She wants to trust me completely, I just have to ensure she has no reason not too.
“I love you, Blair,” I whisper against her temple as I continue to move inside her. “I’m so in love with you.”
The tremble of her lower lip makes my chest feel as though it is being squeezed unbelievably tight.
I’ll tell her this a million times until she feels the depth of my feelings for her. I don’t take offense that she has yet to say it in return. We’ll get there, I know we will. We have already come so far. I also know that she loves me; I can see that love in her eyes when she looks at me. She tries to hide it, tries to remain strong, but it’s there.
Blair is my solace, she is my version of heaven. I’ll wait for her, no matter how long it takes. Because she is worth it. My little girl, my little family, it is all worth it.
I sit in my patrol car along the side of Mason’s gym. I have the perfect view of the intersection. It is also a good place to hide. One by one I watch the cars slow to a stop then drive through once again.
I’ve been on shift over four hours already and from the very second I closed the door to Blair’s apartment after stopping in to see both her and Isabelle, I’ve felt their absence. Still almost a month later I’m amazed by the fact that I’m a father. It still seems unreal. I have a daughter. Then there’s the woman who gave me that gift. I came to this town thinking there was no possible way I could love Blair more than I already did. But the momen
t I saw her, holding our daughter, I knew I’d been mistaken. I was so wrong.
They’ve both became my world, and the reason for my existence. Adore, cherish, those words don’t even compare to what I feel for the two of them.
The sound of a horn blaring pulls me from my day dream of my girls just in time to look up and see a crash take place in the center of the intersection before me. With a flip of the lights I lift my radio and call in the accident. Easing forward, I block the oncoming lane of traffic with my car and place it in park.
By then the passengers of those cars around have gotten out and are moving around franticly. “That truck didn’t even stop.” One lady begins to run in my direction, her arms flailing around as she points to the silver car only a few feet away. “He ran right through it and hit that poor girl in the side.”
“I’ll need you to fill out a statement, ma’am, but for now I need you to remain calm. Go wait by your vehicle, please.”
I leave the woman standing alone as I walk toward the two vehicles involved in the accident. Assessing the situation, I find the man in the truck holding his shoulder and whining in pain.
“Sir…” He looks over at me and instantly I smell the alcohol on his breath. The man is so intoxicated I think he is sweating booze. “I need you to remain in your vehicle.” He nods though it is more of a roll as his head bobs to the side.
Quickly I move toward the silver SUV that has been shoved across the intersection and into a pole. Looking in through the back window, my heart feels like it literally stops beating. I’ve seen that pink fabric before. The blanket that now lies on the floor is the very blanket I wrapped around Isabelle when I leaned over her crib just this morning to give her a soft kiss goodbye.
A loud cry fills the car as Marcy, who has now begun to stir looks toward the back seat. “Oh my god,” she cries and continues to tug on her seat belt. Her reaction seems to give me the boost I need to move into action.
