Motormouth

Home > Other > Motormouth > Page 2
Motormouth Page 2

by Sherryl Clark


  he’s a human being

  her friends giggle

  until she tells them

  he’s only in Grade 6

  Mum watches us

  playing with Chocker

  says Josh can stay

  for dinner

  Josh seems to like

  being at the table

  making noise with us

  it’s as if he’s

  one of the family.

  he says, ‘we’re not really

  moved in properly yet’

  I’ll say –

  boxes stacked in the lounge

  not much in the kitchen

  Josh’s mum is always

  at work

  everything echoes

  his room is pretty empty too

  bed

  wardrobe

  plastic drawers for clothes

  but one whole wall

  is covered with

  posters

  pictures

  magazine articles

  about his dad.

  Josh knows everything

  about his dad –

  race results

  car statistics

  mechanical team

  pit crew

  last race

  next race

  big crash last year

  he talks like an encyclopedia

  all about Alex Carter

  a really proud encyclopedia

  when he asks about

  my dad

  I realise

  I hardly know anything at all

  not even where Dad

  went to school

  and I wonder if

  any kid does.

  finally I meet her

  rushing into the house

  red-faced

  pizza in one hand

  she’s wearing a uniform

  from some big shop

  kicks off her shoes

  says, ‘I’m exhausted’

  and lies on the couch

  Josh looks at her

  like he’s waiting

  for something

  that never comes.

  Josh is my mate now

  I’m not so lonely

  he’s fun to be with

  talks too much

  but I don’t mind

  he likes it at our house

  but I don’t like it much

  at his

  so I do what he wants

  even when

  I’d rather not

  we’re always moving –

  shops, city, streets –

  in my head

  I call him

  the Street Roamer

  it’s like no place

  is ever enough

  for his restless feet.

  Josh is always bored

  his mum works

  he wants to hang out

  at the shopping centre

  or catch the train

  into the city

  he always wants me

  to go with him

  but Mum and Dad

  say no

  Josh says, ‘stop asking –

  say you’re at my house –

  they’ll never know.’

  Josh’s dad races

  in Europe

  so Josh gets news

  off the internet

  and prints race photos

  to show us

  him and me talk

  race statistics

  compare cars and drivers

  race tracks

  weather reports

  race records

  his dad’s not the best driver

  but he’s pretty good

  I imagine one day

  being in his team

  Josh makes my dream

  seem real.

  Josh says it’s easy

  look at lots of stuff

  pick one thing

  for your pocket

  and one small thing

  to buy

  count your money

  at the checkout

  look serious

  then relieved

  when you have enough

  for the small thing

  leave with your receipt

  and what you really want

  inside your jacket

  easy.

  Josh strolls out

  of the shop

  around the corner

  he shows me

  what he stole –

  footy cards

  I say, ‘but

  you don’t even like

  that team’

  he shrugs

  ‘who cares?

  I’ll give them away’

  I don’t get it.

  he says

  it’s my turn

  and my guts

  roll over

  I try to walk like him

  cool

  no stress

  chilled out

  my legs shake

  I stare at the cars

  for long, endless minutes

  touch the red MG

  I really want it

  it’s cold

  under my fingers

  I walk out

  I can’t do it.

  ‘so, what did you get?’

  his eyes pin me

  like a bug

  I squirm

  ‘um … nothing …

  sorry’

  ‘you’re kidding’

  he shakes his head

  mutters ‘gutless’

  and walks away

  I follow although

  I don’t know why.

  Josh decides

  it’s no big deal

  ‘you’ll do it

  one day’

  he’s sure I need

  to build up to it

  like I’m in training

  apprentice thief

  but I already know

  it’s not going to happen

  it’s not about guts

  it’s about me.

  I ask him why

  he steals

  for fun?

  for a dare?

  he says it’s not fair

  he can’t have

  whatever he wants

  like rich people do

  I say, ‘but

  you are rich,

  your dad earns

  heaps of money’

  his face turns hard

  his eyes glitter

  I step back

  I think he’s going to

  hit me.

  he stays mad at me

  for a while

  then suddenly

  we’re OK again

  but I’m not so sure

  it’s like he’s got

  two sides

  happy and cool/

  angry and mean

  I can’t stop

  thinking about it

  wondering which side

  is real

  which side is

  the act.

  I dream I’m a mechanic

  on Josh’s dad’s car

  race time

  on a very hot day

  my pit crew suit

  is soaked with sweat

  the car’s not running right

  I’m under the bonnet

  with a screwdriver

  sweating

  while Josh yells at me

  ‘you have to fix it!

  you have to!’

  my hands shake

  the bonnet crashes down

  on my head

  I wake up

  and I’m still sweating.

  when I get home from school

  Mum says,

  ‘I want to talk to you’

  she’s got that

  don’t-mess-with-me

  look on her face

  I want to hide

  in my room

  pull the blankets

  over my head –

  does she know

  about the shoplifting
>
  I haven’t done yet?

  ‘your Aunty Sue

  saw you

  in the city

  last weekend –

  why did you lie

  about where you were?’

  what do I say?

  do I dob Josh in?

  I try to say

  ‘it’s no big deal’

  and she snaps,

  ‘it is to me’

  I shrug

  she glares

  ‘well?’

  ‘I had to help Josh

  buy … new runners

  for school …

  it was … we had to …’

  I never was

  any good

  at lying

  and Mum knows it.

  ten more questions

  and Mum is still

  mad at me

  ‘if being friends

  with Josh

  means lying to me

  maybe you need

  to re-think

  that friendship’

  I can’t

  answer her –

  if she stops me

  being friends with Josh

  I’ll have

  no one.

  I’m grounded

  for two weeks

  Josh doesn’t

  understand

  he says,

  ‘then I’ll come

  to your house’

  and laughs

  he doesn’t know

  my mum

  Dad frowns

  mutters to Mum about

  ‘spending more time with him’

  I hope

  that doesn’t mean

  jogging time.

  Josh comes over

  after school and

  sneaks out before

  Mum gets home.

  one day I ask him

  when is his dad

  coming home and

  how come he never writes

  or emails?

  I don’t mean anything by it

  I’m just curious

  but Josh loses it again

  big time

  throws my V8 Holden

  against the wall

  ‘you’re just stupid!’

  he yells, and

  storms out.

  I wish I’d kept

  my big mouth shut

  what if he never

  talks to me again?

  I feel sick inside

  play with Chocker

  try to watch TV

  my brain spins

  Leanna says

  ‘your mate Josh

  is a bit weird –

  what’s his problem?’

  then I calm down

  and wonder

  what is wrong with Josh?

  I didn’t really

  say anything that bad –

  why was he so angry?

  at school the next day

  Josh ignores me

  he acts like

  I’ve got a disease

  now I’m starting to

  get mad with him

  is he a friend

  or isn’t he?

  I hear him bragging

  about his dad again

  to some of the kids

  and suddenly it sounds

  strange to me

  like he’s an actor

  in a play

  spouting lines

  he’s learned by heart.

  one part of me says

  don’t

  another part says

  you have to

  I search on the internet

  go past the fan sites

  promo sites

  advertising and

  wrong family trees

  way down I find

  a photo of Alex Carter

  and his wife

  taken last year

  that says they’ve decided

  not to have kids

  because of the travelling

  and the woman

  in the picture

  is not Josh’s mum.

  I click through

  all the websites

  I can find

  reading fast

  recognising

  everything Josh told us

  even the Silverstone story

  not Josh but

  some kid who won the ride

  in a competition

  quotes from Alex Carter

  that Josh said

  his dad told him

  a fan site where I find

  Alex Carter’s favourite

  food

  colour

  movies

  everything a kid would need

  to make up

  a dad.

  I stare at the screen

  until my eyes blur

  but I will not cry

  because

  he’s not worth it

  Dave was worth it

  Dave was a real friend

  Dave never

  told lies

  what am I going to do?

  I want to go

  to Josh’s house

  and beat him up

  I want to hold

  his face in the dirt

  make him say sorry

  a million times

  I want to make him

  confess

  in front of

  the whole school

  I never want

  to see him again.

  I can’t sleep

  thrash around

  in my bed

  finally drop off

  when I wake

  I find

  I’m not so mad

  anymore

  I find

  what I really want

  is to know why

  then I’ll beat him up.

  as soon as he opens the door

  he knows

  I know

  he wants to slam the door

  in my face

  but he doesn’t

  he stands there

  drooping

  like all the cool

  has drained away

  I march in

  straight to his room

  pull the Alex Carter poster

  off the wall

  sit on his bed

  and wait.

  Josh rushes into his room

  ‘you don’t know

  anything!’ he yells

  his mouth all twisted

  I stare him out

  wait

  he picks up the poster

  rips it to pieces

  tears streak his face

  is he going to

  hit me?

  but it’s like a wind

  that roars past you

  then suddenly dies down

  he slumps on the floor

  he can’t look at me

  when the silence

  gets too big

  I ask,

  ‘why?’

  he says,

  ‘I never meant …’

  starts again,

  ‘your dad …’

  and again,

  ‘I just wanted …’

  he’s trying hard

  not to cry again

  I’m trying hard

  to stay angry

  but he looks

  how I felt

  when I heard

  about Dave.

  I ask,

  ‘who’s your

  real dad?

  where is he?’

  Josh says,

  ‘I don’t know’

  ‘how can you

  not know?’

  ‘he left us

  when I was

  a baby’

  ‘you mean

  you’ve never

  seen him?’

  ‘no’

  ‘so why did you say

  Alex Carter

  was your dad?’

  he shrugs

  ‘same name’

  ‘that’s not a rea
son’

  ‘it’s how it started –

  I was just wishing’

  his chin trembles

  ‘and then

  it got bigger

  and bigger’

  I point at the wall

  of photos and articles

  ‘but it’s all

  rubbish’

  ‘I just wanted

  a dad’

  tears roll down

  his face

  that I don’t want

  to see.

  Josh runs

  out of the room

  and for a few moments

  I am still

  so mad

  I want to walk away

  then I think about

  my dad

  how he always asks

  me to do stuff

  I don’t want to do

  but at least

  he asks

  how he’s there

  when life is crap

  or when I have

  a question

  how we go to

  the footy together

  how he helps me

  with homework

  how when Dave died

 

‹ Prev